Thanks for the feedback. Either way, I've decided to continue on this story. Aaah… This is my baby, I love it. And thanks to the people who read it before I put it up…Your good reviews gave me the courage to post it. So back to the story

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Chapter 2: Can't Keep Holding On

Craig used the mouse to click the send button on his computer. He'd just sent Ashley yet another e-mail. That would make is eight so far this week. He sent her about two a day, hoping to get a response. She was yet to reply. Of course, she had reason; at least, that was what he kept telling himself. Her dad must have her working hard. That was the excuse he'd made up on Tuesday, when she hadn't replied to any of his e-mails yet. That was the excuse he'd continue making up until she replied. There had to be others that Ashley hadn't stayed in touch with, not just him. Toby, Ellie, and Paige probably hadn't heard from her lately as well. It's not like he'd know if they had, he hadn't talked to them in ages. Ever since he came back home, he hadn't talked to anyone. This was due to the fact that he was working for Joey, trying to get enough money to pay for a new guitar. Deep down Craig knew that even when he wasn't working, he didn't want to talk to them. He was pretty sure that at this point, everybody saw him as Crazy Craig. It didn't matter how hard they tried to deny it, he could see right them, and at that moment, the last thing he needed was the constant onslaught of "Are you okays?" and "How are you feelings?" He got enough of those at home.

His thoughts were strayed by the growling of his stomach. Figures he'd be hungry, he hadn't eaten dinner yesterday, and he always headed straight to work upon waking up in the morning. Forcing himself away from the computer, he headed downstairs to grab a sandwich. Angie was at camp, he was on his hour long lunch break, and Joey was at the lot. Alone, how he liked it, how he wanted it to be… Most of the time. He wouldn't mind having a friend or two, someone to hang out with, but no, he'd pushed them all away, as usual. They just didn't get him. He'd even stopped going to support group. Ashley was the only reason he'd went in the first place, and now that she was gone, there was no need for him to bother. There was nobody to force him, nobody that cared enough.

Joey had offered to get him a private psychiatrist, but he declined the offer. All he needed was for someone to see him at a shrink, and with Degrassi and all its problems, a student was bound to see him there, probably as they were leaving from their own awkward session. Something like that could confirm the Crazy Craig rumor that he tried so hard to ignore.

"Food." He said to himself, turning on the radio in the kitchen as he dug through the refrigerator, looking for something to eat. So many options: peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, turkey and cheese. I can't choose. He sighed to himself as he closed the refrigerator door and grabbed a pop tart. He never liked his pop tarts hot, so he just took them out of the shiny foil package and bit into it. After swallowing he made his way into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Some lunch." He said to himself. "Of course, it'd help if I could make decisions." He turned the television on, but muted the sound. The radio in the kitchen would've drowned the sound out either way. I'm genetically unable to make decisions. He thought to himself. "I mean," He began thinking aloud, realizing once more that he was alone. "My mom thought she loved my dad, but she loved Joey. My dad couldn't decide whether he wanted to beat me or hug me, and me, I couldn't even decide which girl I wanted to date. Something that simple, I couldn't decide." He told himself.

The one decision he had made had been the dumbest one. The decision to love Ashley. He would've given anything for her. He went to the support group for her, he was ready to go to England for her, he stole for her, he did everything for her. He loved her. And what had she thought of that? She didn't care in his eyes. He told her that he'd be coming to England, and she didn't want him to. She didn't want him there; she didn't want him to be around her. He got angry just thinking about her.

He put the half eaten pop tart down on the table and headed back to his room. He checked his cell phone for the time; 12:30. He had to be back at the lot in half an hour, or else Joey would show up at the house, like he always did when Craig was even a minute late. He'd become overprotective of him, well it seemed overprotective to Craig. Of course, he put himself in that need to be protected position. He'd done that the minute he decided to throw out his meds.

Breakthrough! Another decision. So he was capable of making decisions, they just always happened to be the wrong ones. That hit him hard, got him to thinking. E-Mailing Ashley twice a day couldn't have been a good decision. She'd think he was a stalker… No, no, she'd see how much he loved her, how much he needed her. That's the same type of thing stalkers say about their stalkees. But Ashley wasn't his stalkee; she was his girlfriend, right? He sighed to himself as he picked up his guitar, strumming a nonexistent tune.

"I don't know if you'll forgive me." He began singing, as the nonexistent tune turned into a very familiar one. The song, the one about Ashley. He strummed the guitar string again, and felt it pop as it broke. He angrily slammed it down on the bed next to him. He couldn't wait until he had enough money to get a new one. Which meant he'd have to suffer two more months of working with Joey, but he was almost positive he could handle it?

"Everything I touch turns to dust." He said, looking back at the guitar. "If that isn't the truth, I don't know what is." Looking back at the clock, he saw that 15 minutes had passed since he last checked it. That meant he had 15 minutes to e-mail Ashley and get back to the lot.

"One more can't hurt." He said, sitting down in front of the computer. He knew that he couldn't keep holding onto her. He knew that the real reason she went to England was to get away from him. He knew all of this. He wasn't stupid, and he wasn't blind. But for some reason, he just couldn't stop himself from sending her another email.

Dear Ash,

He started on his 3rd e-mail to her that day.