13
Niles wasn't sure what had drawn him to this particular bar, but it was out of the way and a place where he could feel anonymous and if nothing else, that anonymity gave him a sense of security. More likely than not, he had strolled past CC's building at least four times before deciding that it was better that he keep on walking. The doorman had begun to eye him suspiciously and the possibility of being arrested was increasing with each passing moment.
As he rounded the corner, there was a dim-lit bar with music cascading out the front door. The blue glow and the twang of an old blues guitar lured him in, promising a classic country music atmosphere. Bluegrass would probably fit in pretty well with his state of mind, he reasoned.
The Watering Hole wasn't quite as trashy as it had first appeared, and though it did have a whole cowboy theme strewn about its walls as if an old western exploded, it wasn't nearly as overboard as he had expected. He was half-relieved to see a spattering of young people, as well as a few 'over-forties' crowding the bar, and there weren't any passed out 'cowboys' to be seen.
The bartender kept calling him Partner, which had irritated him for the first hour of his visit. Niles' way of getting past the frustration was to drown his sorrows and after a few more drinks, he didn't care what he was called. His request to keep his glass permanently filled topped up hadn't fallen on deaf ears, and now there was a constantly present amber liquid from which he could seek solace. Being called 'Partner', after all, was the least of his problems.
It wasn't so remarkable, he thought, that he was passing an evening at a bar. People do it all the time, he told himself. But Niles wasn't that kind of person. He hadn't been one to frequent bars, even in his youth, and as an adult he had been the perpetually professional kind of man – a lifestyle that hadn't left a lot of room for fun-loving nights on the town.
As the crowd thickened around 9 o'clock, Niles watched the people stroll in. Many had come in with their girlfriends, and there were a few with very obvious wedding bands. That could have been him, he thought. But he shook the thought off as easily as it came. Getting married just to get married wasn't something he could do; he wanted everything to be perfect. He wanted to marry the right person, and make it last forever.
Taking another swig of his drink, he sighed. His 'right person' barely knew he existed, and worse yet was that even if she did know of his affections, she'd want nothing to do with him.
He vaguely noticed a woman sitting down beside him, blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, and a smart black business suit conforming to her curves. From where he was sitting, he looked an awful lot like CC, and his heart leapt into his throat. An entire fantasy world of his own creation entered his mind as he thought about what it would be like to be out with her, to have her beside him and ordering drinks.
Would she joke around and make fun of him while they took their shots of booze?
When he asked her to dance, would she laugh at him before she led him to the dance floor?
What would they be like as a couple?
Would they stumble home at closing time and fall onto the bed in fits of giggles before wrapping themselves around one another?
In his dream world, all that really mattered was that she was there beside him. Niles loved that her mere presence had made the daydream just right, and somehow even if they were fighting it would have been picture perfect.
When they fought, CC stiffened her stance and she'd stare him down, her eyes trained on him. There wasn't a moment that she didn't look like a goddess. The flush that came to her skin when he had managed a particularly good insult, or the way she would laugh when she got her way was as enticing as anything he had ever seen, and more addictive.
How had he not realized sooner how he felt? It wasn't for lack of time together, or opportunity otherwise. It might have been the verbal daggers behind which he hid, though, because remarkably enough he never seemed to maintain a civil conversation with her.
CC Babcock had really deconstructed him on so many levels, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that she was probably completely ignorant to her power over him. The polite, well-meaning and consummate professional that he had always been flew out the door the first time he met her, and it never seemed to come back – at least, not fully.
Niles had grown to love the man he was with her; the smart-ass comments made him feel alive, and the constant bickering between him had given him something to look forward to day in and out, even when things were tough.
CC Babcock had given him meaning, even though in doing so she had completely changed everything he thought he'd be, and now he was sitting in a bar longing for her.
How was that for poetic justice? All the years he had spent pushing her away with well-barbed verbal daggers, and suddenly he wanted her closer than he had ever thought possible.
Fingering his glass, Niles looked around the room and at all the people who filled it. Normally he'd be able to appreciate a beautiful woman, but the past few years his mind had strayed, and suddenly he would start thinking about CC… About how wonderfully she looked in a dress that she wore to the office, or the softness of her skin against his hand when they passed something between them. He was hooked, well and truly, and for whatever reason, he had no desire to get past it.
Getting over CC Babcock just wasn't an option. Finishing his drink in one solid gulp, Niles pulled it together. There was only one thing left to do, and he might as well do it while he had enough liquor in his system to feign bravery.
14
"Hold it, already, would you?" CC shouted, buttoning the top few buttons of her blouse. She had been relaxing quite comfortably on the sofa, book in hand, when the ringing began, and it continued incessantly for the next minute and a bit, while she tried to fix her state of undress. Whoever it was, he or she was the most annoying, insistent person ever.
Opening the door, she was shocked to see a rain-drenched Niles standing in her doorway, his finger poised over the doorbell. "What the hell are you doing here? Did you get lost or did your date just drop you on a random corner again."
Niles didn't say anything, instead shifting on his feet. He had promised himself on the elevator ride up that when he got to her door, he'd tell her how he felt. He even went so far as to convince himself that he would kiss her. If denial and a bottle of single-malt scotch didn't get her off of his mind, then he had to do something else. This was his plan 'b'.
"It pisses me off that every road leads back to you," Niles complained. It was halfway to what he wanted to say to her; well, halfway if he could convince himself that his words were a part of a romantic gesture. He doubted that starting off with 'it pisses me off' really constituted romantic.
"Now you sound like a petulant child; could you, even if only for a minute, make one bit of sense?" CC straightened her jacket over her blouse and looked him over. There was this air of seriousness that she rarely saw.
"Every road – every where I go… it all seems to come back to you and no matter what I do…" He fumbled, and he knew it. There was barely a coherent thought in his mind, and he wasn't sure how he was going to manage to spit it out in a way that she'd understand.
"Are you drunk?"
"Perhaps a little," he said, but he wondered if he really was or if he had been sobered by the thought of telling her that he loved her.
"A little? Drunk is… well, drunk."
"A concept with which you hold great familiarity," he managed, and it was his first step to getting his footing back; one more snippy comment and he might even be able to manage the words he wanted to say.
"Well, it's good to know you're still in control of some of your faculties; that is, of course, relative. Your faculties could use a good dusting," CC said, relieved that he had managed a comeback. She always found it odd that the world seemed to tilt off its axis when he was too nice to her, or if he didn't make a smart-ass comment.
"My faculties and your…well, no need to be crude," he said, before inviting himself in. "I'm not spending the night in the hall."
"You're not spending the night in here, either, so you may want to think this one through." CC watched as he settled on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. Normally she'd make a comment about his gargantuan feet, or something else petty, but for the moment, her breath was caught in her throat and all she could think about was how natural he looked there, and how much he seemed to belong.
"You should come with a map; one of those fold out ones, with a compass on it. You should come with a map that has directions on how to get away from you. I'd buy that," he said truthfully. She had haunted him for twenty years, and he still hadn't figured out a way to exorcise his demons.
"You're delirious. You're more than a little drunk," CC said, closing the door and walking nearer to him. Niles seemed comfortable, head tipped back, looking towards the ceiling. He looked so young, and for a moment she had to quell the urge to run her fingers through his hair. Whatever the damn emotions that were taking over her, CC decided she had to fight against them.
"So the roadmap… It should say 'CC' and then draw all the ways to get the heck out of dodge. 'Cause you know, I've tried every way I could imagine…I tried the scenic route, and the expressway, and I've even tried cutting corners, but in the end it's like being a tourist on a damn traffic circle: even at the furthest point, I'm always headed back to you."
CC sat down in the chair and watched him more intently now. He wasn't making any sense and even if she tried to understand him, she was fairly certain it was all just random words coming from his mouth. "Sure, a roadmap, great idea," she said, hoping that he'd stop his babbling soon, and return to being the annoying Niles she knew and loved. Ops, she thought, loved to hate.
"On the legend it could have little pictures, and it'd say 'heartache', 'anger', 'frustration' and all these other things that you've caused me. It'd have 'fear' and 'sadness' there too, and I'd finally be able to figure out how to get around all these things; there'd finally be a way for me to see what you're throwing at me before it hits me in the gut and winds me," he said sadly.
CC felt like someone had kicked her. Did he only equate her with negative things? Did he really feel that everything about her was to cause him pain? "You know, that's a pretty depressing roadmap. You don't think there could be even the littlest bit of happiness?"
"I already tried to find your heart," Niles said, realizing that it was the perfect set up for a joke. This time, however, it wasn't a joke. He was serious. They were serious. "I tried to find it, but my noble steed couldn't break through the castle walls." He wondered when he had put her on the pedestal, and locked her in the highest tower unattainable to him. Niles snickered, questioning when he'd started talking like they were in a fairytale. Had he done it to himself? Surely it wasn't his inhibitions and fears keeping them apart. He didn't know what to think anymore, and he knew he probably wouldn't until he sobered up.
The sheer shock and surprise at his comment sent her mind reeling. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? After all, everything was buried under a dozen different metaphors, and with Niles one could never quite now when he was going to bring out the punch line. "It's not so hard to find. You just need to know where to look."
"Madison Avenue, Fifth Avenue, Tiffany, Sak's, Bloomingdale's," Niles listed. "Funny how your heart isn't on their store directory."
CC cringed. He obviously thought very little of her if he thought that she could be bought. "Maybe it's not a map you need but some direction."
It was Niles' turn to cringe. He'd been looking for direction, and he still hadn't made it to where he wanted to be.
"You're not the easiest guy to get to know, you know. You're difficult, and rude, and sometimes downright cruel."
"And you're not?" Niles snorted.
"It's a defense mechanism, I assure you." Watching as he closed his eyes, she thought about how handsome he was. He looked older this evening, yes, but he also looked remarkably at peace, as if he had come to terms with something.
Little did CC know that Niles had decided to sport his best battle fatigues, to try and survive whatever heartache might befall him along the way.
"We've all got those," he admitted. Over the years he had perfected his. After all, the battles between he and CC had begun simply enough, with a few gentle teasing words, and had progressed to rather informal flirting, and what they had been enjoying the past few years had been almost like a sadistic foreplay. The words were his only defense, because when it came down to it, all he had wanted to do was confess his love for her.
CC nodded and watched him as he seemed to calm down a bit. He had been quite agitated when he first arrived, all the talk of roadmaps terribly disconcerting for her. Why he had landed on her doorstep, she'd never understand. In fact, how he had managed his way past the doorman was even more confounding, but that she'd save for later. For now, there seemed to be something more to his arrival.
"Niles," she asked tenderly, planning on asking him why he had shown up, but instead of a reply, all she got in return was a gentle snore. "Great – show up and pass out…" CC watched as his chest gently rose and fell with each breath, and then as he seemed to cuddle into the sofa more. She wished she had a camera, because she had never seen him look so sweet in all the years she had known him. Then again, CC Babcock was not a 'Kodak Moment' kind of woman, and had never had much use for a camera before that evening.
Standing, she made her way to the linen closet and pulled out a light blanket and a pillow. If he were to wake up, he'd probably want at least a pillow, unless of course he realized where he was and ran screaming from the building.
Finding a spare unopened toothbrush in the cabinet above the vanity and setting out towels, she hoped that he wouldn't be too panicked when he woke up. She still wanted to interrogate him as to what had brought him to her apartment, and that was something best done away from the prying eyes of the Sheffield residence.
When she sat down in the chair across from him, she told herself she would only wait a few minutes. There was a very good chance that he had just nodded off and would awake at any moment. After fifteen more minutes passed, she told herself that she just wanted to read for a while and she picked up her book. By the half-hour mark, CC had fallen asleep with her book in her hands, and tender dreams of the butler who had plagued her for decades.
15
Niles awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. His brain faintly registered that he shouldn't be able to smell that—his room was, after all, a good way from the kitchen—but his body ached and he knew instantly that this wasn't a regular morning.
Stretching, he realized that he was sitting upright, and he was still fully clothed in damp and uncomfortable clothes. "Oh, bollocks," he grumbled, suddenly tasting scotch in his mouth. He had been drinking, the night before. He had been drinking a lot, apparently, because he never even managed to change his clothes.
Opening his eyes half way and then quickly snapping them shut, he realized that he'd have one hell of a headache as punishment for his night on the town. "Can't do anything right," he managed, before stretching out more fully.
"Ah, Sleeping Beauty is awake," CC said cheerfully. She had waited all night to question him about his arrival at her apartment, and now she'd have a chance to get to the bottom of it all.
"Miss Babcock?" Niles opened his eyes quickly, the light stinging his eyes. He was sure he heard her voice, and when he looked up, there she was, offering him a cup of coffee.
"I thought you might need something to help clear your head – it looks like you pickled your liver last night," CC teased as he accepted the cup.
"I slept on your couch?" Looking around, Niles tried to piece together the night before. He remembered some of it, from very early on; the woman in the bar who reminded him of CC, and the drinks he had been pouring down his throat in an attempt at first to forget her, and then later to build his courage to tell her how he felt… There were bits that were lost, but he felt like he might have at least a working idea of what had happened the events of the evening.
"Where else would you have slept?" Cocking her eyebrow, she watched him take a sip of his coffee. Did he really have no memory of showing up at her door and the chaos that ensued?
Shaking his head, he just sighed. "Did we talk about roadmaps?"
"You talked," she said. "I listened. You're very disheartening when you drink, you know."
Niles felt like telling her that it was her effect on him, but that wasn't a point worth revisiting. The conversation from the night before quickly replayed in his mind, and suddenly he felt embarrassed for falling asleep in the middle of it all. "I'm sorry I fell asleep," he said, in between sips of the coffee. He didn't know if it was the hangover talking, but he wasn't sure if he had ever tasted better coffee.
"Probably best. You were pretty incoherent," she said, sitting down beside him on the sofa. Taking the blanket from his lap, she slowly began folding it. Fiddling with it was a welcome distraction; it saved her from having to think of something neutral to say.
"Me? Never. I might blather, but I'm never incoherent." The teasing tone of his voice had elicited a laugh from her, and suddenly all felt right in the world.
His logical mind knew that not much had changed since the night before when he had gone out in search of liquid courage, but he genuinely felt as though a little something had. It might not have been quite what he intended, but in the 24 hours before that moment, he would have never thought that he and CC would be having friendly conversation over a cup of coffee.
"Ah, well, then we'll say blathering and split the difference, shall we?" She smiled, about to stand, but his hand reached out for hers, and silently he pleaded with her not to go quite yet.
"We should finish what I started last night," he said softly, almost asking for her permission.
"Niles, you probably don't even remember what you started last night, and I sure as hell couldn't tell where you were going." Her heart caught in her throat at the thought that they might actually have a serious conversation. He had started to talk to her about their relationship, but he had spoken mostly in riddles.
"I remember where it was going, and I think remarkably enough, I remember more of last night that you'd believe." Turning to face her more straight on, Niles sipped his coffee, memorizing the stunned expression on her face. She was beautiful, even in the early morning without her make up on.
"An elephant never forgets," she teased, the serious turn of the conversation proving disarming. She wasn't sure if she wanted to run away or move closer and the conflicting emotions were nagging her. "Do you want something to eat?"
Niles laughed. "You're going to cook?"
"I could. I can, I mean. I know how to cook, believe it or not." CC had intended to be indignant but it just wouldn't come out. There was tenderness in his eyes that made her feel a mixture of safety and softness of which she was otherwise unaccustomed.
"Right now I'd rather talk. Maybe we could have something to eat afterwards?" The twisting, churning knots in his stomach wouldn't even let him consider food at the moment.
"Ok, well, talk… You're the one who came here last night. I assume you didn't just show up here because you wanted to say hi."
Laughing, Niles couldn't help but be taken with the glimmer in her eye. "No, you're right. I certainly wasn't here to say hi."
"Then maybe you should explain it, so I know why you did come here?"
Finding the courage to pull together a string of words, he hoped things would come out fluidly, if not easily. "There was a time… Do you remember? Ah, hell… What I mean is… There was a time when this all seemed so much easier," he grumbled. So the Gods of diction and conversation were obviously not on his side this morning. "Do you remember that time in 1988, when I asked you to dance?"
CC laughed. "Could you be any more vague? It was a long year, and I'm not particularly sure I remember any one incident."
Niles shrugged. "I'm not surprised you don't remember it." He, for his part, remembered just about every moment they had ever passed in each other's company.
"It was a … different time," CC said, wishing she knew what he meant. 1988 had been hell for them all. Sara died, and left a young family in her wake, but she had also left behind a best friend who had needed her guidance to stay on track. The day to day had become more difficult from that moment on, and things never seemed to get easier.
In the present, things were taking a strange new course and for once CC felt totally out of control of the situation. The distance between her and Niles – the way that his voice softened when he spoke about them, making her want to lean towards him to cling to his every word –was a mix between comfortable and distressing. The stress of this newfound strangeness was only compounded by the memory of that wretched year.
"Not so different," he remembered.
"Refresh my memory?" The sadness on his face spelled out how important the night must have been. She could have kicked herself for not remembering it firsthand.
Sighing, Niles wrung his hands. He felt almost petty, bringing up something that had happened so long ago, but it had meant so much to him. "It was the first Christmas after Sara died, and the Worthington's annual party. Even the kids went, and that Nanny…. Nanny McLeod, I believe."
"Was that the night that the boy got into the liquor and vomited all over the dog?" CC scrunched her nose at the memory.
Niles laughed. Of all the events she chose to remember from that night, Brighton's first discovery of both booze and hangovers. It was, to say the least, not what Niles had hoped she'd remember from the evening. "You don't remember excusing yourself from the party after the missing cognac made its reappearance?"
Laughing at Niles' oh-so-tender description, CC shook her head. "I remember feeling nauseous—I think I may have overindulged myself."
His eyes glowed, a moment from that night flashing before his eyes. "You were wearing a stunning royal blue gown – off the shoulder."
"You remember that?" Stunned, she watched as he slipped into remembrance.
"I remember everything," he managed, his throat suddenly very dry.
"Well, then, get on with the story," she encouraged. Wherever this was headed, she was intrigued, to say the least.
"You were flushed, but radiant while you made your requisite rounds about the room. I don't think there was a man there who didn't do a double take when they saw you. But when Brighten became ill, your flush became more like a green color and you quickly excused yourself to the terrace."
Absolutely enthralled in his story, CC marveled that it seemed more like a perfectly dictated piece of fiction than an impromptu account of a night long passed. That was, however, one of the miracles of Niles; he always seemed poetic and eloquent, even when he was 'on the spot'.
"I saw you disappear on to the terrace and followed you," he explained. "In retrospect, I remember kicking myself for following you, but I couldn't help it. You were an amazing force that night." Looking briefly to his hands and then back to her, he sighed. "When I think about it, you've always been a force."
Smiling, CC repeated the words over and over again in her head. I'm not used to you complimenting me," she admitted. "I feel like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment."
"We've done a good job of sparring, haven't we?" At her nod, Niles resumed his story. "Anyway, I followed you out there, and it was a perfectly serene and cliché night. Really, they don't come much more cliché than that. The moon was bright and shimmering in the sky above you, and it cast a beautiful star-kissed light on you, and sounds of the orchestra wafted out towards us. There we were, alone, and it was all sinfully delicious." A grin crossed his face as he remembered feeling voyeuristic when he first saw her there, leaned forward against the white stone of the balcony, the curves of her body accentuated by her stance.
"I wish I could remember this," CC confessed. The way Niles described it, it sounded blissfully romantic unlike anything she could have ever imagined and as much as she liked to pretend otherwise, a romantic evening with Niles could have some interesting ramifications.
"Oh, as do I," he admitted. "When I approached you, you were completely silent, as if deep in thought, but when my hand touched your shoulder, you looked at me as if you had known I was there all along. You weren't startled." Recalling the tender blue hues of her eyes when she looked at him made Niles want to stay lost in the memory forever. The clear blue was so soothing that instantly he felt disarmed. Suddenly, his only weapons (his quick with and sarcastic humor) were useless to him. "I got caught up in the moment," he said abruptly, suddenly embarrassed by his vivid recount of the events.
The abrupt change in the tone of his voice and the tone of the story caught her off guard. "Who, there, Speedy. If you brushed over anything, it would be the point of the story. Back up, slow down and try again."
"You say that to a lot of men, don't you?" A momentary lapse, he thought with impeccably bad timing. "I'm sorry," he said, when he saw her expression fall.
"We can't have a serious conversation with out one of us screwing it up," she mumbled.
"I'm bad at being serious," he said, hoping that they could get past his indiscretion.
"You're good at being serious; you're just lousy at it when you're with me." Examining her hands, she looked at him from the corner of her eye. "I'll forgive your slip-up if you finish the story," she bargained.
Niles' eyes lit up, the realization that all was not lost. "You really don't remember this?"
"Nothing," she confessed. "But it sounds magical."
He nodded. "It was. Everything was perfect, and I've never been so enthralled by someone."
"Well…?" Waiting with baited breath, she was eager to hear what was next.
"You smiled at me, like you've never smiled at me before or since, and told me that I cleaned up well." The distinct memory of her fingers as they traveled over his suit jacket, finally stopping at the place over his heart, almost made him dizzy.
"You do, you know." Even though he was feeling the worse for wear, Niles still looked amazing to her. There were so many wonderful little things making up an entire incredible package that she felt her heart flutter at the thought.
"Thank you. But that evening, you were the most breath-taking woman there, and when I went out on the terrace, I had wanted to tell you that."
Blushing, CC wondered what would have stopped him. Had she said something stupid, or did he have second thoughts?
"I asked you to dance, and you didn't say anything. You hadn't said no, so I assumed that was as good as a yes – I had hoped that it was a yes, at least, and the next thing I knew, we were dancing. The moonlight, the way the stars shone and reflected off of your hair…everything had been so enchanting. Anyway, I got caught up in the moment, like I said, and I kissed you," he recalled. Watching her expression for some sign of disgust, he was impressed at how CC managed to not cringe at the mention of the kiss.
"What kind of a kiss," she asked in a voice so small it had stunned her. Suddenly she felt gypped of an entire potentially amazing event, all because she had too much to drink.
It was Niles' turn to blush a fierce crimson color. The kiss had been so full of passion and promise that it had nearly stopped his heart. When her arms had wrapped around him, pulling him nearer to her, he wondered fleetingly if she actually knew whom she was kissing, and then rational thought had escaped him. "It was friendly enough, I suppose," he managed, the strangled words barely managing to make it past his lips.
"Friendly, huh?" Watching him intently, she knew that the kiss had been anything but friendly. They had shared a few of those through the years, but never had they moved beyond that.
"Very." Smiling, he remembered how she tasted, and the way her skin had felt beneath his fingers, as he had grasped her bare arms.
"And then what?" There was something vaguely naughty about this conversation, she knew it, but she wanted to know everything about this evening that they had apparently spent in each other's company, no matter how briefly.
He tried to think of what to say next. He knew that the truth would be a good start, seeing as it was what had brought him to her apartment the night before, but the truth also came hand in hand with a vulnerability that he wasn't entirely comfortable with. Then again, CC Babcock had made him everything but comfortable for as long as he had known her, and that wasn't about to change. "The kiss lasted for ages," he said quietly. "And then when it was over, we stood there, still holding each other and I said the dumbest thing I've ever said."
Confused, CC looked at him and then back to her coffee cup. "What did you say?"
"I made the mistake of telling you that I loved you, and that I had hoped the kiss would be a change in the tide of our relationship," he confessed, not looking up. He was sure if he looked at her that she'd laugh at him, and he wasn't sure he could take it.
"You told me you loved me?" CC was torn; she knew she should be angry that he had classified his confession of love as the dumbest thing he had ever said, but she was also oddly elated. Although she had never fathomed that he could have genuine feelings for her, this seemed to be the proof that he did and though she couldn't imagine ever wanting him to have those feelings for her, suddenly it all seemed right.
"I did. At which point you promptly reminded me that I was the hired help. You said something about a pity kiss, and that you had to be returning to the party, and that was it."
She could have kicked herself for being such a moron all those years ago. "I can't believe I did that to you – it must have crushed you," she whispered, her hand tenderly stroking his. It was a completely unconscious act, and had she realized she was doing it, she might have pulled away.
"Not that you have an ego, right?" Niles felt suddenly angry with himself. He should never have said any of this, but it had been years in the making, and after all of the emotions raised from having been with Lois, it felt like a necessary evil.
"That's not what I meant – now's not the time to start a fight," she said calmly. CC was still trying to register all that he had said.
Unaccustomed to this rational version of CC Babcock, Niles wasn't sure what to say next. He had told her the story, and then he had fumbled the ball. Had he been smart, he would have left it at the kiss, but there were too many blanks that needed to be filled in. "You're right, we shouldn't fight. Not now. Not about this."
Nodding, she squeezed his hand. "So is this what brought you here last night?" She hoped there was more to the story – she felt guilty wondering if there was another chapter to come or if their ending had already been written.
Niles debated shrugging it off, but for once he felt like they might actually have a chance to make it work, and he didn't want to let it slide by. "Sort of."
CC laughed. "For a man of so many words, you really know how to shut up at the worst times, don't you?"
"Well, it's an acquired skill," he joked lamely, before gathering his last bit of courage. "I came here last night because, after the past few months, with everything that happened with Lois, I began to think about how we got to this point."
"You and Lois," she asked, dreading the answer.
"You and me," he clarified, seeing her relief instantly. "Lois was an amazing woman, and she was everything I thought I needed but she wasn't what I really needed. Not even close, in some ways."
"She was beautiful, successful and rich," CC said, wanting to add 'young' to the list of adjectives she could use to describe his ex-fiancée, but she stopped herself. In all likeliness, it would lead to another fight.
"She was amazing, indeed, but she lacked one thing that was critical."
Hanging on his words, CC prayed that it was something she would be able to buy. The possibility of making a relationship with Niles work almost seemed as critical as breathing, as shocking of a turn of events as that was.
"She wasn't you," he said seriously.
"Me?"
"Crazy, isn't it? We've spent almost all of our years fighting, we belittle each other and we hurt each other, but at the end of the day, you're the one that I want to fall asleep next to," he said tenderly.
"You make it sound masochistic," she complained, though the words he spoke had chilled her through and through.
"Well, it likely is. But all the same, I couldn't marry Lois because my heart still belongs to you. You had stolen it the first time we met, at the Senior Sheffield's country club so many years ago, and then that night at the Christmas party, it felt like you sealed the deal. When you backed away from me, I thought I'd get my heart back, but it would seem you've been holding it hostage."
She didn't know what to say, which was a relative first for her. Through all the years of throwing smart-ass comments at him, she didn't have one thing to say that would be coherent. Single words popped into mind, but not one made enough sense to say out loud.
"Anyway, that's why I came here last night. I felt like I needed to see you, and tell you what really transpired between Lois and me. I felt like you deserved an explanation, and maybe I wanted to see how you felt too. The drinks were for courage, though obviously that was a useless attempt, and I had never intended to stay this long," he admitted.
Niles released her hand and stood. "I suspect that right now you're feeling more than a little overwhelmed by all of this, and don't worry. I didn't expect you to do anything about all of this – it's been so many years in the making that I know what this all means for me."
"Niles," she began, but he cut her off.
"I have to be getting back to the house. I'm supposed to be serving breakfast in forty minutes, and I'd like to get home and out of these damp clothes before that," he explained, showing himself to the door. He didn't look back once he stood up, because he wasn't sure he could leave her side. For once in a handful of years, he felt like they might make progress in their relationship, and he didn't want to spoil it by looking back and realizing she didn't feel the same way.