Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Chapter Nineteen: The Service: Sora's Story
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My cell phone is ringing. One...two...three rings. I can't find it anywhere. I'm tearing apart my entire room, but it isn't in any the places I'm searching. Finally, after five rings, it stops. Oh well, they'll leave a message on my voice mail if it's urgent.
Sure enough, just as the ringing stops, I find my cell phone. It was sitting on my dresser, right in front of my face, the whole time. Sometimes, I'm amazed at how blonde I can be. I shift through the menu options and check my voice mail. I have one new message. I hit play and put the phone to my ear.
"Hey, Sora? It's Kari. I thought I'd call your cell because I wasn't, um, sure if you'd be home or not..." Kari says. Even though she isn't trying to, I can help but feel like she's accusing me of being out with Summer. "Yeah, but anyway, the reason I'm calling is to tell you that, um, our school is having a memorial service this afternoon. It's at two o'clock, at the public high school across town."
I glance at my clock. It's eleven now. So I guess I don't have 'I didn't have enough time and wasn't ready' as an excuse.
"Listen, Sor, I understand if you don't want to go. I mean, everyone else is going to be there. But you shouldn't do this for them. You should do it for yourself. And if you won't do it for you, then at least do it for my brother. Well, I have to go get ready. I'll save you a seat; hopefully you'll be there to sit in it. Bye."
"End of message," the mechanical voice on my phone tells me. I hang up and fall back on my bed. Should I go? Can I really handle being in a room with my old teachers and principal to listen to them talk about all those who died? I know that people lost their lives, and I have thought about it every day since it happened. But still, I don't think I could take it. I'm perfectly fine leaving them as anonymous people. I don't want to see their faces, see their grieving family and friends. I don't want to put a face on the kids. I want them to remain strangers.
But Kari is right, I really should go. I have to go. I have to go for Tai, and to prove that I haven't totally forgotten about him. Because I haven't, not even close. I don't think I ever could. It doesn't matter if I can handle it or not. It isn't something I have a choice in. It's just one of those things you gotta do.
And you gotta do what you gotta do.
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"...We have all lost something because of this tragedy. Some of us lost a family member, some lost a best friend. Some lost a classmate, while others lost a girlfriend or boyfriend. We have all lost different people, who held different places in our hearts. But there are two things we have all lost," Kari preaches. She is standing at the podium, giving a speech to the gymnasium full of people. Everyone is crying, even the guys. They're all grieving. Grieving for their loved ones, the ones they will never see again. And Kari's speech isn't helping things.
"Firstly, we've lost our innocence, our sense of safety. This will serve as a reminder that you are never truly safe, and you can lose something, or someone, really important to you in the blink of an eye. We'll never be the same. We were all affected by this, and you'd be lying if you said you were fine. Because we're not fine. This entire community is reeling from what happened. Sure, they can make donations to help re-build our school, or offer us a sympathetic smile when we see them, but they can't change what has happened. Nobody can. But in the face of tragedy, we must stay together. And as hard as it is, we must stay strong. Because if we don't have each other, what do we have?"
I haven't stayed strong. I've been a real coward, haven't I? Everything Kari says is the exact opposite of what I've been doing. Tai, I'm so weak without you. Please, come back to me.
"And second, we've lost our chance. We have lost our chance to tell all of those people how we felt. We've lost the chance to look at them one last time, and take in every little detail. Take the time and appreciate every freckle, every scar...everything. We can never go back and do those things over. But we still have each other. So I urge you to live in the moment. Tell your friends how much they mean to you; don't fight with your siblings. And always, always, always kiss your parents goodbye before you leave the house. Please, never take another second for granted. Because, for some of us, it's the last one we'll ever have. And I'm sure all of them," she gestures to the wall, "would love even one more second on this earth."
With that, Kari steps off the stage and returns to her seat. The gym erupts in applause. From my spot, way in the back, I can see T.K. put his arm around Kari. I suddenly find it hard to feel bad for any of my friends. They have each other. T.K. and Kari have each other; Mimi and Matt have each other. Even Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya have each other. But who do I have? No one, I am alone.
I've been standing in the doorway this whole time. Kari doesn't know that I'm here. Maybe it's better that way. I came here with every intention to walk in with my head held high and sit down beside Kari. But I just couldn't. No, not because I couldn't find her. I knew exactly where she was. I saw Mimi's bright pink hair the second I walked in. I just...couldn't. There's no explanation for it. I just couldn't, plain and simple. I couldn't face them, not like this. Part of me wonders how I will ever face them again. Maybe I won't. Is it possible to avoid them for the rest of my life?
Maybe I should get out of Odaiba. Get out of Japan, altogether. I could go live with daddy again. It's not like I have anything keeping me here. When Tai wakes up, then I'll come back. But until then, I have no reason to be here at all. Yeah, maybe that will work. I'll give daddy a call when I get home.
"That was Hikari Kamiya, student council president. Thank you, Kari, for that very moving speech. Now, if you'd please direction your attention to the screen, we have a slideshow prepared," the principal of Odaiba High announces. Everyone shifts in their seats (and those who are standing turn slightly) to face the screen better.
A slideshow starts, showing various images. There's a picture of the school from the outside. It looks so nice, so peaceful, like nothing bad could ever happen inside those walls. Suddenly, the nice, happy music stops and you can hear people talking in the background. The picture changes, it's now showing a few videos that were clearly taken from the news.
"...Shootings at Odaiba High were reported around noon today. Though the shooters' identities remain unknown, it is being said that they may have been students at the school. The list of casualties is being withheld at this time."
"...Odaiba High students were under heavy fire this afternoon as four students took the school under attack. It is currently unknown how many students have perished, but the list is continually growing. Stay tuned for more updates on this heartbreaking news."
"...Davis Motomiya, Ken Ichijouji, Cody Hida, and Jacob Tanaka. Three of the four teenagers were found dead on the second floor of the school..."
"...Police arrived at the scene shortly after noon, after gunshots were reported. Hundreds of students were fleeing from the school, and several dozen had carried out on stretchers and rushed to the hospital. But for some, it was already too late. Channel six news, reporting."
The words stung me as they echoed through the gym. This was real. And not only was it real, but it happened to me. It happened to all of us. We were the people fleeing the school. We were the people being rushed to the hospital. We were the ones dying alone on the cold tiled floor.
This wasn't just something that I saw on TV, something that I'm convinced will never happened to me. It did happen to me. It happened to Tai, and Kari, and about a thousand others. There were many different outcomes, but it was the same thing. We were all in that school, and we all know what happened. We're the only ones who have truly experienced the uncertainty, the fear, and the absolute chaos that went on in that building firsthand. In a way, we are all bonded for life now. And that bond is strong, and eternal. We don't share a special friendship, a fond memory that we can look back on and smile about when we're older. We have no crazy stories of the good ol' days. We have a different kind of memory, a different kind of story.
We have memories of the gunshots and the screams, memories of the students that were dying around us. Our stories are stories of survival. We survived. Why us? Why not them?
I refocus my attention on the slideshow. They are now showing pictures of all the deceased and injured people. At the end, they show a list of names. One name in particular catches my eye.
Davis Motomiya.
How dare they include him and his friends in this memorial service? Sure, he was dead, but it was his own doing. He killed himself. The rest of them didn't get a choice. The rest of them didn't deserve to die. Davis, on the other hand, deserved to die. The bastard caused all this pain and suffering. He is the reason we're here. He deserved to die a horrible, slow, painful death. But he didn't. He popped a bullet into his brain and just like that, it was over. His meaningless, insignificant life ended the same way he lived it: cowardly.
So no, I am not a coward for the way I've been acting. Because there is nothing I could ever do, that could put me into the same category as Davis and his friends. They are scum. They deserve to be rotting in the ground right now. The others don't. The others shouldn't be where they are. They should all be here, and we should be celebrating the death of four absolutely malicious, worthless people.
The slideshow ends, and Principal Nagasi resumes her position at the podium and begins talking.
"On June twenty-second, approximately seven hundred high school students, one hundred and fifty university students, and sixty staff members were in Odaiba High at noon. Of those approximate nine hundred and ten people, thirty-two were killed and fifty-nine were injured. Nine of those people were members of the faculty, twenty-four were students from Tokyo University, and fifty-eight were high school students. The oldest casualty was fifty-three. The youngest casualty was just three days shy of her fifteenth birthday. It shouldn't have ended like this. It shouldn't have happened this way."
She was right.
But it did.
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I walk into my house and find my mom sitting at the kitchen table.
"Sora? Sit down, I want to talk to you." I don't say anything, just walk deeper into the house and sit down across from her. She stares at me across the table. Her face is serious, she is all business. What does she want?
"What is it?"
"I...I don't exactly know how to say this, but..." she trails off. Her face is solemn, worried. I am getting more and more nervous by the second.
"Mom? What's this about? Did something happen to Tai? Tell me," I demand. She shakes her head, and I unconsciously relax a bit.
"No, no, Tai's fine. It's...this is about you."
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. I'm worried about you."
"And why is that? Mom, you aren't making any sense." This conversation is basically going just as the last one had. What the hell is this, anyway? Is she making these absolutely pointless lectures a weekly thing now?
"Who is Summer?" My breath catches in my throat. I hope she doesn't notice how alarmed I am at her sudden name-dropping. How does she know about Summer? What the hell!
"Just a friend. She went to high school with me, don't you remember her?" I try to make her feel guilty for not remembering her. Not that I would have ever talked about her or anything. I am simply pulling at straws now, thinking that maybe this will get her. Maybe she will scold herself for not taking a more active role in my life, and let me go up to my room.
"How come you've never mentioned her before? Is she the reason that Mimi and the others haven't been around lately?" she asks skeptically. I bit my lip to stifle an eye roll. If she hadn't been right on the money, I would have gone into deep thought about how overbearing she is, and how she quickly jumps to conclusions. Unfortunately, she was right on the money.
"I don't know why I haven't mentioned her before, mom. I guess I just didn't know you needed the play-by-play on every single minute of my life," I reply with a snotty undertone. "And I have spent time with my friends. I was at a party for Mimi and Matt the other night, and I just got back from a service with all of them," I lie again. So what? She doesn't know that the party was a total bust or that I spent the entire time at the service hiding in the back.
My mother nods, but doesn't seem to buy any of it.
"How do you even know about Summer?" I ask. My mother hesitates for a second. It was only a second, but it was long enough. I know that whatever she is about to tell me will be a lie.
"She called here while you were gone," she tells me. Yup, that is a lie. Summer knows not to call the house. She always calls my cell phone. I sigh, roll my eyes, and stand up. "Where are you going?"
"Upstairs," I tell her.
"Excuse me? Get back here right now!" I turn around to stare at her. She looks shocked, as if I have never defied her before. Maybe I haven't, really.
"We're finished here," I firmly state.
"No, we are not," she protests, standing up.
"Then stop lying to me!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," she says coolly. I hate her right now. I truly despise her. My own mother.
"Yes, you do. Summer doesn't have our number. So please, mother, tell me how she could call without the number?" She hesitates another second because answering.
"The phone book?" Liar. She's lying, I know it. She knows that I know it. She doesn't even put much effort into her lie this time. Her answer was more of a guess than anything else.
"Cut the shit, would you? I want to know how you know about Summer. Someone had to tell you, so who was it?" She says nothing. "Come on, out with it."
"It was nobody," she claims. It's another lie. I begin to wonder if she has ever told me the truth once in my entire life. I think hard. Who would be spiteful enough to tell my mother about Summer? One name in particular comes to mind.
"It was Mimi, wasn't it?" The expression that sweeps across my mothers face is answer enough. Yes, it was Mimi. What a vindictive little bitch!
"No..."
"You know what, you have some nerve. What the hell are you going to Mimi for? If you want to know something about me, you ask me. Got it? You don't go to Mimi, or anyone else," I screech. I can tell my mom is pretty stunned by the way I am talking to her. Well, she deserves it. How dare she go behind my back like that? And going to Mimi of all people?
I blow her off and make my way to the stairs. "Sora, I only did it because I was worried about you," she calls after me. I spin around, absolutely furious with her now.
"You were not! You don't give a shit about me, mom! Not now, not ever! The only person you care about is yourself, plain and simple. The only thing you're worried about is whether or not you look good. You just want to come out of this as the wonderful mother with the unfortunate train wreck for a daughter." Why am I saying these things? I don't mean them, do I?
"Sora, that's not true. I love you!" I can feel all the anger and resentment that I have ever felt toward my mother coming back to me, full force. It feels like it's all just building up inside of me until I might explode from an overload. I know what I want to say, what I need to say. But no, I couldn't possibly say it. Not to her face. It's one of those things that kids should never say to parents. But right now, I'm so angry that I don't even care.
My better judgment is telling me to shut up, say I'm sorry, and get out while I still can. My better judgment, as annoying as it is, is right. Unfortunately, I'm in far too deep to get out now. I don't even think I would want to, if I was offered a way out. I have to say it. I have to put her in her place, and make her feel as shitty as she made me feel when I was little, as shitty as I feel now. I say to hell with the consequences, to hell with caring about other people and how they feel. Nobody cares about me, or my feelings.
"You don't love anyone, mom! You don't love me and you didn't love daddy! That's why he left, that's why I left! You're just a cold, heartless bitch who tore this family apart because you never really cared about it in the first place!" I sound like a terrible person, and I don't care. Part of me has secretly believed this to be the truth since I was fourteen and my parents divorced. Part of me still believes it now. Part of me has wanted to say this to her since that night she told me that daddy was moving out. That's the reason I went with him. What else, but a loveless mother, would drive me away from my life and best friends?
"You're just angry right now, honey. I know you don't mean that," she quietly states, more for herself than for me. I can see the tears in her eyes, and I still don't care. She can't possible offer up more tears over me saying these things than I did when she actually did them to me.
"No, mom. I do mean it. Fuck you." With that, I turn around and run up the stairs. I lock myself in my room and collapse on my bed. I don't cry. Why would I?
I can only imagine my mothers face when I said that last sentence to her. Never in my life have I said that word in front of her. And if I have, and have just forgotten, I can be absolutely positive that I've never directed it at her before.
I pick up my cell phone and call Summer.
"Hey," she greets when she answers.
"Hey. My mom just, like, totally ambushed me a minute ago," I tell her. She laughs.
"Really? What happened?" She sounds excited, and that kind of bothers me. Why the hell is that a good thing?
"I have no idea. I just walk in and she started spazzing out on me. She was all 'Who's Summer?' and 'I'm worried about you, Sora, I love you'." I do my best impression of my mother, for added effect. I'm not trying to bitch to Summer about my mother; it's just naturally coming out. I can't really help it. Summer stays silent for a second, like she's deep in thought about something.
"She asked about me?"
"That's right," I answer as I flop back onto my bed.
"So, like, who do you think told her about me? I mean, who's bitchy enough to totally go behind your back like that?"
"Who else? It was Mimi." Judging by the slight gasp coming from her end, I'd say that she's a little surprised. Apparently, she didn't think even Mimi would stoop that low. That's saying something, considering that, out of everyone I have ever met, Summer has the lowest opinion of Mimi.
"Damn, what a slut. How the hell you were her best friend is beyond me," she laughs. I don't really find anything about our previous friendship funny.
"Me either," I tell her truthfully. Okay, so not truthfully. Meems and I had some fun, back in the day. But that was a very long time ago, indeed. Things are different now. She's different now. She never used to be a double-crossing bitch.
"Come on...dish it. What happened? Are you, like, grounded or something?" she asks in a mocking tone. She likes to make fun of how my mom is way into the whole 'parenting thing'. Summer is so lucky. I mean, her parents totally don't give a shit. She just comes and goes as she pleases, and they never ask her anything. I go outside to get the mail and I get the third-degree. That's why I sneak out at night when my mom is asleep. So I don't have to put up with her stupid shit.
"No. I, like, totally kicked ass. I told her she was a heartless bitch and that it's her fault my dad left us," I inform her with a slight giggle. I'm in a much better mood now that I'm talking to Sum. I don't even feel bad when I think that, while I'm upstairs laughing, my mom is downstairs crying. "I wound up telling her to fuck off and then I came up here and called you."
"Ouch, that hurts. Good job, Sor, I've taught you well," she praises me. I laugh some more. "Well, I definitely have a new appreciation for my lame-ass parents. Question: when you were little, did your mom put a leash on you when you were in stores?" her voice is dripping with sarcasm.
"Ha-ha, very funny. No, it was only when I grew up and no longer wanted her that my mother decided she wanted me around." I sigh and stretch out on my bed as she chuckles to herself. "I hate her, Sum. I really do."
"You need to calm down, 'kay? You're just wound up right now. If you want to relieve some tension, why don't you go pay Josh a visit?" she teases me. I haven't told her about the little visit I paid Josh after the party at Izzy's. She just won't let me forget that I mistook Josh for Tai and practically jumped him in the middle of the club.
"Gosh, you're such a whore," I tell her with a grin.
"Yeah, you know you love it." I laugh. "So, how was the memorial service? I was thinking about going, but then I blew it off. Decided I didn't wanna be a room filled with teachers who tried to fail my ass every chance they got." We both laugh at this, and I roll over onto my stomach. "It's a damn shame, it is. I was really looking forward to seeing Tachikawa again," she jokes. "I mean, twice in two weeks. Could it get any better?"
We talk for a while more about all kinds of things. I remember being able to talk to Mimi this freely once. I can't do that anymore. If I were on the phone with her right now, I don't think I would have the faintest idea as to what I could say. We've grown apart, plain and simple. It sucks, but it's life, I suppose. Even though I'm extremely pissed beyond words, I miss her. I really, really miss her. And even more than that, I miss the me that I used to be whenever I was with her.
I miss those cute six-year-olds who would play dress-up in my mom's stuff. I miss those brave nine-year-olds who, along with three of their friends, dressed up as the Spice Girls for the school talent show.
I miss the sentimental eleven-year olds who pricked their fingers and did the whole 'blood sisters' thing. I miss those naïve thirteen-year-olds, the ones who stayed up all night talking about high school and all the cool things they'd go together. Together. That was our one rule. No matter how crazy or outrageous or lame it was, we would do it together.
A lot of good "together" got us, I think. If we hadn't be so hell bent on going to the same university, maybe Tai would be up and walking around right now. I would have gone somewhere other than Tokyo U, even though it was probably my first choice, and Tai would have followed me. Or maybe I would have followed him. Would I have followed him? Yes, I would have. I would follow him anywhere, even now. Just say the words Tai, and I'll be behind you every step of the way.
I miss the fresh-faced fourteen-year-olds who started high school and got their first real boyfriends (we never counted grade school crushes as being official, but these, in the sophisticated world of grade nine, did count) and their first real kisses. I miss the mortified fourteen-and-a-half-year-olds who cried and cried when I moved away with my dad.
I miss the frivolous seventeen-year-olds who were reunited during one crazy, magical summer. What a summer it was. I miss the mature, all grown-up eighteen-year-olds who graduated from Odaiba High and had their whole lives ahead of them. No matter where their lives took them, they would always be together. They had made a promise to always be together. And when two best friends promised something to each other, they kept it. It was like a law, or something.
I miss those crazy nineteen-year-olds who stayed up all night talking in their dorms. The ones who held cram sessions whenever they had gone out on double dates instead of studying like they should have, and had pillow fights on the last day of school.
We aren't those six-year-olds. We aren't nine, or eleven, or thirteen. We are no longer having our first kisses at fourteen or graduating at eighteen. We aren't even nineteen anymore. We have grown up and matured since the accident—I mean shootings. While we are technically nineteen, we are much, much older. I am a different person that I was a month ago.
I hate that.
We were blood sisters; we had a part of each other coursing through our veins. To us, that meant that even if we were on two opposite parts on the world, we would be together.
And yet right now, three blocks away from each other, I've never felt so far from Mimi.
As I shoot the breeze with Sum, I close my eyes and try to imagine that I'm seventeen again. I mentally go back to that summer when it all began. I return to it, the summer when I met Tai, the summer when I reunited with Mimi. I pretend that Sum is Mimi, and that we are still stuck in our seventeen-year-old ways. Right about now, she'd be telling me about this cute guy, Matt. She would tell me that we just have to go to his concert tonight. I would agree, and we would go. I would bring Tai along, though we were strictly just friends. And then they would hook up, and things would be happy and fun, like they were back then. Tai and I would get together, and we would have double dates every Friday night. Because that's what you did when best friends dated best friends.
God, was life ever that simple? I mean, really? Our biggest problems were stupid insignificant things like whether or not our hair looked good, or if we would pass that history test next Wednesday. Really, that was my life? No fooling?
The voice inside my head (the one that I argued with at Izzy's house, during dinner) returns. Yes, it says. That was your life. Wasn't it wonderful? Don't you wish you hadn't taken it for granted the way you had? Don't you wish you hadn't taken the people in it for granted the way you had? Yes, that really was your life. No fooling.
Okay, just one more question then.
Sure.
How the hell did it go from that to this? How is it that my problems changed from being about hair and clothes and tests and friends to Mimi and me hating each other and Tai potentially never waking up from his coma?
That's two questions.
Okay smartass, just answer it. Please?
I'm not really sure. Shit happens, and you just gotta deal with it.
You call that an answer? You aren't really helping me out much. So, what do you think: am I dealing with it?
No. Not in the least.
Well, what can I do to fix it? There's got to be something. Tell me what I can do.
I can't.
Why not?
Because. There is no answer. At least, there isn't one that I can give you. Think of me as your imaginary friend. Imaginary friends can only tell you the things you already know. The only way you can answer that question is to find it out for yourself.
Then what good are you at all?
I wait for a long time, but no answer comes. When I finally realize what I've been doing, I'm embarrassed. I was literally having a conversation with myself, inside my own head. Not only that, but I got so whiny and annoying that I decided to ignore myself. I didn't even know it was possible to ignore yourself! I really am losing it.
I snap out of my thoughts and realize I'm now listening to the dial tone. Summer hung up. When did that happen? Did I say goodbye, or was I right out of it and didn't even hear her? I can't seem to remember. I hang up the phone and shut my eyes. I let my thoughts take over again. Why not? They're painful, but oddly soothing at the same time. Besides, I deserve to punish myself.
Where was I, anyway? Oh, right. That summer.
How I treasure that summer. And yet, at the same time, I wish it had never happened. Because maybe, just maybe, I would be better off. I try to imagine my life right now if I had just gone to America with daddy. Or if he had never gotten the job, and we stayed where we were. Or what it would be like if my parents had never divorced in the first place. As hard as I try, I can't even picture it. Why even bother? Even if I could imagine it, what good would it do? This is the only life I will ever know. This is a life that, until a few weeks ago, I was happy with. And now, I am filled with regrets.
You're pathetic, you know that, right? The voice is back, and this time, it's personal. Wow, that was possibly the lamest thing I have ever thought.
How am I pathetic?
Here you are, sitting in your room, wallowing in self pity. All you can think about is you, you, you. Honestly, it's sickening how self involved you are. I mean, look at you. Right now, who are you talking to? Yourself.
So what if I'm talking to myself? You talked to me, first. And you have some nerve to call me self involved without backing it up.
Fine then, allow me to elaborate.
Yes, please do.
All you can think about is how much you wish that summer never happened. How everything would be better for you if it never did. How much simpler your life would be. What about everyone else? What about Kari? It's her brother, after all.
Okay, well when you put it that way...
You don't really mean it, anyway. And you know it. God, even in your own head you're such a drama queen.
Hey, I resent that! And how do you know that I don't mean it? Why shouldn't I mean it?
If that summer never happened, believe it or not, it wouldn't have just affected you. What about all the others? Did you even stop and think about how it would have affected them? Mimi and Matt might have never gotten together. Kari certainly wouldn't have met T.K., and what about Izzy and Yolei? See, a lot of lives are involved here, not just yours. Plus, you never would have met all those wonderful friends of yours.
I never thought about it that way. But you don't know that they never would have met in the future. If it was really meant to be, they would have found a way...
Oh, please. You're a little too old to believe in fairy tales, dear.
Hey, it is not a fairy tale. So what if I believe in fate? All things happen for a reason, and if they were supposed to get together, they would have. It would have happened whether it was that summer, or the next, or the one after that.
That's exactly my point.
Huh? Now I'm confused.
All things happen for a reason, you said it yourself. That means that there was a reason Tai got shot. There was a reason he's in a coma. Did you ever think of it that way?
No, and I'm not going to. You can't make me.
God, you are such a child. You haven't grown up at all.
Shut up.
No. Going back to my point: If everything that is 'meant to be' will eventually just fall into place then surely you and Tai would have met up again, right?
Well, yeah, I guess.
You guess? Face it, I'm right. Give it up. I know that you hate to be wrong, but I've got you this time.
No, you don't. I didn't say I never wanted to hook up with Tai. Maybe if we met later in life, say next year, things would have been different. Maybe then, things would have been okay.
You can't know that for sure. Maybe that summer was your last chance with him.
What are you getting at now? I thought you agreed that fate would find a way?
What I'm getting at, is that maybe you had already missed out once. Maybe, when you moved away with your dad, that was when you were first destined to meet.
But I had met Tai before that.
Honey, you were six. It hardly counts. Six-year-olds have the attention span of a button. You probably talked to him for a second, and then went off to play with someone else. I bet you forgot about him the very next day. That's the way it works with kids.
So, you think that I had already missed him before? That it was my last chance with him? You think that fate had stepped in a bunch of times in the past and I just ignored all the signs?
Bingo. So, how do you feel about that summer now?
I don't know. I mean, it's different now. I can't imagine ever not knowing Tai. I just can't. When I said that I wish it hadn't happened, I guess in my mind I assumed we would meet anyways. Under different circumstances maybe.
So I'm right?
Yes, I suppose you are. You put up a good fight, you're one tough bitch.
And so are you. Stay tough, you'll get through this. And remember, I didn't help you out any. I'm a part you; you already knew everything I was going to say. I just say the things you're too scared to admit to yourself. Tricky little devil, aren't I?
You sure are. And just so you know, I don't regret it anymore.
With that, I slowly drifted off to sleep.
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Whoa, Sora's going on a real head trip there, huh? I think this little voice will make an appearance in later chapters, too. I find it very amusing.
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