Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.

I was inspired to sit down and write something because I finally got my tattoo yesterday!

Chapter Twenty-One: The Door: Tai's Story
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I don't know how long I've been here, but you know that already.

I can't feel Sora's presence anymore, but you know that, too.

So what has been happening with me since the last time we talked? Pretty much nothing.

I think I might be losing my mind here. There's nobody for me to talk to, nobody for me to see or touch. The last physical contact I remember having was when the bullet drove itself into my stomach. Since then, I've been here. Here, in the void.

The void is my new home. I don't like to think that, but I can feel it. And I can't deny what I'm feeling. It's one of the few things I can still experience. I can't even remember what my house looks like. I can't remember what Kari's voice sounds like, how Sora's lips feel. I don't remember any of it. I'm scared that the longer I stay here, the less I'm going to remember. What if I'm losing my memories? What if once they're gone, I'll never get them back? What if I wind up forgetting all of them—Sora, Kari, Matt, Mimi, T.K., Joe, Izzy, even my parents? What if each day it only continues to get worse?

Has it been days yet? Or has it only been mere hours, and it just feels like days?

I don't really know which would be better. I think that if it's only been a few hours, I would lose whatever is left of my mind. But then again, if it's been days...well, that's not good. That means that I've been in my coma for days, possibly weeks, maybe even longer?

What if it's been years? Oh my God, what if it's been years and everyone has moved on without me? What if Sora's gotten married and had a family? What if Kari's grown up and moved away?

A part of me wants to stay here forever, wants to be protected by this thick blanket of darkness forever. That way, I'll never know what I'm missing; I'll never know what I've already missed.

Then I think of Sora, and know that I don't really want that. I'd much rather wake up to find her happy and with someone else than never wake up and always wonder if she's sad and alone, waiting for me.

I hate that.

I hate that she might be out there, that she might be waiting for me.

If I could, I would tell her not to bother. I would tell her that she should move on with her life, and salvage whatever morsel of happiness is left in it. I might not be able to feel her, but I know her well enough to judge for myself. I know that right now she's in torment, and on some level, I know that she isn't with someone else. I know that she's alone, desperately wishing I'd be there with her.

But I'm not there with her.

It's not a guarantee that I ever will be again.

I'm stuck in this fucking place, a place that I can't get out of. A place that sucks all hope out of you and leaves you hanging there like a lifeless rag doll, cast aside by its four-year-old owner.

It's all I can think about. I don't eat, don't sleep, I barely even move. The worst part is that I don't really need to. I'm not hungry, not particularly stiff to the point that I need a good stretch. But I am tired, I have to admit. I'm so tired, and all I want to do is fall asleep.

But sleep isn't an option, not while Sora's out there alone. Not while Sora needs me to figure a way out of this place, so I can come back to her and we can live happily ever after.

Will we live happily ever after?

Will any of us?

I am about to scream. If I could, I would. Unfortunately, I can't make a sound. Or, if I do, I don't hear the sounds that I'm making.

Lately, I've been praying to God that I can find a way out. I've never been too religious, but this is as good a time as any to start, right? I figure that if God is all-powerful and can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, that maybe he could grant me this one little favour. Maybe he could help me get out of here, so I can get on with my life.

God, I hope you're listening, because I need your help right now.

This isn't how things were supposed to happen. I'm nineteen years old! I'm supposed to be enjoying my summer, getting ready for a fun trip with my friends. I'm not supposed to be in a coma, clinging to life. I had so many plans for us, so many plans for the rest of my life. Now, it turns out there might not be a 'rest of my life'.

Did you know I was going to ask Sora to marry me, God? Did you know that? I was. I was gonna go all out, maybe take her out to dinner and for a walk on the beach afterward. I was fairly confident that she'd say yes, too. I wasn't sure though. I mean, nothing's a sure thing, right? I was so nervous about it. I kept going back and forth in my head, trying to decide whether I should ask her or not.

I finally decided that I should. I wanted to be with Sora, and if she said no, there was nothing I could do about it. At least I could say that I tried, and wouldn't have any regrets over it.

I was so scared that she would say no. I was so scared that I was going to lose her.

I still might lose her, and I'm more scared now than I've ever been in my life. But it's a completely different kind of scared, a completely different kind of loss.

God, why did you do this to me? Are you punishing me for something I did? That's fine if you want to punish me, but you're hurting everyone else, too. Please, can't you punish me some other way? Anything is better than this. Anything is better than you hurting all the people I care about. Think of Sora and Kari. And, oh God, think of my poor mother.

I'll give you whatever you want. I'll go to church on Sundays; I'll spread your word and do good deeds. I'll be your humble servant until the day I die. Just please let me get out of here. I can't do it without you, you know.

I don't hear a reply, an answer from God. I never do. But I still believe that he's there. I have to believe that someone is there, listening to me and trying to help me out.

And that's when I see it.

Has it always been there? Has it been there this whole time, and I've just never noticed it?

No, it hasn't. It just appeared there right now. There's no way I wouldn't have noticed something like that. No way.

Thank you, God. Thank you so much.

It was a door.

……………………………………………………………

I don't know how I got here; I don't know why I was given this second chance. All I know is that I won't screw it up.

I walk down a long, white hallway. There's a bright light, and for a moment, I consider turning back. For a quick instant, I imagine that this is what people talk about when they have near-death experiences, and claim to have seen a 'white light'. But this is a different kind of light, a different kind of hallway. It's not delivering me to God. It's delivering me to someone else, someone who needs me more.

I come to the end of the hallway, and the light slowly fades away. Thank goodness, because it was blinding me. I've been in the dark so long that even the slightest bit of light will take some getting used to. It's like when you wake up from a deep sleep and you have to blink like an idiot for a few minutes before you can really see anything. Except this is about a million times more extreme. I take a quick scan of the room around me, ignoring the spots I'm seeing, and instantly know where I am. I haven't been here for quite a while, but it's not hard to recognize. It looks the same as it did last time I saw it.

It's Sora's bedroom.

I see Sora, asleep on her bed. She looks so peaceful, so calm; I don't want to wake her. She seems so...happy. I can't bring myself to wake her, even though I know she will want to see me really badly. At least, I hope she will. I pull up a chair that I don't remember seeing before, and sit a few feet away from her bed.

I don't know how long I sit there, just watching her sleep. I still don't know how long I was in my void for. Now that I'm out of it, I almost miss it, in a way. I really got used to being there, and this is a weird change for me.

I must have zoned out, or perhaps even fallen asleep, because I'm startled by a noise. I look over at Sora, who is waking up. She stares at me for a second, not making the connection that I'm out of my coma. Something clicks in her brain, and she sits up rather abruptly.

"Sora?" I suddenly notice for the first time that I can actually talk again. This realization is almost as shocking as the fact that I'm with Sora right now. Almost, but not quite.

"Who else would it be?" she says smartly. I'm glad that her dry sense of humour hasn't been affected by everything that's happened. Smartass.

I have so many different urges right now, and I can't satisfy them all at once.

I want to get up and sit beside her. I want to touch her, kiss her. But I'm afraid that if this isn't real, if this is only some sick, cruel joke made to entertain the man upstairs, that it will come crashing down on me and I'll awaken from my daydream.

I want to talk to her, have her tell me everything that's been going on. I have so many questions. I want to know how she is, how my family and friends are. But then again, I don't really want to talk. For now, I just want to sit here and enjoy this moment. I just want to savor it, and not spoil it with talking. Words cannot express emotions, especially strong ones, like the ones surging through me at this very moment. Speaking is the most futile method of communication. I learned that in my void, when I couldn't speak. Part of me wishes we could read each other's thoughts. That way, she would completely comprehend everything going on inside of me.

I want to sleep. I'm so horribly tired; it feels like I haven't slept in ages. Maybe I haven't. But I refuse to sleep, that I know for sure. If I sleep, that means that I'll miss out on time I could be spending with her. Right now, despite my fatigue, I never want to sleep again.

Finally, my need to touch her overpowers all others, and I find myself making my way over to her bed. I sit right beside her, and put my arm around her. It's the best feeling in the world, and I'm sure I never want to leave. I sigh.

"I never thought I'd..." I trail off, not really knowing how to finish that sentence. Well, I guess I do. I just really don't want to.

"I know," she says. I feel guilty for making her lose hope, making her feel like I'd never wake up and be with her again. I want to tell her how sorry I am, but all the apologies in the world can't erase what I've made her feel.

"I missed you." Okay, so it isn't an apology. Maybe it's one better. Finally, my curiosity gets the better of me. "How...how long has it been?"

I hold my breath, for some reason expecting her to say 'three years'. She stays silent for a moment. Maybe she's trying to calculate, but I interpret it as her trying to let me down easily.

"Just a little less than a month," she reveals. In many ways, I am relieved. I haven't been gone for any horrendously long amount of time. At least I know that nobody has given up on me just yet. I shut my eyes and sit my chin on her head. She presses her face against my neck, and I pray that she isn't crying. If she starts, no matter how hard I try, this might be one of the few times I actually break down and cry, too.

We're quiet for a long time before Sora finally speaks.

"I'm so sorry," she tells me in barely a whisper. For a second, I have no idea what she's talking about. What does she have to be sorry for? She didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that left her. While technically I know I can't be blamed for my coma, it still doesn't make me feel any better about it. Does she mean she's sorry she let this happen? There was no way she could have changed things. Does she maybe think she's the reason I got hurt?

"It isn't your fault, Sor," I try to tell her. "What happened to me was—"

"—Not that, Tai," she interrupts me. I feel calmer, relieved that she hasn't been beating herself up over it. "I know that isn't my fault. I've done some awful things while you were gone. Things that when you find out about, you're going to hate me for." What does that mean? I pull away from her and stare into her crimson eyes. Something isn't right, I can tell. Something has been going on, and I can tell it's something serious. But I'm sure it's nothing that can't wait for tomorrow. I shake my head and sigh.

"I could never hate you," I assure her.

"Trust me, you could," she protests. "And you will." I put my finger to her lips and shake my head.

"Don't worry about it now." I don't want her to feel this guilt. She shouldn't have to deal with it, on top of everything else she's been through this past month. "I can't believe you're here." I touch her face, and study it. I take in everything about it: her small nose and pouty lips, her gorgeous eyes and high cheek bones, her freckles.

This is the face that I almost forgot. This is the face that I couldn't picture in my mind, the one I was scared I would never see again. I can't even begin to describe how I feel at this moment. This is the best I've ever felt. We lay down on her bed, and I fight to stay awake. The need for sleep is enveloping me, but before it does, I need just a few more seconds with Sora. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I'm about to surrender to my exhaustion when Sora speaks, startling me awake.

"But Tai, you don't understand. Everyone else left me. Mimi hates me, they're all avoiding me," she informs me. This definitely gets my attention. Surely she didn't just say that. It must have been a misunderstanding. Maybe I'm just dreaming. But I know that this isn't a dream, this is real. It's all too real, now.

I sit up beside her, trying to sort out my feelings. I'm at a loss for words, really. I never thought it would happen, but it did. I, Tai Kamiya, don't know what to say.

"What? Why?" I ask after a second of sorting out my thoughts.

"I ditched them, okay? It's not their faults. I just...I missed you so much and it didn't feel right being with them without you. Every second with them was a reminder that you weren't gonna be there, and why. I did some really shitty things, all because I couldn't handle it all."

This is my fault. I don't know how, I don't really know why, but this is my fault.

If this hadn't happened, she wouldn't be feeling this way. If I didn't leave her to deal with everything all by herself, she wouldn't be such a mess. I shouldn't have trusted our friends to watch out for her. I expected more from them. Since when did they become so selfish? She's trying to defend them by saying that it's her fault, but it's not.

"That's no excuse! They turned their backs on you when you needed help!"

"They've been really preoccupied. It's my fault, really." No, it isn't! I want to scream that to her, but I don't want to upset her any further. I want to go find each and every one of my so-called 'friends' and blast them for doing this to her.

"How? What the hell could be more important that a friend in need?" I demand. Nothing she could say will be good enough. There's no possible explanation that will make me not want to do all the horrible things I feel like doing right now.

"Mimi and Matt are engaged," she blurts out. I guess that's a pretty solid excuse, after all. But still, they have no right to ditch Sora when she needs them so badly. Mimi is her best friend, for God's sake!

"Okay, but what about the others? What are their excuses?" I begin to wonder about Kari. Has my sister been acting this way toward her, too?

"I don't know. They've all been having a hard time," she explains. "It wasn't just me who had to deal with, um...what happened, you know? Joe's at the hospital all the time volunteering, burying himself in work. Izzy is spending a lot of time with this new girl, Cindy. T.K.'s gotten into some trouble, fighting and stuff." I dread what she's about to tell me. If the others are having trouble coming to terms with everything that happened, how would Kari be? Is there a specific reason that she left Kari until the end? "And Kari...you're her brother, Tai. Come on. It's hard for everyone. You can't blame them."

My poor sister.

She's never been too good at controlling her emotions. God only knows what she's done to cope. Change is her biggest fear. She always hated it when we moved, when she had to go to new schools. When I went off to college, she was petrified. I had to stay up all night with her once, assuring her that I wasn't going to change and cut her out of my life. Kari is constantly worried that some terrible event will happen and everything around her will change. I always told her not to worry. I mean, who thinks about those things when you're a kid?

Kari, apparently.

Maybe she had a right to worry. It did happen, after all. Now everything is changed, and she probably feels like she's losing everyone she loves. I hope T.K. is being good to her, or I'll gladly wring his neck.

"Kari, um, how is she? I mean, she's not like..." It's not that I don't know what I want to ask her. It's just that I'm scared shitless that she'll give me an answer that I don't want to hear. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's got T.K." Good. That kid might live to eighteen after all. Well, we'll just have to see. There are still a ton of things that could be going wrong. Maybe he's taking advantage of her, and her vulnerability. T.K. doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would do that. "I mean, of course she's upset and stuff. But she's dealing, I guess," she continues. "She gave a speech at this memorial thing earlier today. It was really good."

Memorial thing? Oh, probably for all those people who were dead and injured. Was I in it somewhere?

"It was Ken Ichijouji," she blurts out. I know what she means by that, she doesn't have to say it. Ken shot me. Ken.

Wait—what? Ken? I knew him! He was on my soccer team, for God's sake!

"What? That bastard...I'll fucking kill him! Who else was involved?" I demand.

"There were three other guys, all from Odaiba High; Davis, Cody and Jacob. But it doesn't matter now," she sighs. How could it not matter? Of course it matters! Doesn't she care that I was shot and could have died? Doesn't she care that a ton of others did die?

"Why not?"

"Because, Tai, they're dead. All of them." Davis, I knew him, too. He and Ken were both on my soccer teams at one time or another. I can't believe that these kids that I knew, kids that seemed so normal, could be capable of something like this. I can't believe that they're really dead.

I wonder for a brief second if maybe someone else killed them, after they shot everyone. I hope that's the case, but I don't think it is.

"Suicide?" Sora nods. "Cowards. They got off easy, compared to what I would have done to them..." I see her cringe slightly, so I don't continue. Now isn't the time. They aren't worth talking about, anyway. I lay back on the bed with a sigh. This is where I want to be, where I've wanted to be for almost a month while in that void. This is perfect; Sora is perfect.

I have one problem though. If this is really happening, why did it happen so...weirdly? Wouldn't I have woken up in the hospital, and not have suddenly found myself in Sora's room? I never checked out of the hospital, never woke up to an uncomfortable bed and a terribly bland, white room.

The last thing I think before I fall asleep is: This isn't real, is it God?

Then, everything goes black. Not the blackness of sleep, a different kind. It's not really black so much as it is dark and blank and dreary and morose. I recognize it all too well, as the empty void.

No, please don't do it.

Please don't make me go back there.

……………………………………………………………

I'm back in the void, and it's as shitty as ever. Especially now, since I've been reminded of all the things I can't have anymore. I shut my eyes, just wanting to give in.

That's right, I want to give in, and finally let go. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep existing here in this place while people are going on with their lives without me, waiting for the day that I'll wake up. I love them too much to do that to them. Maybe if I don't give them a reason to hope, if I make sure that that 'what-if' isn't possible, they can let go and finally move on.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I guess I should say my goodbyes now.

Goodbye, mom. I'm sorry that this had to happen, that you had to lose your baby boy. Nobody should go through that, especially not someone as wonderful as you. Please don't blame yourself; you couldn't prevent any of this. Don't beat yourself up with 'if only', please don't have regrets. You were there when it counted, and that's all that mattered. You're the best mother I could have asked for. I love you.

Goodbye, dad. Please take care of mom and Kari; they're going to need you now more than ever. I'm sorry that you won't get to cheer for me during one of my international soccer games like we always dreamed. You raised me to be a fighter, but I can't fight anymore. I'm sorry, don't be disappointed. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me.

Goodbye, sis. I love you so much. I was so incredibly lucky to have a kid like you as my sister. Be good. Don't hate me; I'm really sorry for doing this to you. You need someone to protect you, and that someone used to be me. But you're older now, and you don't need me anymore. I hope you can move on and forget about me, because that's what I want you to do. I know that you'll do fine without me. You're tough, you always have been. I know I'll be looking down on you and smiling, because you're gonna be so happy and so full of life. I'll never get to see you graduate, or watch you get married. I'll never get to meet your beautiful children and be their uncle. I'm sorry for all the times I teased you about T.K. or yelled at you for taking too long in the bathroom. But most of all, I'm sorry that I broke my promise. Do you remember your first day of school? I promised that I would always be there for you. I just can't hold on anymore, sis. I love you; I really regret that I didn't tell you that every chance I got. It was an honour watching you grow and being part of your life for seventeen years.

Goodbye, Joe. You're a great friend, someone I could always trust and rely on. One day, you're going to be the best doctor that Odaiba has ever seen. Don't give up on your dream. You're going to do so much good and help so many people. You can do it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'll miss you and all your quirks. I'm sorry about our fight. I hope you can forgive me.

Goodbye, Izzy. From the moment I met you, we've been good friends. You're the kind of guy who can help me with problems and keep personal things to yourself. I'm sorry we won't get to go on that trip that you helped me plan. But please, go anyway. Don't stay home and pass up the chance on my account. If anyone will listen to me, it's you. Please make the rest of them go, they deserve a vacation after everything that's happened. I'll miss you, thanks for being a great friend.

Goodbye, T.K. Kari's going to need someone to look out for her, and it can't be me. I know you'll be there for her and help her through all of this. I can't think of a person better fit for the job. You're a good kid, so stay that way. Sorry I won't get to see you graduate, or cheer you on at any more of your basketball games, or read your first book.

Goodbye, Mimi. I could be mad at you for the whole Sora thing, but I'm not going to be. I've learned that life is too short for stupid shit like that. You've been friends with Sora your whole life, and I hope you can work things out. Please be there for her, I truly don't know if she'll be okay after this. I hope you and Matt are very happy together. Get married and have a big family. Do all the things Sora and I never will. I love you, Meems. Good luck with everything.

Goodbye, Matt. Dude, I don't really know what to say. You're my best friend, and in a way you're like the brother I never had. We fought like crazy and beat the shit out of each other, but you're an awesome guy and I hope that you'll have a great life. Good luck with your band. One day you'll be famous, and you'll have tons of chicks after you, just like you planned when you started. It got you Meems, so it looks like it was all worth it. I'll miss you, bud. Take care of my girls.

Goodbye, Sora. You have no idea how badly I don't want to go. I want to stay and fight, I want to give it my all so that one day I might come back to you. But I can't do that to you, I love you too much. I know that you would wait your whole life for me to wake up, just like I would for you. But I don't want you to do that. I want you to find someone else, get married, and have a family. I want you to be happy and have an amazing life, even if it isn't with me. I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to you so soon. It just isn't fair. There are so many things that we'll never get to do, but you know that already. Please don't dwell on those things. I want you to look back on the things we did do, and smile. Treasure the things we shared. I know that's what I'll do, wherever I'll be. You're the only girl out there for me. All I've ever wanted was you. When I think about getting out of here, it's only because I want to be with you. When I think about my life, you're the only thing that comes to mind. When I think of everything I'll miss, you're first on the list. I used to dream about being a famous soccer player. Now, all I want is another minute with you. I've loved you since we were six, did I ever tell you that? You were my first kiss and my last kiss, and I can't think of a better way to leave this world than knowing that you were mine, if only for a short time. One day, we'll be reunited. I promise you that when that day comes, and we're together again, it will make up for all the years we were apart. Please don't forget about me.

Saying goodbye to Sora is hell. So many times I want to change my mind and decide that I would fight for her, for us. But I can't. I have to be strong; I have to make this sacrifice.

I shut my eyes and stay perfectly still. I can feel the void disappearing around me, and everything slipping away. There's a bright light and I try to block it out by shutting my eyes even tighter. I can hear a consistent 'beep' coming from somewhere to my right. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I open my eyes.

What's my mom doing here?

The room is all white, and I'm in a bed. My mom is sitting in a chair beside me, flipping through a magazine.

I'm not dead; I'm in the hospital.

Does this mean that I woke up?

My mother sighs, shifts in her seat, and glances up at me. She returns her attention to her magazine, and then quickly looks back up at me. She gasps loudly and jumps to her feet, the magazine falling to the floor.

"Doctor? Doctor! Somebody get in here right now! He's awake, my son is awake!"

I try to get up, but I can't seem to move. I'm making a huge effort, but my fingertips are the only part of my body that is actually moving. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a doctor enter the room. My mom leads him over to me and he looks me over for a second, calling out my name. I try to respond, but I can't. He shines a light in my eyes, and it burns like hell.

Suddenly, I feel really dizzy. I feel like I'm about to fall over, but I know that I'm not going anywhere. I have the sudden urge to lie down and rest my head, though I'm already lying down. Every time the doctor moves, I can see trails from where he has been. It's like I'm on a trip or something.

I feel really shaky, like I'm standing but my legs can't support me. I realize that I can move now. I turn my head and look down. I see that I actually am standing. My legs are weak, probably because I haven't stood on them in almost a month.

But when I turn back to my mother and the doctor, I find another person there with them: me. What the hell is happening? I'm still lying in the bed with my eyes open and the doctor shining his flashlight into them. But I'm here, too.

Am I having an out-of-body experience or something?

I don't have time to consider this because the room starts spinning and everything goes black once more.

……………………………………………………………

There will be 28 chapters to this story. You might think that I could wrap it up nice and quick, but incase you didn't notice, I dug the characters into quite a hole and I'd like to think my writing has enough substance that I can take the time to get them out of them. If you want to stop reading right here and believe that Tai woke up and everyone was magically okay and friends again, with pink dancing bunnies and pretty rainbows, then be my guest. That isn't what will happen. Life isn't that simple, and it isn't always happy. So don't complain to me through reviews or email if you don't like how long this is taking or the route it's going. You aren't going to change my mind...you'll only make me like you less (haha kidding).

And don't forget to review!