POCKET CHANGE 3: HIDE and SEEK
by Sharon R.

Chapter Four

"You - don't - know," Luka erupted, slamming his hand on the counter and unsteadily getting to his feet.

"What's going on in here?" A smaller voice came from the doorway, one that had been hiding by virtue of vertical deficiency.

Luka's drunken anger dropped like a lead cannon ball when he saw Alex standing there, watching the exchange between himself and his mother. He sat back down on the stool in quiet defeat looking at Sam, hoping for her to 'mend' what the ten year old had just seen.

"Why are you shouting?"

"Get back in the car, Alex," Sam ordered as she tried to remain calm.

"I got bored out there," the boy complained.

"I should go," Carter mumbled almost apologetically as he walked by Luka and Sam, placing the clean shirt on the back of the sofa.

"So, Carter," Sam asked quietly as he passed behind her, "what you told me about this woman wasn't true, was it?" She wanted to make sure that Luka was a party to this conversation.

"It's complicated. You two should talk." Carter paused before putting his jacket on, not sure he should leave Luka with all he had to tell Sam.

Ignoring his mother, Alex walked into the apartment directly to where Luka was sitting. "You need to drink lots of water tonight before you go to bed. Then tomorrow morning, hair of the dog." The voice of… experience?

"Huh?" Luka tried to hide his bloodshot eyes and not so put together face by looking down at the floor away from the boy.

"Hair of the dog," Alex repeated. "My dad says that'll take care of the hangover."

"Oh, Christ." Sam put a hand to her forehead unconsciously rubbing the pain of her ex-husband out of there. "Alex, please."

"Come on, Little Man," Carter said putting his arm on the boy's shoulder, "I'll go with you and keep you company."

"I'm not little," the kid annoyingly smirked.

"Oh, I don't doubt that."

The air was thick with silence as Luka and Sam waited for the door to close behind Carter and Alex, although once alone neither one seemed ready to say the first word. Luka's head still hung down in shame, perhaps in despair as the battle inside to come to terms with what he had done five months ago raged on. What would Sam think? Could she ever trust him?

Sam leaned back against the kitchen island refusing to look at Luka. The only sound was the occasional car as it drove by and the muffled rumble of the EL a block away, but neither one could hear the exterior intrusions they each stood their silent ground. What they had built from a convenient relationship was slowly unraveling, kind of like Luka. What am I getting into, Sam thought. And now Alex too?

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say," she offered.

"I had too much to drink."

And he drinks, her mind spoke from within as she let out a sigh and stretched the anxiety from her neck.

"I'm not a drinker," he pleaded as though reading her mind. "Believe me, it's not something I do often."

"Why is it complicated?"

"Why is what complicated?"

"This secret that you and Carter have. This woman Carter said he had a relationship with… Another lie…"

"There's more to it. You don't know -"

" - Then tell me," she implored talking on top of him. "How can I be anything to you if I can't help you?"

"Sam, please, some things are just…. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Obviously it does. I ask Carter a question about this woman and he gives me some lame ass lie, then runs to you before I can." The picture of them talking in the trauma room knowing she was watching them was fresh in her mind. "I come over here to see if you had given him hell about this morning and he's tending to your needs like a girl's best friend. Why is it so hard to confide in me?"

"Because you weren't there that day," he shouted as he rose to his feet, his face red with anger. Luka almost startled himself with the bravado of his tone and reverted to a more hushed voice, as if he were thinking aloud, "because you wouldn't understand."

"What day?" she yelled putting her hands to her head exasperated with the unending circle of non-answers. "This isn't… I can't keep doing this…"

"Sam, please. Please talk to me."

"But that's just it. You're not talking. You are making excuses and making me out to be some idiot. But you're not really talking."

It was a catch-22 as far as Luka was concerned. Keep her in the dark and he figured she'd leave him. Tell her about what happened and she'd freak out, wondering if she could sleep with a man who so easily killed his lover. To tell, or not to tell. He didn't have the answer, but he did know more grappa couldn't hurt. He stood from his bar stool and leaned over to get the bottle out of the sink. But before he could get it to his lips, his lack of balance confused his feet and he lost his footing catching his lip on the edge of the granite counter top, before landing squarely on his ass on the cold floor. The grappa, however, survived. That was two points for the booze, none for him. He got one more slug in before Sam took it from his hands.

"Well, at least the alcohol will kill any germs crawling around that fresh wound," she mumbled as she grabbed a towel to press firmly against the cut on his mouth.

Luka winced and pushed Sam's hand away, not realizing he'd even hurt himself until he saw the fresh blood on the kitchen towel.

"Sorry," she said as she gave him the towel and let him tend to his own lip. "It's not that bad. I'll get some ice."

"No," he threw out. "I can do it myself."

"I'm sure you think you can," she sighed, "but your ass couldn't even find the chair. Not so sure your legs can navigate around the kitchen at this point."

Luka got to his feet and managed to beat Sam to the freezer, throwing a few cubes of ice into the towel. "I'm fine."

"I'm just trying to help - "

" - I know…"

Some couples yell, others throw things. Sam and Luka fronted their pent up anger with intentional silence. Sam felt as though anything she said at that point would be shot down. She didn't know if she was jealous of Carter for being the one Luka confided in, or pissed at Luka for not letting her provide basic comfort for him. Either way, she wasn't about to give in and be the first to apologize… again.

Luka either couldn't, or wouldn't say anything. And he was embarrassed, in his own way, for not only his lack of action with Carter that morning, but also his impersonation of the Chicago Drunk. What to say…

"I have to get Alex to his sleep-over." Grabbing her gloves from her pocket, Sam wasted no time reaching the door.

"Wait," Luka half heartedly pleaded. "Sam… I…"

Sam stopped with her hand on the large door handle and dejectedly rested her forehead against the painted metal. "I can't talk to you now, Luka. Talking… like this, it doesn't work." With one swift pull, Sam opened the door and left, leaving Luka by himself.

Alex and Carter had parked themselves back against the side of the car - Alex refusing his mother's original request to wait for her inside the car, Carter feeling the need to at least stay with the kid until Sam got there.

"So," Carter shuffled a couple steps sideways closer to Alex, "you want to talk about anything?"

"You and my mom having an affair?"

"What?" Carter nearly choked on his own saliva. The kid didn't waste any time.

"You know. Doing the nasty. The low down."

"No, Alex. Your mother and I are co-workers. Luka's a good friend."

"So, then, you and Luka have a little something on the side?"

"NO!"

"I have an open mind. Doesn't mean I approve of it, but I won't draw and quarter you."

"Draw and… ?" Carter shook his head as he fought to keep up with the precocious boy. "Look, you walked in on a very grown up conversation between your mom and Luka. Neither one of us belonged there. I'm sure in good time…"

"Yeah, I've heard all this before. You can cut the shit and get straight to the truth. That always works. I'm not stupid. And I'm not little."

"I've heard that before too."

"Hey, no one's paying you to babysit. You can take off any time."

Carter exhaled and closed his eyes momentarily as he threw his head back in frustration. "Should have kept my mouth shut," he mumbled.

"If I were you, I'd charge a five spot for that service. That's what my dad gives me. Personally, I bet you're easy and would keep your trap shut for a deuce."

"Oh, boy."

Sam already had keys in hand as she bound down the steps towards the car. "I told you to get in the car, Alex."

"So did you fix it?" Alex asked.

"Fix what?"

"The fight. You know, the yelling and stuff."

Sam rolled her eyes and opened the door for her son, ignoring his question.

"I knew it. You always ruin everything. I like Luka, not that you care."

"Just get in Alex. It's complicated." Great, she thought as she slammed the door closed. Same shitty excuse they gave me.

"Sam, look, I'm sorry," Carter tried to explain, chasing Sam to the driver's side of the car. "I guess I was dreaming this morning. I didn't know what I was doing. Luka was just trying to protect me."

This stopped Sam, who finally turned to Carter and spoke quietly, but directly, to him so as not to let the son with the big ears hear. "He's protecting you? Yet I get the distinct impression that you're lying to protect him. Well, which one is it?"

Hesitantly, Carter gently put his hands on her shoulders and lowered his head to get her to look in his eyes. "I think in the end, it's you who he's protecting."

Sam furrowed her brow, confused by the ongoing riddle.

"Sam, I can't even begin to tell you everything that we went through on our trips to Africa."

"I thought this second one was just like a business trip to set up that camp."

Carter needed to do nothing more than to pause slightly as he blinked and took a breath.

"What happened in Uganda?"

"Look, Luka has to be the one to answer your questions. I'm the one having dreams. He's handling it just fine. He…" Carter looked to his right at the building and saw Luka standing at the window watching the two of them. "… just give him a chance. Okay?"

Looking at Alex moping inside the car, Sam's hardened exterior melted for just a moment. "There's more for me to consider here than just my feelings. My track record for picking the right guy really sucks. I can't get Alex's hopes up again. Or mine." Without looking back up at Carter, Sam opened her door and sat down, quickly starting the engine.

"Sam, sometimes things in the past - things that hurt - need to stay in the past. Trust Luka," Carter got out before she shut the door.

Luka watched from the window as Carter put his hands on Sam's shoulders… As Sam let Carter comfort her. Then she drove away. Just like that, she was gone. He watched as she got to the first light and made a right, driving out of view.

"Don't give up." Carter had taken up his former position leaning up against the large door frame. "Let her have some time." He wasn't even sure that Luka heard him from across the room. Or wanted to hear him. "That's some kid. Must be studying medieval torture methods at school."

"You told her that you were the one sleeping with Colleen?"

"Not exactly in those terms. But, yeah."

"And you didn't think it would come back and bite you in the ass?"

"I thought it would make the whole Colleen thing a moot point as far as you and Sam were concerned." Carter watched as Luka remained at the window, forehead pasted against the glass as though expecting Sam's car to drive up any minute. "Does it really matter?"

"Not really." Luka licked at his wounded lip as he finally pulled himself away from the window.

"She hit you…?"

"Ha, no. I kind of did this to myself." Luka dropped the ice pack in the sink and went back to the living area where he slumped himself onto the sofa. "Serves me right."

"She's right about me needing some help."

"What?"

"I was about two inches and 2 seconds away from joining you in your swill of pity tonight." Carter turned to leave, knowing that Luka needed to be alone. "See you Monday."

Luka very carefully folded the Bulls shirt that Carter had left over the back of the sofa. There was a reason it was the only clean shirt in the apartment. He hadn't worn it since Africa. Since he had put it on a cold and wet Colleen. And yet, he kept it.

Luka stood outside of Sam's apartment building for at least a half hour before getting up enough nerve to walk up the stairs. Pausing at the top of the stoop, he took out his cell phone and dialed Carter, partly to see if he was alright, but mostly to get a pep talk. He hadn't so much as talked to him since the previous night - not that his inebriated idiocy qualified as dignified conversation. But he knew what Carter would have said and closed the phone before he could finish dialing. At the top of the first flight of stairs he could see her lights peaking out from under the door, and when he got closer he could hear Sam and Alex talking inside. He'd knocked three times and suddenly got an urge to bolt, turned around and started to head back to the stairs.

"Hey, it's Luka."

If it weren't for that small voice, Luka would have taken the stairs two at a time to get out of there.

"You're just in time," Alex said holding the door open, "we were just about ready to play 'Guess My Blood Sugar'."

Reluctantly, Luka stepped in the door and joined Alex and Sam at the kitchen table.

"Come on," Alex announced, "pony up. Two bits to play."

"I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage," Luka almost meekly shared. "I don't know what you've eaten today."

"Neither does Mom. I just got home. But you're the one with the favorable handicap since you're a doctor and all."

Luka laughed as he reached in his pocket, taking out a quarter and tossing it on the table on top of Alex's.

"Come on, Mom."

Sam had stood by quietly. "I, ah, don't have a quarter."

"I'll spot you one," Alex said as he tossed a third quarter into the 'pot'. "Luka, you first. What's it going to be?" Alex had his blood glucometer set up on the table and the lancet ready to do the finger poke.

"Um, okay, I'll say an even 110."

"Mom?"

"I'm not so optimistic. Put me down for 149."

"And I'll bet on a safe 120." And with the skill of a kid who had done this four times a day for the better part of his life, he depressed the spring action lancet on the side of his finger, then squeezed a drop of blood onto the testing strip. Within a minute, the results were in. "And the winner is…" Alex always paused for dramatic affect, "… Mom. The magic number tonight is 143."

"Moms know best," she joked with him with a wink. "And I bet you also ate some stuff that you shouldn't have over at Josh's. Now, it's a school night. Let me check your insulin pump before you go to bed."

Leaving Luka alone in the small kitchen, Sam walked Alex to his room after adjusting his pump at his waist.

"You don't tuck me in anymore, Mom."

"It's my right and I'm taking advantage of it. Now give me a kiss you little monster."

Alex reluctantly kissed his mother on the cheek before climbing into bed. "Mom?"

"Hmm."

"Don't blow it. Okay?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"He's good for us, Mom."

Luka was waiting for her by the table, coat still on, his scarf dangling around his neck.

"You're a wealthier woman," he playfully gave her, pointing to the stack of three quarters in front of him.

"Taking advantage of my kid's pocket change." To keep busy, Sam gathered up a pile of Alex's clothes left on the floor. "Let's see what else is burning a hole in his pocket."

"His ticket to the gate." Luka smiled as he spoke quietly to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just something a friend once told me." Luka watched Sam as she picked up after Alex, putting away his glucometer, packing his book bag for the next morning, and putting his lunchbox on the counter. "I want to talk to you." She still moved around the kitchen. "Tell you about Colleen."

Sam ran out of things to do and finally leaned against the refrigerator waiting to see if Luka would actually say anything of substance.

"I met Colleen at the camp. She used it as a home base of sorts while she covered stories on that part of the continent. I was the one who had a relationship with her, not Carter."

"Why hide that?"

Luka shrugged as he tilted his head. "The memories are not all good. She manipulated both of us, used us. Things happened that are disturbing - things that I won't talk about and neither will Carter."

"You loved her?"

"Maybe."

"You loved her," Sam deduced appropriately and reaffirmed for Luka, for which he nodded, just slightly. "And she died?"

"Yep."

"How?"

Luka fidgeted and finally put his hands in his coat pockets to hind the trembling that was building in them. "Shot."

Sam pushed herself away from her spot and went to Luka, wrapping her arms securely around his waist and planting her head against his chest. "I'm sorry."

The two stayed that way sharing each other's warmth, until Sam finally broke away to take Luka's coat off. "Stay?" she asked.

"I can't explain everything to you about Carter. You weren't here when we got back from our first trip." Luka considered leaving it right there, but went on to see how far he could go. "What do you know?"

"Just that you two had been kidnapped," she answered uncomfortably, "and that when you got back Carter was in the hospital for a while."

"Couple weeks. He got the worst of it. What he went through was far worse than me. He ended up with terrible infections. Went home with a PICC line for a couple weeks. And a few days after he had that removed he was back here with pneumonia. What is inside his head, we've dealt with together. I'm the only one who understands. I have to be there for him, because in part he's responsible for me being here today."

"But, he's alone because he chooses to be."

"That's right."

"I've tried finding him someone to be with…"

"I've seen that," he laughed, "and it's admirable. But her four o'clock shadow was darker than mine."

"It's five o'clock shadow."

"Not hers."

They had moved to the sofa where Sam sat curled up in Luka's arms, he occasionally kissing the top of her head, she giving his strong soft middle squeezes of love.

"I know we were going to spend our vacation alone here. But can't we get away to someplace where…"

"Where Carter isn't?" Luka finished for her.

"I guess." Sam waited for him to completely rebuff the idea. But he didn't. "Well?"

"A little late to make reservations."

"Let me take care of it. I know someplace that is free, that is a happy place for me. The only place from my childhood that made me happy. I'll surprise you, okay?"

Luka smiled and stroked her hair, then took his free hand and directed her sweet face towards his. "Okay. Surprise me."

Their lips met and lingered before opening and tasting each other.

(A few lines from song lyrics for 'Simple' by K.D. Lang previusly properly attributed, have been deleted on 5/03/05 due to new regulations by site administrators. Complete original text of this fic can be found at LUKAFIC)

He found himself wandering the halls of the Carter mansion again. Another sleepless night as a captive of his own dreams. Finding his cell phone on the hall table where he had discarded it with the contents of his coat pocket several hours earlier, he picked it up and dialed Luka's apartment. It was something he had done before when he awoke questioning his memories - wondering if what happened… happened.

No answer. Luka wasn't on until tomorrow - a few hours from now actually. But, no answer. It shouldn't have surprised Carter that he was with Sam. He could call his cell, but instead closed his own phone and put it back on the table.

Since his grandparent's deaths a lot of the furniture had been covered. Some things, his father had taken and put in his own home, but most of what made it a home for Carter was hidden under white sheets or plastic. Sunday night, other than the one permanent staff member far away in staff quarters, he was alone in the hollow of his home. He had let most of the other staff go except for a groundskeeper and a couple housekeepers. He had no need for people to do for him. He wasn't there much and when he was, he kept to the kitchen or his own room - alone. He didn't need them.

Opening the considerable double doors leading into what was once the ballroom, Carter walked over to the windows, his footsteps echoing in the chamber of fine woods, and threw open the large heavy red drapes, welcoming the parse moonlight into the essentially empty space. It wasn't a full moon, but bright enough to reflect off the gold gilding of the picture frames and ornate moldings. Pulling the sheet up over the head of the grand piano, he sat on the bench and opened the cover. He could barely remember the basics from his years in mandatory piano lessons - he and Barbara, Bobby before… Carter plunked out a few chords and even managed a very poor performance of Fur Elise - his recital piece when he was eleven. His last recital. Half way through he stopped. It was something he and Bobby would play together, and if left alone they would make faces, rude noises and generally degrade the meaning of the composition in the name of juvenile impropriety. Carter smiled and chuckled at the thought.

He settled into the only other piece of furniture left behind - an old flower upholstered chaise lounge. Gamma's favorite. He and Bobby called it the Granny Chair. Often was the time that he would sneak up on Gamma as she was stretched out on it, a comforter covering her legs as she read a book, and his grandfather in his own chair parked right up next to Gamma. If Carter was quiet enough, he'd catch them holding hands.

He briefly caught her scent as he leaned back in the chair and rested his head against the winged side. Looking out at the landscape, sun fighting against the moon to start a new day, Carter wondered if he would ever have what Luka and Sam have… what his grandparents had…

(Lyrics Deleted)