Author's Note: 'lo all, I'm not dead, though my laptop is. Oh well. There's more self-harm and a wee bit of smut for y'all in this one (though sadly all in Remus' head).

Mute Mockingbird: Good point, the way I see it is that knowing the address doesn't mean you can get in. The other Blacks would know the house was there anyway. I do have a cunning plan for the final battle though :D

Cheers for all the reviews, enjoy!

Mirror, Mirror

Chapter fifteen: Homecoming

Remus helped Tonks back to Hogsmeade village and the pair floo'd back to London. The network was at rush hour now, forcing them out a little short of their destination. The pair decided it was too crowded to even try apparating the rest of the way, so they resigned to walking. Tonks clung on to Remus' arm, still a little unsteady. He put his arm around her and slowed to her pace as they walked through muggle Camden towards certain death.

"Oh, you'd better have this back." Remus said, pulling Tonks' pink wand from his robes and handing it to her. Seeing her confusion, he added "I was worried, I went after you. I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough."

"Hey, I'm still here, am I not Remus?" She laughed, loosening her grip on his midriff as her feet regained some of their strength. What almost killed you made you stronger. "How did you know where I was going?"

"I read your letters," Remus replied, entirely honestly.

"You went through my stuff?" Tonks' eyes widened as she remembered where she'd hidden the letters. "You went through my PlayWitch collection?"

Remus felt his face turn a colour to rival Weasley hair. He said nothing, hoping she would leave it at that. He did not blush because he had done so, he blushed at the thought of Tonks owning a PlayWitch (much less a whole collection) and doing what he knew he did with Sirius' old dog-eared copies of PlayWizard. He blushed at the thought of Tonks doing that less than five feet away from his own bed on the other side of the wall. Remus felt a tingling sensation and a gradual rush of blood. No, now wasn't the time. He forced his thoughts away from Tonks to a scene involving Kingsley and Moody that made his buttocks clench and his nether-regions return to normal very quickly indeed.

Tonks sighed and hugged Remus as they walked.

"Bet you think I'm a complete prat," she laughed nervously. Remus grinned.

"We all think with our hearts not our heads sometimes," he said. "That doesn't make you a fool."

"Maybe," Tonks whispered. "Just wish I knew who the poor bugger really was, probably thinks I stood him up."

"I'm sure he'll understand," sighed Remus. "If he loves you as much as he says he does, he'll forgive being stood up for a kidnapping."

They walked in silence through the markets, avoiding the stares of concerned (and nosey) muggles as the shabby werewolf helped Tonks back to Grimmauld Place. They reached the end of the road and stopped. They checked around for people and found that the street was completely empty. It was never very busy, but there was usually at least someone putting the bin out or walking the dog. It was unnervingly quiet. The pair walked towards the gap where number twelve should be rather apprehensively. The building gradually appeared and Remus helped Tonks inside. They were met with terrified eyes as they entered the kitchen. Molly, Arthur, Kingsley, Moody, Dung, the four elder Weasley brothers and assorted others were gathered there, drinking tea and trying not to think about what was about to happen.

Kingsley quickly vacated his chair and Remus sat Tonks down in it. There was silence. The Order members looked Tonks over, her injuries meaning nothing compared with the expression on her face. Now she was here, the adrenaline of her rescue disappeared and the desire to crawl under a rock and die returned once again. Happy, bubbly, eccentric Tonks had been broken. She had given up on life almost completely. She looked up at the crowd of worried onlookers.

"What? What are you staring at?" she asked. "If you're waiting for me to break down and cry you'll be here a while."

"Tonks, no-one's thinking that, we're just worried." Molly reassured, stepping forward and taking hold of Tonks' arm. "Here, let me heal that."

"No!" Tonks snatched her arm away and stood up. She ripped off the bandage and threw it in Molly's face. Remus tried to hold her back but failed.

"I did that for a reason, I needed the pain, I needed to feel it." She held up her gashed wrist for all to see, avoiding their eyes. It began to bleed again, dripping on the cold stone floor.

"And if I live to see tomorrow I'll do it again." She said, as the others' heads dropped. At that moment she remembered R, and doubted she would ever get to meet him, tell him how she felt. If the attack was going to be tonight there would never be enough time.

"Hell, why wait," she snorted bitterly, and made for the door as fast as she could.

Tonks ran down the hall and up the stairs to her room, bolting the door before anyone else could get in. Then she took out her wand and placed a locking charm on it, just to be safe. She heard footsteps outside but no-one said anything, or tried the door. Tonks threw herself down on the bed and reached underneath. She pulled out a bottle of firewhisky, opened it and took a long drink. The footsteps outside were pacing. Tonks looked at her bleeding arm and took out her wand. She placed the tip against her skin and whispered.

"Diffindo"

Sure enough, another deep cut appeared next to the first. Tonks smiled at the pain and lay back on the bed. This was pathetic, she told herself. The heavy footsteps faded. She flicked her wand and unlocked her bedroom door as a lighter pair of feet approached. This time there was a knock on the door. Tonks chuckled to herself. Remus was always so polite.

"It's open," she managed, taking another swig of whisky. Remus came in slowly, hovering by the bed. She sat up, making room for him to sit down. He did so without a word. Tonks swung her legs up onto the bed and offered him the bottle. Remus took it from her, drank less than he would have liked to and set it down on the floor. He then took a fresh bandage from his pocket. He kissed his fingers and touched the fresh cut, then tied the bandage on carefully. Tonks smiled as thanks and curled up with her head in Remus' lap, taking his hand in hers. Remus stroked her black hair with his free hand. There was no need for words. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours.

"They wont get in will they Reme?"

"Of course not," he reassured her. "They'd never get passed the Fidelius charm." They could, however kill anyone entering or leaving though, he thought.

Remus glanced at his watch. It really had been hours.

"I should go and talk to the others," he said, unmoving. "Did you want anything from downstairs?"

"I've got the most wonderful bloke on the planet and lots of alcohol," she whispered. "What more could a gal possibly want?"

Remus smiled, kissed her head and helped her sit up. He could think of lots of things she should want, should have. They didn't include an ageing, unemployed werewolf, but he wasn't going to argue. She let go of his hand reluctantly as he stood and made for the door. Tonks called out after him.

"Don't ever leave me," she begged.

"I'll never leave you," he choked, holding back more tears. "How could I? Rest, I'll be back soon."