POCKET CHANGE 3: HIDE and SEEK
by Sharon R.

Chapter Ten

"Carter," Luka yelled as he stayed in the car with the one cop against the door.

Another car, this time a county sheriff's deputy, came screaming into the commotion, its lights blazing. Two deputies stepped out - one running towards Carter, the other more senior looking one, joining the officer standing by the Jag.

"Just stop, stop!" Luka was no longer being heard by anybody. "We're doctors at County. See?" He held his ID badge out the window, but again, their focus was no longer on Luka who had a perfect view of what was unfolding: three cops yelling at Carter, their lights blinding him, then two more joining them. All had their weapons drawn and propped beneath their flashlights, aimed squarely at Carter… whose pants and torn shirt were covered in Sean's blood, some large spots streaking from the assault of the rain.

Finally the two cops walked away towards the first patrol car that had been parked at the roadblock, giving Luka a chance to get out. Running towards the two cops to the side, Luka held out his ID. "Hey, I'm trying to tell you…"

"Maxwell is stinger equipped," the senior deputy yelled out paying no attention to Luka. "Go ahead and take him down."

"No," Luka yelled, "you don't know what you're doing." Telling cops that they don't know their job will always get their full attention.

It seemed like it took a fraction of a second for those two cops to restrain Luka and push him face down onto the hood of the car. With his arms yanked tightly in back of him, his thumbs of each hand held together in an excruciatingly awkward position in the center of his back, Luka tried with all his might to say something - anything, but his head being ground onto the car was forcing his teeth into his lips, tearing the flesh, the blood making him gag as he choked in the air.

"You don't want to interfere with an arrest, pal," the cop said as he pat Luka down, pulling out his wallet, change, a couple pens, pen light and layed them on the hood in front of Luka's face.

"My… my ID," he got out, not sure it was even understandable.

"What ID?"

"Hospital," he groaned through his clenched teeth.

The cops looked at him closer, then glanced around the man, finally finding something on the ground.

"Hey Sarge, look what I found." The younger cop blinded Luka as he shone the flashlight in his face comparing him to the picture on the ID that he had picked up. "He's a doctor at County."

"I'm…," Luka attempted, "… we… are… doctors." Finally the hands that held him down let go and he pulled himself upright, spitting the coagulation of blood, flesh and saliva to the ground beside him. "This isn't what it looks like. We just got done treating a patient in the ER, it was messy." Even though the two cops were finally listening to Luka, their reaction to Luka's admission that they were doctors wasn't enough to stop them. "That's John Carter, from the Carter Estate," he said pointing to the large manor above them.

"Ah, for shit," the Sergeant complained, "Hey…"

The two of them ran to where the cluster of officers pointed their weapons at Carter, only to watch one of the cops shoot him with a taser gun. As every muscle in Carter's body contracted with the fifty thousand volts shooting through the barbed wires pinching into his skin, he fell to the ground with a thud, a silent scream trapped in his open mouth.

Once the five second shock ceased, one officer dug a knee into the small of Carter's back, while another practically kneeled on his head and a third pulled his arms back and cuffed them. The pain from the shock subsided, but the effects from falling to the ground like a piece of lumber, then sat on by three muscle bound cops was just beginning.

"Off," the older cop ordered as he fished his way to the center of the crowd, "get off him. He's a doc at County. The blood is from a patient. He lives here."

Luka followed the sergeant to where Carter lay, still handcuffed, and lifted up the back of his shirt, pulling out the barbs of the shock wires. Carter winced at the bee stings that the prongs left behind, then grunted and spit out the muck that had invaded his mouth.

"Get these cuffs off," Luka demanded. "Carter, you okay?"

"Ah…"

"Hey Carter? You okay?" Luka repeated.

"Yeah."

Luka helped him sit up, then reached out to the nearest cop and grabbed his flashlight. Shining into Carter's face, then checking him over quickly, he found no obvious injuries. "What hurts?"

"Kind of everything," Carter said, as he stretched and pulled himself together. "My head, shoulder, hip."

"The soreness is from the fall," the sergeant explained. "You may have a dull headache from the shock until the morning."

"Hey, sorry about that doc." Another cop stepped up. "Running from cops is never a good thing. Don't take it personal, eh?"

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll understand if I hold a grudge for a couple days."

"Doctor Carter?" a voice called out from behind. "Doc? Is that you?"

The two burly security guards hired to keep watch on the estate stepped into the fray and helped Carter to his feet.

"Why aren't you up at the house?"

"Bad accident took out the phones," AJ, the older security guard said. "Someone came to the door and said a white sports car was involved and we thought it might be you, so we came down to help after we called 9-1-1."

"Anyone hurt?" Carter asked.

"So far just one victim in the car under the pole," the sergeant explained. "Afraid he's DOA. But that white sports car, like yours, caused it then took off. So you can understand the suspicion you brought when you pulled up wearing a good amount of blood and carrying no ID. And then when you took off, well…"

The reason for the police to be hanging out in front of the Carter estate had become painfully obvious to Carter and Luka, but the unease they had arrived with still lingered.

"Let me ask you," Carter said as he pulled the first cop aside who had approached the Jag, "see anyone go in or out of the estate here?"

"Not since I got here about fifteen minutes ago."

"You've been down here the entire time?" Carter turned and asked the hired help incredulously.

"Yeah, about that long." AJ answered, "Didn't see nobody come or go," he spouted. The use of the double negative grated on Carter.

"How about the service road?" Carter asked in-your-face style. "See anybody use that?"

"Nope. That's on the other side of the property Ain't nobody can see it from here."

"Ya think?"

Luka grabbed his belongings from the hood of the patrol car as he and Carter bolted for the Jag. "Get back up there," Luka yelled at AJ and his colleague. "We'll meet you there."

"Got a problem up there docs?" one of the cops asked. "Need help?"

"Yeah, don't let anybody into the property," Carter said as he got back in the car, this time in the driver's seat. "If you could, have a car swing around Baxter to the service road. It's marked with a small white sign that says 1014 - private service road. Don't let anyone drive in there either."

"What's the problem Doc?" the sergeant asked.

"Just a security issue with my staff. Harassment," he made up. "Thanks for the help."

"Yeah, hey, sorry. Ya know?"

Carter peeled out and raced up the entrance to the estate in record speed, jerking the car to a sudden halt and very nearly forgetting to put it in gear before getting out. Running up the stairs and bursting into the foyer, they were both taken by the absolute stillness and, with the exception of their nervous breathing, dead silence.

"Emily?" Carter called out walking straight towards the back of the house and the kitchen.

"Amanda?" Luka stepped into each room of the vast downstairs. "Amanda? There's no one here," he said as Carter met back up in the foyer.

"I know," Carter replied almost under his breath. "And the back door was wide open."

The two stood at the base of the grand staircase, neither saying a thing as they composed themselves and prepared for the inevitable. What was real or fabricated, what passed for legitimate or criminally convoluted remained at the forefront of their reasoning. And their reasoning had long since waned by then.

"What do we…?" Luka sat down on the steps, exhausted, and pushed the hair back away from his face in one motion with his hand. It was bad enough after all this time that he still hadn't been able to come to terms with what had happened to Colleen, but Amanda? "She's just a kid," he thought out loud. Sympathy plopped in the form of a wet muzzle with hot breath on Luka's knee. "Where did this dog come from?" A very wet and muddy golden retriever snuggled up to Luka's side looking either for warmth or sympathy herself.

"Hey Bridget." Carter knelt down and took the dog's head in his hands. "Where did you come from?"

Those doggy eyebrows did a dance of confusion as her ears perked up at the familiar voice.

"You have a dog?" Luka asked.

"Ah, no. Yes, but…" Carter stumbled over the explanation. "She was my grandparents'. I guess Emily kind of inherited her. She's an old girl."

"I beg your pardon, young John Carter?" Emily walked hurriedly into the foyer, leash in hand most obviously not connected to the dog.

"No, Emily, the dog is old. Where have you been?"

"Outside. All that ruckus out there spooked Bridget. She got away from me before I could get the leash on her." Patting the dog's side, Emily shooed her back into the kitchen. "Ah, look at you. I'm afraid she went swamping in the pond. Tell me that's not your blood you're sporting on your clothes, Dr. John."

"No, a patient's."

"You've been out of the house for a while?" Luka asked.

"Afraid so. She led me on quite a goose chase."

"Amanda's not with you?" Carter finally asked noticing that the girl hadn't followed Emily into the foyer.

"She was right here," Emily explained showing a touch of alarm. "I told her to stay put."

Carter shook his head as if to indicate that that certainly wasn't the case. "We looked all over, called her."

"It's a big house. Did you look upstairs?"

"She should have heard us," Carter said doubtfully yet scaled the steps two at a time just in case.

He opened each door and called out her name to no avail, finally reaching his sister's old room that Amanda had been using. The stark white interior only served to pop the pink comforters adorning the two twin beds.

"Amanda?"

Instinctively, Carter got down on the floor between the beds and flipped up the comforter of the first bed. His sister never failed to hide under those beds when need be. She never changed it up, always the same hiding place. But Amanda wasn't there. Having to nearly lay on the floor to get low enough, Carter lifted up the comforter on the bed to his left and looked under there as well. There on the other side, also laying down, looking right at him was Amanda. It was a fraction of a second, less than a blink of an eye that made Carter flinch. That snapshot stored deep in his memory bank of Lucy lying helplessly on the other side of the gurney in Curtain-3 jogged his body, making his heart skip a beat as he wavered forward slightly on his arms that had propped him up.

"You win," she said with a giggle. "Ewww. You're all dirty."

"Did you find her?" Luka walked in the room with Emily. He had been in every room but Amanda's and was more than relieved when her red mop of hair popped up between the wall and the farther bed.

Carter was sitting on the floor against the bed, taking a few deep breaths of his own. "Why were you hiding, Amanda?"

"Playing hide and seek. Emily's not too good at it."

"I was outside chasing the dog, young lady," the older woman explained. "I'll have you know I have an excellent hide and seek record."

"We have to get out of here," Luka quietly reminded Carter, sitting on the bed to face him. "She can't stay here any more." The two security guards came in the house and called up the staircase. "We're up here," Luka answered.

"What am I supposed to do?" Carter contemplated. "Wherever I take her they'll find her through me."

Luka remained still while in thought, ignoring the conversations with the guards going on behind him. There really was no choice but to talk to Sam, and he quickly dialed her number on his cell phone.

"Sam, hi. Listen to me very carefully. Everything is in my SUV for the trip, right? We're leaving tonight. Now. You and Alex need to meet me at the hospital. I'll be there in about a half hour or so. I know, just trust me, please."

"You sure about this?" Carter asked, knowing full well what Luka had just done. Luka nodded.

"Amanda, we've had a change in plans," Carter started. "You get to go on vacation with Luka."

"But I like it here with you and Emily."

"Sam is going too," Luka explained. "And her son, Alex. You'll have someone to play with."

"I don't like boys."

"Amanda," Carter sat on the bed and took her two hands, looking her in the eyes. "I'm going to be honest with you, because I know that you're old enough and smart enough to handle it. Okay? We have to move you just like when you meet up with your father."

"My dad is coming?"

"No." That one hurt, but Carter paused only long enough to give her hands a reassuring squeeze. "Not yet. But there are people who are looking for you because they don't like your dad. So we have to stay one step ahead of them. Do you understand?"

"I'll pack your bag," Emily gently announced as she took the small suitcase out of the closet and started filling it with clothes from the dresser bureau.

"My dad told me about those men. They're the bad spies."

"That's right," Luka spoke up. "But we'll look just like a regular family, and I know you'll have fun."

"What about our dinner tomorrow night?" She looked right at Carter, digging into his center of guilt somewhere in the vicinity of his heart. "You promised."

"I did. I know. And I'll keep that promise, we just can't do it tomorrow."

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, out of habit, Carter went to grab his keys from the console. "Must have left them in the Jag."

"The three of us won't fit in there," Luka surmised. "You have a bigger car?"

"Just the limo and that would stick out. We need something less obvious."

Emily came back out from the kitchen where she had gone to check on the stove. "Your dinner is almost ready, boys," she said looking at the two very large and suddenly interested security guards. "It's a shame we can't all sit down to eat together."

"Emily, they're not here to discuss recipes over dinner," Carter shot out somewhat annoyed. "However, if you… wait a minute. How about we take your car?"

"You want to drive my car?" she laughed. "Fine with me, I guess."

"Somebody has to drive a decoy." Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Amanda. "You know, to throw off a tail."

"You are a wise one," Luka gave her with a smile and a pat to the head.

"I don't want the security guards to leave the property. They'd know she was gone," Carter mentioned. With that, all eyes focused on the cook, wiping her hands on her apron. "Emily, how would you like to drive the limo?"

"Oh, Dr. John, I don't think your grandmother would approve."

"I think she'd do it herself if she were still with us." Carter ran into the library and rummaged in the desk, finally finding the limo keys and handing them to Emily. "Here, just drive out the front and make your way into the city. Take your time, stay in populated areas and don't get out until you get back here. Give us at least an hour or so. Your keys in your car?" She nodded as she took off her apron and headed towards the garage door in the kitchen. "Okay. Good. And you two," Carter added pointing to the guards eager to get their hands on the roast sitting on top of the stove. "Move your cars out front next to the Jag. Turn all the lights on in the house and walk around. Make like there's actually life in here."

"What about dinner?" one of them asked.

"Whatever," Carter answered. "You can eat while you walk around. Hell, make it look like one big dinner party."

"Oh, Dr. John," Emily interrupted as she put on her sweater, "that wouldn't be proper to let guests walk around with dinner plates."

"Go, Emily."

"I wonder if the limo would fit in a drive-thru?" Emily pontificated as she disappeared into the garage.

Carter took Amanda's hand and, with Luka, headed out the back door.

"Wait," Amanda yelled as she broke away from Carter and ran back into the house, "I forgot the vest."

Just the act of sprinting away from the grown-ups raised the fear level for Luka and Carter as they both chased her back into the house only to meet her halfway as she returned clutching the tan vest. She had her prized vest and pink backpack with her secret things and proudly walked past the men towards Emily's car.

"She do that often?" Luka asked.

"Hope not."

As Amanda helped herself to the backseat of the car, Carter and Luka stood looking down at it.

Luka scratched his head as he sat in the front passenger seat, his knees easily connecting with the glove box. "What kind of car is this?" His longs arms searched for something to adjust the seat with, finally able to breath easily as it pushed back.

"Ford Escort," Carter replied as he too adjusted his seat position. "Gotta pay Emily more money."

The car lurched over the ruts in the seldom used service road that snaked through the wooded area of the rear of the Carter property. Past the pond, the vacant caretaker's house, then finally to the end where the awaiting Sheriff's deputy opened the gate.

The ride to County itself was uneventful and very quiet. Luka and Carter thought about Sean and, as an occupational hazard, started predicting where in the operation the surgeons were probably at. Still in the chest, Anspaugh would still have quite a bit to do in the belly, and orthopedics would be chomping at the bit to get in there at the end.

"I notice you didn't tell Sam about your plans," Carter told Luka quietly.

"Well, yeah. Some things are better said in person. Especially with Sam."

The trip back to the hospital felt like it took forever. Considering they weren't in the souped up Jag, and Luka wasn't driving with a vengeance, they were taking longer. But it seemed like an eternity. Luka turned around and checked behind them almost as often as Carter looked into his rear and side view mirrors. A few blocks before the hospital, they slowed behind the rubber-neckers gawking at the police presence still investigating the shooting at the hotel.

"Hey," Amanda almost shouted sitting up straight and pointing out the window, "that's Sean's hotel. It has a real pretty name. The Blink Bonnie. Can we stop?"

"No," Luka spoke up, "we don't have time."

"Please? I want to say good bye." Finally the car inched forward away from the hotel, Amanda keeping her eye on it and the red lights flashing. "I wonder what's wrong. How do you suppose Sean will get any sleep with all that going on?"

"Sean caught an earlier flight out." Lies were coming easy to Carter with regards to Amanda. It made him wonder how much his own parents lied to him. But after the incident at the house he worried that if he told her the truth she'd bolt out of the car. A convenient lie.

"I didn't get to thank him," she said.

Luka turned around and stared at her. He couldn't help it. The lights from the streets rhythmically poked in through the windows and bounced off her shiny red hair. She looked so much like her mother. "Thank him for what?"

"This." She reach inside her shirt and took out a fine gold necklace, holding the pendant out for Luka. "He got it for me at a little store called the spawn shop I think."

"Pawn shop," Luka corrected her.

"Yeah. Lots of cool stuff and jewelry," she said as Luka reached back and took the small charm in his hand stroking the two hands holding the crown and heart. "It means love, friendship and loyalty or something like that."

"That was very nice of him. Very special."

"Yep. He said we're friends now forever." Her smile was broad as she hid her new necklace back inside her shirt again. "Bloody best blokes," she announced in her best imitation of Sean. Her giggle was contagious and innocent. Luka couldn't help return the smile even though he knew the truth.

Carter pulled into the ambulance bay and parked next to Luka's SUV. Suitcases and gear were in the back, the carrier secured on top, but Sam and Alex were not there.

"Hey Jerry," Luka called towards the Admit desk as the three of them raced into the ER, "where's Sam?"

"Lounge. I heard about your friend, Sean…"

"Yeah," Carter said cutting him off nodding towards Amanda, "he caught an earlier flight."

"Jerry, I need you to do me a favor." Luka glanced at Malik standing nearby as well. "You too, Malik. Go outside and stand by my SUV. Make like you own it, okay?"

The two shrugged at each other before stepping outside. "Yeah, okay." Any chance to get outside, and the roach coach complete with donuts was still open.

"Luka?" Sam met him at the door to Trauma-2 where he and Carter had gone to change out of their shirts into clean scrub tops. "Oh my God, what happened to you two?"

"I can't explain now." He tried to be calm. "Can you take Amanda into the lounge?"

"Why do we have to leave right now?"

"The bad spies are on our tails," Amanda matter-of-factly pointed out as she interrupted Luka and Sam, "so I get to go on vacation with you. But I have to warn you, I don't much care for boys. They're so childish."

Sam looked incredulously at Luka wanting so badly to be able to say something. Her eyes, his half scowl each communicated much without saying a word.

"Here comes Elizabeth," Carter announced as Dr. Corday came down the stairs into the ER. "Guess they're ahead of the game." But as she passed the elevator and Anspaugh got out joining her in the walk towards Carter and Luka, it suddenly felt like a huge lump had developed in his gut

"Take Amanda to the lounge," Luka repeated, as Corday and Anspaugh got closer.

"What's going on?"

"Just do it," he said firmly as he connected with Sam's eyes. "And don't let anyone talk to her."

Guiding Amanda towards the lounge, Sam looked back over her shoulder at Luka who stood with his arms folded in front of him nervously rubbing his sore face.

The surgeons motioned Luka and Carter back into the empty trauma room.

"I understand that the patient was a good friend of yours," Elizabeth softly spoke. The tone of her voice was all they needed. They'd seen it before - done it before, all too many times. "The injuries were just too extensive. He had the best chance - we were in his chest within twenty minutes of the shooting, but there was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry."

"There wasn't an organ untouched. His bowels were a mess," Anspaugh added, "his body just gave out."

"When?" Carter asked.

"About twenty minutes ago." Anspaugh was so good at being formally unaffected. Decades in the military tends to do that. "Told Kerry to call us when you two got back."

"Will you be okay?" Elizabeth reached out and gently touched Carter's arm as he unconsciously put his hand over his mouth.

He nodded, then cleared his throat. "Is he still upstairs?"

"Yes," she replied, "they're just finishing closing him up."

"I want to see him… before he goes downstairs."

"I understand. I'll let them know."

Kerry Weaver watched from outside as the surgeons gave Carter and Luka the news. "Frank, page Dr. DeRaad and get him in here. If he doesn't answer his page in ten minutes I want you to call him at home." As Anspaugh and Corday exited the trauma room, they traded nods of understanding with Kerry who remained in the hall to give the two men time to be alone.

They stood together, but apart, each in their own thoughts - each with their own doubts and guilt, deep sadness and self pity. Parlayed together, these emotions trickled out in ways that defined who Luka and Carter were: the deep thinking, self blaming once husband and father, and the son of opportunity and wealth for whom money never bought happiness and who never quite felt worthy enough to achieve such happiness on his own. Both had succumbed to their destiny, yet neither wished death to come for someone like Sean who had given selflessly for others he never knew, and who always provided a friendly ally regardless of fault.

Carter finally sat down on a chair and buried his head in his hands, not weeping, not yet, but rather exhausting his disorganized emotions. His back to Carter, Luka kept shaking his head as if to discount the death notice Elizabeth had just given them. The stool on casters provided a measure of relief for him as he shoved it violently across the room with his foot letting it crash into the stainless steel trash can in the corner.

"Toomay…" Luka finally mentioned.

"I'll call her, and Sean's sister. You have to get out of here."

Nearly colliding with Kerry in the hall, the two made their way to the lounge where Sam was keeping Alex and Amanda confined.

"… and that's a pancreatic tumor. Ten inches. Cool, huh?" Alex pointed to a large photograph in a medical journal.

"That's a spleen, dummy," Amanda admonished him with a roll of her eyes. "And it's in centimeters."

"Come on," Luka said as he grabbed his jacket from the back of the sofa, "we have to go now." He was emotionless, the color drained from his face.

"Don't you think we should talk about this?" Sam almost begged.

"I'll take the kids out to the car," Carter offered.

"This trip was supposed to be about us, the three of us, getting away from here - being alone."

Luka followed Carter, his hand on Sam's arm, not wanting to waste time. "Look, Sam, either Amanda comes with us or I stay here and help Carter take care of her."

"It's not fair."

"No," he conceded, "it's not. But her life is in danger."

"And it's okay to attach that danger to us?"

"I don't think they'd be looking for us, Carter's going to keep up appearances here for a while. Please, I owe this to Bob. Sam," he stopped short of the SUV, out of hearing range, and reluctantly whispered in her ear, "Sean was killed tonight. He was my friend and I couldn't save him." His voice cracked as he let down that wall just enough for Sam to reach around his waist and hold him in her smaller arms, her head buried in his chest. He could feel her nod her head and that's all he needed.

"Amanda?" Sam asked.

"She doesn't know. I can't… not now."

"You have everything?" Carter asked Amanda as she jumped into the back with Alex.

"Yep. Suitcase, backpack and vest." She had put the vest on. It was much too big for her, but that suited her. "I'm on a mission just like my mom and dad."

"Yes you are." Carter pasted on a meaningless smile and startled when the girl threw her arms around his neck giving him a big hug. "Whoa, I'll see you soon, I'm sure."

"I know. But you're going to be lonely in that big house all alone. Emily is nice and all," she said as though speaking from years of experience, "but she's just not your type, and she's, ya know, old."

"Let's go," Sam ordered as she jumped in the front seat. "I'm the keeper of the secret destination and I will spoil no one."

"Give Toomay my love," Luka told Carter as they stood next to the driver's door. "I'm sorry you have to…"

"It's okay. You get going. Take good care of her." They both looked in at the girl. "I know it's going to be hard, she's so much like Colleen…"

"But she's not Colleen." Luka dipped his head and took in a deep breath before reaching out and sharing a brief hug with Carter. "Take care."

"Be safe," he returned as Luka got in the SUV and pulled out leaving Carter alone in the dark, quiet ambulance bay. Once back inside, he grabbed a pair of scrub pants from a rack in the hallway before going back into the lounge. Still empty. He'd left his locker wide open earlier, nothing had been touched. He leaned against the wall of lockers resting his head against the cold metal before slowly undoing his pants.

"Hey, Kerry thought you might need some ice," Abby announced as she made herself welcome, ice bag in hand. "Looks like you got a bruise starting on your temple."

"No thanks." He took his soiled pants off not caring what she saw.

"You want me to leave?"

"You've seen it before."

"Okay, uh… hey, you want to talk about…"

"No, Abby. I guess I want to be alone."

"John." A new voice, Carl DeRaad, entered from the other door. "I heard that you suffered a loss. A friend?"

"Abby and a shrink. I smell Kerry Weaver all over this. Did you bring a specimen cup Carl? How about you, Abby?" he whined as he tied the drawstring and put on some sneakers he kept in his locker. "Grieving really isn't a team sport. Maybe it is in the psych department, but definitely not in my family."

"I think I'll leave you two," Abby spoke quietly, "call me if you want, okay John?"

"We couldn't communicate when we were sleeping together," Carter lashed out knowing full well the door hadn't yet closed behind her, "and suddenly she thinks that Sean dying will change all that?"

"You want to tell me what happened tonight?" DeRaad asked, purposely ignoring Carter's selfish snit. "You look like you've been pushed around."

No, he didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to explain things. "I'm going to have to talk about it when I call the camp in Uganda and tell Toomay whose husband was Sean's best friend. I was there the first time when we had to tell her that Joseph's brains were blown out in front of us and landed on Luka." DeRaad let him go and listened. "And I'll have to talk about it again when I call the Alliance and tell them that their regional director who grew up in war torn Ireland and spent most of his adult life dodging civil wars in Africa was murdered in his hotel room in downtown Chicago. And there will be more talking when I call his sister in Ireland. So you'll have to forgive me if talking to you about it is not a priority." Slamming his door shut, Carter walked over to the sofa and parked himself, not sure what he wanted to do first.

"You treated him?" Carl asked sitting in a chair beside him.

Carter nodded.

"You did every thing you could?"

"Everything but listen to him."

"What do you mean?"

"We - the staff - talked to each other, talked to him, but we didn't listen to him. He tried to talk, but we were so hell bent on getting him upstairs that I didn't care enough to listen. I intubated him - shut him up." Leaning forward, Carter picked up the small book of Irish phrases Sean had given him and held it in his hands, then got up from the sofa and restlessly paced the lounge.

"What would you have talked about?"

"I don't know."

"What did you want to say to him?"

Carter simply shook his head and stopped at the lockers long enough to slam them with the palm of his hand a couple times.

"I didn't get to," he said as he punched, finally folding his hand into a trembling fist.

"Didn't get to what, John?"

Sliding down the lockers onto the floor, Carter pulled his knees up into his chest and buried his face as he finally allowed himself to cry. He cried for Joseph, and Todd. And now for Sean. He cried for the first time since he came back from the first trip after he had been tortured. Really cried.

"What didn't you get to do?" Carl asked as he squatted down next to Carter.

"I didn't get to say goodbye."

"It's not too late."

(A very few song lyrics from 'Sigma', a haunting Irish songthat Sean had been listening to after Todd's death in PC2, previously properly attributed, have been deleted 5/03/05 as per site administrator's new regulation. The complete original text of this fic can be read at LUKAFIC)

The OR was empty save for Sean's body covered on the table in the center of the room. Carter walked in and hesitated before taking the sheet down from Sean's face. It was white - he was so white. The ET tube was still in place per regulations. The pathologist would remove it, but Carter couldn't leave him like that. Finding a syringe, he deflated the cuff and pulled the tube out that he put there himself. The tube that had silenced Sean. It seemed so cold and sterile, quiet and benign. So unlike Sean. His spirit was gone. Carter had seen many dead bodies in his career. He's had a patient's heart in his hand when life ceased, but never before had he realized the passing of the spirit until now as he took in the contrast of the flat, lifeless body before him that had once belonged to a man who embodied a spirit of goodness and friendship - a spirit he shared freely with no prerequisites and no expectations of anything in return.

"You've had your ticket for a long time, my friend. No holes in your pocket."

Laying his hand on Sean's surgical draped chest, Carter reluctantly closed his eyes and said what he needed to in his thoughts, for himself and for Luka, and for everyone back at the camp who would feel his absence just as much as they would, even more.

Pulling the little phrase book from his pocket, Carter opened it to a page he had previously chosen. "Go n-éirí on bóthar leat." Hestumbled over the pronunciation, but maintained his composure as Sean would have liked. "Slán agus beannacht leat." He paused, then added the translation for his own benefit. "May the road rise with you. Goodbye and blessings on you." The book went back in his pocket and he covered Sean's face one last time.

"Best blokes."