Well, well. This story is getting interesting. What's with the story, huh? You'll find out in due time...and I'm telling you all of this from a goddamn hospital bed, but not in real life. LegoMan727...I will get my revenge! (shows large bump from hammer whack)
Responses:
Gunpowder Wizard: Yes. If the people believe in white noise, then it is real because people believe in that. Very profound...
Anters: I'm glad to see that!
Ri2: Like I said before, everything will be revealed in due time, my friend.
Nintendo Nut1: Don't worry. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. And now that I think about it, Link's saying that he has a brain sounds like something the scarecrow in Wizard of Oz would say.
ShebytheDogDemoness: It is, as they say, hinky. Don't worry, things won't stay that way for long.
LegoMan727: Why, thank you! And of course you can use the avatar. You already have a description of me in my Amazing Race story, so here's a little rundown on my personality, for reference:
I'm kind, compassionate, and polite; I make friends easily, and my favorite character in Tales of Symphonia is Colette. I am eccentric at times. I also command respect and decency, but I will fly into a rage if either is lacking. I have a tendency to be vulgar in use of language if I get mad.
Side note: I tend to fall down the stairs a lot.
The Derringer Plantation House, Nelson's Landing
"Why did we come here?" Fox complained as his nose was burned by the overwhelming stench of mud. The land surrounding the mansion the mayor called home was surrounded by mud, unstable ground, marshy creeks, everlasting cypress and the occasional gator jumped out at its prey. Fox, Krystal, Link and Zelda had decided to help the police in their investigation and was now walking on a boardwalk running over the marsh. "This is so sick-looking..."
"I told you to stay home if you didn't want to come!" Krystal snapped, balling her hand into a fist. "I warned you this would be messy..."
"Even then, this place is almost uninhabitable." Link noted with scorn. "The land's too marshy, the water unclean and the air is thick with decaying plant matter."
"What I don't get is why the killer didn't dump the body into the bayous." Zelda said. "It would have sunk like a stone in this crap."
"Maybe the murderer was in a rush." Link answered. "At any rate, we've reached our destination." He pointed ahead of them to an opulent manor, sparkling white in the sunlight and framed by cypresses that seemed to caress the house. Krystal would have found it beautiful if cops hadn't roped off the scene and worming around the grounds. "Act cool, okay?"
"I know what we're doing." Krystal strolled up to the officer next to the gate, and asked, "Can we see the crime scene?" She also pulled out a laminated card and showed it to the officer.
"You must be the NLPD advisor." He said. "Go on in- hey, who are these people?" He pointed to Link, Zelda and Fox.
"They're my crew." She answered.
"Very well. Pass boss." Fox was stunned, to say the least.
"How did you do that?"
"It's a bit of a long story..." Krystal said.
Flashback: 2 Hours Before Arrival
"You've got to believe me, Master Hand; this is just like what happened in the book I'm writing!" Krystal was voicing her case to Master Hand and Crazy Hand (the latter of whom began to boil water with a welding torch) and was also showing them the document on the computer she wrote last night. "I'm telling you, this is too much of a coincidence to be just that!"
"I don't know..." Master Hand said.
"Just look in the paper and compare the two. You'll see." Master Hand grabbed the newspaper from Crazy Hand (who unknowingly set himself on fire with said welding torch) and compared the main article with the document.
"This is rather disturbing...and you wrote this?"
"It's my first shot at mystery, okay?" Krystal snapped. "I never expected this to happen, though! Just let me-"
"Very well...here's a pass." Master Hand said. "I'll also tell the NLPD (Nelson's Landing Police Department) that you're an advisor for them."
"Thank you! And tell Crazy Hand he's on fire. Literally." She strolled out of the chambers while Crazy Hand was running around in an erratic pattern in a futile attempt to put himself out. Master Hand sighed and threw water on him, which abruptly ended the inferno but left Crazy Hand as black as a moonless night in winter.
"Ouch..." Crazy Hand said.
"Well, if that isn't like Crazy Hand..." Fox said. "I hope he doesn't burn down the mansion..."
"I don't think he will." Link and the others strolled through the plantation and made their way to the family room. The once-beautiful white walls were now stained with streaks and splatters of blood. A human head, scalped and devoid of skin, was lying near the entrance, and Zelda nearly fainted at such a sight. In the recliner, a naked body of a female was bruised, battered and bloodied, and left in such a horrendous position that Link nearly puked. "By Farore's Wind... what the hell happened here?"
"I don't like this..." Krystal said. "It's even worse than in my book!"
"You the advisors?" an officer matter-of-factly asked. Getting a series of nods from the four, he explained, "Okay, so here's what we got: the mayor was discovered at 2:30 am in this state, and there's blood all over the walls."
"We can see that, officer." Zelda replied. "So why are we here?"
"Well, we frankly need a second opinion." The officer answered. "So, you have any experience in criminology or investigation?"
"Um...no, but we can tell if something's hinky..." Link replied, muttering, 'Geez, Krystal, you could've at least known about this...'
"Meh, close enough." The officer said, surprising the Hero of Time. "Oh... and here's some basic software and equipment for you." He handed them a bunch of compact disks with various crime scene software, a luminal gun, some cotton swabs, etc, etc. "Just don't mess it up too badly, okay?"
"Fine..." Krystal and the others soon got to work on the crime scene. She herself got to work on the dead body; it was carved through with a knife and almost impossible to tell the cause of death. She then decided to look over the condition of the body, and noticed something sticking out of the body's privates. Removing a pair of tweezers from the crime kit, she pulled out a male pubic hair (yes, I said pubic hair. Shut up.) from the remains and stuffed it into a small plastic bag.
Link had taken to examining the blood spatters staining the walls and noted with scorn some of the various cracks in the wall near one particular blood spatter, as if someone was trying to destroy that part of the wall. With a hint of curiosity, he swabbed down all of the blood on the wall and placed it into a bag before starting up the stairwell to the second floor of the mansion.
Fox, meanwhile, had faintly smelled blood somewhere in the manor, and it wasn't from the walls. Following his nose, he wound up at the kitchen, where an officer was searching the fridge for some food. He laughed somewhat and wormed over to the sink, where he thought the smell of blood was the strongest. Grabbing a flashlight, his senses hadn't betrayed him: the lining of the drainpipe was stained crimson with blood. Grabbing a wrench, he unscrewed the pipe from its place under the sink and casually dropped it into a bag, continuing his search for clues.
Zelda had taken to skimming over the witness' account of the murder; she sighed as she mulled over all kinds of documents, statements, bills, anything that would give them a lead. Finding nothing of any use, she told Krystal: "There's nothing here that looks suspicious, nor are there any ambiguities in the witness' statement."
"I found the sink's drainpipe full of blood." Fox replied, holding up the rusty metal pipe. "I'll have it tested later to see if it is the victim's blood."
"I found this...um...hair in the victim's you-know-whats." Krystal muttered matter-of-factly. "It looks like every detail in my book matches this murder."
"How disturbing..." Zelda said, shivering from fright.
"Um, GUYS?" Link shouted from the second floor balcony. "I found something you might want to look at..." Tramping up the stairs, they followed Link's voice to a room in the mayor's chambers that was covered in newspaper clipping. "What do you make of this?"
"And you're calling my room messy..." Fox quipped as he picked up some of the newspaper strewn about the floor.
"Let's see... 'May 13, 1979-September 18, 2000: David Hanover Clemenceau- a young man who will never be forgotten.'" Link read. "Sounds like something from the Obituaries column..."
"Wait, read me the name again." Zelda commanded, scrutinizing one of the clippings.
"David Hanover Clemenceau...what are you getting at, Zel?"
"Look at this article." Zelda said as the other three peered over her shoulder. "'On September 18, 2000, just before midnight, cops were called to the Terradiddle Public Library in downtown New Orleans because of a car crash that sent the driver, 21-year-old David Clemenceau, hurdling through the window and killing him on impact.'"
"The mayor was interested in his death." Krystal realized, putting a hand to her mouth in surprise.
"This is a surprise..." G. F. McLeod said as they were greeted by two people outside the station, a boy and a girl. The young man was 17, with blonde hair and blue eyes rimmed by a monocle in his left eye. The girl was 15, with the same blonde hair and blue eyes as the first, except she had a gold headband running across her forehead. "Who are you two?"
"I apologize for this unexpected assignment, but Chief Andrews assigned the two of us to aid you in your investigation." The young man replied. "I'm Lucas, and this is Sharice." He motioned to the girl, who waved.
"Well, I certainly didn't expect this..." F. R. Lombardo replied. "Do you have any experience in the field?"
"Well, I can aid in interrogations." Sharice replied. "And Lucas here worked as an apprentice to a forensic investigator."
"Good enough." Lombardo replied. "Welcome aboard."
"Hey, Krystal!" Link yelled from the doorway of the computer lab. "Dr. Mario has the autopsy results in!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming..." Krystal answered, saving her work and logging off the computer.
"The-a cause of death-a was blunt force trauma to the head-a." Dr. Mario explained, pointing to where a bit of the muscle on the head was purple. "The-a killer-a then raped the dead body and de-a-capitated it soon after, shaving-a off the flesh."
"Why do they do that?" Krystal asked.
"Some killers don't want their victims to be identified..." Link stated.
"Anyway-a, the dental records-a do identify the-a body as Cheryl Rogue, the-a mayor of Nelson's Landing." Dr. Mario replied.
"Yo, whaddaya all doin'?" The group turned to see the ever-cocky Falco Lombardi standing in the doorway of the medical lab. "Whazzup?"
"Um, this." Dr. Mario showed him the head of the deceased mayor.
"HEY!" Falco winced. "Don't show me that shit! I ain't eaten lunch yet!"
"Sorry." Krystal replied. "We're investigating a murder, and Dr. Mario just finished up the autopsy. Do you want to help?"
"Might as well, since you killed my appetite with that shit..." Falco stood next to Fox, and Dr. Mario continued his lecture.
"As I-a said, the-a cause of death-a is blunt force trauma, but I discovered an unusual fracture in-a the skull." Dr. Mario placed an X-ray on the lights, and it showed a side view of the skull with a weird crater in it. "See?"
"Whoa, hold da phone..." Falco snatched the X-ray and stared intently at the skull fracture. "Looks like something hard and narrow was forced into the skull, like a crowbar...see how the fracture is all narrow?"
"Hey, you're-a right..." Dr. Mario said. "I'll-a look this-a over, you-a all get some-a lunch or something, okay-a?"
"Not very likely..." Falco muttered.
Krystal, Fox, Falco, Link and Zelda sat together during lunch to discuss the case.
"What I don't get is all the newspaper we found in the mayor's room." Fox wondered. "Why did she have all those newspaper crap?"
"Maybe she had some kind of doubt about the death?" Zelda questioned. "It's rather weird for someone to be obsessed over someone's death..."
"Yes, but we're interested in the why." Link replied. Someone tapped his shoulder, and he turned to see an angry Saria bearing down on them. "Um, yes?"
"Why are you sitting with them, huh?" Saria demanded. She was a new recruit in the tournament, and predominantly used nature-type spells. She was sweet and outgoing, but you wouldn't want to get her mad. "Do you hate us?"
"No, it's not like that..." Link sweatdropped. "We're investigating something..." After she left, he sighed. "I don't know if we can keep this a secret any longer..."
"I'm confused at the place, quite frankly." Krystal replied. "I mean, what kind of a name is New Orleans?"
"Maybe dey was 'igh on pot when dey named da place." Falco said.
"I don't know..." At this point, Master Hand unusually burst into the cafeteria, scaring the crap out of some of the Smashers.
"Krystal!" he bellowed. "You and the others better come with me. Dr. Mario wants you to see something."
"What's going on?" Krystal asked, as they rushed on over to the medical lab.
"You WHAT!" Krystal yelled.
"I-a had managed to lift a partial-a fingerprint off of the body." Dr. Mario replied. "It's-a on the screen. Also-a, the-a blood from the destroyed wall-a that Link got-a had two-a sets of DNA."
"One was of the mayor, and one was unknown." Falco said.
"Exactly." Dr. Mario said.
"But what of the accident case?" Zelda asked. "It was odd to see all those newspaper in her room..."
"Accident?" Master Hand asked.
"She was interested in an accident case from 5 years ago, in New Orleans." Link explained. "But we have no idea where to start..."
"Try going back to Nelson's Landing." Master Hand said.
"But why?" Fox asked. "That doesn't make sense!"
"Yeah!" Krystal said. "What are you trying to pull, huh?" The next five words Master Hand said would surprise and shock all in his presence:
"Nelson's Landing is New Orleans."