Return to Camelot

Part 8

J.R. was in a foul mood, as he parked his Cadillac Allante' in the driveway at Southfork. He drove to the ranch to get some more clothes to wear while he stayed at Dallas Memorial Hospital with Sue Ellen. J.R. turned off the engine, and removed his key from the ignition. He climbed out of the car and walked around the car to get his garment bag from the trunk.

J.R. closed the deck lid, and threw the empty garment bag over his shoulder, as he walked toward the house. J.R. walked through the kitchen, and glanced around the room. The room was the same as it had always been, but without the warm and inviting presence of Sue Ellen in the house, the entire house felt empty to J.R.

Bobby walked down the staircase, as J.R. walked into the foyer.

J.R. nodded his head, and gruffly said, "Mornin', Bob."

Bobby said, "J.R., I . . . I'm here for you if you want to talk about the baby."

J.R. growled at Bobby, saying, "I don't want to talk - period."

Bobby thoughtfully stared after J.R. as he watched him quickly race up the stairs. J.R. opened the door to his and Sue Ellen's bedroom, and rapidly closed it behind him. J.R. angrily tossed the garment bag on top of the bed. J.R. rubbed his face with his hands in a vain attempt at staving off another rush of emotions he would have little control over.

J.R. uttered a slew of swear words under his breath, as he pulled half a dozen shirts out of his closet, and three or four pairs of jeans. He walked to his dresser drawer and grabbed a handful of socks and underwear, and violently stuffed them into his garment bag.

J.R. pulled the zipper on the garment bag closed, as he glanced around the empty room. Tears fell from J.R.'s eyes, as he thought about what might have been, and how different his and Sue Ellen's life would have been, if only . . .

J.R. bitterly muttered, "What's done, is done," as he closed the bedroom door behind him, and walked down the hallway.

Bobby met J.R. at the foot of the stairs, by the entrance to the dining room. Bobby reached out his hand to get J.R.'s attention, but J.R. viciously glared at Bobby, and pulled away from him, refusing to talk to anyone about what he was going through, or how much he resented God for taking away his and Sue Ellen's baby.

Bobby had suffered the emotional strain of numerous miscarriages when he and Pam were married. He understood the full spectrum of the range of emotional ups and downs J.R. was going through. Bobby desperately wanted to console his eldest brother.

Bobby shook his head, knowing full well that no matter how badly he wanted to offer his support, he couldn't say or do anything, until J.R. was ready to accept his loss.

J.R. raced his car through the midday traffic on Interstate-35. He sped in and out of lanes of traffic, not caring whom he cut off, in the process. The more enraged he became as he thought about how cheated he truly felt, the faster he drove. He had no idea how fast he was going until he saw the flashing red and blue signal lights of a Texas State Trooper's vehicle in his rear-view mirror.

J.R. applied pressure to his brakes, and slowed his car down before pulling his car off to the side of the freeway. J.R.'s car came to a stop on the soft shoulder of the Interstate.

J.R. reached up to his visor, and pulled his registration papers out of a case that was mounted underneath the visor.

J.R. shifted in his seat, and reached into the back pocket of his jeans, and removed his wallet, He pulled his driver's license out of his wallet, as the State Trooper tapped on his window.

The Trooper spoke, "Good Morning, sir. Umm . . . do you know how fast you were going?"

J.R. shook his head in disgust, and sarcastically said, "No, but I'll bet it was a hell of alot faster than the posted speed limit."

J.R. handed the Trooper his license and registration, as he leaned back against the headrest on the seat of his car. The Trooper walked back to his vehicle to instruct dispatch to run a motor vehicle registration, and drivers' license check on John Ross Ewing, Jr.

J.R. rubbed his hand over his forehead, angry with himself for getting pulled-over for speeding.

The Trooper walked back to J.R.'s car, and asked, "May I ask you why you were traveling ninety miles an hour, in a zone posted for no more than sixty-five miles per hour?"

J.R.'e eyes brightened as he quickly thought of an excuse, "Officer, my wife is stayin' at Dallas Memorial Hospital. She has suffered a miscarriage, and I was on my way back there to see her. I guess I just got carried away. I'm sorry."

The State Trooper, although sympathetic, had made an oath to uphold the law. He regretfully gave J.R. a speeding ticket. J.R. yanked the ticket out of the Trooper's hand, and tossed in onto the passenger's seat of his car. J.R. started his engine, and checked his side-view mirror, before merging into traffic, leaving a cloud of smoke and dust in his wake.

J.R. loudly cursed, "Damn it!"

Sue Ellen heard J.R.'s familiar knock on the door to her room, and said, "Come on in, J.R."

J.R. gave Sue Ellen a half-smile, as he closed the door to her room, and placed his garment bag over the back of the recliner.

Sue Ellen softly asked, "J.R. what's wrong?"

J.R. looked at Sue Ellen. He carefully studied her, then said, "I've got to go for a walk, Honey. I'll be back."

Sue Ellen called after him, "J.R., please don't go?"

Sue Ellen flinched as J.R. closed the door behind him.

Sue Ellen climbed out of bed to go after J.R. She walked toward the door, and stepped into the hallway. She saw the outline of J.R.'s profile, as the elevator doors closed, obscuring him from her view. Sue Ellen stood motionless in the hallway as tears fell from her eyes.

Bobby knocked on the door to Sue Ellen's room several minutes later.

Sue Ellen was hoarse from crying, as she asked, "Who is it?"

Bobby replied, "Sue Ellen, it's me, Bobby. May I come in?"

Sue Ellen was relieved that Bobby had come to the hospital. Perhaps he could find J.R., and bring him back to her room?

Bobby said, "How are you feeling, Honey?"

Sue Ellen cried, "Oh, Bobby. J.R. just left. He said that he needed to go for a walk. I'm so worried about him. What if . . . "

Bobby stopped her, as he put his arms around her shoulders.

Bobby said, "Shh, it won't do you any good to get upset. Sue Ellen. I'll go see if I can find him, if you'd like?"

Sue Ellen said, "I'd like that very much, Bobby. Please hurry?"

Bobby said, "Don't worry, Sue Ellen. I won't leave the hospital until I've found him, I promise."

Sue Ellen lifted her head, and said, "Thank you Bobby. I don't know what I'd do, if . . . "

Bobby kissed the top of Sue Ellen's head, and said, "I'll be back as son as I find J.R.."

Sue Ellen wiped at her tear-stained cheeks, as she watched the door catch in its frame.

The elevator doors opened in the hospital lobby. Bobby stepped into the lobby, and glanced around. He didn't see any sign of J.R., but he wasn't going to give up that easily.

Bobby wondered if J.R. might have gone outside, to walk around the hospital grounds? Bobby walked out of the entrance to the hospital, and started looking for J.R.

Bobby looked at his watch. It was almost five-o'clock in the afternoon. Sue Ellen was probably frantic with worry by now, he thought. He decided to walk back to the elevator, and give Sue Ellen the news that he couldn't find J.R. Bobby slowly walked past the hospital chapel, and half-heartedly glanced inside.

J.R. was sitting on one of the pews by the pulpit, in the front of the chapel. Bobby tilted his head to one side, surprised at finding J.R. inside the chapel. Bobby walked toward the front of the chapel, and touched J.R.'s shoulder.

J.R. lifted his head, and blankly stared at Bobby.

Bobby said, "I don't want to bother you, J.R., but Sue Ellen asked me to come and find you. She's worried sick about you."

J.R. whispered, "Why? Why did we have to lose the baby, Bobby?"

Bobby knelt on the floor next to J.R. and said, "I wish I had an answer for your question, J.R. I'm sorry."

J.R. stood up from the pew, and walked over to the stained glass window behind the pulpit. He lifted his finger and touched the face of the baby Jesus depicted in the arms of the Virgin Mary. J.R. lowered his head, unleashing a torrential stream of tears. Never before had J.R. permitted himself to feel so much emotion.

Bobby sat on one of the pews, waiting for J.R. to release his anger and frustration over losing the baby.

Bobby's eyes filled with tears as he listened to the unfamiliar cries of his older brother, as J.R. helplessly wept for his and Sue Ellen's unborn child. Minutes passed like hours, while Bobby waited for J.R.

Bobby wanted to comfort J.R., and tell him that over time, he and Sue Ellen would come to terms with their loss. Instead, Bobby decided that it would be better to let J.R. grieve. He would wait for J.R. to approach him, when he was ready to talk.

J.R. fell to his knees on the floor of the chapel. "God, why have you taken our baby from us?" He silently asked.

J.R. continued his silent prayer, "I can understand your punishin' me. I know that I haven't been the best husband or father that I could have been, but why punish Sue Ellen? She would have loved our baby as much as she loves John Ross, maybe more. That child would have come into this world to a family who would have loved it and nurtured it, and . . . Please God, help me to understand? Help us both to understand. I'm not a religious man by any means, but I do have feelings and emotions, and right now I have nowhere else to turn. I feel so damn responsible for Sue Ellen losin' the baby. If only I had known, if we'd both known that she was pregnant, maybe we could have done somethin' to save the baby's life. Please, God, help us . . . "

Bobby wiped at his eyes, as he walked over to his older brother. J.R. knelt on the floor of the chapel with hands clasped together on his knees. J.R. turned his head when he heard Bobby's footsteps behind him. J.R. lifted his head, and looked up at Bobby, his eyes were red-rimmed, and bloodshot from his tears.

Bobby said, "Come on, J.R., let me take you back to Sue Ellen's room."

Bobby offered his hand to help J.R. off of the floor. J.R. grunted as he rose to his feet. J.R. reached for Bobby, and hugged him tightly to his chest. Bobby raised his hands to J.R.'s back, offering his silent support for his brother's time of need.

J.R. pulled away from Bobby, and whispered, "Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby and J.R. walked out of the chapel, and down the hallway toward the elevators. Bobby stopped when he and J.R. reached the door to Sue Ellen's hospital room. J.R. turned round, and hugged Bobby.

J.R. hoarsely said, "Thanks again, Bobby."

Bobby merely smiled at J.R. and watched as J.R. opened the door to Sue Ellen's hospital room. Bobby turned around and headed toward the elevators.

Sue Ellen lifted her head from her pillow, and smiled at J.R. She climbed off of the bed, and ran into J.R.'s arms. J.R. closed his eyes as he held Sue Ellen tightly to his chest.

They held each other for several minutes, then J.R. spoke, "I'm sorry that I walked out of here the way I did, Sue Ellen. I hope you understand my reasons for leavin'?"

Sue Ellen lifted her head, and held J.R.'s shoulders, as she softly said, "I'm just glad you came back to me, and that you're all right, J.R."

J.R. sighed as Sue Ellen leaned her head on his shoulder. J.R. swayed back and forth, as he lovingly held Sue Ellen in his embrace.

J.R. pulled away from Sue Ellen and said, "I want you to know how committed I am to our relationship, Sugar. I don't want to close the lines of communication like I did when I walked out of here, before."

J.R. paused, then continued, "I hope that you don't think I failed to protect you and the baby, Sue Ellen?"

Sue Ellen stood on her toes, and tenderly kissed J.R.

Sue Ellen said, "I don't blame you at all for what happened, J.R. If anything, I blame myself for not bein' more aware of what was goin' on. Maybe, if I had known? I know my body, I should have known somethin' was wrong."

J.R. stopped Sue Ellen, and pulled her back into his arms . . .