Hey all, this is the first fanfic I've written. Thanks for all the positive support that you've given. I am finally allowing anonymous posts as I didn't even know I was excluding them, I could care less if you're known or not. Hope you all enjoy this one, its a bit more angsty than the previous ones, but I really like it.
Part 1.4: Wounds too Deep to Heal
It was very dark now, twilight had descended upon the Leaf village as huge, ominous storm clouds hung overhead, casting huge patches of shade over the village. No moonlight was able to pierce through, with only the candles and lights in the nearby homes and stores to provide any illumination at all. 'How ironic,' thought Kakashi, 'a storm has descended upon our village. I wonder, is this a sign of things to come? I certainly hope not.' Tsunade's office had emptied, but he had decided to stay behind in order to back Tsunade. She was now talking to Hyuuga Hiashi concerning the upcoming examinations.
"You still wish for me to accompany them on their exams?" said Hiashi. The normally stoic man was showing signs of anger in his voice, even though he was trying very hard to hide it.
Tsunade crossed her hands, her elbows on the table for support and placed her chin on her fingers. 'This must be the last thing she wants to discuss right now,' thought Kakashi.
"Yes, as much tension as has occurred between the Leaf and Cloud, I think a strong showing from the Hyuuga clan could smooth things over between us," she said. "I just think that if you go, it will be showing you hold no ill will towards them.
Hiashi crossed his arms and stared at her in disbelief. "No ill will," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "thanks to them, my brother is dead. Not to mention that they almost kidnapped my daughter, and even as useless as she is, she still possesses a main house bloodline that could be deciphered by the Cloud. They are nothing more than a gang of murderers and thieves; you should be on your knees thanking me for even letting Neji go. Despite that he is a branch member, he's the real progeny of our clan, and if anything happens to him, I'll hold you personally responsible."
Tsunade laid her hands hands flat against the table and stood straight up. She was visibly annoyed by the last comment, but Hiashi stood his ground against her. She talked very slowly, trying to keep her voice level ('she seems to be doing that a lot today,' thought Kakashi.) "I understand your concerns Hiashi, but despite what you think, this village does not revolve around you and your clan."
This time it was Hiashi's turn to be annoyed. He openly scowled at the last comment. Tsunade allowed herself a slight grin at having irritated Hiashi. However, Hiashi continued on his tirade. "Well that's all well and good 'Hokage-sama', but you may have overlooked the slight detail that I'm supposed to be dead to the Hidden Cloud."
"No, I did not actually," said Tsunade in a determined calm, "you will not be going as Hyuuga Hiashi but Hyuuga Hizashi. I have already sent this through the appropriate channels in your clan and they agree with me on this. Besides, it's not like the Hyuuga would risk sending a main house member anyway, so your disguise should fool them."
Hiashi looked like he would very much like to hit Tsunade for that last comment. "So, you went behind my back to make sure that I went on the damn trip did you?"
"That's one way of putting it," said Tsunade, in a tone full of self-assurance. 'She looks like she's just won a major battle,' thought Kakashi, 'She really is quite a capable Hokage.'
Hiashi was now fuming. Kakashi could detect faint hints of the Byakugan showing in his eyes. He finally let out a long breath and replied, "Fine, it looks like I don't have a choice anyway."
"Excellent, we're leaving tomorrow so be sure to get a good night sleep," she replied in an overly sweet voice.
Hiashi stormed out of the office his long hair whipping behind him. He was visibly upset, more so than Kakashi had ever seen him. He didn't realize how deep the Hyuuga's hatred for the Hidden Cloud ran within them. As Hiashi thundered through the doors leading out of the Hokage's office, he stopped and looked to his right. Kakashi had stood outside of the Hokage's office listening to the entire conversation. He looked over lazily at Hiashi, smiled under his mask and gave him a slight wave. Hiashi seemed like he was ready to explode, but then slowly turned his head in the opposite direction as something else seemed to catch his eye. Kakashi leaned forward to get a glimpse of what he was looking at.
Over on the left side of the doors stood Hyuuga Hinata. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, yet she refused to look directly at her father. She instead stared at the ground in front of her, seemingly determined not to cry. Hiashi simply shook his head and walked off. Kakashi could have sworn he heard him mutter "useless" under his breath as he stormed off away towards the Hyuuga grounds.
Kakashi looked up at the sky again. The darkness in the sky, while having an ominous feeling, also held a kind of beauty he thought. 'It was in weather like this, that he...he..." Kakashi stared at the ground, trying desperately to hold back the emotions he had tried for so many years to hold inside himself. Remembering it was too painful, all the happy memories with the man he regarded as his best friend, even his brother. He slammed the back of his head against the wall he leaned against. 'No, he thought, now is not the time to reminisce. Regret will not bring him back.' He touched the left side of his face, under which the Sharingan laid. He sighed deeply, but then pushed it from his mind. He slowly turned around and was about to walk back into Tsunade's office, but it seemed Hinata had beat him to the punch. She was standing before Tsunade looking very nervous. She was fidgeting quite a lot and she clamped her fingers against themselves.
"What is it Hinata," said Tsunade in a very sweet and motherly tone, "do you have a question about the upcoming exams?"
"N-no Hokage-sama," Hinata was stammering pretty badly. 'Well,' Kakashi thought, 'she did just receive quite the verbal beating from her father.' "Its just that, I was...wondering whether I'm, well, good enough for such an important mission."
Tsunade seemed quite taken aback with this comment. Hinata refused to meet her eyes, but continued with her speech, her eyes drifting to the side. "It's just that, I'm not the best when it comes to missions, and...I mess up a lot...and I just think that maybe there's another genin that could do a better job than me."
Tsunade bent her knees so that she was now on eye level with Hinata. She wore an expression of grave concern on her face. She took a hand and placed it against Hinata's cheek, gently moving her so that she was now eye to eye with Tsunade. "Listen to me Hinata," her voice very firm, "don't listen to what your father or anyone else says about you being weak. You're as strong as you believe you are, and personally, I believe you will be able to pull off this mission with flying colors. In fact, I'd wager that you will become a Chuunin by the end of this."
"But, doesn't Hokage-sama always lose with her wagers?" replied Hinata.
Tsunade looked a little annoyed with the last comment but continued on. "Despite that, you have to believe in yourself. I refuse to relieve you of this mission. Your other teammates will be counting on you to pull through with this mission, and you wouldn't want to let anyone down would you?"
Hinata didn't answer at first, but eventually shook her head in a definite 'no'. "Well, then its settled. Whatever the outcome, always know that you are strong Hinata, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."
Hinata bowed deeply as Tsunade once again came to her full height. Tsunade smiled pleasantly at her as she left. As Hinata turned to leave, she ran straight into Kakashi. She bowed in embarrassment and hurried out. Kakashi chuckled at this, "Pretty motherly aren't you?" he said.
"Comes with the job I guess," she said. Her tone hardened again, "So what should we be expecting on the trip there."
Kakashi leaned against a nearby table and replied lazily, "It really should be kind of uneventful. I don't think that the Sound would make a move on us and risk causing an incident that would make them lose their amnesty with the Hidden Cloud. My question is do you really think it's a good idea for yourself to leave now?"
Tsunade looked at him thoughtfully and replied, "Relations with the Thunder Country take top priority. If we can come out of this exam with a full fledged peace and partnership between us, we could use the Thunder's help to get our village back on its feet."
Kakashi eyed her in surprise, "You're going to attempt full-fledged peace with the Hidden Cloud? That's something that a Hokage has never done in the history of this village. We've always had our differences with the Thunder. It seems that neither will allow the other to be the strongest of the Nin-nations."
"Well, things are different now," replied Tsunade, "it really is time for a complete peace between all of the nations. And the Leaf will be able to take care of itself for now. My apprentice Shizune will be handling the details while I'm gone. Its kind of a vacation," she added jokingly, "no paperwork for a good month."
Kakashi chuckled mirthlessly at this. "I shouldn't have to remind you Hokage-sama, but don't let Orochimaru's presence distract your judgment from the mission at hand. If you really do intend for complete peace, the Sound cannot distract you from that matter."
"I know," replied Tsunade, "now please leave Kakashi, I have to prepare for tomorrow. Kakashi bowed slightly and then left Tsunade to contemplate the events that were laid before her.
"Team Gai, over here," yelled out Gai shortly after the meeting. The genin had just begun to file out. Lee rushed quickly over to his sensei and TenTen quickly followed suit. Naruto was much slower to go towards his sensei. His mind was plagued with thoughts of Sasuke. He wanted to scream, yell, to lash out at something or someone. Anyone, anything, something just to sate the anger that seethed within him. He finally made it over to Gai. He looked at his teammates, both of them had solemn looks on their faces as well. In fact, he didn't see a single genin that looked even remotely happy about the current situation.
"Tomorrow," Gai said, "we begin our journey to the Nation of Thunder. Now I know most of you feel a little downtrodden due to the recent events, but we must persevere. The Chuunin exams are a time where the villages' youth passionately strive to show everyone their most amazing abilities and their strength, honor, skill, and discipline. Why, I can still remember my first, and last, Chuunin examination. Surely amongst all of the candidates there, the judges could just not keep their eyes off the beautiful azure beast before them known simply as Gai." He ended this speech with his usual whooping crane pose complete with ocean background.
Naruto only looked up half-heartedly, his mind was elsewhere. TenTen seemed to only care feebly about Gai's annoying behavior. Even Lee, who usually went into a frenzied excitement every time Gai did something like this, could only smile weakly at his sensei.
Gai looked at his students and quickly composed himself, laughing nervously, "Well, enough with that," he said, "I guess everyone's had a lot to absorb today. So go home and sleep for today, but tomorrow, I have prepared a most rigorous training regiment for us while we are on the road. It will surely be our key to a victorious Chuunin exam."
At the words 'rigorous training regiment' Lee's eyes perked up and he quickly went back into his Gai-worshipping mode. "Oh WOW! Isn't Gai-Sensei incredible? He has already prepared a most assured winning strategy for us. No doubt with Gai-Sensei's help, all of us will come out victorious." He then proceeded to give his usual nice guy pose to the rest of the group.
"Thank you Lee," replied Gai, "but for now, I want you all to return home and get a good night's rest, for tomorrow, we begin our path to success.
And with that, the team separated, Lee staying behind to talk about how great Gai was and see if he could get an early start on the training regiment. TenTen walked in the opposite direction, not really wanting to be seen with either Gai or Lee. Naruto walked away form his house, he didn't feel like sleeping yet, his mind was far too full from today's events.
He walked down the streets of Konoha, with only the light from nearby windows to illuminate his way. He caught glimpses of genin telling their parents of today's news, or different families in general spending time together. Naruto looked down at the ground and continued to walk forward. He didn't want to see such sights; they only reminded him of what he thought he once had and how quickly it had been taken from him.
'Sasuke,' he thought. The last memories he had of him was that of Sasuke transformed into a hideous monster, hellbent on killing him to achieve revenge, no matter what the cost. Naruto never really figured out why his death was necessary to achieve revenge, but reasoning with Sasuke wasn't an option at that point in time. All he knew is that the person he had regarded as a rival, a friend, and a brother had betrayed him and taken away the happy memories of their rivalry and friendship. They were replaced with deep feelings of hatred and treachery, but the memories of their bond still lingered within him. The conflicting emotions left a pain greater than any he had felt before within him.
He seemed to walk on for hours as the clouds overhead became more ominous than before. Suddenly, he could feel cool water begin to hit all around his body. The weather only amplified his mood as he made his way into a dark alley. The rain seemed to pour harder, drenching him, leaving him with a very heavy feeling. Suddenly, he couldn't take anymore, his emotions reached their boiling point, and the pain was too much to bear...
"AAAHHHHH," Naruto screamed as loud as his throat would allow and punched a nearby wall with as much force as he could muster. He had used the hand he had injured earlier in the day, but none of that mattered. The pain didn't matter, the weather didn't matter, nothing mattered to him anymore. He broke down and sobbed uncontrollably, hitting the wall with his balled up fists as the rain seemed to only augment the setting. 'Why,' he thought, 'I almost felt complete, like I really had a family and people who cared about me, and then I was betrayed. Is this my fate? To always be alone. It's not fair, not fair, NOT FAIR!!'
He was crying more than he ever had now. He leaned the crown of his head against the wall he had been beating as the water trickled down through his hair. His hands were bleeding now, and the water from above seemed to wash over them and carry the blood down further on his arms, into his sleeves. 'I just want to end this pain, is that so much to ask for?'
He could have sworn he had heard someone call his name. He turned his head slightly to see a figure in the rain. The figure came closer and revealed itself to be Lee. His normally poofy bowl cut now stuck closely to his head, and his green jumpsuit looked much like it had in the beginning of the day; it looked black it was so soaked. "Naruto," he called again.
"Go away," said Naruto, his voice full of malice. What was Lee doing here? Didn't he have some ridiculous exercise to do?
However, Lee did not leave. Naruto could hear his footsteps get closer as he splashed through the rain, the sound echoing down the alley. Naruto felt Lee's hand grasp his shoulder gently. "I know how you must feel Naruto."
Naruto turned around quickly, knocking Lee's hand off of him. He charged at Lee, grabbing him by the collar of his jumpsuit and slammed him full force against the opposite wall. The water bounced off of the wall from the impact and hit Naruto in the face.
"DO YOU THICKBROWS!?" he screamed, "Do you think you really understand what I'm feeling. This pain, this misery, do you think you've ever felt something like this before? ANSWER ME!" Naruto didn't know why he was lashing out at Lee, more than likely because he was the closest living thing in the vicinity. However, Lee did not flinch, or struggle in his grasp. He simply stared at Naruto with his thickbrowed eyes. It seemed like an eternity before one of them spoke.
Finally Lee said, "I don't know Naruto. Maybe I don't. I've never had as many precious people as you, but then again, I've never lost one before either."
'What is he talking about,' thought Naruto. Admittedly he didn't know that much about Lee, but he must have parents, siblings, friends who cared about him.
"You see Naruto," continued Lee, Naruto still grasping him by the collar of his jumpsuit, his blood starting to stain the collar and run down it, "I do understand the pain of being alone. I was born into this world without parents, siblings, or anyone who cared about me who didn't have to. As I grew older I was just seen as dead weight, a useless person that the world had no real use for and a worthless man who would have made existence easier for everyone else if I simply did not."
Naruto's expression softened and he loosened his grip slightly. "But then," continued Lee, "I met my first precious person. Gai-Sensei is the only person in my life that can truly be considered more precious than anyone. Gai-Sensei believed in me and saw existence in my life where I did not. He gave me purpose and someone precious that I could protect. He also gave me the knowledge that a person is strongest when they must protect those who are precious to him. He taught me something very important. You see Naruto, we aren't gods or pillars of stone, we're humans, and as humans we not only feel physical pain, but also the pain of loss.
"But, don't you see Naruto," continued Lee. Naruto now listened intently; he was still very angry, but thickbrows seemed to be making some sense. "The pain you feel right now is proof that you are strong. True, you are no doubt feeling hurt, lost, and confused, but the fact that you feel these things only proves that a bond was formed between you and Sasuke; an unbreakable one that cannot be destroyed by betrayal, strife, or malice. It runs far too deep to be ruined so easily. The fact that you regard Sasuke as a brother is evident, and the pain you feel is the same I would feel if Gai-Sensei were to leave or give up on me, as he is the most precious person in my life. So in a way, I do understand your pain Naruto, and I revere that kind of pain as 'a beautiful sadness' because it is proof that you are strong."
Naruto stared at Lee in disbelief, if he ever expected to hear something insightful like what he had just heard, it would not have come from thickbrows. Naruto slowly let go of Lee's jumpsuit and took a few steps back. The imprints of his bloody hands were now entrenched on it but that didn't seem to bother Lee. "I just, don't know what to do now," said Naruto.
"You mustn't give up Naruto. The amazing bond formed between you two will come back full force as long as you don't give up on Sasuke. I'm sure he'll come back into the fold someday." And with this, Lee gave Naruto the usual nice-guy pose. "I promise."
Naruto smiled feebly and then returned the gesture. He looked at Lee's jumpsuit. "Sorry about attacking you thickbrows."
"Think nothing of it Naruto," replied Lee, "I've got about a hundred of these things at home." Lee began to leave down the way he came in. "Oh, and Naruto," Naruto looked up at Lee again, "I don't know if I'll ever have someone as precious to me as Gai-Sensei, but I do have many precious friends. And I will defend them with my life as well, because that is what makes me strong."
Naruto turned to leave as well, feeling much better than he had. He stopped suddenly when he heard an "Oh Yeah, and Naruto," behind him. He quickly turned around and heard, "How's about you start calling me Lee instead of thickbrows from now on?"
"Yeah, whatever thickbrows," replied Naruto.