Author's Note: Well... -long pause- Erm... I'm back! -sweatdrop- I profusely apologize for the wait. My life has been, well... I guess you could say it's been "normal"... for me, at least... but... it's been quite hectic. We just got back from vacation, and I never get anything done on vacation. Ever. And now I might have pneumonia. It's horrible, but... it's reality. Gosh, doncha just hate reality sometimes?

Carrie Underwood won American Idol! I was actually rooting for Bo, but... oh well. Carrie is amazing. Watch out, ya'll—you're going to see me in season six. I'll be old enough to try out next summer, and I'm going to make it on the show. Just watch. I'll give all ya'lls a shout-out when I do. -wink-

Oh man—LOST is over for the season. -gasps for breath- I think I'm going to die. Really and truly. No. More. LOST. -falls over dead- Oh well... everyone knows that next season is going to rock. If it doesn't, J.J. Abrams is going to be receiving about a billion angry fan-letters... all from me. -koff-

Speaking of LOST... Esse got it right! My inspiration for the "whispering voices" did, in fact, come from LOST. Had to place a tribute in there somewhere... but, I really don't like it. I'm considering taking that part out. I might just be too lazy, though. -yawn-

Anyways, I hope you like the chapter... same old, same old... blah, blah, blah... on with it.

—

Disclaimer: -yawn- I don't own Alice 19th... and all that jazz.

—

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Essence of Reality, who rightly answered my challenge in the last chapter. Congrats!

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Chapter X: Everything Burns

—

"No... Terje... don't!"

It was too late. I was always too late.

She couldn't save anyone. She couldn't even save herself. Not even herself...

The gun flashed... the bullet flew... the blood painted the walls.

Her blood... or someone else's...?

She could never tell. The vision was never clear. Yet, it kept returning... every night... but she told no one of it. No one needed to know. No one... no one should know. It was best... kept secret. One was never sure of the danger that lurked around every corner... every bend... every minute decision.

Were there really any truly minute decisions? Not in a darkness-tainted world, no...

Every little detail has repercussions... every decision, consequences.

Whether the consequences and repercussions are good or bad, only the action can decide.

The action, or... some higher power...?

The answer made no difference to her at that point in time. All she knew was what she saw... and what she saw, she knew would come to pass.

Sooner or later, it would come to pass.

—

Clementine found herself peeking through the window-coverings in her bedroom once more. She felt an overwhelming sense of deja-vu, but she didn't know why... she couldn't remember. It wasn't the first time she had drawn a blank on something she knew she should know. It was slightly... disturbing. Something inside urged her to merely come to terms with it... to merely blame it on a short-term memory... but her head told her that it was more than a mere slip of the mind.

Which should she trust: her mind or her intuition? She had trusted her mind her entire life... but it had betrayed her more than once. Could she really trust her intuition for something like this? Something inside told her that she shouldn't... that she couldn't... but she knew better than to trust in her feelings. Feelings betray people every day, and she wasn't about to fall into that trap once more. Not again... not ever again...

Should she trust her mind, then? The intellect has always been stronger than emotions... but it is still extremely fallible when not properly prepared or interpreted. Clementine knew that her mind was telling her that something was wrong... utterly wrong... but she couldn't put her finger on it. Her past had become nothing more than a black hole in her mind... she could remember every pivotal point in her life, but nothing more...

Was it merely coincidence that all the pivotal points in her life had harmed her or another in some way? She couldn't really tell.

Had her whole life really been that horrible—that filled with darkness? Was it even possible to have a life with no light in it whatsoever? Everyone should have a bright spot in their life... some happy memories to reflect upon when they lie awake in bed at night. But were there any for her? None that she could remember... none that she could remember...

Did that, however, mean that they didn't exist? Not necessarily... no.

Inwardly sighing, she let the drapes fall out of her now limp hand and turned away from the window. Her hair fell in front of her lowered face and seemed to glow in certain places from the light that filtered through the cracks in the window coverings. However, unlike her hair, her expression was anything but radiant—ruining the angelic aura that she could have exuded. For the moment, there was nothing in her mind... everything was merely blank. Blank... that's just how she felt. Blank, empty, useless, meaningless...

Eric was gone. He had left as she watched out the window. With him gone... she was supposed to feel free... wasn't she? She didn't... she felt caged... cold... afraid... and alone. I can never be free... the Mara in me is simply too strong... it has nothing to do with Eric...

...right...?

It had to be that way. It just simply had to... there could be no other explanation...

...or could there...?

—

The door loomed ahead. In appearance, it was no different than any of the other doors at the branch. However, looks can be deceiving, as Clementine well knew. There was an aura of darkness surrounding the room. It was nearly tangible... nearly visible. It was almost as if black tongues of smoke crawled under the door and reached for her—fingers twisting and writhing in the still air, beckoning her to come, yet chasing her away at the same time.

Rapidly filling her lungs with air in a slightly strangled gasp, she headed forward and turned the handle of the door. Her heart seemed to stop as the door creaked and opened into the room; it was pitch-black inside. "...Raje."

A dim light filled the room as Clementine winced in pain. It was becoming more and more difficult to use the Lotis as time wore on. Her neck was beginning to ache... it seemed to hurt less often, but when it hurt, it ached intensely. Leaning back against the wall, she closed her eyes and regulated her breathing until the pain began to fade. Once it became nothing more than a dull sting, her green eyes fluttered open and slowly scanned the room.

The furnishing was simple—a lot simpler than she had originally anticipated it would be. There was a mahogany desk near the window, surrounded by two tall, imposing bookcases full of books of different shapes and sizes. Papers were strewn here and there. She supposed that he wasn't one for organization. Those who aren't organized in thought usually aren't organized in action... She noticed that he had a simple sleeping mat instead of a bed. Interesting... yet, not much can surprise me at this point...

The rest of the furnishings and quirks of the room didn't interest her anymore. It wasn't what she had come for.

But... what... what did I come for...? She genuinely had no idea whatsoever. I just... I felt that I had to come in here... something that I need is in here... something... but I don't know what...

She extended her hand to leaf through a few pages of a random book that was lying open on the large desk. Suddenly, a black figure flashed through the air. Niru. Her eyes widened as her hand froze—completely unable to move. Matsu. Time seemed to freeze, but the light of "Raje" grew steadily brighter. Mudoru. She cried out in pain and fell to the floor—her hand now released and pressed against her neck in an attempt to stop the shooting pain. She felt something warm and liquid on the back of her neck. When she brought her hand away, she studied the shape of the blood stain to see how she was cut.

Disuri.

Gasping in disbelief, she sprang up from the floor. The rapidity of her jump caused a loud ringing in her ears, which was amplified by the curse seal on her neck. She screamed again—covering her ears with her hands and squeezing her eyes shut. The noise in her head was so loud and consuming that she could barely think... although she could have sworn that she heard someone... something... laughing at her from the shadows. There was only one word that rose to her lips in the middle of her desperate struggle.

"...Paasa..."

As soon as the word left her mouth, everything stopped; all feeling, all noise, all movement. A pile of letters fell to the floor from the bookcase, and Clementine scrambled up to grab them. Untying the black cord that bound them, she turned them over in her hands—examining them. There were over twenty of them... all with her name on their envelopes. With a frown, Clementine carefully opened one after the other—slightly glazed eyes scanning over each and every word.

Her eyes widened noticeably. Each of these letters... every single one... sent from Japan... from...

Frey.

As if on cue, memories began to play before her eyes. Things that she had forgotten so long ago... her mother... her friends; very few, but friends nonetheless... and... Frey...

Her eyes became glassy—filled with tears. ...how...? How could I have forgotten all of this...?

The memories continued on, but started taking a darker turn. Her hand started to burn, and she looked down at it—eyes narrowing in return. That's it. That's how it happened. The blood on her hand seemed to sink into the skin and burn a mark there. It wasn't a curse seal like the one on her neck...

"Just a reminder."

Head snapping up, Clementine narrowed her glare on the short blonde boy who emerged from the corner of the room. The "memory movie" had abruptly stopped. "...who are you?"

"My name isn't important, but... if you must know... you can call me Samuel." He smiled in an unsettling way as he cocked his head to the side. His attire was completely black, and he wore a long leather coat; Clementine immediately recognized him to be a Maram master.

"What are you doing here?" she practically spat at him—unsettled and upset. "Friend of Eric's, I presume?"

Samuel waved his hand in a placating manner. "No need to be so uptight. I was just... observing." There was that creepy smile again.

Despite herself, Clementine couldn't stop the warm flush that crept up her cheeks. He was watching the whole thing...? Everything? Then he saw me... he saw me use the Lotis? The situation could, potentially, turn out to be quite dangerous for her... and her reputation. But, then again, Eric also used the Lotis... but it was just for appearances, not personal situations like this. The Lotis couldn't save anyone, and all Maram masters were supposed to understand that... what could be the ramifications of using the Lotis for personal matters...? I suppose I'm about to find out...

"I was simply searching for something. No need to 'observe.'" She crossed her arms defensively and quirked an eyebrow—hoping to cover up the fact that she was flustered.

Stepping away from the chair he had been leaning against, Samuel took a few steps towards her—his grin turning almost malicious. "It seems to me that there is great reason and need to observe. A Maram master using the Lotis for clarity? For shame." He chuckled a bit as Clementine winced. "Don't worry—I won't tell Eric."

Clementine blinked in slight surprise. Why not...? "Shouldn't you be answering to him, or something?"

Samuel shook his head amusedly. "I answer to no one but Darva. Besides, I know that there's no reason to be worried... as long as you have hate, the curse seal of Disuri will do its job." He looked so smug... she wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face.

Suddenly, she had an idea. Maybe if I fish a bit... "Even without this curse seal that I knew nothing about before today... I wouldn't betray you. I made a deal with Darva, remember?"

Tilting his head back a bit, he laughed in a mocking manner. "Even a deal made with Darva rests on nothing but one's own conviction and feelings. You may not have the conviction of myself and Eric, but you have enough anger and hatred to match us evenly."

Clementine frowned a bit—watching Samuel intently. There's something in his eyes... some deep hurt... but I can't determine the source... "So... you're saying that, without my anger and hatred, I would have no reason to remain bound to Darva?"

Samuel shrugged. "It's your choice." He smiled again in a sickeningly sweet way. "However... do remember that we are always here to help you along the path of Mara. Never forget that we're always watching... always." With that, he faded back into the shadows and disappeared. Clementine shuddered as she watched him go.

I should have known... I should have known that they didn't trust me... I... I have no choice but to continue down this path... the path of the Maram...

—

Holding her head, Clementine whimpered a bit. It was early in the morning... the sun was beginning to appear... and all was completely and thoroughly still and silent. All, that is, except for her mind. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to ward off the barrage of memories that kept flooding back into her mind. Those blank spots in her past were beginning to fill up again... but, with every memory came a surge of unspeakable pain through her body and mind. The curse seal couldn't retain the memories anymore, but it could definitely continue to make her miserable.

There was no escaping the pain... that much she knew. It wasn't the kind of pain that drugs could kill... it was the kind of pain that could only be defeated by serene happiness and joy. However, searching the depths of her heart, she knew that she didn't hold the kind of peace that she needed... it was out of her reach. As long as the curse seal remained, she was bound to the ways of Maram. As long as her hate remained, the curse seal would remain. And... as long as he was still alive and breathing... her hate would remain.

He had ruined her entire life. Ripped her away from everything she had known... forced her into a new life-style ridden with anguish... and ensured that her life was nothing but torture. She was stained now... stained by the horrifying experiences that she had endured at the branch. If only... if only I had never listened to him... none of this would have happened...

Suddenly, a scream tore through the still air. Jerking her head up, she strained her ears to hear where it had come from. There was another scream... and another... and then... A gunshot!

Jumping up, she gathered her black coat close around her body and tore down the hall. It was easy to determine where the chaos was taking place; there were more and more screams as the seconds ticked by. A cold chill rippled down her spine. It all felt so... familiar. Just like a dream...

She rounded a corner and ran into the large front foyer... then stopped short. It is... it... it is... I knew this would happen...

The words spilled from her mouth before she even thought about it. "No... Terje... don't!"

Terje turned to face her. She could see the fear and insanity gleaming in his eyes. He opened his mouth in a gaping fashion, as if trying to say something, then shut it again. Finally, after several attempts, he managed to grind out a few words. "It has me... the Mara has me!" With that, he raised the gun... and fired.

Clementine didn't have time to move; besides, she felt completely frozen in place. At the last moment, she felt herself being pushed to the side by a strong gust of wind, and the bullet embedded itself into her left shoulder instead of her heart. Crying out in pain, she fell to the floor and just laid there—hoping that he would leave her alone if she just acted dead. She could feel the blood seep out of the wound... and she hoped that someone... anyone... would show up soon... before she lost consciousness.

A few minutes later, she heard another gunshot... and she heard Terje fall. He... must have... killed himself... There were other people in the room—she could hear their footsteps. Suddenly, she felt a surge of energy course through her veins... Jiva... Slowly opening an eye, she bit her lip as the last pang of the stinging pain faded away.

Once she opened her eyes, she wished that she hadn't. In fact, she merely wished that she had died... the he would have just let her die... so she wouldn't be faced with this. She was weak... too weak... she didn't know if she could go through with it. I know what I need to do... but... can I really do it...?

They were in a different part of the room... standing there... talking... he was taunting the others... and she had to make it stop—for good. Crawling along the floor to remain inconspicuous, she reached for Terje's gun. She fingered the trigger, thoughts of her past threatening to strangle her as her breath caught in her throat. You've done it once... you can do it again... That voice... it was back...

Once she was close enough, Clementine stood—wavering a bit, but focused on her goal. They couldn't see her... she was hidden in the shadows. Finally... finally, she was close enough. I must... no matter how much it hurts... I must fulfill my duty... to everyone...

She raised the gun. Time seemed to stop as she pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through the air... and found its mark. She knew that he wasn't expecting it... she knew that the others weren't, either. They didn't even know that she was standing there. Nobody would have been able to tell... but, for now... it was over. Eric fell to the floor. The bullet had torn through his heart from the back. He would die soon... she had won. Shuddering, she dropped the gun as the curse seal slowly disappeared from her neck.

As she looked back up again, her glazed green eyes met his bright ones that were opened wide in shock. "...C-Clem...?"

"Frey..."

—

Author's Note: Meh. Well, that's it. Worth the wait? I certainly hope so... I'm so, so sorry this took so long... school was crazy. I finally finished, though! No more school for the year! -dances-

So yeah... thank you all for your wonderful reviews. -smile- I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as possible... I promise!

Oh, one more thing! When All Hope Fails now, officially, has the most reviews of any story in the Alice 19th section! Thank you all so, so much! I'm so excited! -bounces-

Review Responses:

twilight eyes 8120: Hehe, well, thanks. Did I come through this bout of Writer's Block nicely enough? I certainly hope so... -sweatdrop-

Takame Kiriku: Yes—we are going to be seeing Clementine in the final showdown. And, yeah... hate Eric, but can't help respecting him... somehow. But he's dead now, so it's all good. -koff- I'm sooo excited about KH2, I can hardly contain myself! September is oh so far away! -is near death-

Liz: Haha, awkward. Such as awesome word. But not nearly as awesome as "kapoof." And no—I'm not planning on dying anytime soon so you can own it. -koff- Anyways... hope this one was worth the wait, as well!

Helbaworshipper: Yeah. Clementine is really confused as to what "side" she's really on... but, in the end, she's on her own side. -nod-

Arielle: Hehe, so, what would you rate this chapter as? I hope it was better than the last... because it wasn't supposed to be a filler. -sweatdrop- And I updated as soon as I possibly could! No more making me feel guilty! -cries- Just kidding... I so deserve it.

Medalladark: I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Essence of Dreams: That's okay that you didn't read it sooner! As long as you eventually read and review, I'm happy. -smile- Yes, I love angst... for some strange, twisted reason. I never used to enjoy it... I used to write light, fluffy stuff... but I really like taking a darker turn on things. -nod- Hope this chapter was up to your expectations!

June Antilles: Haha, did I let you down this time? Yeah—I hate filler chapters... -shudder- They are scum.

Becs: BECCA! -tackle hugs- Thanks for the review, darlin'! I'm glad you love this fic. I definitely try to live the story through my imagination... it's hard sometimes, but it helps! I hope this chapter was as good, as well.

Aidan: Never ask to be shot. Actually, never ask me to shoot you. Wise lad. -koff- I'm glad you were able to figure your way through it! It wasn't too confusing, was it...? -sweatdrop- Sorry 'bout that. I tried to make it accessible for non-Alice 19th fans... but it's hard after a while.

Leftoverthoughts: Thanks! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Oh, and I'm fifteen... -grin-