Bill's New Wife
Chapter 1: Just an Ordinary Day
This story took place in the city of Arlen, Texas. In a suburban neighborhood lived four somewhat redneck friends. Their names were Hank Hill, Bill Dauterive, Dale Gribble, and Boomhauer.
Hank Hill was the assistant manager at a propane store called Strickland Propane. Hank was tall and had a good, solid build. He had brown hair, and he wore glasses with thick, square rims. Most of the time, Hank wore a white shirt and blue jeans. When Hank was not at work, he would often spend time in a place known as the alley. This was a place in front of the fence that defined Hank's front yard. He would spend time with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer in the alley. They would stand around and talk about life as they sipped beers. Hank also had a very nice family. His wife was named Peggy, and she had puffy brown hair and wore glasses somewhat similar to Hank's, although the rims were not as thick. Peggy was a substitute teacher for Tom Landry Middle School, and she knew a little bit of Spanish. Hank had a twelve-year-old son named Bobby. Bobby was a little short and big-boned, and he had short, reddish-blonde hair. Bobby could be quite a handful at times, but Hank was still proud of his son. In addition, Hank's niece named Luanne Platter often lived with the Hill's while she went to beauty school.
Dale Gribble was the owner of Dale's Dead Bug. He was a bug exterminator, and his personality fit the job perfectly. Dale acted a little weird at times, and he always seemed to have a defiant attitude toward things he disliked. He was a little bit skinny, and he was never seen without his orange cap and sunglasses. Most of the time, he wore a dark brown shirt and blue jeans. One of Dale's bad habits was smoking. When hanging out in the alley, he always seemed to be puffing away on a cigarette. Dale had a wife named Nancy and a son named Joseph. Nancy had long, blonde hair, and she would sometimes date one of her friends named John Redcorn. He was of Indian descent, and he was Joseph's biological father. However, Joseph stayed with the Gribble's most of the time, so Dale seemed more like Joseph's father. Joseph had somewhat long, black hair, and he was slowly beginning to look more and more like John Redcorn as he grew up.
Not much was known about Boomhauer. He was tall and had short blonde hair. Boomhauer wore a black shirt and blue jeans when he was in the alley. One of his most distinctive characteristics was the way he talked. Boomhauer always mumbled everything and talked very quickly. He seemed to be able to do it very fluently, and it was amazing to the guys how he could speak like that.
Finally, Bill Dauterive was a barber for the U.S. Army. He took pride in his job, and he was very glad to serve in the Army. He was very patriotic to America, and he once put an American flag up in his front yard. While in the alley, Bill wore a white undershirt and blue jeans. He had brown hair that was balding in the middle of his head. Bill was somewhat overweight, and one could see his beer belly under his shirt. The depressing thing about Bill was that he got divorced several years earlier, and he never managed to get over it. What was even worse was that he was never able to hold a steady girlfriend since that time. Bill probably had the most depressing life of the four friends.
At this point, Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer were standing in the alley drinking beer.
"Yep," Hank said, sipping a beer.
"Yep," Dale said.
"Yep," Bill said.
"Mm-hmm," Boomhauer mumbled. They always said, "Yep" when they didn't have anything in particular to say.
Finally, Dale managed to come up with a topic. "Nancy's going to see Redcorn today," he said, holding his cigarette between his fingers.
"Dang, man, I'm goin' out with a dang ol' girl, man. She's purdy, man, talk about cute, man. Anyways, what's goin' on with you, Hank?" Boomhauer mumbled.
"Well, me and Peggy are thinking about going out to dinner sometime," Hank said smiling.
Everyone looked at Bill. He stood there innocently sipping beer. His head hung down, and he looked a little depressed. "What about you, Bill?" Dale asked as he prodded Bill with his left elbow. "You have any date with a girl or something?"
"Ah, not really," sighed Bill. "Haven't gone on a date with a girl in four years."
"Dang, man, you gotta get out more, man, talk about getting a dang ol' girl to take out somewhere, man, you know what I'm sayin'?" Boomhauer jittered.
"Nobody's right for me," Bill said. "I've tried going out with girls, but none of them like me."
"Oh, come on, Bill," Hank said. "There's got to be somebody out there that likes you."
"Not me," Bill said. He dropped his beer on the ground and trudged off to his house, which was next door to Hank's. The rest of the beer from the can poured out into the grass.
Hank sighed. "We've got to do something to get Bill a girlfriend. He's still depressed from the time his wife dumped him and from all the times that other girls have turned him down. I hate to see him like this."
"Yep," Dale said. "But what can we do?" he said.
"Well, we could fix him with a girl, I guess," Hank said.
"Where are we going to find him a girl?" pondered Dale.
"Dang, man, I heard they just opened a dang ol' single's bar in downtown Arlen, man. Talk about cool, man. We could take dang ol' Bill down there and let him mingle, know what I'm sayin'?" Boomhauer said.
"That's a great idea, Boomhauer!" Hank said. "We just have to get Bill to go to that single's bar and hook him up with a girl. If we're lucky, he might find somebody that'll be his girlfriend."
"Gentlemen," Dale said. "Operation Bill's Girl begins now," he said.