Daniel lay on his side staring at the wall as he listened to Janet humming to herself in the shower. It was well past time to get up - Cassie had already left for school - but he didn't feel like getting out of bed. He hated himself. He hated his life. He wished he'd died in that place rather than have to live with the memory of it.
He slowly massaged the side of his aching head with his fingertips. He couldn't believe how badly it was hurting. He figured he should have known that the way he'd felt the day before wouldn't last, but it was still disappointing to feel worse than ever the very next day. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he act like a normal person for more than a few hours at a time? He couldn't even make love to his wife, for God's sake.
Daniel groaned and covered his face with his sheets when he thought about what had happened the night before. He knew Janet hadn't held it against him, but he had still felt rather embarrassed about it afterwards. He also felt bad that he'd burdened her with the knowledge of what he'd been through. She didn't need to know stuff like that. Now every time she looked at him, she'd think about what he'd told her, and he'd know she was thinking about it, and everything would be all awkward and uncomfortable.
God, why hadn't they just killed him?
He pretended to be asleep when Janet came back into the bedroom, but she always seemed to know when he was faking. She came right over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, pulling the sheets down so she could see his face.
Daniel gazed up at her sadly for a moment before he answered, "Head's pounding."
Janet gave him that sympathetic look that he'd been expecting - the one that said she was thinking about what he'd told her the night before. Then she touched the back of her hand to his forehead. "You're a little warm," she said. "Do you want me to get you something? Tylenol?"
Daniel gave a slight nod. "Thanks," he said.
Janet forced a tiny smile. "I'll be back in a minute," she said. Then she stood up and left the room.
Daniel hated himself even more when he found he was wishing she would just leave him alone.
True to her word, Janet came back a minute later with two pills and a glass of water. She stood beside him while he swallowed them down, and then arranged his pillow and blankets more comfortably.
"Janet..." Daniel sighed, the pain in his head wearing his patience thin. "Please don't fuss. I'm fine."
She breathed a laugh as she stood up, putting one hand on her hip and running the other through her hair. "Daniel, if I can't fuss over you, I'll literally go insane," she said.
Daniel gaped at her. He wasn't used to Janet revealing her vulnerability and fear, but he was definitely seeing them now. He hadn't noticed until then how tired she looked, how dark the circles under her eyes were getting, and how loose her clothes seemed on her slight frame. He hated that he was putting her through all of this, but he realized in that moment that having him home to fuss over was probably the only thing keeping her going right now.
"Come here," he said, edging a little bit over to the middle of the bed to leave room for her on the edge.
"Daniel, you're not..."
"Just come here," Daniel insisted, grabbing her hand and gently pulling her closer.
Janet gave in and lay down beside him with her head on his chest and her arm draped across his stomach. Daniel arranged the blankets around them both and closed his eyes as they fell silent. He wasn't about to ruin the moment by saying anything, and it seemed that Janet wasn't, either. There really wasn't much to be said anyway. They both knew what the other was going through, but there wasn't a damn thing either of them could do to change it.
After a minute or two, Janet lifted her head and propped herself up on her elbow to look down at him. "I'm making your shirt wet," she said, fingering her damp hair and giving him an apologetic look.
Daniel couldn't help but smile. She actually thought he cared that his shirt was a little damp? "It's okay," he said. "I hadn't even noticed."
Janet touched the side of his face with the backs of her fingers again. "How's your head?" she asked. "Feeling any better yet?"
Daniel went to shake his head, but decided against it. "No," he said. "Still pounding."
Janet sighed and kissed his temple. "Well, at least you have the day off from Dr. Mackenzie," she said as she stroked his hair. "Dr. Warner will be stopping by this afternoon, so we can talk to him about it, okay?"
"Okay."
"Get some more sleep." She kissed his temple again and stood up. "I'll check on you every few minutes," she said as she tucked him in. Then she quietly left the room.
"Easier said than done," Daniel mumbled once he was alone. He hadn't slept much all night thanks to recurring nightmares that seemed to creep up on him as soon as he closed his eyes. He didn't think daylight would make much of a difference.
He tried, though. He tried clearing his mind of every unwelcome thought, but they crept in anyway. He tried ignoring the pain in his head, but it just seemed to get worse. He was still awake when Janet came to check on him, but he just forced a smile and complained of boredom so he wouldn't worry her. She didn't need to know that he was feeling worse with each passing moment.
That wouldn't have been so bad if it was just a headache, but he was starting to feel strange in ways that he couldn't quite define. He tried to tell himself it was just that he was tired and stressed out, but it was getting harder and harder to believe.
Soon after Janet checked on him, Daniel started to feel himself drifting off to sleep. His thoughts became muddled, and he found he couldn't open his eyes even if he tried. He figured it was the pain meds finally catching up with him, so he gave into it, and seconds later he was floating. He was still vaguely aware of what was going on around him, so part of him acknowledged the fact that Janet had entered the room again, but he couldn't seem to get past the falling-asleep part of the process - he wasn't awake, and he wasn't asleep. It was a strange feeling, but not an entirely unpleasant one.
"Daniel?"
He could hear Janet's voice, but it didn't really sink in that she was talking to him until moments after she'd spoken. He felt something touch his arm and heard her voice again. "Daniel? Daniel, wake up."
Wake up? Why should he wake up? He felt good in this state of limbo. No pain, no memory, no nightmares... if he could stay there forever, he wouldn't mind at all.
"Daniel!"
He opened his eyes and glared at her. "No!" he said before he even knew he was talking. Then he noticed the fear in Janet's eyes. He blinked heavily and looked around in confusion. "What... what just happened?"
Janet sank down onto the bed beside him and took his face in her hands. "God, Daniel, you scared me," she said between panting for breath. "You stopped breathing for a few seconds. God, I thought..."
Daniel stared at her in shock. Stopped breathing? What was she talking about? Why would he have stopped breathing?
"That's the second time that's happened," Janet continued in a shaky voice. "You start wheezing in your sleep, and then it's like you can't even breathe. Are you alright?"
Daniel nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think so."
Janet visibly relaxed and finally let go of his face to rest her hands on his chest. "Were you having a nightmare?"
"I... don't think so," he said, though he wasn't entirely sure. He felt as though he'd been feeling good, not frightened, but he couldn't quite remember.
"Okay. Well, just sit tight," Janet said as she rose to her feet. "I'll go get my stethoscope and check things out. You were given a clean bill of health a few days ago, but it doesn't hurt to make sure."
"Okay." Daniel sat up as she hurried out of the room, and lifted his shirt to look down at his chest and stomach. The red marks on his skin were still bright red, and while they felt normal now, he could have sworn they'd felt warm moments earlier.
But maybe it had just been his imagination.
Janet listened carefully to Daniel's lungs and didn't hear anything unusual. She listened to his heart, and it sounded fine. She wished she had more equipment than her stethoscope at her disposal, but as he seemed fine for now, she felt reasonably sure that they were safe waiting for Dr. Warner's visit later that day.
Reasonably sure. Not completely. The glassy look in Daniel's eyes had her worried more than anything. She couldn't find any signs of infection at a glance, and his temperature hadn't gone over 100 degrees, but who knew what kind of damage those aliens had done to his body? Whatever they'd injected into him, though it seemed to have been cleared from his system now, it must have been potent stuff if it had caused his skin to break out in boils at the time. That gave her an uneasy feeling that she just couldn't shake.
Daniel had no appetite all day, though he managed to choke down some toast at lunchtime. She hoped it was all just because of what he'd remembered the night before, or maybe even a virus that he'd picked up since he'd come home, but she kept a sharp eye on him at all times regardless. He complained when she moved him downstairs to the couch, but she didn't give in. She wasn't taking any chances.
Dr. Warner arrived soon after Cassie got in from school, and Janet told him all about Daniel's most recent symptoms. He immediately did what Janet had already done - checked on Daniel's lungs and heart, which both seemed fine. He then ran as many tests on him as he could, finishing off by drawing a few vials of blood.
"I can't find any problems," he said to Daniel once he was done. "I'll send this blood to the lab tonight, and I'd like you to come to the infirmary tomorrow morning for more extensive tests. I'm sure we'll know more then, but in the meantime, all I can suggest is rest, lots of fluids... and try not to worry too much, okay?"
Daniel nodded. "I'll try."
"And that goes for you, too, Janet," Warner said, turning to look her in the eye. "You look almost as exhausted as Daniel."
Janet shrugged helplessly. "When he's not sleeping, neither am I," she said. "The nightmares were coming fast and furious last night."
Warner nodded and patted Daniel sympathetically on the arm. "Do you have any concerns you'd like to mention before I go, Daniel?" he asked.
Daniel looked uncomfortable for a few seconds, glancing back and forth between Warner and Janet and then down at his hands. "I, um..." He cleared his throat and shifted position in his seat. "No," he finally said. "No, there's nothing. Just... the blood tests would tell you if anything's... changing... right?"
Warner glanced at Janet with a confused look on his face. "Changing... how?" he asked.
Daniel didn't answer. He just looked up at Janet from the corner of his eye, shook his head, and looked down again.
"Daniel?" Janet said, perching herself on the arm of the chair Daniel was sitting in. "If there's something on your mind, just tell us."
He shook his head again and laughed nervously. "It's nothing," he said. "I'm just tired. I don't even know what I'm saying." He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips and rested his head against the back of the chair.
"Well... don't worry, Daniel," Warner said as he gathered his things and packed them neatly back into his kit. "If there's something wrong, we'll be sure to find it. You just rest tonight. I'll see you in the morning."
"Okay."
Janet laid her hand briefly on the top of Daniel's head before she got up to see Dr. Warner to the door. By the time he'd left and she returned to the living room, Daniel was lying on the couch, curled up on his side with his back to the room. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"Fine," he said without moving to look at her. "Resting."
"Okay. I'm here if you need me." She waited a moment for his answer, but he didn't say any more. With a heavy heart, she moved through to the kitchen to make dinner for herself and Cassie.