How many times, we don't own anything. Well I own a rather nice hat and Jacki has a rather nice hairstyle but that's about it!

Toni sat in the brig of The Victory and thought about the finer ironies of life. Typically the name of the ship just had to rub in the fact that the pirates had lost this round. Toni shifted slightly so the chains holding her didn't chafe as badly. The battle, thinking about it the whole thing had gone wrong from the start. At first there were the fire breathing pigeons, not really that wonderful when ships are made from wood. Next there were the cannonballs which whipped through the mast and snapped it as if it was wood. Then there was the boarding, Toni cringed in remembrance as well as the fire breathing pigeons, the army had brand new technology in the form of whooping Mexican llamas, 52 of them to be precise, which was a lot seeing as there were only 32 members of crew. Norrington could be seen from the sky seeing as he was riding a huge llama in a particular dashing shade of pink. At the first sign of these llamas several crew members had dived overboard thinking that they had the madness.

Toni looked over to Jack who was probably still reminiscing over the loss of his ship. Not that it had been blown up but instead it was now under Navy command. '

I truly don't know what is worse' said a voice

'What?' startled Toni looked around, several of the pirates gave her odd looks.

'Look inside' said the voice

Toni looked and saw to her immediate curiosity that there appeared to be another sentient being within her. Coming to the final conclusion that this was Will Turner took another second.

'Oh no' thought Toni, 'this is definitely not my day'

'Hey I heard that,'

'Ok what do you want?'

'Look you need to escape from here'

'Well duh, so what do I do?'

'You wait for instructions!'

Toni thought this extremely helpful and said so,

'I am meant to WHAT?'

'I will contact you at a later time'

Well that pretty much took the biscuit for Toni, feeling well and truly fed up she decided to doze. Toni was woken several moments later to the yells of Captain Jack Sparrow as he was unchained and led away. That can't be good, we're still moving thought Toni, and found to her surprise that she and the rest of the crew were unchained and led up to the deck. To her utter surprise and horror, on the deck, was a portable gallows. Ah this was not good!

Will, Will do you have any ideas? Toni thought this an ideal time to consult her inner being

'No not yet'

'I thought you said you had a plan'

'Ah well I did, unfortunately that involved us being on land'

'Ahh well that' b a problem'

As the scene unfolded Toni spotted Norrington's smug face, although she did have to distinguish between him and his llama. Jack was definitely not winning any brownie points with going along quietly and as one of the Navy put a bag over his head, the crew looked towards Toni expectedly. She had no idea what to do, but as the executioner went tom pull the lever, she called out

'STOP, I thought your navy did everything within the rules?'

'That would be true pirate; we do not lower ourselves to your standards of bedlam'

'Then where, is that pompous ass who reads out charges?'

The look that crossed Norrington's face was beyond words

'Gillette' he yelled literally apoplectic with rage

Yes Commodore

You appear to have forgotten something

Yes and what is that sir

You can't have a public hanging if there's no one to read out the charges

Ah sir, but ….. I have an idea sir

Yes?

Toni could only hear the whispered the mumblings as the Commodore and Lieutenant Gilette, no doubt planned something worse than death for Jack. As Norrington turned and began to cackle evilly she could see that she had not been wrong in this assumption. As the crew held their breath Norrington spoke

'You pirate, are going to walk the plank'

The crew gave a sigh of relief; this was something Jack could do with his hands tied behind his back. The next thing Norrington said was not quite so wonderful

'Blindfolded, with a rope between your teeth'

Nope this news was not good; there was no way that Jack was going to survive this one. Whilst the crew were fixated on the action in front, Toni was trying to get the attention of one of the nearby fire breathing miniature pigeons.

'Brrr, brrr,' said Toni

'Brrr, brr' said the pigeon

Now only the most talented people can speak to pigeons. And Toni was especially skilled. Toni told the pigeon about Trafalgar square with free food and no work. The pigeon thought this a wonderful place and asked where it was. To which Toni replied, destroy that sail and I will tell you!

Unfortunately the pigeon mistook Norrington's head for a white sail, Norrington's arms went flailing about and Jack ended up in the water.

'Jack' screamed Toni and her inner voice also screamed at the same time. Although what happened next came as a surprise to everyone!

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