Disclaimer: I do NOT own Peacemaker Kurogane or Rurouni Kenshin. They are the properties of their respective creators and the Shinsengumi belong to history. This is an insanity fic not to be taken seriously.

I will try to address any questions and concerns raised with regards to my fics New Kyoto Post and The Japan Bulletin. Please send any suggestions my way! Thank you for your kind support of my previous ficcies.

Sake Shack LIVE! 1: Father-Son Reunion

(Kyoto Sake Shack. A group of pink kimono and apron-wearing women scramble about preparing the lights and sound equipment. A matronly woman with a naginata takes the mike. This samurai female is none other than Aunt Umeko of the Choushu. Yes, I know I wrote her death in the last issue of the Japan Bulletin. But this IS an insanity fic.)

Konbanwa (Good evening). Welcome to Kyoto's infamous Sake Shack where Choushu Ishinshishi and Tokugawa dogs alike hang out off-duty during the Bakumatsu. I am your host for tonight, Katsura Umeko…

Round of applause with Saitou and pack booing… until Umeko's personal assistant Nami throws a kunai at their table. Tokio hits her husband with her fan for his misbehaviour. (She left her naginata at home after the ban.)

Thank you, Nami. Tonight, we are here to…

Shack owner Nagi enters. "Umeko-san! But you're dead! I just went to pay my respects at your grave! How- Why- what's going on?"

This is an insanity fic. And sadly, I can't hold this show in my Umeya, considering some old pervert had a fire-spitting pyromaniac raze my restaurant to the ground during the Bakumatsu. Refreshments, Nagi-san?

Nagi goes to get drinks and snacks for the audience. He strolls over to a table with the Aoiya-gumi, much to Umeko's horror as she recognizes one old man.

OKINA? Who invited you? Okina gleefully blows mock kisses until Nami throws a kunai his way.

"Umeko-dono, seesha did… They are my friends…" Kenshin ventures from his seat.

Kenni, make sure that old pervert does not harass the ladies, understand? Nice to see your wife's with you…Where's your son? You got Yahiko babysitting him? Are you sure that's wise?

(Insert image of Yahiko screaming at Kenji not to break Kaoru's favourite vase in the Kamiya dojo, but Kenji breaks it all the same with a bokken, along with his mom's English tea set…)

Back to the show, welcome all, alive or departed to the Sake Shack. We are here to thrash out any lingering questions or issues. Tonight, we have a favourite…

Seta Soujirou steps into the tavern. "Excuse me. I need a room for the night…" He stops short as he recognizes several departed acquaintances. "Yumi-san? Usui? Great! I knew I should've gone easy on the sweets before bedtime!" Yumi is seated with Usui at the bar.

"Hey, brat! Shishio says you were such a letdown, he doesn't want to see your face..." Usui yells.

"Don't take it too hard, Soujirou. Shishio-sama's just busy running hell... and neglecting me." Yumi sighs.

Before Soujirou can react, he is surrounded by the Shinsengumi Comedian Trio.

"Aw, he's the splitting image of his father…"

"Where am I?" Soujirou decides that he really should be leaving. Things are getting freaky. He is lifted off his feet by Harada and hauled onto the makeshift stage.

Kyoto's Sake Shack

"KYOTO? I was in Hokkaido just ten minutes ago!"

This is an insanity fic. Seta Soujirou, we have arranged a family reunion for you...

"Family reunion? So they can torment me all over again? After I killed those (beeping-beep) for working me twenty-hour days, beating me up over everything and then trying to kill me…"

Okita Souji steps up to the stage. "Son, never use such language."

"Son? The last time I checked, my old man was a horny jerk with more mistresses than…"

"Soujirou! I am your real father!"

Soujirou is speechless.

Folks, isn't this a touching moment? Okita never knew he had a son till years after his death. And Soujirou thought he was a Seta when he's an Okita all along. How did this mix-up of fate happen? Let's have a flashback sequence. Projector, please…

"Umeko-san! Please! Not that night at the Red Lily! Man, I'm gonna be so embarrassed!" Okita scurries off to safety behind Hijikata.

"Hijikata-san, help! You were the one responsible for what happened!" Wolf-whistles and catcalls all around. Nami wheels out the projector and loads the reel. Soujirou sweat-drops mightily.

(Flashback to Tama's Red Lily Brothel)

"Hijikata-san, I think this is a rotten idea…" Kondo fidgets as Hijikata pulled a blindfolded Okita along. "Hush, you'll scare him. Souji, you can take it off now." Okita removes the blindfold. He is seated in a tea-room with his buddies around him, the Trio, Hijikata and Kondo.

"Happy birthday!"

"Where's the candy?"

"Okita, welcome to a man's world. Welcome to the Red Lily." Okita gives one big puzzled look. Hijikata whispers something into Okita's ear. Okita's eyes bug like a goldfish's.

"Hijikata-san! I'll get into trouble! You and that tofu seller's wife… then Sakura-san from the next door dojo… That maidservant from the Takagi place… Sensei Kondo almost had you seppuku-ed!"

"Okita, it's alright to do it here! We've got a very pretty girl for you…"

"And you thought we were drinking tea," Shinpachi snickers. "We're here to make a man outta you! Even Hei-kun has done it. You're the only one left, Sou."

"I CAN'T!" Okita tries to bolt but Harada is blocking the only exit.

"Aw, Souji, meet Kohana." A very flushed-looking Toudou returns with a pretty female. "Trust me, she's good!"

"Hei-kun! Have you been getting into Souji's birthday presents?"

"Maybe, you did ask me to choose a suitable one," Toudou flees with the rest in pursuit, leaving Hijikata with Okita and the girl.

"Hijikata-san…" Okita pleaded to no avail.

"Souji, get yourself laid before I see you again, a few cups of sake should get you in the mood." He leaves. Okita glances at Kohana nervously. He decides to take Hijikata's advice and swiftly downs five cups of sake. Kohana attempts to flirt with him.

"Hi, handsome…" she purrs and moves close to Okita. She is promptly annoyed when Okita drops his sake cup and scrambles clean across the room. He trips and falls face-first into the waiting futon.

(Flashback End)

The rest they say, is history…

The Sake Shack is shaking with laughter. Okita hides his face in embarrassment. Soujirou is gaping like a goldfish out of water. "So I'm the by-product of some coming-of-age party?"

"I guess so, sonny-boy…" Kohana adds from her seat by the bar. "I wasn't sure who your dad was, except he is NOT that rice merchant. I mean, he can't even get it up. And all his other children weren't really his… I had a nice chat with his wife downstairs. But you started looking like your dad when you grew up. Too bad I died so soon after your birth, or I'd be getting on with some hunk of a Miburou…" She bats her eyelashes coquettishly at Hijikata. Okita has a horrified look on his face as he steps in front of his superior.

The name?

"Well,Souji was the most memorable of my customers… Most guys give empty promises, he gives me candy and loads of apologies before I got him drunk enough to shut up… and he was convinced a mob ofirate brothers will be bursting in any second to…"

Let's let little Soujirou see his dad at his best. Nami? (Nami pops in reel.)

Screening of random flashbacks from the PMK anime of Okita. Okita pouncing on Hijikata in the middle of training, whining, "Toshi, you haven't played with me for a long time…" Okita prancing into town with Harada and Nagakura. Okita tripping off duty to buy candy. Okita playing with his pet pig and the orphans. In short, Okita when he is not being serious.

"Argh! My father's a frigging pansy!" Seta Soujirou reacts by promptly going into shock. The whole Shack is rocking with laughter, courtesy of most of the Ishin guys. Kenshin mouths "Give the man a break…"

Nami goes 'oops' and gets another reel. This time it is Okita at his best when he is swordfighting with various opponents, including Yoshida, Saitou and Battousai. Too late… A traumatized Seta has to be rushed off to Yukishiro Tomoe, the new in-house psychiatrist, for treatment.

"KOHANA! Keep away from Hijikata-san!" Okita whines as he tries to pry the mother of his illegitimate son off his best friend's chest. Hijikata's looking decidedly embarrassed.

A/N:

Er, the low down on Okita's birthday bash. Yep, I hope it goes down well… Kohana's a real flirt. Pouncing on Toshi like that. More potential father-son bonding, once Seta gets over the shock. Bad Nami… Yukishiro Tomoe as a counsellor?

Once more, suggestions and reviews are welcome!