Disclaimer: I do NOT own Peacemaker Kurogane or Rurouni Kenshin. They are the properties of their respective creators and the Shinsengumi belong to history. This is an insanity fic not to be taken seriously.

Glad the opening show was so well-received. Yes, Umeko's back… Great news, Umeko's Umeya has just received a new lease of life on a Shinsengumi Club forum. Refer to my profile. Due to the overwhelming response, I'm posting another chapter of insanity mid-week.

Lolo: Yeah, the coming-of-age rite (snicker). Well, that's the guys' definition of it. Poor Okita. Hanging about 'Big Brother' Hijikata did wonders for his love life, no? Poor lad grew up thinking if he does 'it' with a girl, her father/ brother/ husband's gonna come after him.

M. Kasshoku: Ryouma makes his first appearance in this fic. More on him later, I suppose. The pansy thing is one of my favourites. My first impression of PMK Okita was "Eh? Is that a girl? I thot girls weren't allowed in the group!" Seeing him with the pig and pouncing on Toshi didn't help much. Once he gets serious, well…

Maeko-Nohara: Calm down, cause there's loads more insanity coming up.

Sake Shack LIVE! 2: Laundry and Cooking

(In the back room of the Sake Shack, Yukishiro Tomoe has set up shop as a psychiatrist. Her first patient…)

Enishi fidgets uncomfortably. "Sis, is this alright? I am not a little boy, you know?"

"Hush, you'll always be a little brother to me," Tomoe strokes his hair with a gentle smile. He has his head resting on her lap. Of course, she's doing this only because she was a mother figure to Enishi in life.

Okina bursts into the room. "Woo-hoo! I need counselling! My turn!" Before Enishi and Tomoe can react, he tries to glomp Tomoe.

"Old perv!" Enishi grabs his sword and attacks Okina. They dash out with Okina fleeing Enishi's rage. "Creep! I'll cut you down to size!" Seta Soujirou stares as the old man and white-haired youth ran past him.

"Enishi, remember what we went through on anger management…" Tomoe yells after them. As they dash past the customers, there is more than one remark on the familiarity of the scene.

(Back on stage, Umeko has hauled up her next vic, I mean, guest.)

Himura Kenshin, you were known by many names, Shinta, Battousai, which was your favourite?

Kenshin blushes beetroot red. "Er, Shinta?"

"Baka deshi! That's not a swordsman's name!" A roar erupts from a shadowy corner of the shack. Hiko Seijirou, thirteenth master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, stands up to his impressive full height.

"Hiko-sama!" Two ninja girls pounce on him. "Where were you hiding from us all this while?"

Umeko ignores the commotion and resumes grilling Kenshin.

Shinta, you have had a life that is far from ordinary. Despite being a swordsman, you are known for your housekeeping skills. I know you were taught your culinary skills by a famous restaurant chef, but what of your laundry skills, before you were working for me, I mean, at a certain restaurant, you were known for your laundering skills.

"I owe it all to my shishou… he gave me a lot of practice." Kenshin said as Hiko flees the shack with two ninja girls in pursuit.

(Flashback reel)

Young Kenshin waited for his shishou's return from the sake shack. Hiko returns covered with blood and sake. "Shishou…" Hiko had gotten into a drunken brawl at the shack, as usual…

"Kenshin, wash this and I want it to be spotlessly clean! Or no supper!" Kenshin caught the master's cape. It is muddied, bloodied and reeking of blood and sake. Hiko staggers off to bed.

"Hai!"

(End flashback)

Kaoru raises a hand. "Excuse me, but how did Kenshin learn to cook like a master chef?"

That is another story. Nami, please?

(Flashback to the Bakumatsu era, shortly after Tomoe's death.)

Kenshin sat propped up against the far wall of his room at the Choushu HQ, a picture of utter desolation. Katsura and his aide gave a passing glance before going to the other room.

"I'm worried about the lad. He's fifteen, far too young… dammit! Kami, this is too cruel a blow even for a grown man. Tsuji, aren't you guys helping?" Katsura slams his fist against the tatami in an uncharacteristic show of emotion.

"We tried, Katsura-san, but none of us can reach him… We all feel real bad for them… Tomoe was a good girl… and Himura… The life just seemed to go outta him."

"Maybe a change in assignment…After all, we were all living at the Kohagi Inn with them. Tsuji, do any of the others need a bodyguard?"

"Er, Sakamoto…" On hearing a commotion in the street below, the duo rushes to the window to see the local patrol unit in hot pursuit of Sakamoto. Sure, they might be indulging any suicidal inclinations Himura has setting him up as Ryouma's bodyguard.

"Send him to my sister at Umeya. We need someone with level-headed wisdom and a gentle heart. If anyone can mend a broken spirit, she can…" They turn from the window, missing the sight of a naginata-wielding Umeko slugging it out with a restaurant customer who defaulted on his bill.

(End Flashback)

"Oh my, that is a way of dealing with bad credit, too bad it will not work with Sano…" Tae murmurs.

"Umeko-san, you were amazing! You brought Kenshin out of that depression alone?" Kaoru asks.

I had help from Nami and the girls, Sakamoto, and of course, Kenshin's other friends, Sou-chan and Sagara-san.

"Excuse me, Sakamoto was really not THAT helpful, Katsura-san ordered me to keep him away from his sister…" Kenshin ventures but is promptly cut off by Umeko.

Lots of support from friends and family… that's the key. Oh yes, Kaoru, practice is the key to perfection. Kenshin took several tries to get his tempura fish edible…

(Flashback snaps of Kenshin's stint at Umeya.)

Kenshin trying to fry a fish and jumping back as oil splatters out of the pan. Kenshin apologizing to a very miso-soupy Sagara after spilling soup all over him. Kenshin looking a tad squeamish as Umeko guts an eel in front of him. A red-faced Kenshin walking in on the head waitress taking her bath. Kenshin getting nipped in the ankles by a certain customer's pet pig. Kenshin getting hit in the head with a ladle, radish and tea tray by Umeko after he attempts to stop her from going to the Sake Shack with a certain dark, handsome gun-toting samurai. Kenshin fighting it out with a masked amber-eyed intruder using a Gatotsu stance…

(Flashback ends amidst applause and much laughter)

"Ah, those were the days… Too bad Sano and Katsu aren't here…" Sagara murmured wistfully from the Sekihoutai tables.

Did I hear a request? And maybe a chance for a decent reunion of friends, who though were on different sides of the conflict, were still friends…

Hijikata flinches. "Souji… She better not be speaking of what I think she is…"

"Aw, Toshi… it was so long ago…ne?" Okita bundles Kohana into a broom closet and away from his Toshi.

"Toshizou? Is there a problem?" San-nan asked innocently from where he is sharing a sushi platter with Akesato and her male companion, Sakamoto. Umeko has not noticed them yet…

"Hey, San-nan, is it alright with you letting her hang about that weirdo?" Hijikata asked San-nan as he points at Sakamoto Ryouma.

San-nan cleans his glasses. "It's alright, we're all friends, right? Toshizou, you gotta learn to let go at times."

"Yeah, sure…"

"Hey! Get Katsu and Sano-chan here!" A random Seikihoutai soldier shouts. "The little brats still owe us for their sorry pranks!" Sagara winces.

We will look into that request... Oh my, look at the time… That's all for now, see you next time at the Sake Shack! (Round of applause)

(Tomoe's office)

A smiling Seta Soujirou got up from the couch. "Arigatou, Yukishiro-san, I feel so much better letting it all out…"

"Anytime, after all, what are foster mothers for… Oops!" Tomoe realized too late she has let the cat out of the bag. Seta stared at her. "Foster mother?"

Okita has kind of drifted in to check on his boy. He coughed uncomfortably. "Son, after a drinking session, a friend and I promised to be foster father to each other's kids."

"And that friend is Himura Kenshin, my husband in life." Tomoe summed it up.

Seta gasps. "Good grief! You mean I almost killed my foster father in that duel at Mt Hiei?"

"Er, son, you didn't even come close… besides, that promise was made so long ago," Okita's eyes twinkled. "Maybe I should drop by and check on my cute red-haired foster son…"

(At Himura's table)

"Kenshin, you mean our son's foster father's a dead Miburou?" Kenshin nods in reply to his current wife's question.

"And we have a foster son who's a wanted criminal and serial killer?" Another nod.

"BAKA KENSHIN!" Kenshin gets whacked on the head by Kaoru's bokken.

(Kamiya dojo. Kenji's bedroom.)

Yahiko is lying out cold on the tatami after being completely freaked out by Okita's entrance, through Kenji's bedroom wall. Okita ignores Yahiko and bends over the sleeping Kenji.

"Aw, so kawaii… just like your daddy… You'll grow up to be a great swordsman like him ne?" Okita pats Kenji-chan fondly on the head. Kenji continues sleeping.

A/N:

I believe most in the shack are familiar with the getting chased by a raging swordsman routine from PMK. More KenshinOkita friendship fluffies later. Hope Seta Soujirou's not too OOC. Poor Yahiko gets scared outta his socks by Okita. What a night for the babysitter… Okita and Tomoe are dead. The Sake Shack is in Kyoto and the Kamiya dojo is in Tokyo. Don't make me go into the technical aspects. This is an insanity fic.

Next issue, the Seikihoutai veterans' reunion?