Disclaimer: I do NOT own Peacemaker Kurogane or Rurouni Kenshin. They are the properties of their respective creators and the Shinsengumi and Ishin belong to history. This is an insanity fic not to be taken seriously.
Someone once reviewed asking what does Tokio see in her husband? Exclusive interview with the happy couple!
Sake Shack LIVE! 8: Love is Blind
Umeko's back in the Shack! Tonight, she has with her the mysterious Takagi Tokio, wife of Saitou Hajime. A grumpy Saitou is next to her, holding their young sons. One in each arm.
Takagi-san, many of us here tonight wonder why you chose your husband. I mean, you were pretty, had wealth and status…
Tokio: "Umeko-san, when I first saw him, I knew he was the one for me…"
(Flashback. A marketplace near the Takagi mansion. A teenaged Okita Souji is escorting his older cousin Tokio to visit an aunt. They stop at a stall for candy. Near the stall were a father and his teenage son. The teen is Saitou Hajime. He is holding a sword.)
Hajime: "Father, must I sell the sword?"
Yamaguchi (Saitou's father): "Yamaguchi Hajime! Do you dare to defy the spirits? Sell the sword or you'll live your life by it! As if your brother being killed in a duel wasn't enough!"
Okita strolls over to check out the sword. He needed a new one.
Suddenly chaos breaks loose as some riff-raff try to kidnap Miss Tokio. Okita reacts, as does Hajime. Both teens made short work of the would-be kidnappers.
Tokio goes all starry-eyed at Hajime as he and her younger cousin slashed their opponents down to size.
Just when they think it is over, Hajime sensed that the mastermind behind the incident was nearby. Using his psychic abilities, he locates the man hiding behind a basket and kills him with the sword he was about to sell to Okita. Seeing the face of the mastermind, Okita gasps in horror.
Okita: "Tokio-san! It's that Tokugawa relation you just turned down last week! Oh no!"
Having killed a big man, Hajime realized he is in deep trouble. He looks for his father. Yamaguchi senior is gone. In his place is a letter to his son, disowning him. "Hajime, you moron! You're no son of mine."
"Don't worry, I've a plan…" Tokio smiles mysteriously.
(End reel)
Tokio:" In short, I got my dad to pull a few strings. We came up with Saitou Hajime as Hajime-kun's new name and wrote him a recommendation letter to the then Roshingumi soon to be Shinsengumi… And we also got engaged…"
Saitou: "I swore that when I signed that contract, engagement was not on it!"
Tokio: "Too bad, Hajime-kun. You should have read me more clearly. Lemon juice, you know…"
Saitou softens his tone. "You sly she-wolf…" He grins.
Your courtship was full of ups and downs. Yet you found the persistence to chase your man into Kyoto and pester him. Saitou, what do you make of Tokio's persistence?
Saitou: "I was afraid she'll marry me only to be widowed given the situation then. I mean, the turnover rate for swordsmen was very high! I need to recruit new men every two weeks for my patrol. So I tried to break off our engagement."
Tokio (quoting): "One night is memory for a lifetime."
Saitou: "Yes, I understand her feelings but it doesn't seem right…"
Okita (from the audience): "It wasn't right when you left her standing at the altar! If I wasn't so bothered by my hentai cousin, I'd kill you."
Saitou: "Ah, now I see why the codes came in the form of love letters… you had Itou and gang thinking I'm gay!"
Okita: "You started it first! Who told that hentai I'm crazy over him? When I was helping Tokio prepare for the ceremony, that no-good brother of hers was trying to get me in a bridal gown!"
"Okita! It's time we settled this. Draw your sword!" Saitou hands his sons over to his wife and draws his sword. Okita replies by going into his demon mode and draws his own sword. Silence falls on the shack as the tension thickened. Energy crackled. Saizou ducked under a table for safety.
"Oh goody," Shinpachi turns to Seta Soujirou. "It's been a while since your pa got this serious."
Soujirou: "Thank goodness I don't have to face my pa or Saitou-san for that matter…" For the first time in a very long while, the young man is feeling fear.
The tension is suddenly broken by a clash of steel against steel as their blades caught. Okita slid his blade along Saitou's until their hilts locked. Then he suddenly drew back.
"Hajime! It ain't fun when you aren't serious! I'll never get used to you in that police uniform!"
"As for you, Okita, even in that Shinsengumi uniform, you still resemble a girl!"
Laughing, Okita sheathed his sword. Saitou gave a little smile, different from his smirk, as he sheathed his. He took his eldest son from his wife.
Kindly note that for safety reasons, all fights involving weapons and mass destruction will be taken outside. Now back to the show. Hajime, Tokio, when was your most memorable date?
Tokio: "The premiere of Tale of Genji at the old kabuki theatre. It was the first time Hajime actually went on a date with me, even if Souji-chan marched him there."
(Flashback. Old kabuki theatre. Okita is marching Saitou to where Tokio is waiting. Saitou is being marched at katana-point by Okita.)
Okita: Enjoy yourselves! I'm going to check out the new candy selection at Umeya! Ta-ta! (skips off singing about apple candy)
The couple goes inside. Saitou reluctantly with Tokio pulling him along.
Tokio: Hajime, after this bloody revolt's over, we'll get married… (shoujo-type swooning)
Saitou: Correction. After this ends, I'm going to become a Buddhist monk in a remote mountain monastery and chant sutras for the souls of my deceased comrades…
Tokio: HAJIME! GO TO HELL! (Slams her fan on his head)
Audience: SSSHHHHH!
(End reel)
Audience members in the Sake Shack are laughing.
Tokio: He fobbed off my earlier attempts to get him on a date by setting me up with his colleagues. But that was the last time we went to the kabuki theatre in a very long time. We both got thrown out and banned.
Saitou, you were known for your ability to melt into the background, gift of clairvoyance and stoicism. Did any of your talents work with Tokio?
Saitou: None. She finds me all the time, chases me with the stamina of a wolf. When she's on my tail, my meditative calm and psychic abilities fly out the window. When I was laid up after that Battousai broke my jaw in a soba place…
(Flashback. Shinsengumi HQ. Saitou-san's quarters. Saitou is lying in a futon with a bandage holding his broken jaw. Harada and Shinpachi are outside.)
Shinpachi: (from outside) Ah, Miss Takagi, here to visit Saitou-san again?
Saitou leapt out of his futon and looked about for an escape route.
Harada: (outside) Home-cooked porridge, double-boiled too. Lucky devil…
Saitou tried to open the window opposite the door and squeeze through it out of the room. Tokio entered to catch him trying to escape. She doesn't see it's him. "Sir, where's Hajime?"
She looks about in puzzlement. Saitou freezes, half-in, half-out of the window. Okita is passing outside the window with Saizou his piggy. "Hi, Saitou-san! Good to see you're getting some fresh air."
Tokio hears Okita's words. "SAITOU HAJIME!" She hauls him back into the room. Okita sweat drops as he hears the sound of things being smashed inside the sick room and Tokio yelling. "Is my porridge that bad? I slog for five hours over a stove and this is the thanks I get?"
Saizou laughed in his piggy manner. Buhi buhi buhi…
(End reel to more laughter from the audience.)
Kenshin: Well, I guess my theory of her being a Buddha does not hold anymore.
Thank you for sharing the charming details of your loving courtship. Let's take a little break, shall we? Some girls want to do a dance routine dedicated to a certain cool samurai…
(Lights dim as Umeko and guests get off stage and then slowly light up as a pair of cheerleadering ninja gals takes the stage.)
"Who's the coolest?" Okon waves her pom-poms.
"HIKO!" Omasu replies as she waves her pompoms
"Hiko, Hiko, Hiko Seijirou the 13th!" Together they start skipping, waving pompoms and blowing kisses towards the bar where Hiko is seated. Hiko groans and tried to flee. Both girls leap on him.
"Hiko-sama, we want an answer! Who do you love more?"
"I'm NOT interested in marriage! I'd rather give up my sake and become a monk!" Hiko shakes them off and ran for it.
"HIKO-SAMA!"
A/N:
A little appearance by the shishou and his fangirls at the end. Saitou's real name is rumored to be Yamaguchi. He killed someone and changed his name when he joined the Shinsengumi. The man has severalnames throughout his life. Yamaguchi Hajime, Saitou Hajime, Yamaguchi Jiro and Fujita Goro. Yes, he's about as romantic as a doorpost about poor Tokio. Tokio is VERY persistant.
Is this starting to sound like Oprah Winfrey Show? Please, suggestions are welcome.