Hey guys, sorry for not updating for awhile, but I got addicted to Sims. And made a big Sims/Lost neighborhood! Lol and I made Shannon and Sayid have millions of childings! Who's Skinny now Shannon! Who's SKINNY NOW! Anyways, it's good because I needed a break from writing because it was becoming way to tedious. So when I wasn't playing Sims, I was writing (I sleep like 4 hours a day now) so this whole chapter was written from 4am to 6am for five days. And I think it's one of the best one's I've ever written. I'd love to know what you think of it, so reviews are always welcome.

The Sickness

Chapter 5

The Sweetest Drug

"You won't sleep very tight,
no hiding,
no safe covers.
Make your bed and now lie
just like you always do
you can fake it for the papers but I'm on to you..."
- "Truce" by The Dresden Dolls

Who ever came up with the idea that to conquer your fear you must face it was obviously mistaken. She had never faced any of her fears. They all seemed to unravel themselves independently. The first being her father, ending his life when she was the age of ten. Her family was in debt, and he had a pretty penny attached to his life insurance. The next was the lingering idea of being captured while being on the run, but in her own arrogant conscious, she knew that when faced with the idea of capture and justice being served, that she could easily either charm or use her cunning sense to get her out.

But this. This was different. You couldn't run from an island. Or the disease that embodied all or most of who civilized it the best way they knew how, their victory being curtail and quickly executed by an injection of a vile, mind-raping virus that destroyed from the inside out. How could you run from all your friends and even your enemies that you've sutured together throughout the past month? How could you watch them become discombobulated, rampaging savagely through the jungle, killing with their bare hands? The hands you shook, you high-fived, you gripped when you need help up, help dealing with this hell on Earth.

And that's why when she woke up in Sawyer's arms, quaked awake by a blood-curtailing scream that sent shivers traveling up her spine. She knew it belonged to Sun, and the parroting one following shortly after belonged to Shannon. She new someone else had passed, most definitely by foul play.

Her green-gray eyes stared out at the landscape that was visible from where she lay. The neutral cloudy appearance of the beach, the slate colored water of the ocean, crashing into the taupe sands, foaming and fizzing away, it all made her eyes hazy, bestowing a pulse of false comfort, telling her it was okay to sleep.

"The hell was that?" Sawyer mumbled groggily, half aware of the stench of death, so thick, Kate could swear she saw it drifting in, in thick, billowing, acidic columns. Sawyer himself is oblivious. It may be a masquerade, his way of dealing with the situation like Kate's twenty hours of sleep a day, but something tells her, his mannerisms would've greatly differed.

How was she supposed to reply? Someone else had died? Someone else was infected? Someone else threatened their lives, and the life of the tiny baby boy she delivered? Could she deny any knowledge? Would he buy it?

"Freckles?" He questioned, moving his arm from where it rested over her stomach. Her blood pressure was rising, she couldn't run from this. The walls of death were gradually closing in on her, it's odorous, murky waters rising, flowing into her nostrils, being swallowed in frantic gulps.

She glanced at him a second, her eyes dizzying with the cataclysmal pileup of thoughts ripping around in her head at once. She closed her eyes tightly, leaning her head against his chest, feeling his uncomfortable warmth grow into an unbearable heat.

"What the hell are you doing Freckles?" He questioned her furiously, pulling back. This was her escape. Her high. If she were asleep, unconscious, dead, she wouldn't have to deal with this hell and the pestilence sweeping thought it.

"I don't want to do it anymore," she sobbed, acidic tears, as thick as blood burning her eyes, staining her cheeks like red wine on white satin. She balled up her fists and held them protectively to her face. Hiding her breakdown, her emotional humiliation.

Sawyer stared at her in pure shock for a moment, the sudden zephyr of emotion beginning to clot up the stoic holes in her. She figured he'd shove her away, tell her to get a hold of herself, that or verbally berate her until her tears dried into stone as she became enraged.

But her perception eluded her, she forgot one of the seldom and only facts she knew about Sawyer's previous life. That he was a con man. And rule number one in the book, is never let anyone get under your skin deep enough to know what move you're going to make next.

He pressed his back against the concentrated downiness of the mountain of airplane pillow so he was sitting up. She still grasped for him, the human need to be comforted and realize someone has apathy, relation of situation. It was natural. Even for a wanted convict and a con man.

His temperature seeming to sizzle away, the intense embers cooling into frozen coals, transferring into her as she cried until she shook, beads of sweat commencing to protrude on her forehead. He lifted her hair, knotted together in matted locks and plastered to the back of her neck by sleep and sweat, then placed a refreshing hand under, on her neck, "let it out," he instructed.

His voice, the cadence of it terrifying, almost telling her to enjoy this moment because it's the last time she'll get screw around. From here on in it was business.

"You don't get it Sawyer," she huffed as she harshly pushed at her good eye with the palms of her hands, trying to rid her face of any evidence of tears, but they were like blood, leaving streaks of vibrant, screaming red smudged across her cheeks.

"I get it alright," he muttered as his hand rubbed up and down her back. He was acting cavalier again, acting like this was somehow all about him, it all revolved around him, he was center sun in this universe.

"You don't get anything, you're barely skimming the surface of this cesspool," she spat irately, as she pulled away. She could feel her blood beginning to simmer and the forming tears in her eyes turning hard as diamonds.

He scoffed at her, and gave shrug at her sudden disgust for him, "Muhammad's got it," he stated as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cigarette, "In my opinion the great white hunter doesn't have it, but he's as shady as the canopies in the Jungle of Mystery," he commented as he captured the cigarette between his pursed lips and lit it, "I think Lardo's immune though," he replied as a column of smoke spewed from his mouth and diffused into the air, "lucky him."

"You knew?" She asked surprised at first, then realized he'd been playing her for a chump, "You knew this entire time?" she yelled angrily.

"Don't give me that much credit Freckles," he told her as he drew in a large breath, "I've just been pondering it while you've been sleeping. Which I don't understand," he began, another large column billowed into the air almost drowning out the death, "If you knew this all along, why wouldn't ya try to help, 'stead of drowning yourself with sleep? It's taking the cowards' way out."

"It's worked before," she informed as she tried to clear up the mist that had incased her face. The still phantom presence of tears. She pushed her face angrily and roughly, forgetting about her newest injury.

She winced aloud, as the pads of her fingers dug into the mushy, blue-black tissue around her eye. Colors danced before her as her head swam; she lost sight of Sawyer and thought for sure that she would lose consciousness once again.

"Hey," he yelled as he threw his cigarette butt away to be extinguished by the sand. He bent back down to her again, gripping her frail wrists tightly in his hands as she heaved in breath after painful breath, "Do I gotta watch you ever minute of the damn day?" he questioned as if she were incapable and incompetent.

"Weren't you just watching me?" she questioned sardonically as he helped her lie back until the swirling hues and nausea passed.

"Don't go getting lippy," he warned her. It sounded like a threat but there was no way to hold up his end of the bargain, it was empty.

"What are you going to hit me?" she questioned. Her eyes scanned his, and he seemed to hold a look of regret.

His rough hand came up and lightly stroked her good cheek, "I think you've been hit enough for one lifetime," he added with an inward, comforting smile, one that was seldom seen on his face. She mirrored it and reached up to touch his hand, but someone was approaching the tent.

Sand crunched close to the tent and soon Shannon's blonde head popped in unannounced, "Guys, Sayid needs you to come help him," she informed with a terrified, and lethargic look upon her face, "Hurley killed Jin." She stated it bluntly. Like it was a fact anyone should know. The world is round. Anything that goes up must come down. And Hurley killed Jin.

Sawyer sent a backwards glance at Kate, "You up for the walk Freckles, or wouldja rather stay here and grab another forty winks?" he asked her, in an arrogant all knowing way. He was rubbing in one of her many faults, challenging her to give it up.

"Yeah, I'm coming," she replied, taking the bait. He sent down one of his large hands to help her up, but she batted it away, being fully capable of pushing herself up.

"Guys, I think there's something wrong with Sayid," Shannon divulged as she wrapped her brittle arms around her body, trying to keep warm from the beaches slight wind, but maybe a fraction was for self comfort, "He's, not being himself," she replied as she looked to them with glassy eyes.

"Did he touch you?" Sawyer asked, his jaw set. After what had been done to Kate, he wasn't going to wait around and let it happen again.

"No," Shannon sent him a cold glare, "He's just not," she sighed, "Himself." Sawyer sent her a glare and Kate looked to her quizzically, "He's being more violent, he ummm," she looked down and began to play with the frayed ends of her blue jean shorts, "He want's to execute Hurley."

"What!" Sawyer asked as he looked directly at her, trying to determine if her statement was true. But what reason would she have to make a false one.

"This is going overboard," Kate muttered as she glanced to Shannon then to Sawyer.

"It's just going overboard now?" Sawyer questioned furiously, "It wasn't overboard when you had to take Baby Huey from his Ma because she wanted to kill him? Or when she got killed?" he was screaming now, his face turning red.

"Sawyer," Kate said in a calm voice, hoping to stop him before he divulged too much. The information they knew didn't need to be spread around the island and become public to those who already were infected.

"Or when the kid got eaten by the damn family pet?" he continued to shout, ignoring her attempts to silence him.

"Sawyer," she repeated, this time in a pleading voice.

"Or when Jacko beat you at the caves? Then it wasn't overboard!" he yelled, he was now red in the face.

Kate breathed in enraged, she had made him promise, he swore. Something clicked inside her and the need to cry was replaced with the need to harm. Her fingernails dug into the palms of her hands as he body began to shake, "I can take getting hurt!" she yelled at him, her voice thunderous but trembling, "I've already experienced this disease first hand. Looking into the eyes of the man I loved as he hurt me intentionally!" Her body now quaked along with her voice that was being to crack.

"You're not the one who can't lie on you're stomach because of an open bite mark, or on your back because of chunks of skin missing, or on your side because fingernails gouged out your skin!" Her legs shook with such force that it caused her to collapse, sending her body crumbling to the ground. Before she broke into a bout of tears she shouted, "So don't come bitching to me about my sleeping habits!"

She moved to cover her face with her hands, but blood dripping down from between her fingers, staining the neutral colored sand. Sawyer took a step forward to help, but a feeble hand clamped down on his arm as hard as it could, "You've done enough," Shannon growled, her eyebrows furrowed, "You go talk to Sayid."

He didn't protest, but his body language spoke for his discomfort. After his leave, Shannon turned and retrieved a roll of bandages and some peroxide. The blue jean shorts that fit her perfectly when the plane crashed were now swimming over her hips and threatening to fall at any moment.

They sat in awkward silence for a moment, the only sound being Kate's whimpers that were dying down, and Sawyer and Sayid arguing down the beach. Shannon hadn't spent much time with her previously, and didn't know how to go about comforting her.

"There's a disease," Kate finally broke the annoying silence, "The French woman, Rousseau told us about it. It destroyed her whole crew, pitted them against each other and drove them crazy. In the end she was the only one who survived."

Shannon bit her lip as Kate turned her hand, showing the bloody mess it had become, "Sayid has it then," she spoke softly as she began to dab at it.

"Jack has it too," Kate replied, "Or had it," Shannon looked up from cleansing the wound and turned to Kate. She looked down and added dismally, "He could be dead."

"I can't picture Jack hurting anyone, never mind you," Shannon commented.

Kate smiled weakly, "It started out as welcome, but it went to far," it was all she was going to tell. She didn't need this spreading around what was left of the camp.

"Well," Shannon began trying to be optimistic, "Wounds heal. I'm sure you can get over it with time," she offered as she wrapped the soft cloth around Kate's palms, "I'm hear to talk if you want to."

"Something's don't fade," Kate replied pessimistically as she looked away, "I tried to forgive him, I gave him another chance and he punched me," she continued, "He battered me, bruised me, beat me on purpose for his own gain. And we didn't use any protection."

Shannon looked away as she began to roll up what was left of the dwindling supplies. It didn't matter though. Within four days of Jack's outbreak, almost ten people in the camp had perished. Some run off into the jungle, wild-eyed and high fevered, while others were victim to the infection.

"Are you infected?" Shannon asked suddenly, breaking Kate's train of thought. She looked over to Shannon whose blue eyes were full of fright, "How do you get it anyways? Because I was thinking if it's sexually transmitted…" she bit her tongue knowing she'd gone too far.

Kate took a deep breath in not wanting to loose her cool once again, "Even though my eruption a few minutes ago was out of character, I don't think I'm lucky enough to have it."

"Lucky enough?" Shannon asked her eyes wide with shock.

"You really want to be around after this whole thing goes to hell? This is just the beginning, and I sure as hell hope I don't make it to the end," She clarified as she stared down at her bandaged hands. She was slowly falling apart.

"I have it," Shannon almost whispered. She looked to Kate with a dismal look surrounding her, "I can feel it in me, but I don't think it's the same as Sayid or Jack or anyone," she began, "It just makes me not eat, I can't eat. I'm hungry, I want to eat, but when I do I just throw up."

"You were eating today," Kate reminded, "I saw you."

"No you saw me drinking. I haven't eaten anything for at least a day. Sayid thinks I have anorexia," she disclosed as she placed the medical supplies back where they belonged.

"I'd hate to interrupt," Sayid spoke from the mouth of the tent, "but we're deciding the fate of Hurley, who openly murdered Jin."

Sun rushed up next to him, Aaron sleeping lightly against her chest, "He said it was in self defense and I believe him," she explained, "He wasn't acting like himself earlier today, he was quick tempered and very violent."

"He was your husband," Sayid reminded, "The way you speak of him, you seem to be siding with Hurley, almost like you wanted to get rid of him," he disclosed.

"Sayid stop," Kate shook her head, "This isn't a witch hunt," announced as she rose to her feet to follow him out of the tent.

"You should be one to talk," he stated, "You're the one instigating it all," Shannon and Sun gasped at the statement, both knowing what had happened to Kate, Shannon by word of mouth, Sun by simple observation, "Think about it, Jack got the disease first and whom did he attack?"

"If you think that killing me will stop this entire thing, then go ahead and do it," she voiced calmly, "I give you full permission."

"Freckles, stop," Sawyer huffed as he approached, shaking his head. Hurley waddled behind him alongside of Locke who was just filled in on the morning's events, "You don't need to egg him on."

"Egg me on?" Sayid scoffed skeptically, "We're here because Hurley killed Jin!" he reminded pointing to the man in question, "We should execute him, send him where he belongs."

"Whoa Dude," Hurley placed his hands up defensively, "believe me no one is more surprised about this then me. He just attacked me, and I fell over. I didn't know he was underneath me, and by the time I found out, he'd swallowed a lot of seawater. I tried to give CPR, but it just didn't work," he explained and by the serious expression on his face showed he spoke the truth.

"You can't expect that-"

"Sayid," Shannon said calmly as she approached him, "It honestly looks like an accident. I'm sure Locke will keep an eye on him." She gestured towards the old man, who gave a firm nod with his head, "Besides I'm getting kind of hungry," she lied through her teeth while looking directly at him, but if throwing up her meal meant sparing Hurley's life for the time being, then she'd sacrifice it.

He gave her a warm smile and slid his arm around her waist, Kate could see the love he still held for her in his eyes, and it almost made her grin, "Alright," he seemed to snap back into his natural behavior, "Let's go get something to eat."

The shriveling group of people left watched as they walked away, staring in awe at the sudden mood swing. "Man, at least she can control him," Hurley gulped as he scratched the back of his neck anxiously.

"She's not going to be around forever," Kate stated doleful, as she turned on her heels glancing at Sun and Aaron. Sawyer and Hurley stared in surprise at her remark.

"I made a drink for him," Sun announced with a small smile, "It's out of a few herbs around here that will give him a few of the nutrients he needs. He seems to like it."

Kate smiled as she gripped the baby boy's hand, "Do you think you can watch him?" she asked, her voice loosing its luster.

"Of course," Sun agreed, "I'll give him to you later."

"Whenever you need a break," Kate suggested. With that she turned and began to walk toward her tent.

"Where the hell are you goin'?" Sawyer yelled as he ran after her catching her by the arm.

"I'm going to sleep," she answered as she ripped her arm away from him and marched back into her tent.

"No you're not," he told her as he followed her into the tent, "You're not going to keep on doing this Freckles," he told her, "Not while I'm around."

"Well that would really mean something to me if in a few months I didn't think we'd all be buried six feet under," she replied as she turned away from him again.

He reached over harshly and whipped her back around to face him, his hands clamped around her biceps so hard, she couldn't wrench herself away, "Listen to me Kate," he told her in a low serious tone. His blue eyes were burning into hers, making her wiggle uncomfortably in his hold, "You can't give up. Because you're the one who's the strongest now. You've gotta help take care of the baby, and keep everything from falling apart."

"They don't need me," she told him, her eyes growing glassy again. It was becoming far too tedious to keep crying.

"Why do you think Barbie wanted to take care of you?" he questioned, "Everyone wants to make sure you're okay, because they know that when the time comes you'll know what to do."

"But I don't know," she declared as tears once again burned her face. He let go of her arms and she almost fell to the floor, weak physically and exhausted emotionally. To his surprised she reached out for him, sliding her arms around his neck as she cried into his chest. The strong, burning scent of cigarettes entered her lungs but she ignored it.

He wrapped his eyes around her, gently rubbing her back, "Can I tell you something?" she asked him, her face still hidden away in his shirt, "And you won't hold it against me, or make fun of me for it?"

"No," he replied simply as she pulled away from him, her cheeks red with false blood once again. He pushed her hair behind her ear and softly rubbed the drying tears from her face.

"I'm scared," she divulged, "I'm terrified about what might happen to anyone, seeing people like Shannon deteriorate in front of me, that I'm going to be left alone here."

"I'm going to tell you something," he told her as he tilted her chin up so she could see the truth as he spoke it, "I'm not going to let that happen to you, I promise," he pledged to her.

"Sawyer you can't promise things you can't control," she sniffed shaking her head desolately.

"As long as you're here, I'll be here," he repeated, "No damn disease is gonna bump me off."

"He's going to come back Sawyer," Kate announced as she let her arms drop from around him. She moved and sat down on the ramshackle bed she'd made from airplane seats, "He's going to think he's better and he's going to come back again."

Sawyer watched her closely, the way her body tensed even as she thought of Jack, "You're afraid of him, ain't ya?" he asked as he crouched down in front of her.

"If he did to you what he did to me, wouldn't you be afraid of him too?" she queried quietly as she looked to her bandaged hands again.

"I think I'd be a lil' more then afraid, Freckles," he chuckled, as he fell into place next to her, "besides I don't think I'm his type." Kate cracked a small smile through her dismal expression, "Don't think I didn't see that," he told her.

Her grin widened as she let out a tiny giggle, "You won't have to worry about him anyways, when he comes back he's going to come to me first," she stated.

"When he does come back, I'm gonna be waitin' for him," Sawyer told her, "I won't let him hurt you again."

"Oh and how do you expect to stop him?" she posed, "We have no weapons."

"We could always go to the case and try and work on openin' it again," He suggested. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think of ways to defend himself."

"Except that Jack has the key around his neck, and don't you think that's the first place he would've gone?" She reminded as she lied back on the cushions.

Sawyer sighed, he was obviously going to loose this battle, "You want me to go?" he queried as he draped his hands casually over his knees, "So you can get your beauty sleep?"

"I don't want my beauty sleep, I just want to relax," she declared, "Sleeping as nothing to do with it," she emphasized as she placed her hands nonchalantly over her stomach, "And no I don't want you to go."

"Oh," Sawyer commented with a smug grin, "And why is that?" he asked as she leaned back so he lay parallel beside her, his hands propping up his head.

She closed her eyes tightly, and sighed. After a moment of contemplating whether or not to tell him the truth, she turned over on her side with a wince, "Believe it or not, you make me feel safe," she divulged with a nervous smile.

He chuckled as he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She hesitated for a second but then leaned her head against his chest, "I still got it," he stated with a smug smirk. Kate punched him in the arm, "Don't be a jerk," she stated as she adjusted herself next to him.

"Well damn Freckles," He stated, "A man's got a right to be proud."

Orlando-Crazy
I probably wouldn't hate to be there, it would probably be a justification to my violent behavior…

Freckles-101
Everyone and Sawyer. Jeez, the only reason I wrote this as a somewhat Sawyer/Kate story is because I was becoming tired of the fluff. Always with the fluff. And no one does dark, and with Lost, it has so much potential :(

Whirlwind-2005
LOL you've got something against Jack, dontcha? He didn't know what he was doing, just like Sayid in this chapter when he just snapped back into reality after going off on a crazy fit. You got three out of four of the immunies right, and zero out of two with the less lethal branch of it. Shannon is one of them. By less lethal I mean they were not a danger to other's but to themselves.

October Sky
You people and your precious Sawyer, I won't harm a golden hair on his head for now I promise. And you will get your Jack/Sawyer fight, believe me you'll get it and you'll be knocked on your ass by the outcome…

Lostobsessivefreak
S'up, long time no talkie;) Lol nothing big between Sawyer and Kate is going to happen or I think I would loose the will to live. And the story now has an extra chapter in it, otherwise it'd be too long. So you can hold your breath, because it's gonna be even longer.

CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88
I know you must hate me, I totally haven't been on MSN. I've either been playing Sims, or my friggin' MSN didn't work. Because the bell people around here are all on strike and are all like "Turn off the internet!" and I'm all like "Nooooo!" But needless to say, they've been totally haphazard with the internet coming on and off. So I really haven't tried to ditch you or the story. Hope to talk to you soon…And I hope you're not too to'ed…

Next Chapter- I know I've said this like twenty million times, but I mean it this time, at least three if not more people will die in the next chapter, and TIMEWARP, it's two months in the future… But I have no clue when it will be up, since I'm babysitting not one, or two, or four, but FIVE count 'em, FIVE kids under the age of nine. Lol I have no idea what I've gotten myself into, but it's nice to hang with a crowd who shares the same intelligence level with me;)