Hey guys, I updated quickly because one night I wrote mostly this whole chapter. I've got to warn you again, it's and M for many different reasons, graphic images for one thing, so skip over it if this isn't your pie and coffee.
And I know FOR SURE that I'm getting hate mail on this one, and I'd like to say, bring it on. Hatemail is the highest form of flattery a person can receive. If someone hates your writing enough to actually take time to tell you everything that's wrong with it, they've gotta care about you write? And besides, I know I'll at least get one from CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88, because she knows what's going to happen already (the power of M S N Messenger) Soo…

This chapter is dedicated to CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88 (I'm not gonna use your real name because I don't know if you want me to or not) Anyways, Because I know your deep dark secret! Muh ha ha ha ha ha ha

The Sickness

Chapter 7

The Tiniest Coffin

"The time has come,
to take me in your arms and touch these fragile scars."

- "The Time Has Come" by The Dresden Dolls

"Everything they ever told us,
shakes our faith and breaks their promise.
But you can stop the truth from leaking
if you never stop believing..."
– "Mrs. O" by The Dresden Dolls

"My own private highway from the cradle to the grave,
I save a bundle skipping middle age and Saturdays."
– "The Bank of Boston Beauty Queen" by The Dresden Dolls

She looked bad. That was an understatement, she looked horrible. Her collarbone jutted out from her skin about where her tank top hung off her weakly. Her arms and legs were useless, she hadn't moved them on her own in over a day, and Kate was silently relieved for that. Every time she did move them, she looked like some sort of morbid marionette, her actions irrational and clumsy.

Her shirt sunk over her stomach that was so inverted, each separate rib in her chest could be seen. The blonde hair atop her head had become greatly thinner, falling out in clumps randomly. During the day she had to stay in the medical tent, she had no immunity to the harsh and drastic changes in the weather. The sun would make her sweat bullets and the night would make her convulse in shivers.

The beautifully tanned color had long since escaped her, and was now replaced with a disgusting shade of gray. Her arms, legs, face covered in bruises from her body's weaken state.

Shannon hadn't eaten in two weeks, refusing to, though on days when Kate begged her with tears in her eyes, she could see the contemplation cover Shannon's face. She had begged them to end it for her, for one of them to perform a mercy killing on her, but neither seemed to have the gall to follow through with it. The only one who could would've been Locke, but now, even he was gone.

He had left out of his own free will after slitting Sayid's throat. He explained that he could feel the disease within him, coursing through his veins, trying to change his disposition and making him commit acts he would regret. He handed over all his knives in fear of coming back to harm the remains of the camp and walked off into the jungle with only a bottle of water. That had been two weeks ago.

Sayid had been buried on the beach; Sawyer refused to let anyone go out into the jungle, in reality he would've lied if he said he wasn't frightened every time he made the fifteen-minute trip to fill up the water bottle. He ran all the way there, memorizing the path after a few days, got the water, and ran back, glancing over his shoulder every few feet just to make sure he was alone.

Kate took care of Shannon, making sure the girl drank something during the day, even if she would only throw up the small sips a few moments later when Kate left to check on Aaron. Dishearteningly Aaron seemed to be coming down with what Shannon had contracted, he refused to eat anything in the last week and had lost a substantial amount of weight. When Kate held him in her arms and begged him to take a tiny sip of his bottle, she had to contain her emotions and prevent her from crying, knowing his tiny body would soon be lifeless.

"How's he doing?" Sawyer asked from the mouth of the tent, he plucked the cigarette he was smoking out of his mouth and threw it onto the sandy shore, "He eat anything?"

Kate shook her head with dismay, "Nothing. I can't get him to eat. I think he's too weak," she explained quietly as she turned back to the now sleeping three-month-old in her arms. His tiny thumb was stuck in his mouth, his cheeks expanded as he sucked.

Taking him very gently, she lay him back into the wooden crib Locke had fabricated for Claire, through now almost all of it was covered in soft cloth, Aaron, like Shannon, was beginning to bruise very easily.

"You sleepin' okay?" Sawyer questioned as he moved beside her, his blue eyes gave her a once over and he knew she wasn't, "You need your rest Freckles."

"I'll have more then I need soon enough," she informed as she glanced at the crib once again, "They're not going to last for much longer."

He brought his hand up and gently gripped her chin, turning her head to face him, "You been eatin'?"

"Yeah, today I had a guava," she confirmed as his hand slid away from her face.

"That it?" he asked with an arched eyebrow, disappointed by her answer.

"It's been a busy morning," she explained as she knocked the grains of sand plastered in the crevasses of her pants, "I haven't had a chance to get anything else."

"Come on," he told her as he grabbed her hand and lead her out of the tent, "Barbie's asleep and Junior's gonna be down for awhile. You can eat now."

He lead her over to where the food was kept in store, fish and boar meat wrapped up in the cooler, fruit strewn over a blanket, "Pick your weapon," he told her with a board smirk.

She smiled weakly and reached for a banana, "I haven't been having much morning sickness anymore," she spoke quickly before taking a bite of the fruit.

"And that's bad?" he queried as he walked to the cooler and returned with two bottles of water.

"Well at least it told me the baby was still alive," she whispered, "Something physical, you know?"

"And you think that it's not?" his voice was very calm, it hid his concern very well. He watched her reaction carefully, as she gingerly thought up the words to reply, not to evoke fear on his part.

"I'm sure it is, its just, I wish I had a sign it was okay," a sigh escaped her as she leaned back in the sand on her hands.

"You gained weight," he answered her out of the blue as he began to peel a banana.

"Excuse me?" she queried.

"Your belly," he told her as he took a bite, "Looks like you put on a few pounds. Wasn't gonna say anything, thought you'd murder me."

Glancing down she noticed maybe she'd put on a pound or two, "I suppose your right," she agreed hesitantly, then paused as a small smile graced her face, "So the baby's okay?"

"Of course it's okay," Sawyer assured, he raised his hand cautiously and placed it on her stomach. She flinched at his touch, but relaxed after a few seconds. He tried to imagine the life growing there, what it would look like, what it would sound like. If it would have Kate's beautiful eyes, and her gorgeous grin or Jack's serious stare and stupid lopsided smile. Part of him couldn't help but wish that it were his baby inside of her.

"It's got the best cushion in the world," he explained as he shuffled next to her, his large hand never leaving her stomach.

She smiled, but her heart wasn't in it. "Who's going to deliver it?" she questioned, her eyes large with surpressed fear as she gazed at him, hoping for a good answer.

"Well unless Barbie miraculously makes a come back, I guess it's just you and me," he informed as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"What if something goes wrong," she closed her eyes, "I don't think I can do it."

"Then I guess it's just me," he offered with a chuckle, "Take it easy Freckles, you've got six months to waste, then you can start worrying."

"What if it just falls out while I'm walking," she asked suddenly, her question childish, but her voice terrified.

"And what if it's twins?" Sawyer questioned back jokingly, "Or really some half-alien hybrid?"

"Sawyer, so much could go wrong," she told him, turning in his arms to face him.

"Everything will be fine okay?" he spoke as he brushed a curl away from her face, "And if it does fall out, it's got a bungee cord don't it?"

"I'm not talking to you anymore," Kate told him as she pushed herself up.

"Who else you gonna talk to? Island population is four, unless you count the Crazies in the woods," he yelled back with a chuckle.

Kate rolled her eyes as she walked away from the tent. She supposed in the situation they were in, Sawyer's lack of professionalism and his humor was one of the only lifelines she had. He had taken care of her, when she was too busy caring for Shannon and Aaron to notice that she needed attention, which was probably the reason she wanted to kiss him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, to many barriers stood in the way.

She shook her head; her dark curls swayed, there were more important things to do, then sit around and daydream about this island soap opera. She pulled back the flaps on the medical tent and entered it quietly, "Kate?"

"Yeah it's me Shannon," Kate told her as she bent down beside her. She definitely weighed less then one hundred pounds. The clothes she had brought in the plane now hung over her body like skin that sagged under her eyes.

"How are you doing?" she asked with a smile as her eyes fell on Kate's stomach.

Kate smiled weakly, tears perking her eyes, "I'm, I'm good," she explained rubbing her stomach lightly, "What about you?"

"I'm going to die," Shannon divulged with a roll of her eyes. Kate hated it when she did that, though it reminded her of the old Shannon, she did it so slowly that she looked dead.

"You know, in high school I was bulimic, I thought this was sexy," she exclaimed looking down at her stomach, "I thought guys would think it was sexy and the skinner I was, the more popular I'd be. Do you know what I'd give to be overweight and ugly right now?"

Kate's lips pursed together as she bit the inside of her mouth in an attempt to stop from crying, "I want to see Sayid's grave," Shannon declared.

Kate glanced at her watch, "We usually don't go for another three hours," she informed.

"I know," Shannon swallowed harshly, "But I'm not going to make it that long."

Kate bit the bottom of her lip and nodded her head, "Let me go get Sawyer," she offered as she sat up and walked across the sand to where she'd left him. Tears rolling down her cheeks, as she pulled the tarp back and walked in.

"Toldja I was the best entertainment 'round here," he told her smugly. He looked up at her and immediately knew something was wrong.

"Shannon want's to visit Sayid's grave now, says she's not going to make it another three hours," Kate disclosed sadly.

Sawyer nodded in understanding, "I'll go get some flowers," he informed as he moved past her and out into the jungle. He always collected a bouquet of flowers for Shannon to leave at Sayid's grave, whenever she felt well enough to go visit him.

He came back quickly, an eclectic variety of flowers in his clenched fist and together, silently, they ambled back into Shannon's tent. Kate held the flowers while Sawyer lifted her up carefully; a wrong hand grasp in one area could mean a big black and blue bruise.

The short walk to his grave was solemn and quiet, no one wanting to talk, never mind not knowing what to say. Shannon's head lolled against Sawyer's chest weakly, like a newborn baby, it was becoming too heavy for her to hold up.

Once they reached the site, Kate handed Shannon the flowers which she was barely able to grip between her bony fingers, and Sawyer bent down so she could drop the flowers before the makeshift cross made by sticks twined together.

She slowly brought her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss towards the grave. Sawyer took it as a sign to head back. He placed her on the cushions from the airplane seats where she spent twenty-three hours a day.

He left motioning for Kate to do the same, but she shook her head, "I'll be out in a few minutes," she informed, then looked back to Shannon.

"Thank you," she whispered weakly as her eyes closed. Her chest labored in and out and her raspy breaths could be heard clearly.

"For what?" Kate questioned as she wiped at her eyes, not wanting Shannon to see the tears she wanted to cry.

"You took care of me, I must've been a real burden, Boone always said I was," she informed, her voice scratchy and sounding like it was disappearing.

"You're not a burden Shannon," Kate informed with a smile, "You've helped me too, by not being that judgmental, you're a true friend," Kate explained, she waited for some smart-assed answer that she was sure she'd receive but only heard labored breaths.

She watched Shannon's chest rise and then fall. Kate sat for a few moments, waiting for it to rise, but it didn't, "Shannon?" she questioned as she leaned closer to the girl, "Shannon?"

No answer came from her motionless body, "Shannon!" she shouted as she shook her bony shoulders, "Shannon, don't die," she pleaded as tears rolled down her cheek an onto Shannon's pink top.

She heard movement behind her and felt Sawyer crouch down next to her. He carefully moved his fingers to Shannon's neck and then to her wrist. He sat back up and shook his head; "She's gone Freckles."

"No," Kate replied sternly, "She lasted this long, she was going to make it."

"Hell Freckles, you can see her heart, it's not movin' anymore, she's dead," he told her, "She was dying three months ago, you knew it before she did." Kate watched wordlessly as he moved past her and lifted Shannon's corpse out the tent.

They had buried her next to Sayid. Sawyer had at any rate, he refused to let Kate over exert herself and claimed that 'this was no work for a lady.' Afterwards they both stood stoically, staring at the grave, neither one enough of a Christian to recite any prayers.

A few moments of morbid silence passed when Kate turned her back, walking back to the dozens of empty tents and into the one that contained Aaron. He was still sleeping peacefully and Kate saw no reason to wake him, he wasn't going to eat anyways.

She shuffled silently back to her tent and let the flaps fall down for a moment of privacy. One of her hands snaked to her stomach as the other covered her face as she sobbed. She couldn't hide it, she couldn't help it. Shannon was dead; Aaron would be next, then her baby. The only way Danielle could stay alive on this island was to go insane.

"Kate?" Sawyer asked as he walked in and sat beside her, "Grieving ain't good when you do it alone," he informed.

"I don't want my baby to die, Sawyer," she disclosed. Her eyes were red from tears and sleepless nights, "I don't want to sit around and watch as it turns mad or starves to death."

"That ain't gonna happen Freckles, you know I won't let it," he told her as he took a seat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she covered her face and continued to bawl.

"You can't control it Sawyer," Kate reminded, "its going to kill whoever it wants. The only thing we can do is hide like Rousseau did."

"You wanna hide?" Sawyer questioned with shock, "usually you wanna run."

"I'm not putting my baby in danger," she stated.

"We ain't hiddin'," he told her, "Whatever happens it's gonna happen anyways, might as well hit it head on."

"We don't stand a chance, we have no protection," she explained as she stood up, and frantically began collecting her things, "Against anything, The Others, boars, that thing from the jungle."

"I can protect us," Sawyer informed as he stood up and walked to behind Kate. He gripped her wrists gently, forcing her to drop what she was packing and turn around to face him, "I'll protect us."

The wind blew; rattling the tarp as it let in a faint glow from the moon. Kate shook her head, "I know you think you can Sawyer, but…"

Before she could finish he had pulled her to him, letting his lips press over hers. Caught in shock her lips pursed together, her mind knowing that she shouldn't kiss him, but it didn't stop her from enjoying when he kissed her.

Leaning in closer, he deepened the kiss, sliding his hand to the back of her neck, feeling the goose bumps that laced her skin. He'd always imagined what she would taste like, but always knew there was no chance when the good doctor was around.

His lips curled into a victorious grin as his tongue slid nonchalantly into her mouth. He could feel her tense, the grip Jack still had on her life and her actions still evident when it was obvious he was gone. He needed a response from her, anything, a tug on his shirt or a slap in the face, it didn't matter, he needed her to let go of Jack.

Slowly she unwound, moving her hands meticulously up his back, and running them through his soft hair. With a final remembrance of the past, she dived forward, kissing Sawyer back with all the emotion she had in her flowing through her body.

Her arms hooked around his neck as he buried his head in hers. The stubble that grew across his face scratched at her as he nipped gently at the delicate skin on her shoulder. Trailing his lips gingerly up her neck he took his time, wanting to savor every inch of her.

Kate's moves however had a sudden urgency to them. As Sawyer's lips locked with hers once again, she immediately deepened it, gripping his shirt and pulling him closer to her. One of her arms snaked around his neck once again as the other gripped the material on the bottom of his shirt, yanking at it mindlessly as her mollifying lips began to swell.

A chuckle rose in his throat as he broke the kiss and moved back an inch or so to remove his shirt. Her eyes watching him the entire time, scanning every inch of his body. After tossing the top to the side, he seized her lips again. There was pain, but it wasn't a deathly pain as it had been with Jack, more of a refreshing pain. Knowing Sawyer was here for her, it served as a reminder.

His hand crept down her back gradually until the material on her shirt had run out and he reached the cool, uncovered skin of her lower back. His long fingers caught the thin fabric of the bottom of her shirt and he began playing with it inattentively, a nonverbal suggestion on his behalf.

Taking the hint Kate raised her hand up to undo the bottoms on her top, but Sawyer stopped her. She sent him a quizzical glance, in which he replied with an inward smirk.

His mouth came down on her collarbone, his lips kissing, his tongue caressing the soft, fair skin until the shirt fabric became a nuisance. His nimble fingers undid her first button as his lips continued their progress downwards until meeting the material again. Repeating the action, a button was undone and his lips slipped over her skin until no buttons remained and the shirt was discarded on the floor.

As his hands wandered across her back, he commenced to lean Kate back, knowing if he was tired from the day's events she must be exhausted. Never caring for herself, she always put the others first. After her run in with Sayid and what had happened with Jack she needed to be appreciated.

The scruff on his chin brushed over her stomach as his mouth sucked on her skin. He tried not to think of the life growing there, or Jack's ravenous hands pillaging her beautiful body. His eyes wrenched shut as he came to her scars, after three months the wounds had healed, but the flesh had taken a morbid purple color.

The rousing tingle of her fingers on the back of his neck returned him to the present. Looking up he saw her staring at him, a seductive grin gracing her face, but her eyes held an emotion he couldn't identify, or couldn't be bothered to.

His lips traced an invisible path up her stomach and to the valley between her breasts, cut off by her bra. Her hand guided his face back to hers, and she fervently kissed him, barely noticing when his hands slid around her body, his fingers expertly undoing the clasp on her bra within seconds.

The cloth stuck to the perspiration on her skin, until he pulled the material down her arms and off her body. He stared at her for a few seconds, taking in the natural beauty she had been blessed with. He'd been with a lot of girls in his time, but never anyone like Kate, or under any circumstance like this.

He brought his hand up and skimmed the curvy line of her body upwards starting from her hips and stopping his hand came to rest atop her breast. His lips danced across the bare skin of her chest as her hands outlined the bunched muscles of his body.

He was surprisingly tender, the kiss she gave him for the phantom asthma inhalers mislead her, or maybe he was a different person back then. After being forced into taking the hero role when Jack went berserk. And now here he was, his lips tackling hers, one hand over her breast, as the other slid down the side of her pants, his fingers running smoothly underneath the side of her underwear. This was how she pictured it would've been with Jack.

"Sawyer," she moaned against his lips as her bare chest pressed against his, "I can't," her voice held sorrow and trembled as her lips made each syllable.

Surprisingly he pulled away from her, staring at her, her hair falling naturally over her shoulders, covering most of her chest, but her hands came up defensively covering her breasts. Tears formed in her eyes, as her pouted bottom lip quaked, "I just can't."

"Freckles, he's dead," Sawyer told her bluntly, trying to drown the anger he felt towards Jack inside of him, "He ain't coming back."

"I know," she nodded, he could see the welled tears in her eyes, he wanted to grab her and tell her not to cry. He hated it when she cried, she did it too damn often. In his opinion that stubborn Kate from before the disease was much preferred over the spineless person she'd become, "I just need time."

"You've had three goddamn months!" he yelled, finally succumbing to the rage, "You weren't even serious. You had all the time in the world before this damn plague to get it on with him and you didn't even bat an eyelash his way."

"You wouldn't understand," she told him angrily as she bent over to retrieve her bra.

"I've been pretty damn understanding so far," he growled as he heard the clasps on her bra click back together.

"Do you know what it's like to love someone and openly know that they love you back, but won't do a damn thing about it? The night in the caves, when he said he loved me, he meant it Sawyer, but I knew something was wrong, he was regretting not saying it sooner because he knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. And now," she looked down at the exposed, scarred skin of her stomach, "Now all I'm left with is cargo."

"I know exactly how you feel," he said bitterly, and incensed disposition still visible on his face, "How do you think I felt every time I saw you with him?"

Kate looked down in shame, now not only did she feel like she'd used him, but she'd hurt him. She always knew that he had feelings for her, she just didn't know how serious they really were, and now she didn't know what to do about it.

A noise came from somewhere down on the beach, almost like a squeal, though it was gurgling, "Aaron," Kate whispered as she dashed out of the tent. Sawyer followed her, both were still scarcely dressed, but attire was not a top priority on either of their lists at the moment.

She stopped as soon as she entered the tent, it smelt horrible. She recognized it immediately and her heart froze, it smelt like the slaughterhouse on the farm she lived at as a child.

Sawyer stood behind her, she could feel the heat of his body against her back as he peered over her shoulder to gaze into Aaron's crib, "Jesus," he muttered as he pulled back.

Sometime during the time when Kate had checked up on Aaron last, and her fiasco with Sawyer, he had managed to spit up quite a bit. Though because his stomach was empty of food, he could not bring any up. Instead blood seemed to be the substance covering his lifeless body.

"Get out of here Freckles, I'll take care of this one," Sawyer told her as she gripped her shoulders gently. The smell was nauseating, rancid blood wafting through the night's cool airs.

"This is my fault Sawyer," she shook her head as she stared at the crib, flies were beginning to buzz around the corpse of young Aaron, "He depended on me to take care of him, and I didn't. The same thing with Shannon, I couldn't help them."

"You're not a damn miracle worker, Freckles," he stated with a disgusted sigh, "There was nothin' you could do for either o'them. You did what you could and made their last few days enjoyable, and I'm sure they'll never forget that."

"It wasn't good enough, I didn't try hard enough. I'm sure there must have been away to stop this, if I'd looked harder. There had to be a way I could've helped more," she answered quietly.

"You wanna help?" Sawyer questioned, "Go outside and go eat. Or go to sleep. You've got one person too look after now, and only you can. So give the runt what it wants," he told her as he pointed outside the tent.

Kate gave him a skeptical look, not wanting to believe that there was nothing more she could do, but also understood the point he was making. "Go on," he told her sternly, still pointing to outdoors, like he was yelling at a homeless mutt.

Her lips pursed into a frown as she turned and left the tent, halting just outside it for a moment, "Sawyer?" she questioned.

"I'll clean him up," Sawyer answered before she had a chance to ask, "I'll call you when he's buried.

Nodding solemnly, she dragged her feet though the sand to the surf. Standing idly, she feet the waves carry out the sand by her feet causing her to sink. With her hand on her stomach she felt a wave of hunger, followed by a wave of nausea course through her and for the first time, sinking wasn't as relaxing a she remembered.

There you have it. This chapter was seriously hell to write. Not only for the whole Sawyer/Kate thing, That I will never be behind ever! And refuse to write about ever again! But because I have a lot of friends dealing with eating disorders who are very close to me and have had to watch them go through hell. I (Like everyone probably) seriously contemplated it, but it's nothing to be taken lightly, there are more serious side effects then I listed. I suggest reading about it before starting what could end your life.

I also apologize to those who know me for the hardcore Jack/Kate fan I am. I felt that the make out scene improved the story (you'll get it next chapter) and FYI, the original scene was rated more then M. I seriously went to far, so I edited the hell out of it. Original text was 6 ½ pages. The edited content is 2…

FanOfLost

Guillotines was just an example portraying death.

And I never said they wouldn't die…

Whirlwind-2005
I'd be worried if you didn't worry. Believe me when I say there is no happy ending for anyone.

Lostobsessivefreak
Blood to the max in next chapter, that's a promise.
Second waterfall story sounds good

Orlando-Crazy
Thank you

October Sky
I. Hate. That. Show. Lol now I'm awaiting the hate mail. No I really honestly can't stand Jennifer Garner. I've seen the show once and I was doing sinusoids while watching it, so I really didn't get lots from it.

MistyX

I read up on some of my old smutty scenes between Jack and Kate and got very very drunk (just kidding) Actually I wrote this fairly late in the night, and tried to to get any images in my mind. I don't have time to read many fics these days, but I'll find the time to give it a look over (Though I prefer not to read Sawyer/Kate that much)

CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I toned it down a hell of a lot. There was some crap in there that scarred me for life I swear. I forgot what I wrote (it was like at 6am) and when I woke up the next day and reread this I was like "OMG MAKE IT STOP!" so the 'love scenen" or whatever I called it is like 98.8 edited.

Next chapter -is the final chapter in this story. There is no possible way I can continue it afterwards. I'm not giving any more clues then I've already given, but I tell you there is no fairytale ending. (Unless you're Ethan, then you get to marry me).

Ethan: I never signed up for this
Arzt: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!