Title: Compromising Positions: Minesweeper

Author: Kate McCaye

Rating: K+

Category: General/Humor

Summary: Hammond becomes concerned about some rumors circling the base when Jack and Sam are on downtime.

A/N: I wanted to embarrass General Hammond a bit, as he always seems to be getting the best of Jack and Sam in these stories. But I couldn't really leave them alone either.

Minesweeper

Colonel Jack O'Neill was bored. SG1 was through one week of a month-long period of light on-base duty because Daniel had fallen off a dais of some sort on a routine archaeological expedition with SG11. So, barring any unforeseen galactic emergencies, SG1 was doomed to three more weeks of earthly boredom.

Teal'c was doing training with some of the new recruits. Jack had seen three of them limping to the commissary and felt their pain. Daniel was actually happy about his injury, apart from the fact that the cast on his leg was hot, itchy, and starting to smell, because it gave him the opportunity to stay holed up in his lab with all kinds of geeky old stuff to translate. And Carter always had something interesting in her lab to play with. Although her definition of 'play' was radically different from Jack's.

He looked around his office but nothing grabbed his attention. So, he decided to go bug Carter, which was always lots of fun. He made his way to her lab, passing Siler and another Sergeant along the way. Apparently Siler had cut his hand while changing a light bulb.

"I thought light bulbs weren't your job, Siler," Jack commented as the other Sergeant helped the bleeding Siler to the infirmary.

"They aren't, sir," Siler called back down the hall.

Chuckling about Siler, who managed to injure himself almost as often as Daniel, which was saying something in and of itself but was especially remarkable considering that all of Siler's injuries were sustained on base, Jack entered Carter's lab and looked around, puzzled. It was empty. Some alien device was sitting on her lab table partially gutted, but she wasn't around.

It looked like she was in the middle of a project, as all of her blinky-light devices were still on, so he decided to wait for a few minutes in case she came back. He glanced at the stuff on the table and resisted the urge to pick up a coiled wire thing and see if it just looked like a Slinky or could be played with like one.

Sitting down in her chair, he rolled over to her computer and laughed out loud. "Caught in the act," he said quietly. She had been playing Minesweeper. He scooted up to her desk and started playing.

Years of procrastinating while writing up reports and reading memos had made him very good at this game. He balled his fists and punched the air, hissing, "Yes!" when he beat her high score. The bar hadn't been set very high, which was a bit disappointing at first, although Jack quickly realized that only indicated that Carter spent far less time goofing off at work than he did.

Suddenly he got an idea. Glancing at the open door, he quickly got back to work, now hoping his 2IC didn't come back soon.

"Mwahahaha," he laughed evilly to the empty room once he had succeeded in replacing all of her high scores on each difficulty level. He glanced around the room to make sure he hadn't displaced anything and snuck away, wondering how long it would take her to discover what he had done, and wondering how she'd react.

vvvvvvvvvvv

That was how it all began. Carter quickly discovered he had been on her computer and messed with her scores. Impressed and irritated at the same time, she decided to take up the challenge. She got Daniel to tell Jack he needed to talk to him about something, and spent an hour locked in her CO's office beating the high scores on his computer while Daniel bored him with details of a tablet found by SG20.

The next morning when she got into her lab, her scores had all been replaced again and there was a post-it on her monitor that said, 'Bring it on.'

And so a Minesweeper war was begun between Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill. It was conducted in secret for several days, until she happened to be in her lab one night when he showed up to play on her computer.

He grinned and said, "Hi."

She looked up from the alien device on her lab table and smiled. "Hi."

"I was just… er…" She raised an eyebrow and he shrugged, deciding not to even bother making up a lame excuse for sneaking into her lab in the middle of the night. "All right. You know what I was doing."

"Go right ahead, sir, don't mind me."

"Really?" he asked, surprised. She shrugged absently, her attention already back on the device she was working with. "It's getting harder and taking longer to beat your scores every day," he commented as he scooted up to her computer.

She made a non-committal noise in response and he realized he had even less of her attention than usual, so he just started playing.

vvvvvvvvvvvv

General George Hammond was more aware of what went on at his base than anybody else, even Sergeant Harriman. Hardly a bet or rumor went around that he didn't know about. He even had a part in a few of them. He was smart enough not to put much stock in most of the rumors, particularly those about Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter.

He'd admit to anybody who asked (which so far had only been his buddy Jacob) that he'd been concerned at first. For a couple of years actually, he had half-expected one or both of them to request reassignment off SG1 so they could pursue a personal relationship. That hadn't happened. He admired the hell out of both of them for it and appreciated the sacrifices both of them made more than they'd ever really know.

So the rumors amused him now. He trusted them both. If it was going to happen it would have happened a long time ago. Or so he had always thought. Now, though, was quickly becoming one of those few times when he was being reluctantly forced to question his own judgment.

For the past few days he had had an especially hard time tracking Colonel O'Neill down, and when he finally managed it the report always came back that he'd been in Major Carter's lab. Now, of course that didn't mean anything. SG1 was on downtime, but the only one of them who had interpreted that as 'don't work so hard' had been O'Neill. The rest of them were as busy as ever.

He ran into them both on the elevator one day. They seemed a little more relaxed than usual, but that was the point of being on light duty in the first place and all four members of SG1 needed to relax, in Hammond's opinion. They both answered his questions happily enough, but when they got to Carter's level, both of them shoved past each other on their way out of the elevator. Hammond, curious, kept the doors open to watch their progression down the hall.

Walking quickly, they progressed to elbowing each other out of the way until they were sprinting down to Carter's lab. O'Neill practically bounced on the balls of his feet while waiting for her to unlock the lab, and each tried to elbow the other aside in an effort to enter the lab as quickly as possible, O'Neill finally winning by shoving his 2IC inside rather roughly. The lab door slammed shut so loudly that Hammond could hear it all the way down the hall.

Okay, that was definitely unusual behavior, Hammond had to admit. But it still didn't mean anything – surely if they were up to something worth hiding they would have been a little more discreet in front of him.

So it also didn't bother him when he ran into O'Neill in the commissary and the man had a tray loaded down with his usual choices plus salad, a bowl of fruit, and blue jell-o, and disappeared with it quickly. O'Neill often took lunch to Jackson and Carter when they were working in their labs. They'd forget to eat otherwise.

He became mildly concerned after watching the two of them during a briefing. They'd spent the entire time giving each other these challenging looks across the conference room table, both of them clearly trying very hard not to smile. Then as soon as Hammond had dismissed them from the briefing they had both practically leapt out of their chairs and dashed right out of the briefing room.

Luckily, Dr. Jackson was still moving slower than usual with his bum leg. "Dr. Jackson, have you noticed anything different about Major Carter or Colonel O'Neill recently?" Hammond asked.

Jackson, halfway to the door, turned in surprise. "No, sir. But then again, I've been really busy, I've spent a lot of time by myself, working, so… but no. Why, is there a problem?"

"No, Dr. Jackson. Carry on."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"It's my turn, come on," Jack said impatiently, leaning over the back of her chair and peering at the computer screen.

"Stop trying to make me mess up, that's not fair, sir!" Carter objected. "Besides, I really do need to use my computer for actual work. Maybe you should go see if Teal'c wants to get a bite to eat or something."

"All right, fine." Jack pretended to leave and abruptly grabbed the back of her chair, pulling it and her away from the computer. Carter yelped.

He spun her away from the desk and made a dive for the mouse, calling, "In five minutes."

She abandoned the chair and tried to shoulder him out of the way. They battled for control of the mouse for several seconds, both trying not to laugh, the occasional chuckle slipping out.

"Looks like you might need to take Teal'c's training seminar, Major," Jack commented as he pinned her arms behind her back and wheeled her away from the computer.

"Likewise, sir," she countered, throwing her weight to the side and twisting quickly, getting him in a headlock.

"Ahem."

They both froze and looked at each other, although they knew the noise had come from neither of them.

"Jack? Sam?"

They turned their attention to the doorway, where Daniel and Walter were standing, both with their mouths open. Carter quickly released her CO from the headlock and smoothed out her uniform nervously.

"What's going on, guys?" Daniel asked, looking back and forth between them, clearly scared they were arguing and fighting with each other.

"Nothing," they both said quickly. It sounded guilty, even to Jack. Daniel would know nothing was going on, but Walter looked mighty surprised and pleased.

"Well… I was coming to see if you were ready for lunch and Walter was… actually I don't know what Walter wanted, we ran into each other on the elevator."

"General Hammond wanted me to collect your report on your last mission, Colonel O'Neill."

"Oh… that… yeah. It's not exactly… finished." Jack glanced at Sam as he said it: he'd already told her it was done so he could play Minesweeper. "I'll have it to him by tomorrow. Morning. Or afternoon. At the latest."

"Yes, sir," Walter said. He looked like he was getting a migraine. He left without saying anything else.

"So… everything okay?" Daniel asked once the three of them were alone.

"Yeah," Sam said, nodding enthusiastically.

"Peachy," Jack added.

"I see… well… lunch?"

"Good idea, Daniel," Jack said, gesturing dramatically for his 2IC to go in front of him. "You know how cranky Carter gets when she's hungry."

"You're one to talk, sir."

vvvvvvvvvvvv

"Sergeant Harriman, you look distinctly empty-handed," Hammond said sternly as Harriman reported to him."

"Yes, sir. Colonel O'Neill is apparently not finished with his report yet. He assures me it will be completed tomorrow, sir."

"What was he doing, working on it?"

Walter hesitated, shifting on his feet slightly. "No sir. Not exactly…"

"Sergeant."

"Yes, sir. I don't know what he was doing, sir. He was in Major Carter's lab. They were very… wrestley… sir."

"What exactly does 'wrestley' mean, Sergeant?"

"I don't know, sir… I'm sure it wasn't what it looked like… but when Dr. Jackson and I found them they were um… both laughing and um… Major Carter had Colonel O'Neill in a headlock. Sir."

Hammond's eyebrows jumped. "Thank you, Sergeant. Dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

vvvvvvvvvv

Hammond headed down to Carter's lab, striding purposefully, determined to figure out what was going on with the two of them once and for all, and more than likely put a stop to it, whatever it was. Halfway down the hall, he swiveled on his feet and headed back towards the elevator, figuring they'd earned the benefit of the doubt. A girly, suspiciously playful sounding screech from the end of the corridor changed his mind once more and he turned on his heels again.

He stopped outside the closed door to the lab, thinking that was a bit odd in and of itself; usually Carter's door was always open, provided she was there and not in the middle of some dangerous experiment or other. He could hear a muffled conversation from the lab's two occupants, and pressed his ear to the door to listen more closely.

He could hear his two officers talking, but still couldn't quite make out what they were saying. He jumped away from the door as two lieutenants stepped off the elevator, not wanting to be caught standing in the hallway with his ear pressed to the door of Carter's lab.

"Sir, is there anything I can help you with?" one of the lieutenants asked.

Nosey little buggers. Hammond snapped, "No thank you son, carry on," and strode purposefully into the door next to Carter's lab, flipping on the lights and shutting the door. He looked around and rolled his eyes. He was in a supply closet, full of partially gutted computers.

On the plus side, he could hear what was going on in Carter's lab much clearer. He quickly located the reason for this: an air vent on the shared wall between the supply closet and Carter's lab, up high near the ceiling. Hammond quickly and quietly dragged a cluttered table over to the wall and climbed on top of it, now able to hear everything. He immediately wished he hadn't.

"Stop it, sir, that's not fair! Get away from me!"

"You really wanna play the 'not fair' card with me, Major?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means. You've already gone twice. It's my turn!"

"I can't help it if you take forever, sir…"

"I do not take forever, Carter. You're unnaturally fast. You should get Fraiser to study you or something."

Hammond felt slightly nauseous. He really hadn't thought the rumors could be true… and he really, really didn't want to be hearing what he was hearing. Jacob was like a brother to him, which had always made him feel very paternal and protective of Major Carter. There was a very real possibility he was about to be violently ill. And his feet seemed to be ignoring his attempts to move.

"Losing speed in your old age, sir? What would Daniel and Teal'c say?"

"You wouldn't dare tell them what we've been up to lately, Major. You'd be a whole lot more embarrassed about it than I would."

"No, you're probably right about that. But back to the point, sir, it's still my turn. I've got three and a half more minutes left, that's more than enough time."

Hammond stared hard at the air vent. This was starting to get more and more unbelievable… maybe he was missing something.

"No way, Carter. It's my turn now, I think I've been plenty patient. Move your ass."

Then again, maybe not… was Hammond's last thought before the table he was standing on collapsed and he crashed loudly to the ground.

He was still lying there when Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill came running into the supply closet, O'Neill leaning over him carefully while Carter kneeled next to him and touched a spot on his temple that stung badly and was obviously bleeding.

"Sir, are you all right?" Carter asked, checking his pulse while O'Neill called for Fraiser.

"I'm fine…" Hammond said, wincing as they helped him sit up. O'Neill took in the crashed table and mess of computer parts and immediately noticed the strategic location underneath the air vent. "This isn't what it looks like," Hammond mumbled before passing out.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The next thing Hammond knew, he was in the infirmary. He spent more time there than he cared to, but usually he was the one standing at the foot of the bed getting updated by Fraiser, rather than the one lying in it hooked up to a beeping monitor. It wasn't a nice change of pace.

Fraiser and all of SG-1 were talking in quiet tones. "He's obviously got a concussion and a bunch of nasty bruises, but he'll be okay," Fraiser said.

"How many stitches did his head injury require?" Teal'c asked.

"Five," Fraiser answered.

Great, Hammond thought, wincing. He was going to have to fill out an incident report and everything. His eyelids still felt too heavy to open at the moment, so he didn't bother.

"What was he doing in the supply closet anyway?" Dr. Jackson asked.

"I have no idea," Carter answered, the concern evident in her voice.

"What exactly happened?" Fraiser asked.

"I don't know," Carter said.

"Yeah… one minute I was trying to get Carter to let me have my turn at Minesweeper and the next minute there was a loud crash…" O'Neill explained.

Hammond groaned loudly enough at that pronouncement that he drew all of the attention in the room.

"Sir, are you okay?" Fraiser asked immediately.

"Fine, Doctor," he answered, forcing his eyes open. He surveyed his flagship team and his CMO, all of whom looked like they'd been very worried about him. "Minesweeper?" he croaked, trying to focus his fuzzy gaze on O'Neill and Carter.

They exchanged guilty looks and Carter said, "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, I know I was on duty, but since Daniel's been injured things have been a little slow and Colonel O'Neill and I have sort of been in a Minesweeper tournament…"

Hammond groaned again and waved his hand weakly. "That's fine, Major. I'm just glad it wasn't what it sounded like." Hammond nodded off to sleep again happily.

"Umm… what is he talking about?" Colonel O'Neill asked as Janet checked Hammond's vitals once more.

Everyone shrugged. "Must be a little delirious," Daniel offered.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Daniel looked across the table at Jack and Sam, who were both sulking. There was no other word for it.

"Guys… come on, it's not that bad," he tried to placate them. "We'll be back on active duty next week, and then you won't even miss it."

"I just don't see why we get punished because he fell off a table and concussed himself," Sam muttered as she grabbed the syrup.

Jack stabbed moodily at the waffle on his plate and grumbled, "Yeah, and all my high scores… hours of work lost. I can't believe he had Siler take Minesweeper off both our computers!"