By: Misoka Mine
Rated: T+ (just to be safe)
Warning: yuri, violence
Disclaimer: Yeah, like I really own DNAngel. If I did, I don't think I'd be sitting here writing fics, but putting all of this into the manga.
Summary: After the death of Hikari Rio, Emiko goes to her funeral while remembering the romance they had. (Yuri warning.)
OK, this is weird. I've never had the urge to write a yuri fanfic till about a few months ago, which was when I got this idea. It has yet to leave, so I'm writing it now to get it from my system.
All of the chapters are named after Tarot cards, and they tell about the main emotion or event in the chapter. Also, the chapters switch back and forth each time between the present and the past.
BTW, Emiko probably seems OOC. She does to me- but she didn't sound right being all goofy. I figured that she can be serious when she wants to be. Daiki, Emiko's father, is OOC on purpose. We'll see our normal, crazy Emiko soon enough.
Three of Cups: Pain, tragedy, sadness, love lost, grieving, loss of a lover, death
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She was once a true love of mine
-(Scarborough Fair)
Chapter 1: Three of SwordsTime: The Present, Emiko Niwa, age 26
I dreamed in a light doze that this never-ending rain was an angel or a goddess somewhere, crying a fountain of never ending tears for some pitiful creature somewhere in the world. Most would find my image of a goddess or angel silly. But how could I not believe it, seeing the pictures of the Dark I knew to be my father flying through the city night? But, really, it was only a dream image. I knew it to be just normal rain- surely it was nothing; though a week with never ending rain was rare her
I opened my eyesand didn't think about anything in particular for a couple of minutes till I became more awake. After a while,I picked up my book again (a rare book on the Cultural Revolution) and tried to read, but my heart wasn't in it. It rarely was- I was not an avid reader in the least. After thirteen years of private tutors that forced me to spend all of my time reading, I hadgrown thoroughly sick of it. But,there had been a time, an even happier time then this, in which my favorite person had read to me, and her voice would make the words come alive in my ears and imagination, just as her family had done with their gift for generations with paints…
The front door opened with a familiar click and I heard the sound of someone taking off a raincoat. I barely had time to close my book and feign sleep before Kosuke walked into the living room. He treaded lightly over the carpet, as stealthy as any of the candidates for Dark had ever been. It was all instinct with Kosuke, to not be noticed, because his dark eyes and serious expression drew people to love him, which was not what he wanted. Always a loner, Kosuke. It made me wonder why he married someone as loud and goofy as me.
I felt the couch tremor slightly as Kosuke grasped its edge, and I felt his warmth as he leaned close to me. My magically enhanced senses picked up something emotionally wrong with him- he seemed very upset. Before I could think about it much, though, I heard him whisper.
"Emiko, are you asleep?" he whispered lightly. For him, that was so soft that there had to be dead silence in the room to hear him. I stirred slightly, just a little bit, because people reacted to their names in their sleep, if only slightly.
I didn't have to open my eyes to know that he was smiling. But, the sigh that escaped him was unexpected. Did I hear sadness…and pity in that sigh? I must have frowned unconsciously, because I felt a light kiss on my head. I felt him lift a piece of my long hair, which was curling out of control from the rain. "I'm sorry, Miko-chan," he said, a nickname I knew he had for me, but never used. Always a gap of formality between us, but that was to be expected. If he hadn't known the truth, things might have been different.
Miko-chan? I thought, probably for the thousandth time since I had first figured it out. I had an overpowering urge to laugh, but I couldn't 'cause Kosuke would find out I was faking it. But it was really hard. I had to admit, though,it was certainly original- most just called me Emi. But, it didn't matter, because being eccentric was a fairly common trait the Niwas looked for in their spouses.
I felt the piece of my hair fall back on my arm, and I kept still till I heard the living room door close behind him.
I opened my eyes, and sat up slowly, placing my book away from me. I looked at the clock and 4:12 A.M. gazed at me in horrible red lights. I clicked off the lamp, and exited the living room just as quietly as Kosuke had.
I looked down the hall, and saw a thin trail of light coming from the door of my father's study. What is he doing up? I wondered, standing as close as I could to the door without actually being seen.
This was the last straw, I concluded. As soon as Kosuke walked out of that study (and I had heard a significant portion of their conversation) I would have to confront him and ask him of his whereabouts.
The whole week, Kosuke had been doing the same thing. Leaving early in the evening and coming home in the middle of the night, soaked from the rain. At first, it hadn't been all that bad- I honestly didn't care what he did, and he'd always been a night person. But, it had been getting worse and worse, to the point where he hadn't even come home till three in the morning the night before.
And Father- he'd been strangely unsurprised by these long and frequent jaunts. I had asked him where Kosuke was going, and he would give me the same answer Kosuke did every time he came in early the morning after. "Business," they said. But, in all honesty, I didn't buy this. I knew perfectly well the only business my father dabbled in was Hikari business- their version of Big Brother, always watching and keeping track on them. Kosuke had helped him relay messages recently, Father's arthritis making it hard for him to go out. But they never did it with this much regularity, or spend that much time talking with the spies. The Hikaris didn't do that much, not nearly enough in the course of a day to talk about for hours endlessly.
No, it was something else. And while I honestly didn't care for the reason behind it, I was not about to be played for a fool. I wouldn't allow him to be so obvious about this and yet not tell me what he was doing.
But, with Father in the picture, I was confused. He was pretty lenient in what they all did, but his strict rule was that you kept the Niwa line going, and that you don't split up the family. Breaking the unsaid rule ended with you with black eyes and swollen lips. He didn't allow "affairs", which were any sort of relationship that might hinder the perfect running of the Niwa line's work.
No, I knew all to well how he felt about these "affairs".
But, then, what was going on?
I stopped my thoughts, all my concentration on hearing everything going on in the room. I heard Father fold his newspaper, asure sign that he wanted to talk. But, I heard not a word from Kosuke. The silence was deafning, in an atmospheric sort of way.
The silence went on, in which I stood inhumanly still, barely breathing, and I wondered if I wasn't hearing right, when I heard my father speak.
"Is Emiko asleep?" he asked. I glared at the nonexistent chibi version of my father on the floor, ready to be squished. How dare he leave me out of the conversation!
"Yes sir, she is," he said.
I shook my head, silently laughing. I was a good actress- but mybest act by far was my ability to feign sleep. No one could see past this façade- well, actually, one person had, but she didn't count. She, like all her family, had amazing observation skills. Those eyes of theirs are strong enough to see the sins on souls, if we have souls. I wouldn't try to put anything past the Hikari.
"Good," said father. He leaned on the desk, judging the creak. "What's the news on her condition? How's she doing?"
"She…passed away, last night, sir, about eleven. He had been giving me the report at that time, so he didn't get any news of it till I left." His voice gave me the image of him leaning on his hand, massaging his temples.
"So she finally gave up the ghost, eh? Was her last words anything prophetic, as it usually is with them," he said. Something inside of me froze at his tone. Father- how could he be so emotionless? Even the Hikari aren't that- I stopped myself before I could finish. I knew better then to say anything like that about the Hikari. They weren't as cold as I had been told they were.
But then I realized with sick sense of disgust that no, he wasn't being emotionless about it. He was glad. I shuddered without thinking. Who had been this person? Who had been thisperson who was receiving such hate?
"It wasn't anything prophetic," he said, sounding so morose. I felt bad for Kosuke- he was such an empathetic person, so Father being so cold was surely tearing him apart.
"That's surprising. What did she say? Don't tell me she gained a sense of humor right at the end." His laughter was cold, bitter, and even I wanted to cringe at the sound of it.
His only answer was his silence. Drum, drum, went Father's fingers, as the silence grew pregnant and long. I didn't have to be in there to know Kosuke would be staring at his shoes, the light in his eyes momentarily gone with the pressure.
Kosuke…you're so predictable. I sighed lightly, and even I could detect the saddness in it.
"She…" he said slowly, as if trying to find the right words. His voice was shaking, and it almost jumbled up his sentence when he finished it really fast. "She mentioned Emiko."
Father's study normally has a fairly peaceful feel to it- like a relaxing garden. But, with those few simple words, the heat rose, and it became stuffy even from my vantage point.
I gasped quietly at the mentioning of my name. What? I wondered, the logical part of my brain shutting down so the emotional center wouldn't be forced to drown in grief. Because, right then, I already knew who they were talking about. I just didn't want to admit it.
I could just barely see it from where I was. Kosuke was sitting in front of Father's desk, staring pointedly at a nonexistent object near the corner of it. Father was looking at Kosuke, the anger directed at the dead person who had mentioned my name. "Never speak of her again," he said between clenched teeth. His tone changed back to normal has he moved to a new topic. "Moving right along, to whom will the custody of-"
"Sir," said Kosuke, sounding as if his very words caused him pain.
"Yes, Kosuke?" he asked, sounding agitated.
"We need to tell Emiko, about her death."
The pressure came back, and some part of my brain wondered stupidly why the fire alarm hadn't gone off yet, considering the heat. Father answered quietly, kindly, and with extreme authority. "I understand your concern, but it's best if we don't tell her about this."
"But, sir, this could some form of closure-"
"Closure?" asked my father, his voice quiet in my ears but reminding me of a lion's roar in feeling. "Kosuke, this will not bring about closure. This matter, it's over. Don't bring this up again with her." I heard him lean his hands on his newspapers- he had stood up and was leaning towards Kosuke. "Good God, I didn't think we'd even have peace, after I heard how serious it was between them, but with Daisuke's birth everything has become peaceful." His voice went dangerously low, but I was too far away to understand how close Father was to snapping. "I will not allow for this family to be tore up over a silly affair she had in her younger days."
"It was much more serious then 'a silly affair'." Kosuke sighed, accepting his fate. "She loved her."
"All the more reason not to tell her." I heard his hands come up from the newspaper, and his voice came out in a sneer. "And, honestly, I can't believe you'd admit to the fact your wife would have chosen a woman over you, if she had been given the chance."
There was a silence, in which I slumped against the wall, my mind whirling in a hurricane of emotions. Who, who are they talking about? But, under my denial, I knew whom they were talking about. And I couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it- but my tears were giving evidence against that, though. I just cried, and dumbly wondered why I was crying and whom they were talking about.
I didn't realize I had sunk to the floor, and that I was wringing my long, black cotton skirt or giving myself a hug by griping my shoulders that were covered in a black wool sweater.
"Emiko, she may not see me as her true love, but she does love me to a certain extent. She wouldn't love Daisuke so much if she didn't. I'm fine with it, even if it isn't the perfect marriage." Kosuke had tapped into some hidden strength reserve, speaking with a force quite foreign to his normally subdued tone.
"Hmmm," said Father, sounding disbelieving.
"But, sir, you've gone through something very similar once." Kosuke had put his hands on my father's desk, I heard the familiar sound of flesh touching wood. "Now, I must ask- would you have not to have known about the death of Emiko's mom? She was your true love, just the same as Hikari was to her." His voice had a level of anger I would have never expected from him. "I love her- to me, we're meant to be together. But, she doesn't see it that way. I don't want to tell her- every part of my brain is crying out at me, telling me this is a stupid decision! I don't want her to be sad- she isn't herself when she isn't smiling, bubbling around the house with Dai. But, this…this is important. And, I think she has to know."
"Why?" asked my father. It was obvious something Kosuke had said had struck a cord in him. His voice had taken a weary note to it, the sound I knew to mean that he was giving up. But I didn't realize it then, what was happening- I was just recording the conversation and emotion, my mind in a place far off. "What is the purpose in making one of the only two people we have so depressed?"
Kosuke's tone conjured an image of a glare. "You know perfectly why, and I know probably even better then you do, but I won't say it. I won't be said to be a heretic in the Niwa family."
The pressure, it ebbed away as my father thought, getting sadder with each passing moment.
"No…" he admitted slowly. "I would have wanted to know, about Emi's mother dying."
He cleared his throat, his sign he was giving his decision. "Kosuke, when you married Emiko, I gave up my responsibilities for her care and gave them to you. I can not stop you from telling her. But, I will not take responsibility for anything that happens."
"Yes sir," said Kosuke, sounding slightly more relieved.
If I had been in a right state of mind, I would have at least hidden in another room at hearing them walk towards the door. But, unfortunately, Kosuke was forced to find me crumpled on the floor, tears that I was obvious to streaming down my face.
"Ri-kun," I said quietly, not looking up, not standing up.
"You heard?" asked Kosuke, looking horrified.
Oh, that's where the pity came from, came a random rational thought from the depths of my tortured conscious.
The thought I could still have a sane thought in a time like this had been so funny, and I had just started laughing. It was a hysterical, desperate laugh, which caused Kosuke to stiffen in shock when he was helping me get up.
"It's funny. An excellent joke- but it's so mean. For a moment, you had me believing Ri-kun was dead. But, she can't die. She promised to raise her son, so the curse can finally end. She promised me, and herself that. She wouldn't give up like that. Not Ri-kun." I didn't realize how crazy I looked and sounded, saying all these things while laughing and crying at the same time.
"Oh, Emiko," said Kosuke, steadying me. "She is dead. She died last night."
"But, Ri-kun, she's always strong. She's lasted so long, despite her heart problems…" I said into Kosuke's shoulder, while I stood like stone as he hugged me.
"That's what she went to the hospital for," said Kosuke. "How did you know it was her heart?"
"The hospital?" Somehow, the mentioning of the hospital ended my denial. They wouldn't play a joke for this long, and keep up with it like this. "How long ago?" I asked forcefully, with much more vigor then I was feeling in my shaking limbs.
"A week," he answered truthfully. "When the storms started."
I stared at him in unrestrained horror as this registered with me. My brain just seemed to think with the pace of a dripping gel. "The rain was trying to tell me…" I said dazedly. Kosuke gave me a questioning look, but I ignored that too.
"What…in the end, what did she say about me?" I asked, looking up at Kosuke. I saw him step back unconsciously at my expression
He looked scared to say. "Don't make me tell you…"
"Tell me!" I said frantically, my voice going high and shrill. I had to know, what she would say, after all these years of coldness and silent stares.
He sighed, the hurt obvious in his eyes. "She said 'I'm sorry, Emi-chan, for not telling you sooner about the engagement. But, perhaps, our sacrifices won't totally be in vain, if not for the reasons I first told you'."
The words…her words, I knew them to be true. In them, they carried her personality, her essence. They played in my head over and over again, and time didn't seem to pass normally. I couldn't tell if it had been seconds or hours before the words stopped playing in my mind with Kosuke's voice, but instead played them in hers. With the memory of Ri-kun's voice, I stopped seeing Father and the hallway, but her. Only her, in our place, her hair done up in a long ponytail like the White Demon they carried in their blood. She was sitting next to me, in a blue tank and a white skirt- her colors, she said. And her mouth was moving, and after a moment I realized she was saying that sentence.
And the image changed to that of a hospital, her in a long hospital gown, her pallor unchanged but gaunter then I had ever seen her. She turned to me, and I couldn't bear to look at her, that Rio that had probably been like that only days before. Her blue eyes had lost their shine in sickness, but they could still hold me as surely as magic, imploring me to hear her and look at her. But, I couldn't do it, because she was dead. Dead... it echoed menacingly in my head.
"No," I choked out, breaking my maddened images into fragments of blue stained glass behind my eyes. But I was not far away from breaking like the image, and my vision went into darkness as a fainted. Tears still ran, for I was probably somewhere amongst my memory.
Notes: 1) I'm not sure if the Niwas are religious, but I don't think they would be, simply because all of the thing they've seen.
I will have the second chapter completed in two weeks, and it will be titled 'Queen of Swords', and this will take place in Emiko's past. I love reviews, and I've yet to have more then ten reviews for any story of mine so make this one the one to break the record! Reviews and constructive comments are both equally appreciated- flames, not so much.