By: Misoka Mine
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own DNAngel. It all belongs to Yukiru Sugisaki, and I don't make any money off this fanfic at all.
Warning: yuri, violence, possibly swearing, very likely OOC
Summary: As Emiko gets ready for Rio Hikari's funeral, she thinks back on the relationship they had shared.
Five of Cups: feeling deprived of love, regret, sorrowful
Les Scribbles: I'm glad that the peanut gallery is pleased. Rio just came to life when I wrote this, and I'm glad you liked her characterization. Glad you liked Emiko as well. I hope the formatting errors didn't mess you up badly- always does it to my stories. Also, I made the note of the time and narrator less 'travel log', so no one confuses Daiki with a raptor. XD
About Emiko sensing the Weeping Heart and not sensing Rio- I have explained it in this chapter.
Azalee: Congrats on figuring out that the Weeping Heart was Rio's mom! ((hands her a wing shaped cookie)) I tried to hint at it, but if Rio had mentioned that it was her mother, there was too much of a chance Emiko might have figured it out.
I know- it's only been a week or two, and I'm updating already? What's wrong with me? Not that it's a bad thing, but it's OOC for me. Oh well, enjoy it, because I doubt I'll get anything updated soon when school starts, due to all my honor classes.
Present, Kosuke Niwa
I opened my eyes, and squinted as I looked up. The ceiling was smooth and domed shape- I could have sworn the ceiling above my bed was straight. Also, my bed wasn't as comfortable as it usually was, and my neck and back were both protesting because of it.
And she wasn't there.
I looked to my side, and I found myself looking at the back of the couch. Emiko wasn't there smiling in her sleep with her long curly hair hanging over her shoulders.
A wave of sadness came over me at the thought of Emiko, but I couldn't remember why. I couldn't even remember why I was sleeping in the living room- I at least remembered where I was- instead of my bed.
I sat up, and I looked back at our bedroom. The door was open, which was unusual. She was on her back, wrapped in a cocoon of sheets. But I didn't think about that long- because when I saw how her eyes were puffy and that she wasn't smiling, I remembered.
The night before, she had overheard me talking with Daiki about Rio Hikari's death.
My memories came flashing back, and I lied back on the couch, suddenly losing all of my strength. I rested my head back on the armrest, and I realized that I was sick to my stomach with worry.
I couldn't help but make a small bitter smile. She'll never love me, at least not like she did her. I should be jealous, angry, or glad at that woman's death, but I'm so pathetic. All I can do is worry about her.
I put my hands over my eyes and I couldn't help but sigh. I cringed at the sound of it. It sounded like I had been carrying the weight of the world for eons, like a mortal Atlas.
I'm not sure how long I stayed that way. I had called out sick for this week, so I didn't have to go to work. Daisuke wouldn't wake up till he heard people moving around and getting ready. And Daiki…well, I doubted he cared what I did.
As for Emiko, I didn't know. I really didn't want to think ahead about what problems could be ahead. It only made me sick. I decided to push her out of my mind till she woke up, and collect my bearings.
There was a kind of indifferent solace in the small darkness I had created, covering my eyes, and I for a moment understood why the Niwa family found such comfort in the darkness. It was bittersweet, but it's better then seeing all your problems clear and brightly. No wonder the Hikaris were so miserable.
When I sat up again, my back seemed to protest less, but my neck was even worse. I just rubbed it, rather uselessly, and went towards Daiki's study. I needed to get away, from this house, from her…but I wanted to get a few things first.
I opened the door, and I was surprised to find him sitting outside his study, the traditional Japanese paper doors opened to reveal a porch. He was looking outside, where the sky was a dull white.
The cup of tea sitting next to him was full, but it wasn't steaming. I wondered if he had gotten it when he had woke up, but hadn't been able to drink it. But, looking at how he was hunched over his knees, giving him the impression of being ancient, I wondered if he had even slept at all.
When he turned to me, I noticed how pale he was, and how the sharp light in his eyes was dulled to almost nonexistence, I decided that my latter theory was probably more likely.
"Oh, Kosuke," he said, giving me a small smile that looked rather forced. Not forced because he was angry, but because he seemed emotionally exhausted. And when I tried to return the smile and greeting, I found it just as hard as he obviously had.
I walked over and sat down next to him, feeling that perhaps it would be rude to just walk out, despite the fact that the memory of his conduct last night made my blood boil. But, despite his callousness, I knew he truly did love Emiko and that he wanted the best for her. We were the same in that regard, if not in anything else.
I wasn't surprised when he didn't say anything to me- I doubt he expected me to say anything either. There wasn't anything to say, not really. There were no fond memories of the deceased person, no relation to her, not anything. We were merely, as we always had been, guests in their relationship, moved back and forth as things happened and changed.
The air was cool, as it always is this early in the morning, but it was very humid, a premonition of how the weather would be later. There were faint breezes, just enough to take the bite out of the humidity, but you still felt like you were breathing in both air and water.
I was shocked out of my stupor when I heard Daiki's voice say, "It had been just like today, only less humid. It's ironic, actually."
I blinked. I would have pretended to not hear, if I hadn't heard the pain in his voice. "What had been like today, sir?"
He tried to give a small smile, but I could see the deep sadness in his eyes. "Yukino's funeral. I hadn't been able to sleep then, either. I just stayed awake, and watched the sun slowly come up."
Yukino. I knew that name- Emiko said she would have named Daisuke that, if he had been born a girl. I had asked her why, and she had turned to me with the brightest smile and said, "Because that had been my mother's name, before she passed away."
It must have been hard, terribly hard, knowing that after the funeral, he'd never see his wife again. Despite my anger, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for him.
"It doesn't seem like the weather for a funeral." My voice seemed hoarse, like I hadn't talked in ages.
"It rarely ever is the right weather for a funeral. But, after all the funerals I've been to, bright weather at a cemetery seems much more dreary then rain or drizzle."
"I've never been to a funeral before," I admitted embarrassedly.
He laughed slightly at that, but it seemed tired. "You're not missing out on anything, I assure you."
Silence hung over us again. I was lost in my own thoughts, which were becoming rather repetitive but still very painful, when I realized that I had just voiced a question I normally wouldn't have dreamed of asking.
"Sir, how long did it take you to finish…mourning, the passing of your wife?"
He stared at the ground, and said nothing. I sat there, feeling incredibly guilty. I hadn't meant to ask that, not at all. I felt my face turn red up to my ears.
"Kosuke," he said gently. I couldn't look at him.
"Kosuke, I never did stop mourning her loss. Every day I miss her- and, I'm afraid that while you haven't noticed it, Emiko's been missing that girl ever since they separated." I resisted the urge to tell them that of course I noticed. You never saw that light she had when she was around Hikari Rio. You wouldn't have realized that those times when she's just sitting there quietly, thinking with that calm air, that she's remembering her.
"But, Emiko must decide on her own whether to move on or not. Nothing I ever did changed anything between them, and I will never be able to do anything. Neither will you, not really. You can comfort Emiko as best you can, but, the only thing we can really do is wait."
"But…what if she doesn't?" I asked, looking towards the horizon.
"Then, Emiko will have let the curse swallow her up…and we'll do what we have to do if that time comes," he said, pulling his kimono more tightly around himself as well.
"The curse?" I asked, sitting up from the wall and looking over at Daiki. "What does the curse have to do with this? I mean, I thought it only affected the men of the family."
He glanced over at me, and then he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. A bitter smile came to his face, and he snorted. "It has everything to do with this. The reason why they loved each other, the reason they stayed together, and the reason they stopped seeing each other; it was all because of this curse."
I turned towards him, bringing my knees up to my chin, and looking at him over my knees. "But I thought the Niwas and the Hikaris hated each other- why would the reason they love each other be the curse?"
Daiki gave a small laugh. "Get comfortable, Kosuke, you've just set yourself up for a long tale. I'll go over everything, just in case Emiko left something out." I leaned back, watching Daiki pick up his cup, but not drink from it yet.
"The base of the curse is that our blood and bodies are shared by Dark in exchange for him stealing the Hikari artworks and protecting us from their line of attack, the White Wings. Having a powerful entity like that running through your family's veins…it changes your traits, your DNA. You take on some of the traits he possess, gain some of his magic…Nothing extremely serious, but we are still mutated somewhat by that.
"Perhaps the biggest difference between regular people and our clans is our heightened senses. We are more sensitive to emotions and magical auras then any clans in history. Our senses have always been 'art based', but that might be simply because Hikari art give off a powerful magical waves. We also can easily spot anyone with magic, unless they're in tune with their powers and keep it steady, which would be anyone from the Hikari or Niwa, so our powers in that area are rather useless.
"On a very basic level, minus a few different magical traits and their artistic ability that teeters on the border of 'magically influenced' and magically cheating, we have the same curse. Same triggers for transformation, same triggers to go back. Their curse, however, doesn't play by the rules. He takes over without the trigger, and usually against the will of the Tamer, in order to get what he wants. Naturally, since the trigger is the reason that the curse wakes up in his host altogether, they'd naturally try to suppress their emotions to not have a trigger, and that would work if they could be indifferent to everyone all the time.
"But, just as that has become the standard training for a Hikari, it has become just as much a part of their curse. It's nearly guaranteed anyone they open up to will become their trigger, because they're nearly as possessive as their curse when it comes to the person who is close to them.
"The reason that our curses are so similar can be traced back to the records of the time when it all began. I do not know as much as I'd like to know about what the relationship of Dark and the White Wings is, but I do know one thing: at one time, they were one entity."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "The same entity?"
He nodded. "The Black Wings is considered by those rare few that have seen it to be the greatest creation the Hikaris ever created. But, yet they also said it was horrible. 'It's inhuman,' they said, 'this thing is too dangerous. It's almost alive- what if it comes to life? It could destroy everything!' But the Hikaris were always very proud of the things they created, and when they stretched the limits of their power too far, it…"
"It came to life," I finished.
"Yes. How they got split, I don't know- I believe it was an accident. In all I've read, I'm not sure who's at fault for the split, but we do know that there was an argument between them. Later that day, the Hikari tried to cast a spell. Our ancestor entered the room, and past that point, no one knows what happened."
"So, it seems likely that the Niwa was the reason it happened," I said, letting go of my legs and sitting cross legged.
An irritated look came to his eyes. "Any number of things could have happened. But, anyway, that wasn't the point I was trying to make. We could argue for hours over what could have happened when the spell went wrong and Dark and the White Wings were split.
"What I'm saying is that just as Dark and the White Wings are bound to each other, so are the Niwa and the Hikari. We hate each other, yes, but as was written by the first Niwa tamer wrote, 'In reality, their wishes were one and the same'. We fight each other, not really for the art, but for a family war. The object of that war is to end this curse, and it's a kind of unstated belief that the winners will receive the answer to free them from their curse.
"But on a different note, while the two curses are different, they must harmonize in a way. The curses were two parts of one personality, so naturally they mesh together at some point…or at least, they did at one time. The White Wings has been bent on revenge for so long, I wonder if he even is the same being he was three hundred years ago."
I watched him drink the cold tea, and I reflected in awe over the story. Emiko had told me vague details about the feud, but nothing to this degree. I wondered if Emiko even knew this much about the feud.
"Bleh," he said, swallowing it quickly. "I should have known it was cold by now." He set it down.
"Anyway, despite the fact they've changed, they're still basically one art piece. Looking at it, if the curses's personalities fit together well, and as much as I hate to say it, wouldn't the Niwas and the Hikaris naturally be similar?"
"So," I said slowly, "does that mean that the Hikaris and the Niwas are a perfect match?"
"Hardly. Of course, there have been Hikaris and Niwas in the past that had been suspected of being lovers, but until recently, the curse has been the main force behind both of our families. There was far too much anger for both clans for any of them to even consider being serious about those relationships. Now, as our lines dwindle down, and fewer candidates for the curses are born, the anger isn't instilled into our children as much as it used to. I could tell the difference- my grandfather never went a day without saying something bad about the Hikaris, while my mother rarely even mentioned it.
"What would stop them from becoming close? They had no brothers or cousins or uncles putting their lives on the line for family honor. I can imagine it seemed silly, to be worried about a family curse that had never even touched them. Never mind what their families think, don't heed that people had died to keep this feud going…this day in age, parents tell their children that young love doesn't last, but yet we still hold in high regard the story of the teenagers Romeo and Juliet, and countless other young relationships that supposedly seem perfect. We tell them one thing, show them another.
"It wasn't till years later that the silly Hikari girl figured out the truth- the painful truth of that this curse doesn't just involve artwork and magic. Strife and sorrow is sown and interwoven into every Niwa and Hikari's past. Men or women, young or old, child or adult, in reality we are all paying penance for something that happened three hundred years ago."
There was a long silence in which Daiki calmly let me digest everything he had just told me. After a long while, I asked, "Do you think that the Niwas and the Hikaris will be paying forever to pay back for whatever happened?"
"Perhaps there will be an end to all of this. But, as of right now, I see no end in sight."
I sighed and turned away. In between his ranting on the Hikaris and distaste for anything that hinted of change, he had given me much more information than anyone had ever had. Was all of this history contained in the old tomes in Daiki's study?
I know that Daiki had mentioned that they constantly take and get new books as they're uncovered and found in these historic sites. Was there a volume out there that gave the whole story of how the curse had came into being, or even one that gave the answer to how to end the curse?
Was the answer of how to end the suffering of these families, and to prevent the future suffering of my son, somewhere displayed in a museum that didn't know its true value?
I had always, even when I had been little, tried to take my mind off my troubles by immersing myself in something. My most comforting and sympathetic friends were my books, or even my high school entrance exam as had been the case after my parents had passed away.
It relived me to have something to do instead of worry, and it made me feel even better to be able to do something that might be a help to the family who had accepted me as one of their own.
Now I had to just wait out the storm.
"I'm going to borrow a few books from your collection. I'm going to go to the library."
"That's fine. Just remember where they go- all of the books look the same unless you look at the titles, and I'll never find anything that way."
I smiled weakly, and picked out a few books. I was looking for one more book when I saw the door open. I steeled myself, and I notice Daiki move out of the corner of my eye.
But, much to my relief, I saw that the intruder was far too short to be Emiko. And, the last time I had checked, Emiko didn't have spiked hair like her father and husband (it was ironic that both Daiki and I had the same hair texture).
"Dad, I'm hungry," he said, walking inside slowly with an anxious look, "but Mom is still sleeping."
"That's all right," said Daiki, walking over and picking Daisuke up before I even had a chance to get a word in edgewise. "I'll fix breakfast if you promise not to disturb your Mom or Dad today. Your mom isn't feeling good, and Dad's busy today. Okay?"
"Okay!" he said, smiling, as Daiki carried him into the kitchen.
I quickly found the book and followed them out. By the time I got to the kitchen, Daiki was already whipping up something on the stove while Daisuke sat on the counter and watched.
"Sir, are you sure-" I started before Daiki cut me off.
"I can take care of Daisuke for one day. You just get ready and go to the library."
I nodded, and cautiously entered the bedroom. I closed the door silently behind me, and looked over at Emiko. She had turned over, and was facing towards me. She was wearing a black wool shirt a matching skirt, yet she still looked cold. I tore my eyes away and went towards the closet. I picked out a black turtleneck and a pair of jeans, and went and got in the shower.
When I came out, I expected Emiko to be awake, but much to my surprise I found her still asleep. I was relived, yet somehow worried, because I really didn't want her to wake up by Daisuke prodding her awake.
I shook my head, not really finding a way to avoid that. I walked up to the mirror, and adjusted the neck of my shirt.
My fingers froze as I saw Emiko stir.
She sat up sleepily, and she looked over to my side of the bed as I had this morning. "Kosuke?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.
"Emiko?" I asked gently.
She looked over at me curiously, but didn't say anything. I watched her expression change as she internally debated about what was going on.
When comprehension dawned on her face, I wished that I was anywhere but looking at her. I wished that I had stayed in Daiki's study and had read their instead, rather then running away to the library.
"Oh, no. No, it couldn't have happened," she said, rambling on.
I interrupted her rambling by saying, "It did happen, Emiko."
She abruptly stopped speaking, and looked at me. "What?"
"The funeral is tonight at five, at the extension of the Hikari Mansion," I said flatly, surprised at how calm my voice was, while my stomach turned into knots at the sight of her expression.
I took a piece of paper off the dresser, and put it on the nightstand next to the bed. When I turned around, I felt her grab onto the back of my shirt.
"Kosuke, you can't be serious," she said. She was smiling, but it seemed kind of pleading. I gently pried her fingers loose from my sleeve.
"I'm sorry, Emiko."
I tried to move, I really did, but after two steps my feet seemed to be rooted to the floor. "I really am, Emiko," I said again stupidly.
"Kosuke…you are serious, aren't you? Ri-kun, she's really…?" she asked me, but I couldn't bring myself to answer.
"No…she couldn't have! She wouldn't, she can't!" I heard her choke on her words.
I heard muffled sobs, and I realized that Emiko must have turned over and was crying into the pillow. I looked back at her, and I wished that I could comfort her. But nothing I could do would make her feel better.
I think she must have sensed me, because I heard a muffled, "Kosuke."
"What is it?" I asked.
"Kosuke…go away. Stop staring at me, and stop pitying me so. You're the last person who I want to pity me now!"
I took an involuntary step back, feeling like she had just slapped me. I sighed, and I found the strength to walk to the door, albeit shaky steps all the way there. Her sobs were the only thing I heard as I opened the door and closed it behind me.
"Is she awake?" asked Daiki from the table.
I nodded, running my hands through my hair. I walked out the door, not even remembering to tell Daisuke goodbye. The only thing I was thinking was about her crying, and how it seemed to echo in my head and refuse to leave.
((hides)) I'm so sorry Emiko is like this- she will stop having the same reactions and stop being angry by the next chapter, I swear.
Daiki isn't quite as evil in this chapter, but still kind of sarcastic (he just won't stop), and while he won't play a part much in the flashbacks till much later, he will play a fairly big role in the present arc.
The next chapter will be the "Ace of Cups"