"Tohru's Friends Come Over"

Fruits Basket: Chapter 2 Parody

Introduction: I don't remember this episode so well, so if there are any missing holes in it, tell me in a review and I will revise. I responded to reviewers in chapter one and will thank more reviewers from chapter 1.

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In Chapter 1, thanked:

Kute Anime Kitty

haruko sohma

DarkEvinna

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SatoXDai/KazaXRikuou: Thank you for reviewing two of my stories. I hope this chapter is funny. Yes, I must doubt my humor so much.

BlackYankee: At first, the chapter didn't seem to have much humor in it until I added the "Die!" part, and then everything else kept coming to me. "Die!" was the breaking point for all these weird, random things to enter the story in a rush. Thanks for reviewing.

!Stories will no longer be in script format! Forgive me if my verb tenses are wrong in parts of the story.

- FORTUNE COOKIE -

In Akito's room, yeah, the same ugly, institution room where Akito stays forever until the day he dies, he opens up a fortune cookie where it reads:

"You will live."

"Woohoo!"

- END -

(in school)

Uo says, "Wait, so now you're living with the Prince!"

Tohru's eyes are wide and freaked out, "How did you know…?"

Hana said, "Um…Uo can sense these kinds of things…"(the X-men power from ch.1)

"Well, if you're staying in a house full of men, we have to be there with you for one night!"

"Why?"

"Cause I can't make Captain Crunch leave my window thanks to Hana!"

(flashback of yesterday morning…)

Captain said, "I'm here to ---"

WHACK!

Uo yelled, "Get the hell out of here! Do you think I want to eat your crappy cereal!"

"But –"

Hana ran to Uo, "Don't worry Uo! I'm coming!" She runs down the block to her house and zaps Captain's ship.

The ship breaks a little and falls onto neighbor's house.

Neighbor screamed, "My house!"

Captain screamed, "My ship!"

Uo yelled, "My life!…is being ruined by YOU!"

Zap zap…pow pow…

"Stop…hu-kakdjlkaf-rting meeeeeee!"

Hana said, "We'll have to call up back up so that Crunch will DIE! Shigure, Akito!"

Shigure and Akito come with light sabers and hit Crunch.

"DIE! DIE!" the two jedis said.

Crunch taking all four blows and said, "I…can't die…ahhh!"

Neighbor with wide eyes witnessing this, "I want to look away, but can't…oh! Get my video camera!" (runs )

(end of flashback)

Tohru says, "I'll have to run this sleep over thing with Shigure."

(at the house)

Shigure is baking…

"Shigure…" Tohru called.

"Oh hello, Tohru!" Shigure responded.

"Can my friends stay over for a sleep over?"

"Hmm…."

(imagination)

Uo&Hana come in and say politely, "Good morning, Shigure."

Shigure laughs, "Haha! Good morning, my lovely ladies!"

Uo points at something, "Ahh! That Crunch guy is here!"

Crunch with a sad face says, "Why am I being abused so much!"

Shigure pulls out a light saber, "I'll save the day!" (light saber attacks)

"Not again! Ow! OW!"

Hana starts saying, "You are our…"

"…HERO!" Uo and Hana ended.

"Please! Please stop, girls!"

(end of imagination)

Shigure is still in dreamland, "Please…haha…please!"

Tohru's face is like this: O.o

Shigure snaps back to reality, "Oh! Yes! Of course! Let them stay over!"

"Okay."

Yuki&Kyou enter and ask, "Who's staying over?"

"My friends for a sleep over. Why?"

Yuki's imagination –

"Hi." Yuki waves.

Uo&Hana both say, "Oh! Look! A garden!"

Hana says, "Let's wreck it!"

Uo continues the idea, "Yeah! I've got my baseball bat!"

"NO!" Yuki yelled, "Kyou was right! You are a Yankee!"

SMASH SMASH

Yuki screams out, "My garden! NOOOOOO!"

Uo&Hana both laugh, "AHAHAHAHAHA!"

-End-

Kyou's imagination –

Kyou says, " hey, want to play Rich Man Poor Homeless?"

"Sure," Uo says.

"I win, you dye your hair black."

Kyou wins.

Kyou laughs, "Hahaha! I'll see you in school tomorrow looking like Hana! AHAHAHAA!"

Hana whacks him.

-End-

"Hehehehe…" Kyou is still in dreamland.

Everybody looks at him.

Yuki says calmly, "I'll be back…" and walks out.

Shigure says, " yes, well, see you later tohru! I'm preparing muffins for a snack."

Fluffy (Shigure's dog) barks out, " Ruff? Muffins?" O.o (runs away…forever)

Tohru goes outside and sees Yuki taking pictures of his garden.

Tohru asks him, "What are you –"

"When are your friends coming?"

"Tomorrow night…but why are you taking pictures?"

"I have to save all of my garden's memories…"

Tohru: O.o

They come over.

Shigure happily greets them, "Hello, ladies!"

Hana is disgusted by his happiness (he's too happy), "Who is he?"

Uo whispers to Hana, " He must be the butler that Tohru's been talking about. (turns to Shigure) Hey, take our stuff out of the van will ya?"

Shigure is confused and becomes more confused when Uo puts a ten dollar bill in his shirt pocket.

Shigure thought, " Hmm…free money."

Hana walks around. " I have to check the whole place out so I could mark the whole house with electric wave markers…"

Uo goes O.o "Whatever you say Hana…"

"Welcome!" Tohru greets them with open arms. " Come in! I just finished cooking dinner!"

Uo is a little confused why she is cooking dinner. " Why don't you let your butler do it? (turns around and sees Shigure standing happily behind them.) Aren't you going to get our stuff?"

"Stuff? Oh! So that's why you gave me $10!"

Uo turned to Tohru, " Tohru, you've got a stupid butl—"

Tohru laughs, "OH ahahahaah….(whispers) shut up Uo."

Uo: O.O

Hana sounds confused, " Oh, look…a garden…"

There were yellow caution signs all around the garden perimeter with orange lights blinking with Yuki watching over his garden through a window with binoculars.

Uo is confused too, "Why are there caution signs?"

Tohru is confused as well, " I don't know. It's Yuki's garden."

Uo smiles. "It seems the Prince has a green thumb."

"Guess what?" Shigure is still in the room. " I have no thumbs!" He folds his thumbs in a way that makes it look that he has none.

Hana (mind thought) Uo, what have we just stumbled upon?

Uo Don't worry Hana. This is just a crazy butler.

Shigure cracks up by his own trick, "hahaahahaha" (laughing at his thumb "trick")

Tohru starts to sweat a lot.

She tries to change the subject, "Lets go to my room!"

Kyou is at the foot of a staircase, " NO! (and points at the "Yankee") Yankee and I will have to fight first!"

"Again? Well, I don't mind winning against you."

"That was PURE LUCK! I have PURE SKILL!"

"Huh…pure skill? Well, I don't see any skills so far? Where are they? Did you fill your brain with so many videogames that your skills just vanished?"

"I don't play videogames! I fight!"

Uo chuckles a little, "Oh, that's right! You're the cat boy! Haha…and talk about cat woman! Meow for me!"

"That's it! We're settling it through a match of Filthy, Rich, Monopoly Guy, Poor, Helpless, Homeless Man!"

Shigure says, " Helpless? Homeless? Why are you talking about me?"

Uo stammers out, " Fine!"

Tohru says, "Yuki! (goes up to his room) Come play with us."

Yuki replied, " I can't. Must watch the garden. Oh my gosh! That wolf is back!"

"Oh! That's horrible!" tohru's shocked that a wolf even lurks around the Sohma estate.

Yuki yells out, " Die! " (gunshot)

Wolf sneers a , "You can't hide forever, little boy!"

Yuki yells, " That's it! I'll have to build a little shelter for my plants!"

Tohru is a little freaked out, " I'll check up on you later…"

Hana throws down a bunch of cards, " Counter Revolution!"

Shigure throws down a card and says, " American Revolution! Yaaaahhh! " and starts to physically attack Hana.

"Ahh! Don't attack me, you idiot Jedi!"

Shigure gasps. " You know?"

Kyou looks up, "Shigure, we all know by now…"

Uo slaps down a bunch of cards, " I can do Counter Revolution too!"

Shigure whines, "I want to do a revolution!"

Time passes and Uo wins.

Uo says with a grin, "Now, you have to bring down your Nekko Kawaii stuffed cat and hug and kiss it!" (Nekko Kawaii? See "Valentines Presents All Gone" ch.1)

Kyou goes up to his room grumbling.

Kyou peers into Yuki's room, staring at Yuki looking out the window with binoculars.

Wolf looks at the shelter, " A shelter made of straw! I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!"

Yuki yells out, " Try you idiot wolf! And I'll make you scream by pulling the hairs on your damn chin."

"You can't damn my chin to hell! It doesn't make sense!"

"I can if I want to!"

"But you damn a whole person, not a part of them! There's no soul in a part of them!"

"why you stupid wolf! Trying to sound all technical! You're the one who ate that little girl's grandmother!"

"yes. What was the little girl's name? Was it, oh let's say Yuki?"

"Rahhhh!" Yuki jumps out of the window with a rifle and starts to shoot randomly.

Wolf is scared, "Yikes! A gun! Now I must go and off into the woods! (sings) Over the forest and through the woods to grandmother's house we'll go…" (runs, but starts running back the direction he came because --)

Akito laughs crazily, "ahahaahha! I'll capture you so you can kill my mother!"

Wolf says, "You're mother scares the hell out of me! Help!" and jumps into Yuki's arms.

Yuki is surprised because now he is holding the wolf, " What the – AHHH! The car! Akito, stop!"

Akito's eyes are trained to radar the wolves, so he only sees the wolf at the moment and goes to Yuki.

SQUISH SQUISH!

Yuki becomes sad, "My…garden…"

Before Akito's car can hit Yuki, Yuki starts to go crazy and throws the wolf on the car.

Akito looks at the sky, "ah! The wolf can fly!"

Car swerves and heads to a tree trunk.

Wolf&Akito go, " AHHHH!"

Wolf jumps in the car through open window and says, " Hold me!"

Akito cries rivers of tears, " We'll die…TOGETHER!"

Wolf&Akito go, "AHHHHH – " (BAAM!)

Car hood pops open with steam coming out.

Yuki is so angry, he destroys what's left of the garden and runs up to his room.

Hatsuharu enters, " Yuki? Oh my! My beautiful, Yuki! I'll fix his garden."

Hatsuharu fixes it in a flash because he has superpowers.

Uo is laughing like mad, " Ahhhhahahahahahaha! That's right! I've got to take a picture of this!"

Kyou kisses the cat and throws the thing in the garbage can.

Uo gives a fake sad face, "Ooooh! So now you don't' like it?"

"I told you that I was little when I liked it. I don't anymore."

Tohru and her friends walk up to her room.

Kyou walks up to Yuki's room to make fun of him but finds him crying on his bed.

Kyou looks at Yuki, " Yuki?j"

Yuki sniffs, "My garden ruined by that wolf and that crazy person in the car."

Kyou sees Akito and the wolf setting the car on fire and dancing the rain dance to make the rain put out the fire.

Kyou: O.o

Wolf dances and then says, " Oh look at the new shelter! I'll huff and puff the house of bricks and ---"

GUNSHOT.

Wolf dies.

Akito runs to Wolf, " No! The rain dance takes two people!"

Yuki sniffs again. "That will end the wolf's life."

Kyou continued, " It's just a garden. Here, take my book on gardening. It was a X-mas present from you, but I'll give it back to you."

"Okay." He takes the book.

Kyou walks out of room quietly and hears the girls' conversation.

Uo closes her eyes in recollection, ' My first love was a guy named Victor. "

Tohru is interested, "Really?"

Uo continued, "Yeah until I found out Victor was a girl…"

Hana and Tohru are freaked O.o

"What about you guys?"

Hana goes next, "I believe that there is no love in the world. I never fell in love with anyone except my cat, whom I named Sunny, though he gave me so many tears."

Tohru and Uo have nothing to say.

Tohru goes next, "My first love was a mysterious boy."

"Really?" Uo placed her head on her hands. "Tell us more."

"Well, there were a bunch of boys making fun of me, so I went into an alley way. I cried all night, but a strange boy came up to me and led me home."

"Wow," Uo and Hana said.

"Yeah…" Tohru said contemplatively, but then grew angry, "but then he gave me his garbage (holds up a cap) and told me to chain letter fourteen people or else he'll curse me!"

Uo and Hana's expressions: O.O

Tohru suddenly becomes calm, "But I love him…" and kisses the cap.

O.O O.o

Kyou goes, "Hmm…" and scratches his head where he remembers he lost his favorite cap.

Kyou thought, "Nah! It can't be me. Mine had a little pink pixie on it."

Tohru continued, "This guy must've been gay. He had a pink pixie on it."

Uo said, "What if his name was Gaylord?"

Hana joined in, "You mean in that movie where there's a guy named Gaylord Focker?"

Tohru was laughing and somehow the cap was thrown at the doorway. Kyou picked it up.

Kyou thought, "Damn. They guessed my real name."

Uo got up. "I think I'm gonna get a cup of water." She went away while Hana and Tohru were painting Shigure's toenails.

Shigure sounds like a girl, "Oh! I just loooove toenail paint stuff!"

"Nail polish?" tohru clarified.

"Exactly! And cute little stuffed unicorns! They're like so cute!"

Hana said, "He sounds like one of us, but in a strange sense."

Uo passed by Yuki's room. "What are you doing? Are you crying?"

Yuki was indeed crying.

"What's wrong?"

Yuki pulled a dead wolf's body out from underneath his bed.

"Oh my! What happened?"

Yuki continues to cry.

"Yuki…"

"He pretended to be my grandmother in my bed."

"Oh…I don't know what to –"

"Help me bury him!"

"Okay! Okay! Let's…um…" Uo looks around.

Tohru says, "Hey you guys! Let's go downstairs!"

Hana says, "I want to play Monopoly."

They walk downstairs.

Tohru shouts, "What the hell is that!"

The three find a dead wolf's body stuffed in a Grandfather time clock. The pendelum stopped moving, which meant the clock would not move.

Shigure yells, "OH NO! TIME IS FROZEN! WE'LL GROW OLD WHILE EVERYONE STAYS YOUNG!"

Whack!

Hana says, "No we won't. The clock just stopped working, not the world."

The wolf says, "I'm still alive…"

Tohru asks, "Who did this?"

"Hey…I'm still alive…help me."

Yuki answers, "I'm sorry Miss Honda…sniff sniff…but KYOU DID IT! HE'S YOUR CULPRIT!" He points at Kyou.

Kyou defends, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know it you lying murderer! MURDERER! MURDERER!"

A chant starts, "MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER!"

Tohru says, "Shigure, stop."

Shigure is silent, then, "Okay…sniff sniff. I wanted to kill the wolf."

Yuki joined in, "But I killed the wolf already."

"I'm still alive…" the wolf continued.

Tohru says, "No one is killing anyone!"

POW! (gunshot)

Shigure says, "Whoops, I just killed my foot."

Tohru is frustrated, "Let's just bury the wolf."

Shigure continues, "I just had a pedicure…my beautiful foot…" He sits down and starts to hug it. Yes, he is that flexible.

Hana says, "Shigure, you're foot is turning blue."

Uo says, "Now it's red."

Tohru says, "the wolf!"

Everyone goes, "Oh yes! Of course! Yes! How can we forget?"

They buried the wolf alive. The wolf was paralyzed from the head down, but only his mouth and vocal cords could move, but his voice wasn't big enough for people to hear him.

Tohru says happily, "There! I'm sure he's resting in peace now!"

Wolf says in his coffin, "I'm still alive. I'll just sing 100 bottles of beer on the wall until I die. 100 bottles of beer on the wall! 100 bottles of –" He died, never ever finishing the song. --

The next morning came and the friends left.

- END -

I really think that this chapter is not so funny, but tell me in a review and if it sucks, I'll have to rewrite it. Oh yes, and tell me if something is missing in this chapter. I have a feeling I'm forgetting one big part…Hmm…

Even a small review will tell me where to go in my future stories. A simple "It sucks" is more helpful than none. Thanks. XD

Oh yes, and special thanks to those who read the full 8 pages of this story!