But I don't care.

It was in the middle of the night, and only one single light was shining in the big house on top of the hill. The person wandering through her bedroom door was no other than Nymphoria Tonks. Her hair in a greyish rat brown colour, so unlike what she used to have. Her face was pale and she had an ugly looking scar across her cheek, with drying blood that had run down to her mouth. It didn't looked as it had been clean at all. And on top of all this, it looked as if she hadn't eaten enough lately, her body so skinny that the shirt she wore looked one to two sizes too big.

" I have to tell him.. "

She said out aloud to herself, just as she sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. Tonks looked up, to see only just darkness in the empty kitchen that used to be full of life. But now, when her parents where away on a business trip for her dads work, she found herself alone and depressed in a too big house. With one hand ruffling around in her hair she raised from the chair and began to walk out of the kitchen, in to the living room. In there the moonlight from outside came in through the big windows and drained the whole room in blue mysterious light.

Immediately her eyes fell on the big family photographs. One of the few things in this house that where magical. They normally took them down before they got muggle guests coming over. From the photo her dad was waving at her cheerfully, with the other arm around his wife, her mom. Between them stood a little girl, in the age of nearly 6 years old, jumping up and down, looking hyper. The little girls hair wore the colour of bright bubblegum pink and now and then her nose turned into a cat nose.

Tonks smiled to herself. She had been so happy then, so little and full of life. And now, yeah now, she was just a shell, left behind from what she one time had been.

She took the photograph down from the wall and pulled out her wand, and whispered from light pink lips.

" Lumos..! "

The tip of her wand lighted and she now saw the faces more clearly of her waving family. Ted Tonks smiled down on the 6 year old herself and her mum blow her a kiss with one of her hands. The muggle boy and pure blood witch finally had each other, and she was their, as they said so often, lovechild.

Suddenly she saw thick and big drops of water come down on the glass of the photo, and for a while she wondered if they had a leek in the roof, when she realise that it was tears coming down from her eyes.

She never cried, or not for things like this anyway, selfish things like unrequited love. She was so pathetic. So dumb. So idiotic. Such a child..

BANG!

A loud sound was coming from the front door. BANG! And than another.

Tonks had immediately run out through the living room, through the kitchen, and in to the hall, when she stopped staring at the door. What if it was a death eater? A death eater coming for her mom, because she was a blood traitor. Or maybe for her, or her father. Or for all of them. She froze, still with her wand in her hand and still with the lumos spell on it. She just then realise that they could see the light through the foggy glass on the door, she then cried out aloud without thinking of it, in panic.

" NOX! "

It got all dark again, dark and scary and quiet. Oh Merlin, Remus. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me. How deeply in love I am with you. And now it's all over, because of that I haven't been brave enough. I have been a child. A stupid child, just as you see me as. Damn Remus, why do I have to love you so much?

" Tonks! Is that you? Please let me in.. "

" W-who.. "

" It's me, Remus. "

Was this a dream? It sure looked like a dream anyway. But at the same time as she had heard his voice, she came out of the dream stage she had been in, and came up to the door and unlooked it. Before opening, however, she took a deep breath and then pulled the door open.

What she saw then, she hadn't been prepared for. Remus was standing there in the dark, leaning against the doorframe, and looking so unless like him as he possible could. A face much more paler than hers, almost completely white, and his teeth was pressing hard together, as thought he was in pain. Sweat was dripping down his face and he held his both hands tightly to his stomach. And, to one of Tonks greatest fears, blood was covering them, dripping more and more out from the place he hold his stomach.

" Remus! Oh god, Merlins beard! What had happened? "

" They.. Didn't trust me..as much as I thought.. "

" What! Are you telling me that.. That you followed Dumbledors orders anyway! They could have killed you.. "

She put an arm around his neck to support him, when they came in to the kitchen Tonks helped Remus down into on of the chairs, instantly he relaxed a bit, but his hands where still clutching the cloths against his belly. With a worried expression across her pale face, she run to one of the kitchen cupboards and open it. She took out some compresses, which her dad kept there. The blood flood had to be stopped, before she could began to heel it with her wand.

" How did it happen? "

She got down to her knees in front of him, and placed a hand over his blood one, and gently tried to get it away. Remus signed, but obeyed and one of his hands fell to his side. Blood began to drop down on to the floor, when he finally answered her.

" It was Fenrir.. His the leader of.. Of them… "

" Fenrir Greyback! The one who bite you? "

" Yes.. "

Remus didn't like to talk about that, she knew that too well, but maybe he needed to talk about it, but he just didn't know that yet.. Tonks had ripped his last hand away and was now pulling up his shirt. The cut was not very big, but big enough to make Tonks feel sick to her stomach, not by disgust of the deep red blood dripping from it, no it was from worry and sorrow to the man she loved, now sitting hurt in front of her.

She took one of the compresses and pressed it hard against the cut. Remus jumped in his chair and took a deep breath. She smiled comforting up to him and pulled out her wand, quickly she heeled it with a simple spell.

In the next moment she looked up again, and show him sitting there, with his head against one of his shoulders and both eyes closed tightly. Like a sword that came right into her stomach, came a feeling of deeply worry over her by the sight of him like that. Maybe he was dead.. Or unconscious from the blood lost.

Merlin, no, not now. She needed him. Tonks pulled herself up a little and stretched out a hand up to his face. But when her fingers was one mm from his left cheek, he opened his mouth and one single word came out in a hoarse voice.

" Water.. "

" Oh.. Remus. You scared me. "

" Water, Dora, can you get me some water, please? "

" Yes, of course. "

She said in a rushed voice and came up to her feet fast, and walked over to the sink, to get him some water. When she came back with a glass tightly held in her hand, she put it against his lips and helped him to drink. A little smile appeared across her lips when she saw the water drop down his chin and onto his chest.

Remus signal that it was enough and she took away the glass, and stroke the water away of his chin. Instantly his cheeked turned a little hint of pink. Never in her whole lifetime, had she thought she would see this, see Remus blush.

" Thank you, Nymphadora. I should really keep on going now, Dumbledore awaits me with an report on what happened tonight. "

" Remus, you can't leave now, you're hurt and.. and still weak. You lost a lot of blood, you know! "

" That's not an important excuse. Dumbledore needs me to tell him.. "

" Dumbledore needs you! What about.. about.. Me then? I need you too..! "

" Tonks.. Don't. Just don't.. "

" Don't what! Don't love me! Because I do Remus, I really do.. "

Remus looked down on his feet and sighed while shaking his head. Tonks looked at him as she couldn't believe her own eyes, he had know.. He had know how she had felt before she even had told him. Damn him, she thought and wanted just to curse him right now and here.

" You knew! You knew all the time and.. And just let me go on and on.. I have lain awake for nights in a row and thought and thought about how I was going to tell you.. And then you have known! "

" Dora.. Tonks! Listen.. "

" You must think that I am the wizarding worlds biggest idiot.. Merlin Remus, you must hate me.. "

" No! I don't hate you.. "

" Oh.. Remus don't lie… "

He just shake his head again and raised from the chair, and began to walked to the front door. Tonks was quickly there behind him with a stopping hand on his shoulder, to pull him a little back.

" I want you.. Can't you give me a chance? "

" Tonks, you don't understand, I'm too old for you, too poor and too dangerous.. "

" What! You are not too old.. I am 25 and I know what I want. I'm not a little girl, Remus, I'm a grown woman. "

" And I'm 38.. I'm just not right for you. You deserve someone much better, some younger and more attractive.. "

" Attractive! Remus, if you mean your scars you're being silly.. There're a part of you, and I like all of you.. "

" Stop! I have to go now. Dumbledore waits.. "

Furiously Tonks took a grip of his arm and told him, refusing to let him go yet. The next words came out through her mouth in just second in a deep angry voice. She had had enough of this.

" If you go now, I'm not gonna talk to you again. "

" Good, because after this I think it's just bad for us two to be in the same room again. Let go of me Dora, because I need to go now. "

" Please Remus.. Don't.. "

In the next moment, Tonks couldn't believe what she saw or heard, because all she could feel was Remus pulling her away from him and then he stepped closer to the door and raised his voice, he never did that. Not as long as she had know him anyway. It all came as a bit of a shock to her. Hearing him like this.

" For the last time! I am too old, too poor and way too dangerous for you! We can't see each other anymore, not just as friends.. "

And with that he unlooked the door and opens it, walking out just as Tonks cried after him.

" But don't care! Do you hear me! I do not care! "

She saw him walk away and than with a "pop" he was gone, leaving her with a bump in her throat and tears in her eyes. Even if he had said that they couldn't see each other again, she felt that this was not the last time she would hear those words.. She was almost sure of it..

Damn you, Remus Lupin, she thought staring at the dark night in front of her. Damn you, why do I have to love you?