A/N: this is the second part of 'Escape' though it comes before the first…Please review…
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter related…
Chapter: Harder to breathe.
Harder to breathe
I sit here, staring. Just…staring at them. My friends, my enemies, anything that comes along I suppose. They do not feel what I feel, and I suppose they never will. For my case is unique, you could say. The reasons for my depression, my hollowness, my shell that I have tucked myself away in never to come out again, are this…
It all started I suppose when Sirius died. Yes I know it sounds a bit cliché but it's true. I don't know why but Sirius made me feel as if I belonged, had a family, had someone who loved me. When I saw him fall through that veil, something clicked. And since then I have become the empty waste of space before you now. To be quite honest I couldn't care less about my 'friends', if I can call them that. They don't know what I've been through, and I hope they never will.
The Dursleys were…tired, should we say at having me around the house. They thought I took up too much space and that I didn't do enough work. They didn't care that I had just lost my only remaining family member, and had no remorse in telling me how they really felt.
So I was thrown out, onto the dirty, disease infested streets of London. I was thrown roughly from their BMW company car and left there to freeze to death, or worse…Knowing my luck, I tried to stay as quiet as possible and not disturb anyone. And due to my luck, I tripped over the ripped sleeping bag of a 6ft 6", 20stone ex-boxer. I did not sleep well that night.
That was the point in which I began to block things out. When I began to stare and smirk at all the pathetic people, thinking that they were having a good life while walking to work, when really, their life had been planned out from the beginning.
You see, I believe that none of us have a choice in what we do in life. We are each born to those, who have been born to others, who have been born to others…etc… We are all brought up, in different environments may-be, but we have all been brought up in a world where we have to work to survive. This world consists of millions of people working for others. In a way we are all slaves. We do not get equal pay. Others still suffer. People still die of starvation. But they still work hard just to give birth to a new generation who will just grow up to work for other people again and again… it's the 'circle of life' shall we say?
The more I thought about it, the more depressed I became. I started to hate my mother. Why had she let me carry on living a life, where I would just feel pain? Where people would do things to spite me and I would have to grow up to 'save the world' and work for others. Why didn't she let me die?
And then I began to hate myself. How could I think such things of my mother? She gave her life for mine, shouldn't I be grateful? But I just couldn't bring myself to be. And yet again sunk deeper into my shell.
And the worst thing about it all was that no-one noticed. No-one noticed until I was 'this close' to breaking down. It was Hermione…
# "Harry, what's wrong?" She asked attentively all the while looking eager to pry into my thoughts.
"Nothing Hermione." I replied shortly. "It's nothing, just finish your homework." I turned away and gazed longingly into the Gryffindor common room fire. Picturing Sirius's head appearing just to say hello and asking Hermione to leave.
"Don't lie to me Harry. There's been something wrong for a while now. You're different. You're not our Harry anymore. What's wrong?" She stood there, arms crossed defiantly in front of her chest, blocking my way as I moved to get up. She was beginning to get on my nerves and I could feel my pulse rate go up as I tried to keep my temper.
"Hermione, I've told you it's nothing for you to worry about ok? It's my problem and I wouldn't want you to be burdened with it." I felt the need for the emphasis, hoping she would get all flustered like usual and say 'well I never…' and make for her dormitory. My luck that she stayed, with a confused and rather hurt look on her face also, making me feel worse.
"What do you mean I wouldn't understand? Harry all you have to do is tell me and…" I cut her off,
"No Hermione, listen to me" I stood up quickly causing her to jump back to create room for the both of us. I leaned in close to her frowning face and whispered in the calmest voice I could make out.
"If I told you, I would have to kill myself. We wouldn't want that now would we? Hmmm?" She looked scared and I quickly pushed past her and made my way to the dormitory…#
Strange how ironic things can turn out.
I remember one night I sat on my wooden grate bed, my photo album open in front of me and my wand lit by my side, I didn't care if the ministry of magic found out. As I looked at their smiling faces, glowing with happiness I felt salty tears running down my cheeks. My breathing hitched for just a few seconds. This was the first time I had cried. This was the first time that I had willingly let myself give into my emotions. And that thought made me cry harder. I don't remember what happened that night. Whether I fell asleep, or just sat there in my own little world. The two seemed to have become very similar lately. #
A van drove by me I got drenched in water and brought out of my trance. I began to shiver uncontrollably and as I begin to realise what this world is made up of.
It becomes harder to breathe…
A/N: Well, I don't really know how that turned out? I don't think it was that great myself. I know Harry seems a bit OOC but I suppose he is anyways.
Thanx for those reviewers who reviewed my first bit. I think there were six of you… THANKIES J
Anyways. I would really like to know what you think? I seem to be in a suicidal mood lately. Not as in ME wanting to commit suicide. But I'm reading a lot of suicide fics and riting a lot of poems about it … and now writing this story about it… arghhh I'm going a bit twisted. Sorry if that offends anybody out there … L
Anyways… here if a short liccle poem I've written in my maths class…*very good excuse for feeling that way*wink**
Leaving this world behind.
In this world I feel alone,
Like I will never belong.
There are things I shall never know,
And shant until I'm gone.
*
This is the reason why I must leave,
This cold, cruel world behind.
Why I must find the needed answer,
That I've tried hard to find.
*
I'm sorry if I've hurt you,
I didn't know you cared.
I'm in a better place now,
And shall one day see you there.
Hopes ya like? Please review!!!
LuvaboyDan*Hesmyman ~*XxX*~