A/N: Well here I am again. I'm glad I got sum reviews for this… made me rite more J anyways this is the third instalment of the 'Escape' story…

Warning: This fic and this chapter contain suicidal thoughts and actions also indications of rape *nothing extreme just a mention*. Do not read if this offends you or upsets you.

Hope you enjoy…

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter…

Chapter 3: I do not feel…

I do not feel

I can feel their prying eyes roaming up and down my malnourished body. Their pitying eyes following me down the street as I try to get away. They all think that I'm some helpless, hopeless teen that ran away from home. Maybe they are right. I mean, I am weak aren't I? I can't protect myself from the wrath of my uncle. Oh did I not tell you about that? Well I better begin then shouldn't I?

When I arrived home from Hogwarts, things were…different. My aunt was more careful around me and my uncle wore that smile. The smile I knew well from my years of tortured childhood. And the smile which I wished would never return. But it did. He began to follow me. Not very subtly either, oh no. Every room I went in he would follow and pick me out on anything I did wrong. He would shout and laugh and ruin my work, but he would never physically attack, until that day…

I had been in my room tidying up my homework from Snape. How ironic. Trust Snape to be the cause of my suffering… in its own little way of course. I could hear his heavy footsteps painfully making their way up the staircase, and the sound they made echoing in my head as he drew closer. I remember my mind working furiously as if it knew what was about to come through that door. I remember running towards the window and the sound of wood meeting plaster. The squeak of the hinges as the door was brutally kicked open and the feel of my limps stiffen in defence as he stalked towards me. I remember I could just make out what he said something about 'too much noise…had it with you…fucking brat!' He had a knife that day. And I lost consciousness soon after the first blow.

This was the first of many attacks. And after each one I remember all I did was stare. Stared blindly at the walls, at the sky. I sunk a little every day, constantly battling with my inner self as to why I had to live the life I did. I suppose every day I thought about committing suicide. I thought about how I would do it. When I would do it. The timing so no-one would find me until it was too late. And then I would think of the reasons why I should not. I did not want my uncle to have any pleasure whatsoever from breaking me. I would not let that happen in front of him. And it did not. Even when he did the most disgusting thing one human being can do to another, I did not break. I couldn't bring myself to give in to his wishes and that night when I was left cold, bloody and naked on my floor, gasping for breath… I did not cry.

The days I recall, dragged on and everyday left me hollow and soulless in a way. And as I saw the children around me playing, laughing and hugging their parents when they came to collect them from their friend's houses, I turned away. I despised them.

My aunt began to watch me also, though she tried to do it discreetly. Bless her for trying not to make me feel uncomfortable. She then began to play music. Sad, depressing music. And if I was not much mistaken I saw a glint of light in her eye that I saw every day…in the mirror. It was as if she felt my pain and shared it. And the only way for her not to break down on the spot was to listen to music. Why she chose the music she did I would never know, for two reasons of course, though I know you know already what they are. The song that I believe began to break me was 'total eclipse of the heart'. I know it sounds sappy, but I felt I could relate to it in some way.

I remember my aunt was sat on the sofa crying silently, save for the odd shrill shriek and hiccough. I had come downstairs for a drink as I was forbidden dinner. I heard the song play up and listened to the words…

#    Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around. #

It was inviting me to listen to more and as if got further into the song I began to relate to the singer and I found that my sorrow and pain (however cliché that sounds?) was deeper than I thought. Everything around me seemed to dissolve as I listened to more…

# Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart.
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart… #

And I was… I was falling apart in front of my own family, my own flesh and blood and they didn't care. And I then began cutting myself. Only small incisions along the length of my arms but I felt I was relieving my self from some of the stress that was building up inside me. It was as if it was trickling from my body as the blood flowed.

A day came when I got a letter from Professor Dumbledore. He had written to inform me of 'very grave news'. And as I held the parchment in my hand I could not help but feel pleased. I felt a spark of happiness ignite within me. The fact that at least one other person in this godforsaken world felt some minor unhappiness made me feel that much better…until I read the last paragraph. The words written on the parchment seemed unrealistic, as if they were some made up language that I did not want to comprehend. But as that one name burned itself into my eyes and made its way into my mind I could not help but throw down the parchment and scream.

That night my heart had completely emptied itself of any emotion.

I did not care anymore. I do not laugh. I do not cry. I do not talk. I do not love. I do not feel… 

A/N: Wow… took me a while to write that. Didn't get any time. I know it's quite short. But I felt that chap had to end. Thanks for reviews…

This story is a short story. And if anyone's confused then I did say it starts at the end when he commits suicide. And then sort of carries on from the beginning… so he hasn't committed suicide yet. There ya go anyways.

This story should have about 2 chapters left? Unless you really want more? Which I'm sure you won't!

Thanks again for all my reviewers. And the person who gave me the ranking of 'Sirius Black'. Thanx you very much I'm very honoured. Lol… anyways

Please review this chapter! I really appreciate anything you have to say.

Thanks again

Here's another poem I have written that fits with the story.

'Only way out...'

My soul is cold and hollow.

My head is all messed up.

My heart is full of sorrow.

My arms are full of cuts.

My hands have gone all shaky.

My knees have gone all weak.

My eyes have gone all droopy.

My veins begin to leak.

My vision's going blurry.

My senses all confused.

My nerves have gone all numb.

My body's so abused.

My pride has now been broken.

My conscience full of doubt.

My feelings have left me completely.

This is my only way out...

Hope you like?

LuvaboyDan*Hesmyman ~*XxX*~