A/N: Hey guys! It was pretty much a slow week, so I decided to come back...with a vengeance! Dramatic music plays somewhere on this computer No, not really! Here's the second chapter of Just a Pile of Dung...strange name...I should change it...
Disclaimer: Hugs herself I can only dream of owning Harry Potter...but I really, really, really want to have Draco and Sirius (The younger version)! Those two rock my socks!
Chapter Two: Dude, Where's My Wand?
+oOo+
Harry groaned. His back hurt, his legs hurt, and his head hurt. His vision came to focus and he gasped, realizing that he was in Hogwarts. He quickly stood up and looked around. It seemed to be the dead of night and this particular hall was deserted.
He heard someone moan behind him and he turned around. He scanned the dark hallway until he spotted a crumpled lump a few paces away. He slowly approached the figure and he sighed in relief when he saw that it was only Hermione. Hestood next to her and nudged her softly with his foot.
"Hermione...Wake up..." He pushed her head slightly and she groaned softly. Her eyes fluttered open and seeing Harry standing above her jolted her awake.
"Harry?" She stood up uncertainly and looked at her surroundings. "Where are we? What happened?" She spotted a portrait of an elegantly dressed lady was snoozing. With a gasp, she looked to the right and saw The Ravenclaw crest. "We're in Hogwarts..." She turned to Harry and frowned. "How'd we end up here?"
He shrugged, not knowing what to say. "I think we got transported into the school."
Hermione shook her head. "But that's impossible! This school is protected by many ancient spells that protect any intruders from entering school premises!" Hermione sighed. "But it looks like we're in Ravenclaw's part of the castle." She walked to the wall... "I missed seeing the old castle..."
Harry remained silent as he watched her touch the walls, portraits, and a nearby suit of armor.
Suddenly, there was a sudden yell only one and one thing can make. "Peeves!" True enough, there, floating five feet above their heads was the nasty poltergeist, grinning ear to ear.
He grinned at the two of them. "STUDENTS OUT OF BED! TWO WITTLE STUDENTS AWAKE AFTER HOURS!" He cackled loudly. He flipped upside down and grinned at Hermione. "What's that I hear? Oh lookie!" He pointed to a large shape and a way smaller shape moving towards them quickly. "It's SIR ARGUS FILCH!" Peeves righted him and bowed gracefully. Then, with a maniacal laugh, he zoomed off.
Harry and Hermione gasped and turned to the two shapes.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Potter." Filch appeared out of the shadows. "And who's this young lady with you?" He looked at Hermione. "You don't look like any student I've ever seen..."
Hermione gulped. Maybe the reason he didn't recognized me is because I've never gotten in trouble before...but, that can't be it...he's spotted me a few times...
Harry shook his head. "Filch..."
"Hmm...you sound different, Potter. Did you get a charm placed on you?" Filch laughed. "I finally caught the great James Potter...but not Sirius..." He trailed off.
Harry glanced at Hermione. James Potter? Is Filch off his rocker? Maybe he's gone crazy...
"Come on, then." He pulled both Hermione and Harry by the arms and dragged them through many corridors. All the while Mrs. Norris mewing happily.
They reached a stone gargoyle and Filch cleared his throat. "Cookies n' Cream." The gargoyle quickly sprang aside and let them through.
Once they were at the office door, Filch knocked happily. Inside, they heard a male voice yawn and answer sleepily. Filch then opened the door and pushed both Harry and Hermione in at once.
Harry looked up and almost fainted. "Professor Dumbledore."
Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk and eyed Harry carefully. "You're not Mr. James Potter, are you?"
Harry shook his head, not finding any breath to speak. He cleared his throat and whispered. "I'm his son."
Dumbledore nodded. He looked over at Filch. "Argus, I'll take care of them. You may go back now." Filch nodded and stepped out of the office without a single word.
"And who are you?" Dumbledore looked over at Hermione. "Sadly, I do not recognize you."
Hermione nodded. "I'm Hermione Granger." Hermione shivered slightly. She knew Dumbledore was dead. As in, he was not alive. But here he is, talking to them. Unless...
"Ah, Ms. Granger." He smiled. "What brings you two out after hours?"
Harry shrugged. "I-uh, we...er...um..." He shook his head. Seeing Dumbledore alive was just too much pain for him to handle.
Hermione put a hand on his shoulder and smiled bravely. "We weren't here before. We were wandering around this place when this old lady accidentally covered us in her potion. Then we just came to in a corridor. I don't know if that's much information, but it's what happened."
Dumbledore nodded. "And James Potter's son. What is your name?"
Harry looked down at his shoes. He could hear the false snores of the portraits in the office. He could feel their eyes on him. "Harry." He managed to whisper.
"Right, Harry. What year are you two from?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled from behind his half moon spectacles.
"Wait, my father goes to school here right now, right?" Harry suddenly spoke.
Dumbledore nodded. "He's in his 7th year. Now as I have answered your question, please, do me the honor of answering mine."
Hermione shook her head. "We're in the year 2005."
Dumbledore smiled. "Yes, yes. What school year are you two in?"
Harry lost his voice again, so he held up seven fingers.
Dumbledore smiled once more. "Same as James."
Harry frowned at the mention of his father, but he kept his head down.
Hermione sighed. "So we've been taken to the past..." She shivered slightly. "What are we supposed to do now?"
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You may stay here until I can figure out a way to send you back to your own time." He stood up. "I'll conjure up two sleeping bags anditems that you'll be needing." And Dumbledore did not disappoint. "I'll be back tomorrow morning. Good night." He then glided out of the room with another word.
Harry looked at Hermione and sighed. "I don't even know how to take this kind of information..."
Hermione nodded and picked her way to her sleeping bag. "Well, we'll have to make due until we can get out of here."
Harry walked over to a blue sleeping bag and lay down in it. "I have to change my surname..."
Hermione nodded from behind him. "You don't want to let anyone know your real name. And we can't give any information about thefuture at all. I've read about moments like this where the person revealed future things and disturbed the whole flow of time. We can't risk anything happening."
Harry gulped. "And we might prevent me from being born." He whispered, but Hermione had already fallen asleep.
+oOo+
Bill Weasly eyed Hermione suspiciously. "Hermione? Could you get me a bottle offirewhiskey in celebration like two days ago? That was hilarious..." Bill trailed off. They hadn't celebrated anything in the past week and Hermione didn't drink. But Hermione smiled and nodded. She reached towards a cabinet and opened it only to find plates. Confused, she walked over to the next set of cabinets and opened that one. It was filled with pots.
Bill watched her open every single cabinet until she found one full of butterbeer and firewhiskey. Strange, and she was the one who placed everything in their proper cabinets. She should know where everything is... He gasped and suddenly stood up. "Herms, we're going to have to postpone our celebration. I just remembered that i promised Fleur I'd do more English lessons with her." Keeping up with his lie, he waggled his eyebrows at her.
As soon as he left, Hermione collapsed on the chair. "That was so fucking close." She wiped away sweat forming on her head. "That blood-traitor almost found me out. The thick idiot! He's so stupid he didn't even realize..." She trailed off. At once, she opened the bottle offirewhiskey and took a swig. "Idiot."
But what Hermione didn't notice was the flash of red hair disappear from behind the doorway.
Bill ran to where his father was sitting and gulped. "Dad, I don't think that Hermione is Hermione."
Confused, Arthur stood up. "Huh?"
"Earlier, I asked Hermione to get me a bottle of firewhiskey from the cabinets and so then she went to look for them." Bill whispered. "Then, after I told her that I was going to Fluer, I heard her say 'fuck' and 'blood-traitor'!"
Arthur nodded. "We better check out Harry too. They haven't been acting like themselves."
Bill nodded and they ran up to Ron's room.
+oOo+
Hermione opened her eyes and looked around. She was startled by a voice.
"Glad to see you're awake, Miss Granger."
She looked up to see Albus Dumbledore grinning at her. She nearly had a heart attack, that is, untilthe previousnight's events flooded back into her mind. She was in the past...
She looked to the sleeping bag next to her and frowned when she found it empty. "Where's Harry?"
"He's right here." Harry popped out from behind a large trunk and grinned at her. "I practically slept like a baby!"
Hermione grinned and stood up. Harry was in a strange mood... "Professor, what now?"
Harry sat down, obviously interested.
Dumbledore took a seat behind his desk. "You continue lessons with the seventh year." He stood up and walked to one of the trunks. "What house are you in, Miss Granger?"
Almost at once, she answered. "Gryffindor."
Dumbledore muttered something and the Trunk was soon filled with her robes and such. "I assume it's the same for Mr. Potter?"
"Yeah, but it's Mr. Granger, while we're in this time. I'll be posing as Hermione's older cousin." Harry stood up and grinned, suddenly feeling relaxed.
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Oh? When did you think of this, Mr. Granger?"
Harry laughed. "Last night when I heard you muttering Granger...'cause in the event..." Harry grinned. "I then came up with Granger and cousin! Amazing, isn't it?"
Hermione shook her head. Dumbledore chuckled and filled Harry's trunk as well. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two papers. "These are your schedules."
Hermione and Harry took the papers and sighed in relief when they saw that they had all the same classes. "That's good. We won't be separated..."
Dumbledore smiled and motioned for them to follow him. "I'll send your trunks to your rooms so that I can introduce you two to the whole school."
And with a flick of his wand, Harry and Hermione's possesions were gone.
When she spotted Dumbledore's wand, Hermione gasped and reached into the pocket of her coat. With a happy sigh, she saw that she still had her wand. Harry reached into his pocket and gasped when he found nothing.
"Dude, where's my wand?" Harry exclaimed. Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. Harry pulled out his wand from his back pocket and laughed.
"Now, to Breakfast!" Dumbledore chuckled and led them out of his office. As soon as the two people stepped in front of the stone gargoyle, their clothing changed into the Gryffindor robes. Harry sighed. "Let's get this over with."
+oOo+
Arthur and Bill eyed Harry and Hermione as they interacted. They seemed polite, but not friendly. And they continued that way until Arthur exclaimed happily.
"Harry! Weren't you saying something about Hermione? You know, yesterday? About her beauty or something?" Normally, a comment such as this would have made Harry and Hermione both blush, but instead, they continued on normally.
"Oh, yes." Harry smiled. "Hermione is very beautiful."
Bill glanced at Hermione who was currently smiling like crazy. Yes, they weren't the real Harry and Hermione.
+oOo+
"Settle down, children." Dumbledore stood at the stand with a smile on his face. He waited for the sound of people talking and whispering died down. "As you can see, we have two new students here with us. They will be staying with us for a while, so treat them good! Harry, Hermione, please, would you like to say hello?"
Blushing, Harry took the stand and grinned at the crowd. Most girls were giggling. "Er, Hi." By this time, many girly voices could be heard all excitedly squealing. Harry fought the urge to laugh as he stepped down and bowed for Hermione to go.
Hermione blushed like mad, but stepped to the stand, nonetheless. She smiled shyly and muttered her hello. What caused her to blush even more was the murmur of male voices.
Harry noticed and happily punched her in the shoulder. "You little minx!"
Dumbledore smiled down at the two of them. "You may take your seat at the Gryffindor table."
Nodding, the two teens hurried to find a seat next to each other at the table. They spotted two seats across from each other and they sat down. Automatically, Harry found himself gawked at. And it seemed that Hermione was in the same position.
Harry sighed. He ran a hand through his messy hair and grinned at Hermione. Soon, their plates filled with food and they served themselves without a word.
"Hey, you." Harry looked up and almost choked when he saw a handsome face. He was looking at Sirius Black. "Fuck man, how'd you do it?"
"Sirius!" A sharp voice interrupted.
Hermione jumped and watched the conversation, forgetting all about her food.
"Yes, Remus?" Sirius arched and eyebrow and grinned at theman across from him.
Remus shook his head. He turned to Harry, apologetic. "Sorry about my friend..." He trailed off at the sight of Harry. He looked so much like James. "He's erm, a bit impolite, you see?" He waved a hand at Sirius, who was now hitting on Hermione.
"So, the name's Sirius Black. What's yours?" He grinned at her.
Hermione closed her eyes, trying not to throw up. "Hermione Granger. She motioned to Harry. "And this is Harry Granger."
At once, Sirius scooted a bit farther back. "Are you two married or something?"
At this, Harry made a disgusted face. "No! We're cousins!"
Sirius' grin came back almost at once. "Oh, in that case," He turned to Hermione once more. "Wanna go out sometime?"
Hermione let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. "I'm afraid not."
At this, Sirius' smile dropped. "What?"
Remus sighed. "See what I mean?" He asked, turning back to Harry.
Harry grinned and nodded. "Yeah, I think."
"Whoa, Sirius got rejected?" An excited voice rang through Harry's ears. He turned to a male sitting to the right of Remus. He had incredibly untidy jet-black hair and sparkling hazel eyes. A pair of glasses sat upon his nose.
Both Harry and Hermione's mouths dropped open at the sight of him. At once, Harry closed his mouth, but Hermione kept hers open in shock.
James Potter, seeing Hermione's reaction to him, grinned at Sirius. "See, I'm more attractive, as I have proven. Can't blame her, really, I'm just so damn sexy..." James grinned.
"I beg to differ!" A feminine voice reached their ears and they all turned around. Lily Evans stood there in all her glory. Her fiery red hair cascading down her waist and her deep emerald eyes scanning them over. "You may think you're sexy, but everyone knows I'm sexier!" She grinned wickedly.
James turned to the sound of her voice and froze, his mouth hanging open.
Lily laughed. "You see?"
Sirius grinned. "You know, Prongs, Evans has a point, right there." James did not respond.
Lily looked over at Harry and Emerald met Emerald. She looked from Harry to James in shock. "Whoa, is this just me or am I seeing a bloody resemblance between Potter and Granger?"
Hearing her surname, Hermione looked up at Lily. Her eyes went wide. So it was true, that Harry resembled his mother. Hermione grinned. She would like to know Lily a bit more...
Harry shook his head quickly. Lily wasn't acting as how he imagined her to act. She imagined that she would be scorning James into Hell, lecturing him about his actions, but here she was, declaring that she was sexy? Now he was confused.
"Black! What in the bloody hell is going on?" Another Lily was walking towards them in anger. Upon seeing the other Lily (The one that declared she was sexy), she froze. "What in the name ofbloody hell is going on here?"
Seeing two Lilys, everyone jumped up in surprise. James soon started to look like his birthday had come early.
The teachers all ignored the commotion.
"Here's your test, Prongs. You guess which is the real Lily and we won't dump you in the lake in only your knickers." Sirius grinned at James. "Pick one."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other in surprise. This was a strange group.
James stood up and began to sweat. Two Lilys stood in front of him, side by side. He couldn't tell them apart. One Lily was smiling oh so prettily at him, while the other was scowling. He fell in love with the other Lily's smile and pointed at her. "She's the real Lily."
Sirius laughed. "Wrong!"
With a pop, the smiling Lily turned into Peter Pettigrew. James shrank back in fear. "Disgusting!" He turned to the currently scowling Lily. "I'm so sorry! You know you're the only love of my life—" He stopped mid-sentence. Lily had hit him hard on the head.
Harry immediately stood up at the sight of Pettigrew. He had almost pulled out his wand, but Hermione held him back. So instead, he glared at him. Everyone except Lily noticed how Harry stared at Peter with loathing and murder written on his face.
Lily turned to Harry and Hermione. "Hello. I'm Lily Evans and I'm currently Head Girl. This prat," She motioned at James. "Is the insufferable Head Boy. If you need any help, be sure to go to me and not him." Lily rolled her eyes.
Harry nodded. "I'm Harry Granger. Nice to meet you, Ms. Evans." Somehow, Harry felt slightly shyer in front of him mother.
Lily smiled at him. "Oh, just call me Lily." They shook hands and Hermione laughed.
"I'm Hermione Ann Granger, pleased to meet you, Lily." Hermione smiled at her. It was true that Harry's mum was a thing of beauty.
That small sentence seemed to have Lily feeling like they had a connection. "Hello!" She took a seat in the middle of Sirius and Hermione. And they began to bond.
Harry grinned and looked over at James who looked to be nursing his broken heart. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were now mocking him.
"Oh, Lily! You know You're the only girl I'll ever love! You mean the world to me!" Sirius pretended to be James while Remus was Lily.
"But James! You're just a pile of horse dung in my eyes!"Remus put on mock hurt. "And that's what you'll always be...a pile of stinky horse dung."
Sirius then chose that time to burst into mock tears. "How could you? After all I did for you? I let you step on me and use my robes as a welcome mat! I've done nothing but love you, but all you ever do is call me Potter! I want to be called Jamesie-poo!"
The entire table burst into laughter as James turned a bright shade of red and Lily remained oblivious.
Harry grinned at Hermione and wished he would never leave.
+oOo+
Bill and Ginny stood behind Hermione and pushed her forward.
"Hey! What the fuck do you fucking blood-traitors think you're doing?" Hermione's voice sounded like a man's voice. Bill held her down while Ginny performed a revealing spell.
Soon, Hermione's soft honey colored tresses fell off and she sprouted extremely dusty brown hair. Her eye color turned to a strange color of blue and in front of them lay a young man looking to be in his early twenties.
Bill held him down as he struggled to get out of his grip. Arthur Weasly came into the room and his expression became Grim when he spotted the young man. He had his wand raised into the air and in drifted another young man, both looking exactly alike. Clearly, they were twins.
"Looks like we had a pair of spies among us. They were using Polyjuice Potion to assume the alias of Harry and Hermione." Arthur placed the unconscious young man onto the floor and stuck the two of them onto the floor. Bill stood up and gulped.
Ginny cleared her throat. "So where are Harry and Hermione?"
+oOo+
A/N: So we had two spies in the Burrow...hmmm...what will I think of next? Oh yeah! Next chapter, James will be thrown into the Lake in his Boxers while Lily starts to develop feelings for a certain boy with jet-black hair. But the question is, Which one? Isn't it obvious?
So anyway, Read and Review and I may put the next chapter up so quickly that you don't have time to blink!
And so my final words to you are w00t!
Love,
Miss Kay-chan
P.S And for those of you who would like to visit my MySpace, it's Myspace dot com/mizzkaycee
And now, the great Kaycee thanks her reviewers!
Hunters-witch Well, we wouldn't want you to go mad, would we? Thanks for the review!
Puppy Dog Eyes Jr. I make yours look even more like shit? Well, that's interesting to know...lolz! Thanks for the review, Allie!
Hermione's Twin Thanks for the review! I didn't think anyone would say that!
blackbutterfly88 Hopefully, you're no longer confused.
Black as Ash Interesting. Review more soon.
FlyDown Thanks for saying that, although I have no original thoughts in my head, I appreciate the comment! Lolz!
QUESTION!
Anyone have a MySpace?