Bonjour peoples! Gomen nesai for taking so long to put this chapter out. My internet was cut off for the longest time and of course, I, having nothing to do, wrote and did meaningless things. I'm still begging for it to be hooked up so if this chapter ever appears online, then XD. Yes well, back to business then. I have discovered that Sango's eyes are in fact grey. For proof refer to the following link: LINK HERE. I've tried my best to have everyone in character, and for those who are questioning my motives, no, I'm not a Kikyo Lover. Actually I'm a Kikyo hater but that's another fanfiction. '.
Dreaming comes so easily,
'Cause it's all that I know
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?
-Damaged, Plummet
He put me down in front of Kaede's hut. I bit my lip.
What would Kikyo be like now that she wasn't... dead?
I shook my head slightly.
It didn't matter what she was like. She had just returned, and she had done nothing wrong. I should be as helpful as I could. As welcoming as possible. As sympathetic and kind as I'd want if I were in her place.
Even if...
I trembled.
Even if he and she became they.
Even if he pushed me aside and picked up right where he left off with her.
I would be Kagome, myself. I would not give into any bad notions or thoughts about her. She is a person. She deserves respect.
But... what about me?
What's going to happen to me?
What's going to happen to us?
He nudged me forward.
"Seriously Kagome, maybe you should rest or something. You're not acting like yourself today."
I nodded.
"Uh, sure."
Then, I stepped inside.
The moment I walked in, Kikyo's eyes lit up. It's almost scary to have such kind looks upon me when all I can think are bad things about this person.
She was in an animated conversation with her sister; my presence must have interrupted them.
"Ah, the lady of the moment."
Miroku's eyes swept over me, and I can tell he's trying his hardest to observe my reaction to her. He locks eyes with Sango, and some secret communication passes between them. I've always envied that.
"Kagome-chan, there's room to sit right here." Sango pats the mat beside her.
I nod, and am about to take my wonderful friend's suggestion when Kikyo's voice slices through the air.
"Actually, I was wondering if I could possibly speak to you, Kagome-sama."
Kagome-sama?
I nodded again.
"Of course."
She rises, gives a slight bow to everyone, and leads the way out the door.
I follow.
Kikyo has led me to the Bone Eater's Well. I can't help thinking that maybe this is some ploy to get me alone so she can scream at me to return to my time and push me down it again.
I know, I know. Such an imagination I have.
She sits on the edge of it, and stares at her feet.
"I… wanted to thank you."
I blink.
Her eyes meet mine.
"I realize that this must be very hard for you, but all the same, you deserve my eternal thanks."
"I… you're welcome…"
She smiles.
I smile back, but it's my fake one.
Every second, this keeps getting more surreal, and all I can do is act polite. There is an unspoken issue between us, and neither has brought it up yet.
Who gets Inuyasha?
Who's going to step aside and let the other progress?
Who now, is the reincarnation of whom?
Am I still me? Is she still her?
We are who we are, and one of us is meant to be with him.
Maybe both.
Maybe it won't matter to fate who gets to stay with him. Maybe it's just a roll of the die.
I add up my points.
Kikyo was there first.
Kikyo was before Kagome.
Inuyasha loved Kikyo before he loved Kagome.
Wait, he's never told me he loved me.
Kikyo belongs here, not like Kagome, who is from another time.
But Kikyo died!
Why do I have to suffer because of this?
"I can tell that you are confused."
I jump.
"To tell you the truth, I am as well."
I nod.
Okay, that's great. I'm so glad you've decided to share that with the rest of the class. It really helps.
She sighs.
"Inuyasha is still a hanyou. Because the jewel was used to bring me back, there is no hope for him to be human."
My eyes widen.
That. That is the only thing that ever bothered me about Kikyo. I want to scream at her. How selfish she is! He feels weak when he's human! That is the worst thing that you could ever ask him to do! He's finally accepted who he is, and all you want to do is rip it away from him for your own reasons?
"Why is there need for him to become human? You no longer guard the Shikon no Tama, you are free to live the life of a normal woman."
She shakes her head sadly.
"I was hoping that perhaps… he and I… it's not possible, you see. Hanyou's live much longer and age slower then humans. By the time I am an old woman, he will only look as if he's in his twenties."
I know that, and you know what, Kikyo? It doesn't bother me one bit. I accept Inuyasha for who he is, and what he isn't. I will never try to change the one I love, because it's those qualities you find offensive that I fell in love with.
"I see."
She smiles at me.
"I'm glad we've come to an agreement then. I knew you'd understand. Thank you."
She almost bounces off in joy, while I am left here blinking.
What did I agree to!
I sigh and collapse on the edge of the well.
Something keeps tugging at my sleeve, and I glance at it wearily.
"Kagome, I been thinking."
"About what, Shippo-chan?"
He hops on my lap, and I can't help but smile. What would I do without my Shippo-chan?
His green eyes peer into mine anxiously.
"When you go back through the well, what's gonna happen to me?"
I blink.
He shakes his head, and I can tell he's been thinking about this for a while now.
"I mean, because the Shikon no Tama isn't here anymore, that means you can't come back again."
I freeze.
He's right.
I might not even be able to get back now!
I turn my head and peer into the darkness. If Shippo's right, I might only have a one way ticket home. If I'm right, I might not even have that.
Oh Kami, would I even dare to try going home for fear of never seeing this place again? Would I even dare to try for fear of falling hard and looking up to still see Shippo's face?
He's still looking at me inquiringly.
"So, whatcha gonna do Kagome?"
"I… don't know."
I just don't know.