Chapter 13 By Kristen
When Nick entered his townhouse, he couldn't even recall how he got to his door. He swallowed hard, wondering how fast he must have driven, and thought ruefully how close he might have gotten into an accident. His chest was heaving, he still hadn't managed to get his harsh breathing under control since the outburst.
Nick stood in the middle of his living room, his ears filled with the pounding of his heart. He felt another light sweat break across his forehead, and wiped the perspiration away with the sleeve of his arm. Nick started pacing up and down in the confines of the room, kicking at any piece of furniture in the way of his furious stride.
His hand hurt from when he smashed it into the locker. That little flashback playing over and over again in his head, like it was caught in some odd freeze frame action. All the words exchanged echoed in his head. Nick couldn't calm down. Instead, his fiery temper escalated as he thought back to all the accusations from his best friend.
His cell phone kept ringing, and Nick ignored the pesky shrill-like noise that told him that probably more than one person was looking for him. He pulled the offending device out of his pocket, saw the message that read 5 missed calls. He studied the readout, when he noticed his hand tremble.
Nick looked at his left hand dumbly to see it shaking as well. He inhaled a deep, breath.
'No, no, no, no, no,' his mind screamed.
Except his internal mantra of denial was being out done by all the hate filled words of his partner. His brain was buzzing on overload.
The cell phone beeped again and Nick slung the thing across the room where he heard is crack from the impact.
Nick held his head in his hands, trying to will all the noise in his head to go away. When he wiped his hand across his face, he noticed that it came away moist.
"No, no, please stop it." He half choked to no one.
Nick headed for the medicine cabinet in his bedroom. He knocked over bottles till he found the one he was searching for. He tapped one out, and swallowed it dry. He hadn't felt the need for any of his meds in weeks. With shaky legs, Nick managed to drag himself to his couch, where he collapsed, almost exhausted. Nick felt the floodgates reach their breaking point. He looked up from his sofa and noticed the light of one of his lamps. Still reeling from his uncorked rage, he grabbed the lamp with shaky hands and hurled it off the end table.
His living room, was engulfed in darkness and Nick was left utterly alone with the sounds of his uncontrolled sobbing filling the room.
Greg Sanders stood outside Nick Stoke's door for a few minutes. His hand wavered for several moments before he pulled it back. The other criminalist wasn't answering his phone and it took every ounce of determination to keep everyone else at bay at the lab. His coworkers would be expecting some sort of progress report, but the newest criminalist had warned not to expect an immediate phone call. This might take some time.
Knowing a lot of people's worry and concern, including his own, was weighing heavily on his mind. He forced himself to knock hard enough for Nick to answer. Greg stood there for a while, and put all his weight on his tip toes, then back again to the balls of his feet. He wasn't going to be ignored, so he just banged harder.
Finally, the door cracked open. Greg could see Nick study him for a moment, till the other man stepped away, a gesture that the ex-lab tech knew was his invitation to enter.
Greg walked into the foyer area, as Nick shuffled his way back into his living room and slumped down on his sofa. Greg noticed the dimness of streetlights filter in from one of the windows in the dining room. It was the only source of illumination.
Nick's expression was hidden behind weird bands of shadow and light. Greg stood silently as Nick took a sip of beer. The younger man studied the two other empty Heinekens on the coffee table. Greg took in the small destruction of the room and sighed inwardly.
He took a set in a love seat next to the sullen man, and waited for him to speak. Greg sat there for quite some time, his inner voice telling him he might be here all night, till a harsh voice interrupted.
"Who sent ya?"
Greg adjusted his weight a little. Who didn't, he wondered. "I wanted to come."
Nick seemed to mull over his answer. The CSI drank some more of his beverage. "Who knows?"
Greg wondered where honesty would get him right now. He'd never lied to his friend before. "Most of the graveyard shift."
Greg heard a grunt and Nick finished off his beer and tossed it on to the coffee table where it rolled to a stop next to the others. "Am I suspended?"
"Not that I know of." Greg answered. The truth was, his superiors were just worried, not a very new concept when it came to their subject.
"What, no report has been filed?" Nick asked, his voice a shell of his old self.
"Warrick didn't want to talk about it." Greg explained. "Can't have a report, when there's no documentation of any action."
Nick slid his elbow onto his lap, and placed his head wearily against his hand. "I'm fine, Greg," Nick said.
Greg arched an eyebrow. "You know mixing meds and alcohol is never a good combination."
Nick looked up somewhat surprised.
"I know you can pound away more than a six pack. I count only three bottles and with your slightly slurred speech, its easy to pick up."
Nick actually cracked a grin. "You're going to be a top CSI in a few years, Greg." Nick's voice was nothing if not sincere.
The younger man didn't say anything. He would let his friend lead the conversation.
Nick shook his head. "You know what the damnedest thing of it all is?"
Greg leaned closer. "No."
"I was scared in that alleyway. When that homeless guy first came over, my hand was itchy over my gun. It...it was intense."
Nick folded his arms on his lap, and sat forward. "I was very vigilant the whole time...yet.." Nick's voice trailed off.
"It could have happened to anybody," Greg tried to offer.
He didn't expect Nick to burst out into laughter.
After the near hysterics were done, Nick quieted down and looked in the Greg's eyes. "I'm not loosing it, Greggo. All of you guys are driving me up a wall. I've been doing fine. I can't be expected to recover when all of you keep walking on eggshells waiting for me to crack."
"We're not waiting for you to slip up." Greg defended.
"In fact, I'd say all of you are the ones pushing me to a breakdown. Maybe if I do fall, then maybe you can justify all of your over bearingness." Nick continued, ignoring Greg's response.
Greg didn't like being ignored. He grabbed Nick's shoulder and forced the other man to look at him. "What's the worst thing about it?"
Nick looked at him in confusion. '"What?"
"All of this supposed over protectiveness. What's so bad about it?"
Nick blinked a few times. "I don't need it."
"Why?" Greg pressed.
"Its not necessary. I'm fine. I'm not cationic. I'm not stuck in some Plexiglas box anymore. I've been out. I'm still me." Nick locked eyes with his friend. "I don't want to be treated like some victim anymore."
"We don't treat you like one, Nick. What is it really?" Greg continued.
Nick growled low in his throat. "I just want to be normal again. In control of my own life."
"You hate it when you feel like you don't have any control?"
Nick snorted. "No one likes being treated this way. You guys keep trying to run my life. I can't stand it."
Greg licked his lips. "I know all about it, Nick. We all do." Upon Nick's continued confused expression Greg went on. "Walter Gordon's plan was all about control. Every part of his scheme was about cold-blooded revenge. To be in command."
Nick swallowed. Greg could tell he didn't like this subject but it didn't matter. "He just didn't want to kill you Nick, or any other CSI who happened to come along his well thought of trap. Walter Gordon was a scientist. A man who crafted every aspect of his great experiment, having planed and anticipated everything."
Greg's voice was as serious as Nick had ever heard.
"He wanted us to suffer. The Lab. Your coworkers. We had no control what so ever. We were useless. Felt useless."
"I know." Nick responded.
"No, you don't." Greg shook his head. "We talked about this at the Lake, but I think in a weird sort of way, you only now are able to understand even the slightest what we went through."
Nick played with the fabric of his jeans as he listened.
"If you hate how we make you feel, that we're keeping you from going back to your life. Just try to keep in mind what all of us went though as well. Warrick may have been out of line tonight, and he might be a bit overbearing. But all he's trying to do is retain some of the control that was taken away from all of us that night."
Greg took a deep breath. "We're just floundering away. Give us a chance. Let us try to get our control back from the asshole who ripped it from us."
Greg rubbed his face with his hand. "We all have issues dude, from that night. I stopped counting the nightmares, and I'm sure Warrick's is probably worse. That guy was really messed the whole time. It tore him up, being forced to watch ...to watch you."
Nick looked away for a moment. "I guess...I just... didn't really think about it...like that."
Greg noticed Nick's fingers tremble slightly. The other man caught him staring. "Its nothing."
"Its...uh, not really any of my business, but have you told your doctor about any of this?"
"About what?"
"Everything we've talked about."
Nick scrunched up his face in annoyance. "We talk about the box. After the box."
"I think we've discovered tonight, that there's more to what's going on then just the time you spent in there." Greg eyes' darted down to Nick's hands.
The Texan looked like he was about to launch into another argument. Greg held out his hand. "I'm not an expert, dude. I'm not telling you want to do, but even I can recognize signs of PTSD. If you don't share with your therapist everything that's going on in that head of yours, then things are never going to get better."
Both men sat in silence. Greg knew he didn't need to say anything else. The two men talked about work a little more. The younger criminalist let himself out, when it was obvious his friend was worn out. Greg got in his car and began the task of calling a very long list of people.
For the first time in weeks, Greg felt that Nick was finally taking the last steps to really get past his nightmare.
It was Nick's night off. He slept all evening and into the day. He made an emergency appointment with his therapist and spent two hours at the man's office letting him know some of the things that had been bothering him for the past few weeks. It was agreed to increase the visits to twice a week, and Nick promised to be open about everything from now on. His doctor explained that his increased anger and paranoia were signs of his developing problems from not dealing with the aftermath of the kidnapping openly.
The criminalist was standing outside enjoying the fresh air at the park. He had checked his voice mail and was relieved to hear a response from his earlier phone call. He looked up at the stars and in the serene beauty of the night sky. He heard a car door close, and the foot steps of another man approach.
Warrick Brown strolled onto the court, wearing a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and a pair of black sweat pants. Nick had on a pair of blue ones, his Dallas Cowboys shirt a proud symbol of how he felt tonight.
Warrick looked at him with a mixture of fierce emotions. Nick could feel the static electricity in the air. He bounced the basketball a few times and then threw it at his partner.
"You ready?" Nick taunted.
Warrick Brown bounced the ball in one hand, his eyes never looked away.
"Show me what'cha got."
Tbc...
Yep, B-Ball action. I promise.
Kristen's notes: After Shacky's last chapter, I hope people were not too disapointed in this one. My turn at Greg, plus some much needed realizations and reactions from poor Nick.
The Mod at CSIfanficawards would like me to post her info on the last chapters of this story. She's still trying to get word out to alfafic readers from this site. So, again just posting the info for her.Below is the link to the site. It covers every CSI fandom, every category of story and character. So if you want, go check it out and nominate your favorite stories and authors. The creator told me that trying to reach readers was going to be tough. So let you voice be heard if you wish. Choose for every cat, or just a few. If you don't want to sign up for a LJ account, just read the rules there and send an e-mail to. There did my duty. I put the links in (dot) so that .would show up. And I typed (at) for
(www)livejournal(at)com/community/csifanficawards/
csifanficawards(at)yahoo(dot)com
Shacky's notes:
Poncholives- Thanks for the kudos, to say I was unsure about writing this chapter would be an understatement, but once it starting flowing it just kept coming and I could envision it in my head and could so see both of them blowing their tops, it had to happen I think.
Designation- Intense it what I was going for,wanted to catch a few of you off guard, but I could so see Nick finally having had enough, and Warrick not giving in, but taking his guilt out on Nick himself.
NIckGilGreggonumber1fan- Yeah, but Warrick was so worked up, I don't think he knew what he was saying, we has just angry, and we all say things we don't mean when we are angry. But his guilt is consuming him.
CSIxMiss- Speechless is always a good thing authors like to hear, it means our writing worked, and came across well. I didn't think I'd be able to pull off a good Warrick/Nick scene, but it seems to have done the trick.
Jewelbaby- We'll wait and see what Greg does, and I've loved writing the Nick/Greg chapters, but trying something new. Love your new story at as well.
Overchay- So, the whole think at once. Well, I am a Nick/Greg slash writer, if you couldn't tell. I had most of the Nick/Greg scenes, and tried to mix things up a little with this chapter. I love Nick/Greg, and have several stories of my own on my own Live Journal site, under Shacky20 as well if you are interested. So glad you are enjoying this story as well..
Rozzy07- That's the feeling I wanted you to have, mentally exhausted. I know, but I truly Warrick wasn't thinking, his mouth was just moving before his brain could engage, he had a lot of guilt and rage to let go of also, and Nick and Warrick were in each other's path at the time.
Mma63- Well, the surprises are what keep you coming back, we strive for the unexpected, and I think we achieved that. At least I hoped.
MBsinger- Are you new, forgive me but I haven't seen your name before, I love still attracting new readers. The confrontation needed to happen for both of them, get it out of their systems, but they won't let it last long.
KatKnits00- Thank you so much for your continued reviews, they really mean a lot to me since I was kind of the unknown when Kristen asked me to write with her. It truly has been a privilege writing this story, and I hate it's starting to come to an end. Yeah, I think Warrick knew he crossed the line, but it was way beyond too late to take it back, and Nick needed to let go.
tvspaz626- So glad you enjoyed this last chapter. As I said before, I wasn't sure if I could pull it off as well as Kristen, and the reviews you all have given me for it has been heartwarming to say the least. Don't worry, we update, quick, last chapter will be updated Sunday, so you wont' miss anything.
everybetty- Yeah, both are pretty pig headed, thinks that's where all of this stared from. Thanks for taking the time to review and glad you are enjoying the story.
LucreziaNoin86- Well, I guess that's good, expecting the unexpected means we are doing are jobs right.
Ninjahurt- You could feel the conflict between Warrick and Nick building, it was boud it come to and head somtime.
FrodoJijactess- So glad you liked this chapter, it was hard yet easy to write, hard to imagine, but once it got going, it flowed right out.
KASEY(KC- I'm so glad you thought is was necessary. I could feel it building of several chapter s now, and knew it was coming to a head, hope I portrayed it as believable and needed.
rojaji- Thank you, I was so afraid to tackle Warrick, but I could feel the guilt radiating off of him, and knew he was going to explode at some point, and Nick and him needed this out of their systems I believed.
csifan- Intensity was the key word I was going for, and you won't be waiting long.
New Creation- As much as we would love to keep it going, all good things must come to an end, and we want to end on a high note. Thank you so much for you continued support of our fic and great reviews, the all mean a lot to us, and are very thankful for your continued supportl
lemongrass- Edge of your seat is good, that was exactly what I was going for. Glad it worked for you. And your review was one of the best compliments we could have asked for, and always still free
Jones- Glad you liked the action, I tried to capture it the best I could.
Bebob- Yeah, I wouldn't want to get Nick mad either
higherbeigfriendsfan- Glad you were shocked, wouldn't be as much fun if is was predictable.
groban- Wasn't trying to be evil, I promise, but cliffhangers are good when are you are writing it. You won't have to wait long, and thank you for you consistent reviews and praise, it means so much to both of us. I really didn't know I had it in me, I guess Kristen is rubbing off on me
Amy- Thank you, they both have some healing to do, I believe Warrick can't let go of Nick for his hear of seeing him almost die, twice plus the guilt of knowing it could have been him. They are bound to have words, it was building, glad you are enjoying it.