Chapter 5 The Ranch - Mild Language and Much Drinking
One day, Link was bored. So he decided to visit the ranch.
He walked in and decided to go in the barn.
Ingo: I, the great Ingo, should rule the ranch - no, the entire world!
Link: Oookay.
Ingo: I shall rise up against the oppressors!
Link: Riiight.
Ingo: NONE SHALL SURVIVE THE WRATH OF INGO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Link: I'll just be leaving now.
Link left, then decided to go into the main house. Thing. Kind of a house. Maybe. Depends on your definition of a house. Just like all the other houses in Hyrule.
Talon: Snore...
Link: Yo, fat guy! Wake up!
Talon: Gorsh darndit! Whart was thart all abourt?
Link: I wanna kill your Cuccoos!
Talon: Hurh?
Link: That is, I want to play the Cuccoo game.
Talon: Right. Well, it corsts-
Link: Wait! I'll come back later!
Talon: Orkey dorkey...
Talon went back to sleep, and Link threw all the Cuccoos behind the table.
Link: Okay, fat guy! You can wake up now!
Talon: Right. Well, it corsts abourt 10 rurpees...
Link: Ell no! I'm not paying that kind of frickin' dough for a game of lousy frickin' Cuccoos!
Talon: Well then you can jorlly well go away!
Link: All right, all right, I'll play.
Talon: Okay. Now, whart you gotter do is catch these here spercial Cuccoos.
Link: Okay.
Talon: Ready? Okayr!
Link caught the Cuccos and gave them back to Talon.
Talon: Well gorlly gee, tharnks!
Link: Now give me my frickin' prize.
Talon: Orkey dorkey. Here you gor.
Talon handed Link a bottle of...
Link: Whiskey?
Talon: Well, the milk bursness was gettin' kinda slow. That there's made in our still righrt here on the rarnch!
Link: What does it do?
Talon: Why, one swig o' thart'll keep any enermy away fer days!
Link: Why?
Talon: Well, morst enermies don' like ter see people so drurnk they keep singin' "Twinkle Twinkle" orf key.
Link: That's... nice...
Talon: Great! Now how abourt you marry Marlon?
Link: Who's that?
Talon: My darter! Why, she'll prorbaly take over the farmily bursness...
Link: Whiskey making?
Talon: Malon sure carn hold 'er own! Why, I seen 'er guzzle nearly twerny pints afore she fell over... all a farther ken arsk fer...
Link: No, I don't think I would like to marry her, thanks.
Talon: Why nort?
Link: Probably not my type.
Talon: Ah, I's ken see yer a chardonnay type... Snore...
Talon went back to sleep, and Link left the house thing.
Then he went to the pasture.
Malon: Whher wer wer... werwerwer werwer... WHERwherWherwerwer werwerwer...
Link: Are you all right?
Malon: Sure! Teehee! Hic
Link: Ah...
Malon: Wanna know this song? Hic Wherwerwer werwerwer werwer... WHER wer wer...
You have learned Epona's Song!
Link: Huh?
A probably rabid horse started to nibble Link's tunic.
Link: What have you done?
Malon: Oh, she likes that song... Ooh, that has to hurt. Hic
Link: Help! I'm being eaten alive by a probably rabid horse!
Malon: Teehee! Hic
Link then took out his anger on a probably innocent Cuccoo, which began to cluck and violently attack him.
The End.
That one totally sucked. Please review, otherwise I'll send rabid Cuccoos after you.
Seriously.
No, really.
Just review, okay?