Link was told by that obnoxious Princess Zelda to get the three Spiritual Stones. He already had the first one, and the second was easy, he just had to beat up Darunia until he handed it over.
But the third...
Link: Hand over the rock, buster, or I'll make you regret the day you were laid.
King Zora: I don't have it! My stupid kid stole it and then got eaten by a giant fish who happens to be our deity!
Link: A likely story!
King Zora: No! Seriously! Man, she is such a brat, I don't blame Jabu-Jabu.
Link: Hmmm...
So Link ran into Jabu Jabu, then ran back out again, slightly faster.
Link::wheeze: Oh, I think I'm gonna barf...
Link barfed(splat) into a convenient vase that was just for that purpose.
Link: Man, that fish seriously needs some Listerine...
Then Link went and bought the Zora tunic, even though it was too big, because you didn't have to breathe while wearing it.
He then stepped cautiously into the :cough cough ohhh...: stomach :splat: of Jabu Jabu.
So Link tried not to think about what he was stepping on as he proceded to the main :splat: stomach chamber.:splat splat splat:
Ruto: Go away! I hate you! Die die die!
Link: Gimme the rock or you die slowly and painfully, fishbreath!
Ruto: No!
Ruto tried to leave, but tripped over her flippers and fell down what looked kind of like a black hole slash ulcer.
Link: Oh Din no...
Link held his breath and slid down the hole, trying to shut off his nervous sysem.
Ruto: I'm not going with you, mammal-boy!
Link: I didn't ask you to. Just give me the frickin' blue rock!
Ruto: I am way too good for you!
Link: I don't care! I just want your Spiritual Stone!
Ruto: Do you really care about me that much?
Link: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOU? Give me the stone or I'll resort to violence!
Ruto: Well in that case, you can carry me!
Link: I want the Spiritual Stone of Water and you have it...
Ruto: Oh, THAT stone. Yeah, I dropped around here somewhere.
Link: You what!
Ruto: I said, I dropped it-
Link: I heard that! Okay, I'm going to find it!
Ruto: That's right! And you're going to carry me!
Link: Arrgh!
Link attempted to run away but was stopped as Ruto knocked him over and sat on his head.
Link: What the...
Ruto: Now carry me, mammalian peasant!
Link ran through the :ergh, splat: stomach of the giant fish, all the while trying to throw the fishy princess, but she held on to his head. Finally, he found the stone and threw Ruto off, but she grabbed it.
Link was so mad he just started killing everything, until he defeated Bari-something. Then, when he saw Ruto in a circle of blue light, he tried to attack, but he was transported to Zora's Fountain.
Ruto: Ohhhh, Link... You are soooo cool...
Link: Give me the frickin stone or I'll disembowel you!
Ruto: (swaying) Okay... I'll give it to you... You know, I can only give it to one who will be my husband... So have it, Linky-pie...
Link: What did you call me?
Ruto: I called-
Link: I don't really want to know. I'm leaving.
Seven years later
Link had just tried to beat up Sheik yet again. Geez, was that guy annoying!
Link: He's probably gay, too... Probably crossdresses on weekends...
Little did he know!
So Link went to the Water Temple, sunk to the bottom, went through an opening and there...
Link: Oh my Farore! She's back!
Ruto: Oh, you're just as dreamy as ever, Linky-pie!
Link: There's that word again! Okay, you are going to feel some pain, flippergirl!
Ruto: Tee-hee! Catch me if you can, my soon-to-be husband!
Link: What the...
Ruto: Well, you accepted my engagement stone...
Link: No I didn't! Oh... uh-oh...
Ruto: That's right! You're engaged to the one and only ME!
Link: All right, that's it, sharkbait, you're going down!
Ruto swam away as Link got out his hookshot.
Link defeated the Water Temple and then...
Link: Nayru's holy love! It's you!
Ruto: You have my everlasting love... Linky-pie...
Link: NOOO!
Then Link tried to beat up Sheik again, but he hid in a tree, then fell in the lake.
It was in Ganon's Castle. Yes, the great looming black one. There's not that many castles in Hyrule, you know.
Anyway, Link was in that bit with the ice, you know, blocks, that you have to move around? It's called the Water something or other, you know the place.
Well, anyway, Link had just done this when...
Link: Okay, this is the last time, you... you... you naked humanoid fish!
Ruto: I'll break this bit of the spell for you, okay, Linky-pie?
Link: Sure..go ahead... heheh...
Ruto broke the spell, and Link took aim, and...
Link: Hah! Yes! I have frozen this fish::snicker: My ice arrows always do the trick. Ack-hem: Ding-dong, the evil fish-woman's dead! Etc., etc.
The End
Don't you just love happy endings?
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