Where Are You When I Need You?

Summary: Ryou has always been in love with Bakura, but Bakura has fallen in love with someone else. Hurt by this news, Ryou tried to commit suicide, but is someone out there to stop him before he hurts himself? R&R!

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN YU-GI-OH! Flames are welcome, but hopefully I don't get much… Ehehe…

Chapter 1

What is it like… to be dead, I mean. Ever since I was little, my father always told me to do good deeds, so that when the time comes for me to leave the Earth, I shall go to heaven, where I should see my beloved mother, who's up there, waiting for me and my father's arrival. But then, my father had also told me about hell, where all the bad people would go if they have committed a crime or a sin; but my Yami is dead, and for 5000 years he's been a spirit that trapped inside a Millennium Item, and in his past life, he's committed many crimes as well, but he's not burning in hell like he's supposed to. So it got me thinking, if I should die, right now, would I end up in heaven? In hell? Or should I roam the earth until the end, jus like my Yami? I don't know, but all I know, is that I want to die, I want to die so badly that it hurts inside, it hurts a lot.

I remember when I first started thinking of death: I started thinking about it when I suddenly fell in love with my Yami… a 5000 year old spirit who looks similar to me, but much darker, and my complete opposite. Where I am shy, skinny, average looking and frighteningly pale, he is tough, muscular, beautiful, handsome and perfectly tanned… did I mention that he was beautiful? He was everything I wasn't, so I guess that might have been what made me drawn to him. I knew I was always weak, and was a magnet to bullies, so that might have been what makes my Yami, Bakura, always beating me up. He says I'm weak, that I'm not good enough to live, but I don't mind. I don't even mind all the beating much. Just as long as he's there, everything is fine with me. But there was only one thing I wasn't fine with. It was the fact that, what Bakura hates more than weak boys, was their strong emotions. To him, he thinks emotions are for those who are weak, like me, and to be strong, you can't have emotions, like him. So I'm afraid. Afraid that if he knows what I feel for him, that he'll kill me without a second thought, and that hurts more than anything else in the world.

Ever since I received the Millennium Ring, my life turned from simple, to harsh. I lived all by myself for most of my life. My father was barely ever home, but I never minded that. One day, my father sent me a gift: it was the Millennium Ring. After I put it on, to see how it looked like, I was met faced to face with the spirit of the Millennium Ring. Bakura.

At first, he would always use my body for his biddings, while he locks me in my Soul Room, which is inside the Millennium Ring. At first, it was no big deal, because I always thought I was dreaming when I was inside my Soul Room, but then when I get my body back (or "wake up"), I wouldn't know what happened while I was "asleep", or how I got where I am (I had found myself waking up in a park, a zoo, a garbage yard, and even in someone's house, but I was lucky there was no one home.)

Then, slowly my Yami became stronger and stronger. Using my energy, he can make himself a body that can last for hours. Next thing I knew, I woke up one night, to see my Yami grinning at me. It wasn't one of those grins that says "Hi! My name is ! Will you be my friend?" It was more along the lines of "Hello. You may only refer to me as 'master'. You are nothing to me. You will do everything I say, or you will experience pain beyond your imagination. I also must mention I am psychotic so you REALLY don't want to piss me off". I was scared. I was so scared I actually wet my pants. The grin was wiped off my Yami's face. That night, I experienced my first beating ever, I thought it was because I was frightened of my Yami's grin and the message I received from it. My Yami gave me a different reason though: he told me, after the beating was over, that I looked like a girl, and he couldn't believe his luck to get stuck with me, and how long it took for him to get his body, just because I was so weak. Basically, he used that as an excuse, but he really just beated me because he hates the fact that I look like him. Atleast, I weaker version of him. He can't stand it. So he beats me every chance he gets.

Since then I was a slave to my Yami; someone who cleans for him, cooks for him, and lets him beat you up like a rag doll whenever he feels like it. But I don't mind, haven't since, and still not now. Now, I have gotten used to the beating, and strangely, I've noticed that he barely beats me anymore.
Has he changed? Has he discovered my feelings for him? I don't know, but I want him to know so badly, that I've decided to ask him when he comes home (he doesn't always like to stay at home; he would rather go out by himself then stay at home feeling like a caged animal).

When he came home, which was like three hours later, he was smiling, and was really happy. My breath was caught in my throat. That was the first time I ever saw him smile. No, it wasn't a smirk or a sneer; it was a real heart warming smile that made my heart beat louder.

With all the strength I could muster, I walked up to him, bowed. I asked, "Bakura sama," he looks at me, smile gone, "w-w-ell, you look so happy now a days, I was just wondering, what has made you smile so…warmly?" He furrowed his brows, thinking if he should tell me or not, then nodded his head a little, his lips twitching, and said, "Well Ryou," he began, "Recently, I have found out my feelings for this particular person, and from what I could tell, it looked like he had feelings for me too," my heart was thumping really loud now, but only I could hear it. Has he found out? Has he realized his feelings for me, and wanted to tell me? I stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. " Today, I mustered enough courage, and told him my feelings and I was right. He has the exact feelings for me like a have for him, and now, we're in a… how you mortals say it… a relationship." Right now, he looked like he was in a daze, with a wider smile on his face. And as for me? My heart broke in a million pieces, and I don't think I can ever put them back together. With enough strength, I asked him one more question, willing myself not to cry, " Wh-who is this person. master? Is it someone I know?" he looked at me, with the same goofy smile, and replied, "His name is Malik. Malik Ishtar." …Malik...Ishtar…

Recently, Malik and I have become really good friends, and now, I can't believe it. My good friend is dating the one person I truly love… how it makes my heart hurt more, and how I want to die right now.

And so here I am, in my room, holding a long knife in front of me, thinking. Right now, Bakura is out with Malik, so there is no one to stop me. I took a deep breath, and sighed, allowing my tears to fall freely, down my cheeks, onto my shirt, still trying to make a decision. If I die, well, there won't be anything to hold back. I already lost everything, but if I don't do it now, won't I just suffer more? And so, I slowly raised the knife, about to plunge it to my chest, praying to whatever god listening to me, to watch over my Yami. "I love you, and I will never forget you, Bakura…" I whispered to myself, more tears falling down my face, knowing that he will never know, never hear, these last words that were directed at him.
Then suddenly, the door slammed open just as I plunged the knife into my chest. Into my heart. I fell to the ground just as I hear someone yelling my name… but I don't know who... Someone was holding onto me… my vision is getting very blurry… it's hard to make out the person… I see long, pointy hair… dark skin… Bakura…?

I'm loosing a lot of blood… fast… Everything felt warm… so very warm... I feel happy… content… I gave out a small smile…a little sigh… and suddenly everything went black.