Third Time's A Charm - Chapter 14
Inuyasha felt the press of fingers against his cheeks; feather soft and trembling. He jerked away from the touch, growled into the dirt then lashed out a hand to grip Akari's upper arm. Heartbreak and old sorrow choked him as he gaze upon the face which bore no resemblance to Kagome's, no resemblance to Kikyou's, no resemblance to anyone he'd ever seen before. And she knew about the spirit command and had been able to use it on him! Only Kagome had the ability to do that.
"Inuyasha…" Her voice was whispered and for the first time he hear fear in her voice.
"Who are you?" Ground out between clenched teeth.
"Inuyasha you are hurting me." Firmer this time and accompanied by a deep frown.
He let go instantly as if he had been burned as impossibilities raced through his head. What was going on? He couldn't understand anything anymore.
"Inuyasha, please." She reached out and took a firm hold of his wrist. "I'll explain everything, just not here."
She glanced back at the villagers that had begun to move back towards the steaming carcass that was all which remained of the demon. Akari gave a tug upon his arm and when he didn't resist she led him towards the forest away from the carnage and gathering populace. The sun burned high overhead and it seemed a mocking sort of thing. It should have been night…it should have been storming…it should have been dark enough that he could pretend nothing had ever happened and it was Kagome who guided him through the forest towards the bone eater's well. Not this woman who promised and explanation he knew would only summon more pain.
"Here." They'd pushed through the trees till they reached the thicket where she'd nearly shot him with an arrow and then had hammered his head against the ground in agitation. She released his hand abruptly and stepped away, turning her back to him. "I was going to tell you soon."
His temper returned and he was thankful it was anger and not… "Tell me what! What the hell is going on!" she flinched but he pressed on despite that. "What do you know about me? Who are you?" when she remained silent his voice rose. "You know about them don't you? About Kikyou-"
"I am Kikyou." She murmured softly.
Inuyasha was brought up short and he trembled with a blend of emotions too deep to fathom. "That's impossible! Only Kagome could-"
"I am Kagome."
"What are you talking about? How could you be both of them?"
"Years ago you loved Kagome, though you wouldn't admit it to that. And even more years preceding you loved Kikyou. And on one dark day you lost both of me. Before Naraku's castle. In the aftermath of a great victory. In the brilliance of the sacred jewel."
"You…"
"I remember everything." Her head bowed, hair falling against white cheeks. "Kagome didn't die, she became entrapped in the sacred jewel as did Kikyou, for their souls were one. I don't…I don't know why the jewel did it, I don't understand but that's what happened. It was an endless stretch of darkness, illuminated only by a strange light the emanated from both priestesses. And for a very long time Kagome and Kikyou talked as they sought the way out; about…everything but…but mostly you. But in the end Inuyasha, even with all their difference they really were just mirror images. That's why you could never really choose between them. They weren't really two different people."
She lifted her head and turned to look at him but Inuyasha swung his gaze away. Part of him didn't want to listen, wanted to be able to call her a liar and turn away from it all. But he had never allowed himself to accept their death and a stronger part clung to this bit of hope.
Akari went on.
"The journey through the sacred jewel lasted 6 months and when at last they were steps away from escape…they halted. After being within the shikon no tama Kikyou could no go on living with only a fragmented soul. She would die."
"What? But I thought you said you are Kikyou!"
"Kagome railed against this. She didn't want Kikyou confined to hell and so instead…instead Kagome made Kikyou a part of her. The two priestess emerged from the sacred jewel as one being: me."
"Who do you think I am? Do you actually think I'd believe something like that? How dare you twist their memory-"
"Why do you think my eyes are blue Inuyasha!" she shouted over his own angry, elevated tone. "The sacred jewel was split in two and each half is hidden within my eye just as your father's tomb was hidden in yours." And even as she spoke the deep sapphire of her gaze became boundless until it was a magnificent violet. And then she blinked it was normal again. He turned away from her. "I can remember everything. Before you were bound to the sacred tree; when I couldn't kill you when you came after the jewel, the boat rides, just sitting with you and talking. And after you were released from the tree; traveling with Sango, Miroku, and Shippou, you having to come to get me when I got upset and went home, when you'd get upset because of Kou-"
"If you were only in there for six months why didn't you find me? Why did you do all this instead? I looked for you for five years!"
A hush fell over the forest; an invading silence that threatened to choke them both and it bore down on the strain that had already been set upon Inuyasha's shoulders. Finally Akari broke the quiet in a tone so low it was almost a whisper.
"I was afraid."
"Afraid?" He spun to face her. "Afraid of what?"
"I wasn't the same person Inuyasha! That's what you don't understand. I wasn't Kikyou. I wasn't Kagome. I was both…and neither. I didn't even know. And then I had to find out who I was, I had to establish this new self and understand her." Tears brimmed in her eyes, spilling over to run down her cheeks like silver streams from azure pools. "You would have loved me for memory of them no matter how different I was, no matter that I wasn't either of them anymore. I couldn't take that. I needed to know that you could love Akari, not because she was all that remained of the women you loved but because she was all by herself, the woman you loved. I needed you to love me for I am now not for the memory of what I was. That could never have happened if you'd known what had happened." She shook her head helplessly. "And so I hid who I was from you and was just…just myself. And I was so sure…but not quite sure…and I meant to only let the deception last a little while longer to make certain that you…that you…"
She fell to her knees, clasping arms about her waist. Her head bowed, hair streaming forward and pooling on the ground hiding her porcelain features. "But when I saw that you were about to be hurt and I was to far away to reach you. To far away to help you…there was nothing else I could do. I'm sorry."
And all his resolve shattered. After half a decade of searching she was here…she was safe. And at the same time she was gone; they were both gone. And Akari was right; he would have acted on the memory of Kikyou and Kagome no matter how different.
But this wasn't Kikyou.
This wasn't Kagome.
This was Akari…
Inuyasha stepped forward and crouched down, reaching out and enfolded her in his arms gently, pressing her face against his shoulder, hot tears falling upon his skin.
"I swear, I won't ever leave your side."