DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: I try to update on this story once a day, but on weekdays it is hard… Please Review and tell me what you think!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Three

September 23, 1978

I wonder about desire… about Lily… I feel like I need her non-stop, but when I'm with her I feel complete. I wonder if Lily ever feels the same, but I don't think about it too often because I know the answer; no because Lily doesn't love me the way I love her and she never will. She did a great job on that test in potions, thanks to me. I thought that when she told me she would thank me and even kiss me. I was wrong and I only made myself hurt more by believing there was a chance. I wish I could become someone I'm not, wish I could be in James' position… He really has no idea how lucky he is and even though I want Lily to be happy, I don't want James to understand because if he did then the chances of Lily and me ever happening is… I don't want to even think about it… I just wish I could think about other girls, I mean Lily isn't the only one… But she is… She is the only one for me… and she will always be the only one…

-Remus

Remus closed his book as fast as he could. He hated seeing what he wrote because nothing good came from it. Remus put his journal in the bottom drawer in his desk. That drawer was good to hide things because it consisted of a hidden place underneath it. Remus starred at the drawer once he shut it, just thinking like he always did. He starred at it for a few minutes until someone knocked on his door.

Remus got up from his chair and opened the door. He found nothing, but realized who it must have been after some of his things started flying in the air with no hands to hold them. Remus shut the door and went over to the flying things, put them down and pulled off an invisibility cloak.

There they were, the rest of the gang. They laughed for a while until Remus asked what they were doing here. Sirius shrugged, "Waiting for you so we can go to Hogsmeade,"

"You and James aren't aloud to go to Hogsmeade after the dung bomb situation in Filch's office," Remus said, taking a seat next to peter on his bed.

Sirius and James laughed. "No one has to know, now do they?" James smiled evilly, "Besides we need more supplies, were running out,"

"You know I am not aloud to let you two go. I am a prefect-" Remus started, but then James jump up and said, "And I'm Head Boy! Come on, Remus, if I give you permission to not rat us out, will you come with us?" James gave Remus his award-winning smile and this caused everyone to laugh.

Remus nodded, "I guess I could maybe not act as a prefect for one day," Remus smiled. "But I have to get the map before we can go,"

Remus ran to his bed, lifted up a mattress and reached for the map. "Here it is," He said while placing his mattress down to where it was before.

"Jolly! Let's go," Sirius said, "Maybe we can pick up some fire whiskey, what do you guys think?"

They all went under the invisibility cloak James was holding and went down the stairs of the Gryffindor Common Room to the 'behind the mirror' passage..

"So, Lily, if James asked you what would you say?" Violet Brown asked.

"I still don't know. He is cute and charming and bad, but he needs to be a man," Lily replied. Lily looked at Violet. To Lily Violet had always reminded her of a swan. She had pale skin, drilling blue eyes and the rest of her appearance was history. Violet had been Lily's second friend. The met at the Gryffindor table when they were first sorted and every thing went from there.

Violet wasn't as smart as Lily, or as sweet, but she was a good friend when you needed one. She was into judging guys and rumors more than anything else.

Lily was drinking her butter beer when Violet said, "Lily he is the cutest guy in the house! People would never stop talking about it! You would be like on of his 'girls'!" Violet was practically jumping out of her seat as she said this.

"That's just it Violet, I don't want to be one of his 'girls'. I want to be 'the girl'. The only girl," Lily said.

"Lily, you know there isn't the perfect guy-" Violet started.

"I know, but-"

"Then why do you want James to be something that isn't possible? Why do you want him to change?" Violet asked.

"Because if he can't change for me, I'm not that important to him," Lily said, with tears in her eyes.

Violet saw the tears and put her hand on Lily's. "I'm sorry, Lily, I was just"

"No you're right; I shouldn't want James to be something he's not," Lily told Violet.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Violet said.

"Ow! Peter that was my foot!" Sirius whispered.

"s-sorry," Peter assured him.

"Guys, keep it down," James said. "Were almost in Honeyduke's cellar,"

"Next time I think we should take a passageway that is less cramped," Sirius suggested.

"Next time! What do you mean next time?" Remus exclaimed.

"Shh!" James, Sirius and Peter whispered back.

"We are in Honeyduke's right now, but keep the cloak on until we get to the three broom sticks. Last thing we need it 'the slimy git' ratting us out," James said, "Are you looking at the map, Mooney?"

"Yes, there isn't anyone down here, but the map doesn't go far enough to see into the village or upstairs," Remus told James.

"That's fine we'll just go upstairs rather quietly," Sirius told them.

As they were walking toward the stairs there was a loud bang and they looked back, "Peter stop playing around and get under the cloak!" Remus exclaimed.

Peter ran under the cloak and said, "Sorry, curiosity gets the best of me,"

The four of them walked up the stairs and walked out of the shop towards The Three Broomsticks.

"Lets get something to eat and then we will do some shopping," Sirius told them.

"Actually, Padfoot, I'll meet you guys in a bit, I'm going explore the fascinating new books that the book shop ordered," Remus said, "I'll meet you guys here around, say, seven," Remus turned his back and walked in the opposite direction.

"We haven't even had fire whiskey and he is already talking crazy… 'book shop'?" Sirius said as the three of them got a table.

When they sat down Sirius poked James, "Are you going to asks her?" Sirius nodded to a red head about three tables away.

Remus wasn't really going to the bookstore; he was going to get Lily a present. Her birthday was in a week and he needed to find her something.

AN2:

First off this passage to Hogsmeade is written in the third book and I thought that maybe Filch wouldn't know about this passage, yet.

I'm guessing you know who Violet Brown is…

Please Review and tell me what you think!