Ereshkigali: I HAVE RETURNED! (bounces around inflicting terrible tortures on Latin textbooks)
Kai: (clears throat) This-fic-contains-the-mention-of-an-injury-and-shonen-ai-so-if-you-don't-like-it-then-don't-read-it-and-don't-come-crying-to-me-thank-you-goodbye.
Tyson: You were chosen to read the warning for this chapter, hey?
Kai: Stupid cutesy-pie fangirl gimmicks.
Ereshkigali: Awww, he's just too shy to admit that's enjoying himself.
Hilary: What about the disclaimer?
Ereshkigali: Hey, rules were made to be broken. Actually, rules were made so that sadistic prefects could get their kicks out of ruthlessly chucking helpless students into DT for weeks on end, but it comes to the same thing. I WILL NOT BOW TO AUTHORITARIANISM! MY WILL IS MY OWN!
Hilary: Let's just let the world know that she doesn't own anything and get on with it.
Ereshkigali: What she said. Oh, BTW, the sub-zero temperatures to which I refer are supposed to be in degrees Celsius (which is a scale that places the freezing point of water at 0 degrees). I know that a lot of countries use Fahrenheit (which has freezing point at something weird like 32 degrees) instead, so just be aware of the difference.
After it got dark, it began to get scary. No, I am not afraid of the dark – usually. You try being stuck out in the forest the whole night. It's not fun. Kai had discovered a flashlight in the bottom of one of his pockets that still worked OK, so we stuck into the soft ground and propped it up with a pile of pebbles. We each had a mouthful of cold coffee every half-hour by my watch. Me, I was still worried about his leg. It looked seriously painful. Watching him in the milky-blue light of the torch, though, you couldn't even tell that he was hurt, or even that he was cold. He just sat there, leaning against the earthen wall, his skin slightly paler than usual, his arms folded, his legs stuck out straight in front of him. He was staring down at the ground with this completely emotionless look on his face. I mean, he could have been sitting at home on a normal evening, instead of freezing to death in the middle of nowhere. He wasn't even shivering.
How does he do that? He just blocks everything out like it's not there. Even now, I still don't get what goes on in his head. I don't mind. I know that's how he is. I just…I just wish that he would smile more. I love it when he smiles - maybe because he only does it, like, once every millennium or so. One of the best moments of my life was looking out across the stadium at him after he had beaten Brooklyn, and seeing his mouth just twitch up at me that littlest bit. I was so proud of him then, I cannot tell you. I mean, it was mind-blowing. I'd been going insane worrying about him, and then he just pops up and calmly takes down the strongest blader we've ever faced. And there was also that time when I won against Tala in the first Championships - and when I defeated Brooklyn – and when we were fighting each other in the finals, and I opened my eyes to see him smiling down at me, all gentle and tender…
Small question: why do all the best moments of my life involve Kai in some way?
Not even going to try to answer that.
I looked across at him. He was still looking at the ground. The spiky shadows of his hair, made unnaturally dark by the bright torchlight, fell across his pale face like streaks of soot. I watched him, drawn to his quietness, drawn to his strength. I've always secretly wanted him to like me. In a really stupid, embarrassing kind of way, I've always wanted to show him that I'm just as good as he is, not…not because I want to beat him, but because I want him to be proud of me. I want him to smile at me more often. I want him to like me.
I want to be worthy of being his friend.
Shut up, Kinomiya.
I needed conversation to take my mind off this slightly weird track of thought. I swear, I don't know how the guy survives not talking.
"You know, I read something once about not going to sleep if it's really cold," I said, as cheerfully as I could.
He moved his head a little.
"Otherwise you could never wake up again."
He spared me, like, a second's glance.
"I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't go to sleep."
"The situation to which you are referring concerns sub-zero temperatures," he said, accompanying his words with…well, I've heard people talk about a withering glare. I think it kind of describes how Kai looked at me then, 'cause I withered alright. I mean, the guy could scare Darth Vader. Seriously.
Five very boring minutes later, I made another brave attempt at conversation. "So, how's your leg holding up?"
"Fine."
"D'you want me to take a look at it?"
"No."
Couldn't he see I was worried about him? Was he just insanely thick? One of these days I am going to take him to a shrink, I swear. Didn't he know by now how much I cared about him? Was it so hard to get into his brain that maybe he was important to me? That maybe I looked up to him? That maybe I really, really wanted to be close to him, but couldn't?
Shut up, Kinomiya.
"I'm bored!" I moaned.
"Good."
"Hello! I've done nothing but stare at some trees and a couple of fireflies for hours! I'm going insane here!"
"If your attention span is shorter than the average earthworm's, it's not my fault," he said, his words slow and dangerous. Heh, looked like he was beginning to get annoyed.
"You know, you shouldn't just go around insulting earthworms. One of these days, an alien race of Super-Worms could zap themselves here through hyperspace and start killing everyone who insulted them, and I wouldn't bother saving you."
He was frowning. This was getting good. "Tyson," he began.
"Ooh, look! I think I see a spaceship right up there! No! They're coming! Run! Run for your lives!"
"Tyson."
"No! Don't eat me! Please! Eat him instead!"
"Tyson, you…"
"No! Spare me!"
"You are the most ridiculous person I've ever known!"
"Truly?" I asked in a throaty voice, batting my eyelids and smiling seductively. "Why, thank you, kind sir."
He lurched forwards, murder written in his face, let out a curse as the pain in his leg caught him, and fell back against the wall, glowering at me.
"You are so fun to mess with, you really are," I said, laughing. "Sorry about your leg, man. You sure you're alright?"
"After being around you for two years, I think I'll survive," he said, belligerently.
"Ah, that was mean," I pouted. "Why is Kai being so mean to his poor Tyson?"
"Don't," he warned, "start."
"Yeah, yeah," I said, breezily. "Come on, dude, I just want to talk! D'you think we'll get home in time for you to catch your flight tomorrow?"
He shrugged.
"Are you…OK, how's this: we take turns asking each other questions, and you have to answer truthfully, OK?"
"Why?"
"To pass the time. Hey, hey, me first! What's your favourite colour?"
"I don't have one. What's yours?"
"Red and yellow. What's your favourite movie?"
"I don't have one. What's yours?"
"Finding Nemo. Oh, come on, the little fishies were so cute! What's your favourite food?"
"I don't have one. What's yours?"
"Um…everything? I guess. Who's your crush?"
"I don't have one. Who's yours?"
"No one. Are you going to be glad to be going back home?" There was a slight pause. Hah. Got him. "Well?"
"Yes and no. Are you glad to be staying here?" he countered swiftly.
"No," I replied. "Well, yeah. I live here. But I wish we could stay together. I miss the old days."
He made a derisive sound.
"Don't you?" I asked. "Are you really trying to tell me that you didn't have fun when we were a team? You're not that anti-social."
"I didn't have fun. I came to value your companionship," he said, stiffly.
"Typical Kai. Hey, don't forget that you admitted it! You said that you cared!"
"Obviously I was having a slight lapse of sanity at the time."
OK, now he was just making me feel worse. More than slightly annoyed, I stood up and moved out from under the tree, staring out into the darkness. If you looked up, you could see a lot of stars – more than usual. I guess being away from the city made them a lot clearer. They were big and bright and brilliant, like these huge, blue-white diamonds, their shimmery light spilling everywhere. I stood there, gazing firmly up into the night skies, shivering. The air was so cold that it was beginning to hurt my lungs. I didn't move even when the stars began to blur and grow slightly fuzzy, but wiped my eyes firmly with the back of my hand. Didn't he get it? I was just trying to be nice, trying to be his friend, and he had to shoot me down the whole time. Sometimes he can make me feel pretty stupid. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't like him so much.
Shut up, Kinomiya!
"Tyson," I said him call. He sounded exasperated, but also faintly resigned. I turned, slowly, sniffing hard. He was looking determinedly away from me, his jaw clenched. "I'm sorry," he said, sullenly.
Slightly mollified, I went and sat down next to him, being extra careful not to brush against his leg. I noticed him flinch away a little as I sat down, before swallowing and drawing closer again. I said, in a low voice, "Hey, it's OK, dude. I…I know you…look, I can't make you care. I can't force you to say things that aren't true. You want me to shut up, then I will. You want me to get out of your life, then fine. But you can't stop me caring."
"Thank you," he said awkwardly after a moment, and then, with a sudden, strange ache in his voice, "Tyson…I…"
I waited, breathless, but he didn't finish, and this horrible, uncomfortable silence fell between us and just grew and grew. Finally, I said, clearing my throat, "You know, I never did tell you how proud of you I was after you beat Brooklyn."
He looked at me, his eyes as wary and frowning as ever, but with a strange touch of something that looked weirdly like hope in them. "Do you mean that?" he asked, adding, as scathingly as he could, "or are you just being nice?"
"It was the best thing ever," I said. "We'd been freaking out about you. We didn't know what happened after he beat you that first time. We didn't know if you were hurt, if you were dead, even…and then you came back." What was I supposed to say? That when I had seen that blade knocking my own aside, that when I had seen him standing there, I had felt this jolt, this shock of adrenaline and amazement and insane, unbelievable happiness? That I had wanted to rush over to him and hug him and shout at him at the same time? The sun had been setting behind him, spreading strange, long shadows everywhere, and he had stood there at the top of the hill, bathed in flame, glowing with this bright, powerful force that only I had seemed to see…how was I supposed to explain all this? There was no way I could. Instead, I just continued, "I was so worried about you. It was a rough battle to watch, you know, but – you did it. You beat him. It was incredible, Kai. I was…" I sighed, and shook my head. "I swear, I was proud just to know you."
I looked sideways to see him smiling at me, just the littlest bit. I smiled back, amazed at how beautiful he looked, feeling a wave of emotion well up inside me: an emotion that made me feel midway between miserable and elated. He was so special, so important, so strong, and he didn't even realise it. "Tyson," he said, still smiling, shaking his head softly. "You are a fool."
"Hey!" I protested. I was too caught up in watching him to be cross. I was wrapped in this little warm cocoon of happiness. Just being there next to him, having him smile that small, beautiful smile at me, was enough.
"Now…now that I think about it," he continued, gruffly, looking down, suddenly embarrassed, "I never said thank you for saving me that day on the ice…"
"Don't talk about that," I said, sharply, my cocoon imploding in a burst of cold queasiness. He looked up, startled. "I don't like thinking about it, that's all," I said, in answer to the question he hadn't asked. "It…it still makes me feel sick, Kai. We figured you'd betrayed us. We thought…I really thought you were going to let yourself drown. I kept yelling at you to grab my hand, but you wouldn't…it was scary, OK?"
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment.
"It's alright," I said. "I just…hey, I don't want you to die, OK?"
"I'll try not to," he said, mirthlessly, and hunched his shoulders, dipping his head down to his chest.
"I don't want you to go, either," I said, after a moment. "I'll miss you – so m-much." I hope he wouldn't notice that my voice was shaking slightly.
"Do you think that I won't miss you?" he asked, jerkily, his head still bowed.
"But you keep saying…"
"Oh, forget it," he said, still looking down at his hands.
"Kai –"
"Just leave it, Tyson!"
"No," I said. "I'm not leaving it. You can't walk away from me this time. I want to know."
"There's nothing to know."
"I'm not buying that, Kai."
"Not buying what?" he asked, crossly. "Tyson, there is nothing to talk about! I'm going home with Tala tomorrow. You're staying here. We'll meet at the Championships and battle. That's it."
"That's not it," I said. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off his face, grey-white and haggard with cold and tiredness, his glare frowning and fixed. "You're not only competition. You're my friend, Kai, my friend, and when I say that, I mean it. I'm not just going to let you disappear again. I can't. You mean too much to me."
Shut up, Kinomiya!
He said, "Um." His lips were slightly parted, and his chin was stuck out, and he was swallowing hard. It looked a lot like he was trying not to cry.
"Kai?" I asked, tentatively. Before I could stop myself, I had reached out a hand to him. I knew that he didn't like touching people, but I'm telling you, I couldn't help it. He looked so cold and sad and tired that I just had to touch him, that I just had to try to make him feel the littlest bit better. My fingers brushed his cheek, then hung there, frozen, as I realised what I was doing. He turned to face me, his head moving slowly and stiffly. For this one really small moment, I thought I saw something almost like longing in his face, and he bent his head ever so slightly towards my fingers, but then his expression changed, and he was angry and as unreachable as ever.
"Stop it," he said, and turned away.
I let my hand drop. "You do care," I said, quietly.
He acted as though he hadn't heard.
"Why did you come back if you didn't? You didn't have to fight Brooklyn."
"He defeated me. I had to defeat him."
"So that's it?" I asked, desperately. "That's the only reason you came back? Gee, thanks. We always thought that maybe you cared about us enough to help us fight, but apparently it was just you being all proud and full of yourself, as usual."
"I did it because of you, Tyson!" he almost shouted, snapping his head round and staring at me fiercely. "I couldn't let Boris take blading away from us like that. I had to stop him. I had to show you…that…" he stopped, and then, after a really long, frightened silence, began again, more quietly, "Do you really think I would leave you alone to face something like that?"
"Um…I don't know," I said, a little taken aback. "Would you?"
"Never," he said, not looking at me, and then, in a very hoarse, quiet voice, "You're the only person who means anything to me."
Well, that was unexpected. I blinked. "Did you really just say that?"
"Obviously."
"But…but…you – you really meant it?"
"Yes."
I think I was in shock. I was so surprised that I could barely think straight. Laughing, I said, incredulously, "I can't believe I'm not recording this. You know much I could get on e-Bay? Like, Kai Hiwatari's true feelings – caught on tape! I would be so rich."
"Don't push your luck," he said, hunching shoulders up and dropping his head back onto his chest. "It's not happening again."
"That's OK. One miracle's enough," I said, happily, leaning back against the wall with my arms folded behind my head, kicking my legs out in front of me and staring up at the tree. I could feel the warmth of his body, barely a hand's width away from mine, and gave a little sigh of contentment. I might be lost in a creepy forest with only a raincoat, some coffee, a flashlight and a rock named Slug, but I had Kai with me, and that was totally more than enough.
It suddenly occurred to me that we hadn't finished our question game. "I think it was my turn," I said. He shot me this really grouchy look of incomprehension before understanding showed in his face. The fact that he didn't yell at me to shut up encouraged me a bit, so, in the spirit of all that is good and true and random, I asked, "If you could have one wish, what would it be?"
"None of your business."
"Nope! Wrong answer! You have to tell the truth!"
"That is true," he said to the ground. "It is none of your business."
"That's not fair!"
"Goodnight, Tyson."
"Can I tell you mine?"
"No."
"Please?"
"Goodnight, Tyson."
I squinted at him. "You're evil."
"Huh."
I figured that meant that the conversation was pretty much over.
Muttering glumly to myself, I folded my jacket tightly across my chest, tucking my hands deep into the pockets, trying to get more comfortable. My nose itched, but I was too cold to move my hands to scratch it. Instead I spent a few unsuccessful minutes trying to wiggle it. When the itch finally disappeared, my neck started to hurt, so I shook my head from side to side. Then I realised that my foot had fallen asleep, and was now being attacked by pins and needles. Twitching it to the side a little, I kicked over the flashlight.
Oh, great.
Nice going, Kinomiya.
Darkness dropped over the world. I leapt forward and scrabbled around on the ground. When at last I found the flashlight, I clicked the button on and off desperately, but the stupid thing was completely dead. "Oops," I said, grinning sheepishly into the night. "Sorry."
There was no answer. Looked like I was getting the silent treatment again.
"Hello? Kai? You alive?"
Still nothing. As my eyes bean to get more and more accustomed to the shadowy starlight, I could dimly begin to make out the shape of his body. His head was still bowed, his shoulders slumped, his hands trailing limply on the ground beside him. He looked asleep – or…
In a blind, breathless second of pointless panic, I scrambled over to him and laid a trembling hand on his arm. After what felt like forever, I felt his chest lift slowly. Feeling kind of stupid for overreacting, I sat down next to him. His clothes, like mine, were still slightly damp. Was he as cold as I was? I hoped not. Despite what I had said earlier, I still felt kind of responsible for this whole thing. I mean, I'd been supposed to find the guy, not get him lost. Actually, he was shivering a little. Now what?
I hesitated for a moment, but then figured that, as he was asleep, he would never know what I was doing. Slowly, so as not to wake him, I slid my arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. Hey, how else were we both supposed to keep warm? I felt his weight slump against me as his head flopped down onto my shoulder, and I tucked my other arm around his chest, letting the hand reach up to rest against his soft, soft face. At that, he stirred, giving a small grunt of tiredness, and then stiffened suddenly. This huge jolt went right through him, and I could hear his breathing speed up. I swear, I could actually feel his heart doing this serious drum roll against my chest. I felt him pull roughly away, his hands clawing at my skin, before he realised that it was me.
For a moment, he just sat there motionless, half-in and half-out of my arms, like he didn't know what to say or do. Looking down at his face in the misty, murky half-light of the stars, I could see confusion and apprehension written in his features – and then, suddenly, he looked up at me, and smiled.
It was grudging and resigned, but unbelievably grateful. Just seeing it filled me with this dizzy, quivering warmth, so that the world was almost glowing. He gave a small sigh and moved his head back down, his cheek resting on my shoulder, his arm draped gently, clingingly over my chest. I held him even closer, and buried my nose in his slightly damp hair, feeling the rhythm of his breathing press his body against mine.
Sleepily, I asked him, "Are you mad at me for getting us lost?"
"It wasn't your fault," he replied, his voice hoarse and slurred with sleep. I could feel his lips, dry and bloodless from the cold, brushing my neck ever so slightly. "You should me mad with me."
"Dude, I only said that 'cause I was in a bad mood," I pointed out.
"Still – my fault," he murmured. He sounded dead tired now.
"It's not," I insisted, my fingers unconsciously stroking his cheek.
"It is," he persisted.
"Stop being so stubborn, Kai!" My fingers had reached his hair, and were playing with it gently.
I heard him give this little sigh of exasperation that was almost a laugh.
"Don't you laugh at me! We could be stuck here forever! We could die! And you're laughing at me?"
"We're not going to die," he said, scornfully, trying hard to suppress a yawn and failing.
"You just better not," I said, suddenly becoming serious – well, serious for me, anyway. "I don't want to lose you again."
"Tyson…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Shut up and go to sleep. I'm on it."
He said nothing, but after a moment his hand reached up and caught mine, which was still resting idly in his hair, and pulled it down and held it against his chest. His grip was hard and unwavering, and I knew that it was a promise. I knew that he was promising me, without words and without doubts, that I would never lose him. Silently, I stroked the tips of his curled fingers with my thumb, and closed my eyes, letting the warm darkness of sleep take me, slipping into nothingness, and feeling him follow me.
Ereshkigali: Well, you survived. Yes, I know that I use the English first names and the Japanese surnames. I don't really care, but I do hereby give you full permission to flame me about it. Flames are fun. Also, if you remember, Kai was watching Tyson sleep earlier on. Now Tyson gets to watch Kai sleep. I guess all's fair in love and fanfiction.
Kai: Somehow, that doesn't have quite the same ring to it as the original quote.
Ereshkigali: Do I care? No. Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY REVIEWERS. I just have a few quick things to say to my main readers:
Destruction Devil: Long live the random pet objects! I have a toy spider called Fluffy, a beaded lizard called Bean the Fish, and a PIkachu doll called the Rat. Hey, it's a talking point. I like scaring people.
TechnoRanma: You know, it is ever so slightly insane to be getting reviews from someone who, oh, I don't know, only wrote one of my favourite TyKa fics of all time. The author of Impossible is reviewing me! (dies, then comes back to life chanting "TYKA FOREVER!") Luvvies!
That's it. See you soon!