Disclaimer: Naruto as always and forever does not belong to me. It belongs to its creator, Kishimoto Masashi, and the associated companies.

La/-/er- There was originally a really long and pointless note in here. Basically asking what pairings the readers would like; by chapter 10, it has been narrowed down. What are they? They are: Sasuke/Naruto, Kakashi/Iruka, Neji/Lee, Kiba/Hinata, Shino/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino. And other misc pairings. Which now include (a short-lived) Jiraiya/Tsunade. So that's it, read on now.

Review Responses: (Ooh! Lookie that, I hafta watch One Piece! No ordering, how nice!)

Night-Owl123- Ya noe, I see your penname just about everywhere... But yes, glad you like it and here's the next chapter.

Seito-Lol, it's never pointless to write a review, 'specially since I haven't spoken to you in some time. Yes, yes, Gaara and Sasuke. Naw, I'm not a genius, just perverted :beaming grin:. Here's the next chappie. And remember, don't be greedy.

SasuNaru-kun- Hum, I read your poem, reviewed it, and here's the next chapter!

ghostninja85- Almost blatant in previous, but nothing beats it like full-on kissing. Yup, you'll see about the Gaara/Sasuke thing, as soon as I figure it out, lol. I know exactly what you're dying to find out in Without Life. But as a lil preview, since I'm not updating that yet, your questions will be answered in the next few chapters, but not the next one. I need it to set the stage for the answering.

kat- Haha, glad you love the story and the bed thing was rather ingenious, lol. Hehe, you'll find out about the Gaara thing. And if you kill me for the cliffhanger... you'll never know what happens as I don't think I'll be able to update from the beyond O.o

Dark Mimiru-Chan- Perverted since you were born, so many comments I could say to that... And don't worry about not having anything fun to say, as long as I know you still like it. (Although there's a sense of underlying disappointment...)

Aimi-chan- Yeah, I know all about Gaara and Naruto :narrow eyes, but his name just popped up, and it didn't help that I had already hinted it in chapter 3. Yes, yes, I agree with everything you said about K/G. Not holding out on chapter 5 (not on purpose anyway), but I'll see about the K/G fic thing. But you have to promise to read it if I ever write it! And I don't know anything about your lack of writing skills, that's what I thought about myself, no one seems to agree with me though.

foxylittlechibi- Happy you think it's good. And you're right, the yaoi thing's coming up, starts in this chapter in fact! And the yaoi detail is the whole point of this fic, and the hopefully humorous situations, so no worries. I'm not sure about taking care as my shoulder is already starting to hurt, but the 58 degree weather is definitely keeping me cool.

Kyuubi-kun- Cool, I'll be sure to ask for a postcard. Sarcastic humor seems to be my forte, although to be honest, when I was writing this chapter, it didn't seem so funny. Of course, then I went back and read it... Ah, yes Gaara, we shall see... oo, maybe I should have him date someone too...?

Kaoru- :stern face: Continuing. Lol, yeah, here's the next chapter.

EscagirlUK- Yes, it was quite a wonderful kiss, wasn't it? And if you read the summary, you would've known what the plan was in the very beginning. But you'll see in this chapter anyway.

midd- To be honest, I prefer Gaara with Lee if anybody at all. Naruto belongs to Sasuke damnit! Haha, yeah, it'll take some time (very little actually), but Sasuke will get his head out of the clouds.

Sora Kohaku- Hehe, ecstatic that you liked it. Yes, accidental kisses are stuff of the legends in this story, 'specially after episode three.

AnimeFreakPerson- Wasn't it! You were the only one who said anything about it (at first), and I thought the squirrels and birds were so nice too! (I read your profile and now I know why you noticed. Loved your quotes, btw) Yup, don't worry about me not updating, it's just a matter of when. Never over a month, or three weeks, or even two. Although maybe over one...

Yuen-chan- I've discovered that a few minutes after I've eaten, I get on a high that causes me to become very weird. Not a good thing if I'm trying to write serious stuff. And this only happens after dinner, so the only people who know are the ones I know online. And it's great that you understood (2) as it was semi-important. Ah, names, there's so many parts to them.

Spooy- Whee! It's you! And pooie about ff.n Haha, Naruto and Sasuke are in the same situation. Although to tell the truth, I don't remember what I wrote in chapter 3... Oh wait, now I do, never mind then. I feel the same way about waiting, it doesn't help me to become not lazy though. That's the only issue with me and updating, not that I'll lose interest or that I'll not know what to write (since this is humor, it doesn't really matter, ya noe?), it's the fact that I don't want to sit there in front of the computer typing it out when I can read other people's things that are already typed out. Lol, I'm not sure if that made sense. But anyways, great that you're loving it, and here's more!

RukaIayLomperGay- Yes! The squirrels are up to something I say! Lol. Hehe, so glad (in a way) that you're getting yelled at for reading this. Thankies ever so much. And here's the next chapter, hope it was as good as the last! And really, if they insists on getting a good internet connection, the schools should not expect us to not sneak on!

Shiomi- Oh lordy, it's you! And yes, yes, I know, Gaara is usually with Naruto if nobody else. (Although I have seen Gaara/Neji and Gaara/Lee) But it's part of the plot damnit! The plot :cough: The plot that doesn't really exist beyond getting Sasuke and Naruto together, but yeah... And yes, SasuNaru is the best out of all of them. :hugs back... a little too tightly:

Dedication: Ooh, the first one in this story. Chapter dedicated to AnimeFreakPerson for saying something about the squirrels and birds. Also dedicated to RukaIayLomperGay for the same reason. And for liking the squirrels and their plot to take over the world. And for sharing my paranoia, lol.

Delicious Revenge --- Chapter V --- The La/-/er

Consultation

In all the excitement concerning the events revolving our two main characters and their fan clubs, the two of them managed to get the thought to go to their mentors to ask for advice.

Naruto went to his most trusted teacher, the one who was, admittedly, allowed to laugh at their predicament, but then solemnly offer their help in battling the rumor.

This did not happen.

Oh, he laughed alright, but then he only gave the boy a pitying look. He spoke solemnly too, of course.

Speaking of the hardships they would supposedly face, the shame in denial, the need for their love to grow. On and on he went, eyes twinkling as he spoke.

Naruto was only able to watch his teacher in horror, silently praying that the words were not coming out of his most favorite, sane person.

It turns out that the teacher who always treated him to ramen, the one who scolded him for numerous reasons; his dear, dear Iruka-sensei was not as together as he seemed to be.

So Naruto went to the only other person he sorta looked up to.

The Godaime, Tsunade-hime.

Even before he set foot into the tower, his instincts were telling him to run.

Run as far away from the Hokage as he could.

Because if he didn't he had the feeling that he would be scarred for life.

It was the wrong time to ignore the instincts that had never before failed him, as he found out soon enough.

Passing by the numerous shinobi lingering around the tower - some to hand in reports, some to receive missions and yet others just to hang out - Naruto noticed something.

Every one of them were talking about him.

Maybe not every one, but the ones attempting to eat didn't seem to be that interested in their food anymore.

Despairing at the turn of events- Why was it that no one notices when I'm trying to get attention, but they all stare when I'm trying to hide? - Naruto quickly scurried towards Tsunade's office.

Abandoning his usual routine of bursting in and crying out the ever impolite "Tsunade-baba!", he merely burst in and leapt at her throat.

A violent entrance, but considering what he heard moments before he entered, he felt it was rather justified.

And most would agree with him.

After all, it's just not right to use pictures of you and your totally-not-boyfriend friend sweating and half naked after a spar as a bargaining chip in a game against the most openly perverted man in Konoha.

Not without you personally getting profit from it anyway.

What made it even worse, as he soon found out, was that it had been Jiraiya that was using it as his payment in the games.

Apparently, the desire to possess those pictures overpowered her usual bad luck and allowed Tsunade to win against Jiraiya, a feat most rare between the two.

So anyway, without any warning, Naruto had pounced on the Hokage and was unable to be pried off until moments later.

Mainly because Jiraiya had said, "Tsunade-hime, the negatives of these photos will be the prize next time, alright?" Receiving a nod, he gave a lecherous grin and continued, "Take care of those photos Tsunade-hime, you may not be able to get more. They sell out quite fast you know."

A dilemma approached Naruto as he thought about getting off of Tsunade and swinging a nice left hook at Jiraiya.

The problem was solved when he summoned his toad and escaped.

Several moments passed with Naruto and Tsunade exchanging glares.

Then, using what little breath she had, Tsunade remarked, "If you let me take pictures of the two of you together, I'll give you higher ranking missions from now on."

In his shock, Naruto's grip loosened and Tsunade took the opportunity to leave her chair.

Rubbing her throat, she said, "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt."

There was a blank look on Naruto's face before Tsunade clarified.

"It's from a book about a planet named Earth. There was a river named The Nile in a country, Egypt, and it sounds like the word denial, so when people said that phrase to others, it meant that the person was in denial about something."

The blank look on Naruto's face disappeared, only to be replaced by a confused one.

Tsunade gave an exasperated sigh, rolled her eyes and spoke.

"What did you want, brat? You know it's Team 7-10's vacation time so you're not allowed missions." (1)

There was a nod and Naruto opened his mouth only to be interrupted by a puff of smoke.

"Hokage-sama, you didn't by any chance-- ah, Naruto! I believe Sasuke is looking for you." The one-eyed man said, voice appearing to be caught between sounding bored and mischievously ecstatic. Quite similar to another teacher of Konoha.

Recognizing the tone and already narrowing his eyes in suspicion of what Kakashi might have done, he forgot the reason he was there and like hundreds of other shinobi, ignored the door and jumped out through the window.

Tsunade rolled her eyes upward and muttered, "Why don't you people ever use the door?"

Kakashi merely grinned, or at least, his one visible eye curled up, and left the Hokage alone with her newly won photos. By then, she was already thinking of the amount of money she could get selling the pictures. Of course, she was going to keep one or two. Or three.

Meanwhile, Naruto had found Sasuke sitting at the bridge where Team 7 usually met on a daily basis. Walking up to him, Naruto found Sasuke staring off into space. He had on the image of a man traumatized and desperately trying to forget something. Skin paler than normal, Sasuke snapped out of his trance when Naruto stood in front of him.

In that odd little position of face to crotch.

But we shall refrain from describing.

Puzzled by his friend's demeanor, Naruto cocked his head in confusion and commenced the poking method.

You know what we speak of, the one where you poke, poke, poke at your friend and repeatedly ask them over and over and over again, in the midst of all the poking, what was wrong.

Used to the poking method, almost immune, you could say, Sasuke merely Looked at Naruto. For several minutes this exchange was... exchanged...?

A poke and a question from Naruto and a Look from Sasuke.

Eventually, the Look prevailed.

Giving up, Naruto merely flopped down next to the brooding boy and laid on his back.

"Ne, Sasuke?"

"Hmm?"

"Kakashi-sensei said you were looking for me."

Seemingly for no reason, a bright red blush flared up on the boy's cheek. A vast and noticeable difference from the pale whiteness of moments before.

"Eh? Sasuke?"

"Ah, it's nothing, don't worry about it."

Being the carefree boy he was, Naruto shrugged it off and concentrated on the clouds floating above.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" A quiet murmur from Naruto broke the silence.

"Aa."

A simple answer, but one that spoke levels of contentment.

After the last few days of semi-chaos, this stolen moment was, to them, absolute heaven. With the presence of the other boy beside them, the feeling was amplified.

It just so happened that it was also a worldwide squirrel holiday, so even the squirrels remained quiet, allowing the birds to chirp quietly and soothingly.

There was a melody dancing across the grass of the field, a swish of the leaves on the nearby trees. The silent journey of the clouds across the blue, blue skies. A quiet, rhythmic breathing that steadily slowed and slowed.

For a moment, it seemed that the world just slowed down. Lagging to match the rhythms of the breaths, following the movements of a simple teenaged boy.

A cool breeze ruffled the blond hair, the black hair, the simple clothes that were worn by the two.

A propped up arm allowed the older of the pair to look down upon the sleeping boy. An innocent looking child in his sleep, but a loud and boisterous one in life. The flickering of the eyelids enchanted the boy, showing him that the dream realm had fallen with the other.

Raising his other hand, he brushed it against the soft cheek, decorated by the three whisker marks that had been forever on his face.

Sasuke smiled softly as Naruto raised a hand to pat away the offending limb. Turning on his stomach, Sasuke settled down to continue to watch the slumbering boy.

But as Murphy's Law states, anything that can go wrong, will. And so, the peaceful moment was shattered by a soft sigh.

It was not something that would normally bother people, it was a rather insignificant sound. Something that could have been passed off as the wind blowing. For Sasuke, it was something that shattered the atmosphere around the two boys.

Sighing at the past few weeks, he shook Naruto awake.

At least, he tried to.

For moments later, the onlooker, realizing that it was all ruined, decided to enter the area fully.

And although she felt rather sorry for them, she was unable to contain her glee and proceeded to jump them. Followed by several other fan girls that were lurking in the backgrounds.

Thus, with Naruto finally awake, the two boys ran in separate directions.

-

The events that had happened days before were close to being traumatizing to the two boys. But they both refused to think any deeper about it. Not while they were awake anyway.

So today was the day when the two met up again. It struck them weird how things were turning out. One would've thought that with the discovery of their 'new relationship', they would see each other more. But they didn't.

But everything was to change now.

"We need to do something about this."

"Gee, you think?"

"There's no need to get sarcastic."

Glances were traded, slight blushes appeared before Sasuke spoke again.

"I have the perfect way to get back at them."

And Naruto immediately perked up.

For the next few hours, Sasuke explained his plan for revenge. To which Naruto hesitated upon listening, but after some urging by his subconscious, agreed fully.

Four days after that, Naruto opened the door to Sasuke's house as the door bell rang half-naked.

To Be Continued...

(1) Just for a moment pretend Team 8 is Gai's team. Writing Gai's team in that sentence would be crappy-like

La/-/er- :sigh: I'm so terribly sorry. It's late and it's barely 5 pages. Totally crappy. I think the review responses are longer and I said I wouldn't do that. But I began this on Monday and I couldn't finish because there was something going on with my computer. And the last two days, I haven't been feeling very well. And then this week, we finally have normal class times, so schoolwork and a mountain amount of homework slowed me down. I was doing homework for 4 hours yesterday!

Right now the health thing is not too bad, but with the way my brain is functioning, it's imperative that I start with a new chapter. So I deeply apologize for this chapter, but with some effort the next one will come on Thursday. Er... that's tomorrow, never mind, Friday. Definitely. I apologize once again and I will work hard on the next chapter. So if you do read this chapter and think, 'Well, this wasn't that great', come back in a few days and a good one will be up. Or at least the best I can do at this time. Thank you for reading :bows: Love ya all!

But as a bonus, I wrote the parts I didn't put in, both of them. They didn't exactly fit in the chapter, so I wrote it here. So I suppose it's not that bad, lol. Read on! And one more thing, these two stories did actually happen during the process of the two boys talking to their mentors. It just didn't seem to fit in the actual chapter is all.

Bonus #1 Iruka and His Teachings

A.K.A. Iruka getting depressed by a certain someone's words from the Chuunin Exam (Alright, maybe not depressed but not very confident)

Naruto had traipsed all the way over to the Academy in order to talk to Iruka. From his house to the Academy, it was... a long distance. On his way there, several close calls had made Naruto become paranoid. There was a niggling thought that everything was being blown way out of proportion. There was no way possible that there would be fan girls, or fan boys, at every turn. No way possible that everyone would care so much. The two boys may have been popular on their own, but this did not mean that their "relationship" would have. Really, how many people in this world would actually support a same-sex relationship? Certainly not enough to have this many in this small village.

There was a feeling that there was something... or someone behind it all. If only Naruto was able to find them.

Of course, he never will since... well, I think it's obvious why.

A glance upwards and around showed nothing out of the ordinary, except Naruto kept on hearing clickety-clack noises. Something like fingernails tapping against something, maybe plastic?

But before he could ponder on, he reached the Academy that had let out only minutes before. Knowing that Iruka would still be in his classroom- sometimes, Naruto thought that Iruka had no life outside of school- he walked directly there. All the while not noticing that eyes were watching his every movement. Souls anticipating every step of the way. The hungry minds of perverted humans waiting to see what would befall on the boy in the next few moments.

They were not disappointed.

Stepping into the classroom, Naruto's eyes immediately zeroed in on the hunching figure over a desk. Quietly tiptoeing across, making no more noise than a breeze, he stalked towards Iruka.

Opening his mouth, he prepared to scare the crap out of his former teacher.

But before he could do so, his former teacher scared the crap out of him when he said, "I know you're there and you make too much noise."

Gasping for breath, trying to calm his heart - it appeared he was getting too relaxed with his surroundings- Naruto squeezed out a few words.

"Iruka-sensei! Don't do that!"

Laughing, Iruka turned his seat to face Naruto, "I see you finally decided to visit me."

Naruto sheepishly nodded, just now realizing that since the rumor began almost a month ago, he had yet to talk about the issue with his mentor.

Ready to spill out all that had happened, he was stopped by the amused glint in Iruka's eyes.

"Er, Iruka-sensei?"

Teasingly, Iruka spoke, "So, Naruto, how's life now that you're officially dating Sasuke?"

He ended with a gut laugh, showing that really, he was very amused by the things he had heard.

Believing that this meant Iruka did not believe in the rumors that had been floating around, Naruto gave a large grin.

"Iruka-sensei! This means that you don't really believe the rumors, right?" Naruto asked the man eagerly, anticipating an answer that would lift his spirits up.

It seemed Naruto never saw it coming as Iruka's face immediately sobered, donning on the look that indicated a lecture was coming.

"Naruto! You aren't still denying your relationship with Sasuke are you? I know that there will be problems between the two of you and the rest of the world, but there is no reason to deny something like love. You have to take responsibility for that which you have started. All these years, haven't you learned what I've been trying to teach?"

Naruto blinked at him, what was he saying?

"Besides teaching you to become the best shinobi you can be, I've also been trying to teach you what it means to be a good person."

Iruka sighed, his expression turning fatigued, "If you haven't learned anything from what I've taught, maybe I'm not meant to be a teacher."

At this, Naruto's eyes widened. He had come here to talk about his "relationship" problems; he wasn't here to make Iruka doubt himself! Ever since the Chuunin Exams, it seemed to be happening more and more often. Naruto worried about him, Iruka was the greatest teacher he ever had and someone or something caused him to doubt himself. He had a feeling it was someone, and if he ever found out...

He was shaken out of his thoughts when Iruka spoke, "Do you understand Naruto? You--"

"I understand." He understood alright, it was too bad it didn't really fit the situation. At his words, Iruka brightened up and the twinkle in his eyes returned.

"Great! Now..."

Feeling the approach of doom, Naruto hurriedly stammered out something about visiting the Hokage and swiftly left.

Leaving Iruka to watch him exit with a sad smile on his face.

Owari

Bonus #2 Kakashi and his book

A.K.A. Sasuke gets a pervert lesson

While Naruto had went off to speak to his first teacher, Sasuke went off to speak to his current one. He was never very close to any of his Academy teachers and Kakashi was a sensible person, usually. Thinking about it more, Sasuke started to get worried. Maybe going to Kakashi wasn't the best thing to do? But he had no one else to go to...

Before he could contemplate any more, he arrived at the bridge where he had asked Kakashi to meet him. Quite intelligently, he asked him to come 2 hours earlier than the actual time. Thus, in truth, when Kakashi arrived, he arrived right on the dot that Sasuke anticipated.

Preferring to remain silent, Kakashi watched Sasuke approach. Waiting for him to speak, he started to take out his accompanying book.

"Ah... if it's okay, I'd rather you not take that out."

Kakashi's eye rose as he perked up his eyebrows in interest. No one had ever directly asked him not to read it. This should prove to be interesting, was what he thought.

Not waiting for any further response besides Kakashi putting the book away, Sasuke immediately plowed into his speech, rambling on and on, quite unlike himself, about the details of the last month. He described how he never seemed to be alone, impossible situations turning completely possible. Strangely, each time after Sasuke had heard some weird clickety-clack sounds.

:cough cough:

Kakashi listened to the words that were running out of the boy's mouth. Well, he seemed to be, but then again he looked like he was looking at that squirrel crawling up that tree over there carrying something very interesti--

"Ahem, Kakashi-sensei?"

Seemingly running out of things to say and returning back to normal, a bit, Sasuke tried to get his teacher's attention; the teacher who was supposed to be trying to help him, not stare at the squirrel that was carrying a map!

Unfortunately the dastardly plans of the squirrels remained unknown as Kakashi spoke at that moment. Even though there was truly no dastardly plans to be carried out as it had already been mentioned that it was a worldwide squirrel holiday.

"Ah, I think I know how to help you, Sasuke."

There was a slight brightening of Sasuke's features before he returned to his normal sullen face.

"Really? And how is that?"

Without any words, without any warning, Kakashi slammed a hand down on Sasuke's shoulder, causing him to sit down, rather hard. Crouching next to him, Kakashi whipped out the infamous book of Icha Icha Paradise. And then... he opened the book and began to read.

As he read, Sasuke became more and more interested, leaning over to Kakashi to read ahead.

The tale that Kakashi wove was one of romance, adventure, action, and... hentai.

With all the elements of a good romance novel and all the elements of a hentai novel, it created the combination of a tale that would entrance and arouse at the same time.

And with Kakashi pointing out specific parts that could be "experimented on Naruto and yourself if you feel like it" Sasuke turned interesting shades of white and red.

There were sections of twisting body parts, moans and groans, breathy gasps and guttural sounds that spoke of eons of pleasure. Sections that described the twisting and the pulling and the pushing and the noises of skin against skin, the swipe of a tongue across expanses of skin..

Suddenly, everything seemed to get hot.

Finally, Kakashi neared the end of the book. Unfortunately for Sasuke, the last scene was that of a bondage sex session between the two main characters. Nothing too extreme, but enough to make the virgin 16 year-old to get caught between feeling mortified and... satisfied.

Evidently, he chose mortified and traumatized as Kakashi concluded the tale and turned to question Sasuke, but received no response.

Chuckling at the reaction, Kakashi rose to leave the place.

"Ah, youth."

Owari

La/-/er- Whee! With the bonuses, this became normal length, cheer! Sorry once again about the issues with this chapter, hopefully I can get better enough to write a good chapter. Review!

Written: 9/19/04 (12-3) 9/20/04 (6-10) 9/22/04 (6-9:29)

Edited: 11/15/04

Re-edited: 4/27/05