Revised 3/21/05: Edited for pacing and canon flub, added some ideas, and filled out characterization.
Rabid Lola and Atropos' Knife: Lol, it didn't even occur to me that Ginji's magnetism could explain why he attracts people. I was thinking more about how his sensory experience affects and is affected by electricity in his environment (in Mugenjou, in people's brains, etc.). I like your interpretations much better though. )
b c: Glad you were glad to read this. I'm not sure what you mean by incomplete, so please explain. Each chapter is meant to be a stand-alone. I'd love to hear more so I can improve my writing.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
When Ginji walks down a street in Lower Town, he is usually lost. Few people know this about himthat he is directionally challenged. Ginji usually walks at a leisurely pace, arms swinging gently at his sides, innocent brown eyes wandering over the facades of buildings and people alike, full of wonder as if he'd never been there before (which, of course, he most likely has; he just doesn't remember exactly where there is). To the residents he passes on the crooked little streets, he always looks like he is perfectly content to be where he is at the moment. They greet him as they pass him on the street, and he smiles and waves back cheerfully. The women bow and smile demurely, the children run up to him and gather around him as if drawn by magnets, trying to catch his attention by tugging on his shirt or pants.
Ginji's directional handicap is mostly known only among the top members of VOLTS, the ones closest to Ginji like Kazuki and Shido and Makubex and the like, not because it was a carefully guarded secret or anything, but because they were always the ones who had to retrieve their errant leader whenever he got lost on one of his strolls. And he did this oftenstrolling, that is. And getting lost.
Watching him, though, you'd never guess that he was lost, thought Kazuki as he walked beside Ginji. He and Juubei, who was following slightly behind them, had been asked to find Ginji and bring him to the clearing on the east side of Lower Town, near the old warehouse district. Normally, if a VOLTS member wanted to talk to Ginji and Ginji wasn't around, they would just wait because he always turned up sooner or later. If it was urgent, they would ask Shido to send one of his crows, or ask Makubex to find him with his computers. Neither Shido nor Makubex had been around, so Kazuki had been sent.
"Is it really urgent?" asked Kazuki, when Kouji requested to talk with Ginji about something.
"Not urgent," said Kouji, "but I think he'll want to take a look at this himself."
Kouji was taller than Kazuki, had similar brown-colored hair but had it arranged in sharp spikes all around, and possessed a powerful but not bulky build that made the Threadmaster look all the more feminine. Where Kazuki's face was pale and smooth as cream, Kouji's was rough and toughened by the sun. He was also older and had experienced much, as evidenced by the thin scar going down the right side of his face. In fact, he was the leader of one of the warring clans before he and his followers agreed to join VOLTS. He knew Kazuki from when Kazuki was the fearsome leader of Fuuga, had even fought against him briefly, before they were united under Ginji.
"Is it something I can help with?" asked Kazuki. There wasn't much that required Ginji's personal attention, and things that did were usually urgent. Everything else could usually be handled by another VOLTS member, such as himself or Kouji.
"You can come if you'd like, but make sure you bring Ginji," replied Kouji.
"What about Shido or Masaki? Should they come too?" asked Kazuki, sensing that something bigger was happening than Kouji was letting on. The other man usually kept to himself and his group, even after joining VOLTS. Kazuki knew it was an issue of pride that the man didn't like asking the other VOLTS members for help. So far, Ginji had respected Kouji's independent nature, just like he had accepted everyone else for who they were, and Kazuki had followed Ginji's lead.
"Masaki, I know, has been busy, and Shido I haven't seen all day."
"Me neither, and Makubex is missing too," said Kazuki, a note of concern in his voice.
"I'm sure they're fine," said Kouji. "Just bring Ginji with you. I'll meet you at the clearing on the east side, where the warehouses used to stand," he said, giving a casual wave as he left.
Kazuki carefully watched the fellow VOLTS member disappear around the corner.
"Juubei," he said to his friend, who had been listening to the exchange from the shadows above. "Let's go."
Kazuki had spotted Ginji first. The VOLTS leader was talking to a brown-haired boy of about twelve years old and a little girl in black pigtails, who barely came up to Ginji's waist. Ginji waved merrily as he and Jubei approached, but the children were silent and merely watched. Kazuki told Ginji about Kouji's strange request, and as he did so, he noticed the looks on the children's faces become more and more reserved. No doubt Ginji had been about to join in some game with them, and he knew that they were probably disappointed that Ginji had to leave. But that was the way things were in Mugenjou.
Ginji tried not to let his own disappointment show though. He smiled his carefree smile, trying to reassure the children that he'd be back soon and they could show him whatever they wanted to show him then. The children could tell, however, that this smile wasn't coming from Ginji-san, their carefree friend with the gentle eyes and childlike heart. This smile was coming from Ginji-san, leader of VOLTS. Kazuki and Juubei saw the difference too, and knew that the smile was tempered by the sense of duty. They themselves were familiar with the burden of responsibility that came with leading VOLTS. It came from the weight in your heart from knowing that you might have to kill in order to protect your loved ones.
The children didn't understand this, but they could feel it. They knew to accept Ginji's smile for what it wasan attempt to preserve their own happiness, to spare them from disappointmentand tried their best to reassure him that their feelings were indeed uninjured, plastering on the same carefree smile, knowing that theirs was as forced as Ginji's.
(earlier)
"Hey, Ginji-san!"
He stopped and looked up. A brown and dirty child with a floppy bowl cut waved at him from a pane-less second story window. The top of another head popped into view, this one barely able to peer over the cracked sill. Ginji smiled as a second little hand reached up over the edge and waved blindly down at him.
"Ginji-san, wait!"
Both figures disappeared from view, accompanied by clopping sounds as they raced down rickety wooden stairs in flapping, too-large sandals that they had obviously found in a trash pile somewhere. Moments later, they reappeared from the dark doorway, kicking up dust and dirt as they ran towards him with hands raised to shield themselves from the glaring mid-afternoon sun. They stopped before him, the older boy beaming and holding a beat up soccer ball while the little black-haired girl panted slightly.
"Long time no see, Tatsuo," said Ginji, patting him on the shoulder. "And Rin." The little girl blushed.
"Where have you been, Ginji-san?" asked Tatsuo. "Can you stay? Are you busy right now?"
"Eh, no, not busy really. I was just"
"Great! Then come play with us! I'll go find the others and we'll show you how much we've improved since last time."
Ginji saw the excitement and pleas shining in their eyes, and he couldn't help smiling. It was moments like these that reminded him exactly why VOLTS had been formed and why he had accepted the burden of leadership. The look in Tatsuo's and Rin's eyes differed from the look in the eyes of his friends when he was growing up during the warring period, when rival gangs battled each other for control of Lower Town and monstrous groups from the Beltline swooped down to wipe out the rest. None of the children he had known then looked like children. They all had too much experience and not enough hope in their eyes. All of them, including himself.
Since the formation of VOLTS though, Ginji had noticed a change gradually take place among the residents. The women no longer tried to scurry unnoticed down the street with their head down, clutching their packages tightly to themselves. The men no longer looked like guard dogs on high alert as they herded their children home, turning their heads at the slightest sound and eying suspiciously anyone who approached. Everyone seemed to breathe a little easier, and even the dingy gray buildings started looking less forlorn.
But the biggest difference was in the children.
Whereas Ginji's friends rarely had the luxury to laugh when they were young, children like Tatsuo smiled easily now. Ginji remembered Tatsuo as a serious boy when they had first met two years ago. It was in an open space a few streets over, somewhere nearby, and Ginji had found him in crumpled blue overalls, angrily kicking a faded soccer ball against the wall. Each time the ball hit the wall, a small cloud of plaster rose up and bits of the wall fell, adding to the little pile already formed on the ground.
"You know, I'm sure that whatever the wall did to you, it's feeling pretty sorry now," said Ginji lightly.
Tatsuo eyed him out of the corner of his eye and continued kicking the ball.
Kick. Slam. Crumble.
"Heh, unless it's the ball that you're trying to punish."
"Don't care, doesn't matter," muttered the boy, not bothering to look up this time. Kick. Slam. Crumble.
"Mind if I join you then?" said Ginji.
"Go ahead, it's not like there's anyone here telling you what to do."
Kick. Slam. Crumble.
The setting sun cast their long shadows against the wall and turned the game of kickball into a game of shadow dodgeball. Of course, the shadows were losing. Each kick sent the ball flying towards the shadow boy's head and rebounded with a satisfying smack. The boy's face was also in shadow. He kept his head down, concentrating on the ball, not looking at Ginji.
"Is there anyone else around?" asked Ginji after a while, kicking the ball smoothly when it came towards him.
Kick. Bounce. Bounce.
"No."
Kick. Slam. Crumble.
All was quiet except for the scuffle of shoes in the dirt, the ball hitting the wall, and the crackle of the plaster. Ginji was reminded of the times he used to play ball with his friends, how much fun they had despite all the tragedies that had befallen them.
"What about your parents? Where are they?" Kick. Bounce. Bounce...roll...
...Without a word, the lone boy picked up the ball, turned sharply, and started walking away. Ginji watched him go, feeling inexplicably sad. The boy barely made a dark blot against the setting sun, he was so skinny and stooped. Another lost child, another orphan. Just like he was, not so long ago.
"That's it, isn't it? Your parents are gone," he said, softly.
The boy kept walking, arms swinging stiffly, hands clenched in fists, head down, refusing to look back, and pretending like he hadn't heard.
Ginji sighed. Sometimes he wondered if he would ever stop seeing shadows of himself in the people around him. The boy was only a few years younger than Ginji himself, but already he had experienced as much as Ginji had. Ginji and his friends never had the chance to act like children, but the younger ones over the past few years looked like they were born knowing too much already, and it was getting worse.
The boy kept walking, staring straight ahead. Watching him was like watching a darker, angrier version of himself. Ginji knew that he couldn't let the boy walk away, not like this.
"Hey, wait a minute!" called Ginji, jogging to catch up.
"Go away, I'm done talking to you," said the boy, keeping his eyes forward.
"But I'm not done talking to you," replied Ginji, now walking alongside him. "You can't just walk away from your problems."
"Oh yeah? Watch me," he said as he picked up his pace.
"You might be able to ignore your problems, but you won't be able to escape your feelings. They'll follow you no matter where you go, or how fast you walk."
"And what do you know about it, huh? Since you seem to know everything anyway. Nevermind, don't bother," he said, shaking his head, "I've heard it all before."
"You don't even know what I'm going to say," said Ginji, lengthening his strides to keep up.
The boy stopped suddenly, turned on Ginji and stared him straight in the eye, hands on his hips, challenging him.
"Well?"
Ginji paused, taken aback by the fierceness in the boy's expression. Somehow, he felt responsible for the boy's anger and loss. All the work he had done over the past few months-.-driving back the forces from the Beltline, negotiating truces between rival gangs, bringing warring factions together under his leadership-.-all had been aimed at trying to protect the people around him. He truly loved the people of Lower Town, admired their fierce will, their struggle to live meaningful lives under terrible conditions, and he felt a strong sense of protectiveness towards these people, even if he didn't know all of them. It didn't matter if they were strangers. They were strangers suffering under the same circumstances, fighting for their right to live, and this struggle bound them together like family. Ginji understood that it was his responsibility to protect the residents of Lower Town from outside forces and from each other, because he alone had the power and following to do so. It was a burden he had only recently accepted.
But, even after all his struggles, in a lone lot on a sunny afternoon, against the setting sun, he still finds a boy a lost as he ever was, or even more so. It made him question everything that he had worked for. Was he really making a difference? Was what he was trying to accomplish really the answer, or was it just a temporary salve on a festering wound that would never heal?
"Well?" The boy stared at him, waiting for an answer.
"I'm sorry," said Ginji, quietly. It was the truth, and it was the only thing he could have said.
For a moment, the boy just stood there, looking straight ahead. Ginji wondered if the boy was getting ready to bolt again. Then he noticed that the boy's shoulders were shaking.
"SHUT UP!"
"Wha-" Ginji took a step back, surprised at the sudden outburst.
"JUST SHUT UP! You don't even know what you're saying! You have NO idea!"
The boy's face scrunched up in anger. His back and shoulders were so stiff he looked like he was holding onto his control through sheer will. One more push of his buttons and he would probably run at the taller blonde stranger before him with fists and arms flailing. He was precariously close to the edge.
"Hey now, take it easy," said Ginji, putting his hands up, trying to calm the boy down, but the boy didn't even hear him past the rushing sound in his ears.
"Don't tell me you're sorry! Don't you EVER tell me that!" he screamed, his entire body wound so tightly he was shaking. "You don't even know me! You know NOTHING about me or what I had to go through, so don't pretend that you care!" The boy was panting now, sun rays reflecting off the tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
"But I do care, and I am sorry that you lost your parents," said Ginji quietly.
"HA!"
Ginji was dumbstruck. It was the bitterest laugh he had ever heard, a lump of pure venom and pain choked out from a frozen heart, and this was coming from a child who couldn't have been more than ten years old.
"LOST my parents! I WISH! I WISH they were dead!" the boy spat.
His already high-pitched voice cracked and his breath came in short pants. How could such a scrawny child contain such bitterness and survive?
"What do you mean?" asked Ginji, even though he already had an idea what was coming. He'd heard the story and seen the rage too many times. The story was also his, but the rage was not. No, he had been spared that hell at least.
"I didn't LOSE them, they LEFT me! Just turned and left me here!"
A tear raced furiously down the boy's cheek. He angrily fisted it away.
"There! I've said it. Are you happy now?" Ginji tried not to flinch under the boy's accusatory gaze. "Is that what you wanted to hear? That they were worthless? That they were weak and so they left me here alone? That they were COWARDS, both of them?"
Ginji stood there silent, not moving, letting the boy release all his anger onto him, taking in the boy's pain and adding it to his own.
"They didn't love me. They didn't even care about me." The boy was ranting blindly now. "They just cared about themselves. They ran and they didn't even look back. Just RAN and left me, so don't you DARE apologize for them!"
The boy's words triggered memories that Ginji thought had been banished long ago. Flashes of dark nights, cold dirt floors, strange sounds, and the thunder that shook him to the bone. Moldy bread, bits of meat still stuck on a bone, drinking water out of a tin can. Memories of doubts, of fears. Did his parents leave him willingly? Did his mother love him? Did she ever sing to him? He always thought that they must have left him here for a good reason, but, confronted with a child who shared the same past but was possessed by such disillusionment, it was like staring into a mirror and seeing despair. Was this what would've happened to him if he had dwelled in his memories? Would he have become a child spewing nothing but black poisonous venom? Ginji didn't know. He just remembered what it was like before his path took that sudden turn all those years ago, when Teshimine-san found him. When Teshimine-san had saved him from becoming like this.
The boy had quieted down and was panting, tired out from his ranting. His small body wasunable to sustain the emotions coursing through his veins. Leftover tears trickled down his cheeks and his body was hunching in on itself, making him appear smaller and even more lost.
"You're wrong about one thing," said Ginji, quietly, his eyes full of kindness and sympathy.
The boy looked into them, really looked at Ginji for the first time, and was surprised by the lack of pity there. This stranger with the gentle and innocent eyes was not preaching self-righteously down on him, but genuinely cared.
"I wasn't apologizing for them," said Ginji. "I was apologizing to you."
The boy's eyebrows scrunched up and he stared at Ginji.
"W-what?" he asked, faintly horrified. No one had ever apologized to him, or shown even the slightest bit of kindness. That a stranger would do this was incomprehensible to him.
"But why? What for?"
Ginji gave him a sad smile. It was hard to find the right words, for once. The vulnerability in the boy's face was heartbreaking. It was as if this was the first time in a long time that the boy had experienced kindness that wasn't charity. And he looked so scared, like any moment he was expecting the hammar to fall and shatter his fledgling hope. Looking at the boy, Ginji felt unbearably and inexplicably sad, like the weight of his whole existence was bearing down on him. The last year, since his emergence as Raitei and the founding of VOLTS, had been hellish for him as he worked to bring the warring gangs under his control. The turning point had come barely a few months ago, when Kazuki had agreed to bring Fuuga under him and Emishi's clan had followed Makubex and Shido in joining VOLTS. He hadn't wanted to be the leader, but he and everyone else knew that he alone was capable of shouldering the burden. They automatically looked to him for direction. And so he had accepted. But now, looking into the eyes of this boy, whom he had just found, Ginji wondered how much more darkness he would have to fight through before the residents of Lower Town could see light.
Why? What for?
"For failing to save you," he said quietly.
The boy was silent. Slowly, his shoulders loosened, his knees buckled, and he slumped down to the ground, all his energy drained. He stared at the back of his dirty hands, brown as the dirt-covered ground. The sun was disappearing behind the surrounding buildings. It was getting colder, but he wasn't trembling because of that.
"But you don't even know me..." he whispered as new tears formed in his eyes. He angrily wiped at them with his sleeve, then drew his knees toward himself and wrapped his arms around them.
He looked so small and alone. Ginji wondered if he looked like that when Teshimine-san first found him.
"But I do," said Ginji, squatting down to his level. "I don't know your name, but I know you." He placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder.
"How?" asked the boy, looking at Ginji, his eyes shining with tears that threatened spill over.
"Because I'm just like you."
The boy looked up and saw the sadness in Ginji's eyes. Ginji smiled and settled himself beside the boy on the street, stretching his legs out before him and leaning back on his arms, letting the last rays of the setting sun shine on his face and warm him.
"I never knew my parents. They left me before I was old enough to remember them. I don't know when they were gone or why, and I used to cry myself to sleep, wondering if they loved me, if they were thinking about me, or if they were even alive still. One day, a man found me. He wiped my tears away and he took my hand and he led me away from the place I had been hiding in. I was lucky. He took care of me and he was the closest thing I had to a parent. More importantly, though, he showed me that I had to move on. If I wanted to live, I had to keep moving forward. I couldn't hide myself forever. So now I'm going to tell you the same thing. Move forward, if you want to live, because the possibilities of tomorrow are always greater than the disappointments of yesterday."
The sun was now fully blocked by the buildings, but light was still being reflected by the upper levels of Mugenjou. The boy was silent, staring straight ahead, and Ginji wondered if he had been listening, or if he had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts. He sighed, patting the boy on the back as he stood up.
"You better find somewhere safe to spend the night soon. There is a group of kids somewhere near the brick building a few blocks away who might be able to-"
"Tatsuo."
Ginji stopped and looked at the boy, who hadn't moved. "What was that?"
"You said that you didn't know my name," said the boy, still sitting. "My name is Tatsuo."
"Tatsuo, eh?" said Ginji, smiling. "I'm Ginji. Amano Ginji." He held out a hand.
The boy hesitated a for a second, and then reached up and clasped it. He let Ginji help him up.
"I'm just Tatsuo," dusting himself off. "I don't remember what my last name is."
"Heh, you remind me of someone I know then," said Ginji, giving him a friendly punch in the arm. Tatsuo smiled, a real smile for the first time. "Come on, Tatsuo, let me introduce you to some kids I know who live not far from here..."
"Ginji-san!"
Ginji started out of his memories. "Hmm?"
Tatsuo had been pulling on his vest. "Did you hear what I just said?" he asked.
"Uhh...err..." said Ginji, scratching the back of his head embarrassed.
"Ginji-saaan..."
"Hehe, sorry, I was just thinking of something."
"Well, I was saying that I've been teaching Rin how to dribble the ball, and if you wanted to watch her dribble."
Ginji looked at the two hopeful faces turned up at him. Happiness beamed from them, nearly all of the shadows had been banished from Tatsuo's face. Rin, who was part of the generation too young to remember the warring period, was all innocence and hope. This was what he had worked so hard to protect. How could he turn them down?
"Sure, that sounds gre-"
"Ginji!"
All three turned at the sound of Kazuki's voice. The slender young man was walking toward them, silently trailed by Juubei.
"Hello Kazuki, Juubei. What are you two doing here?" asked Ginji. Tatsuo and Rin were quiet, immediately sensing that something was up and that they wouldn't get to play with Ginji today.
"I'm sorry to bother you Ginji, but Kouji requested that I find you and bring you to the clearing near the old warehouse district on the east side," said Kazuki.
"Did he say what it was for?" asked Ginji.
"No, he just said that it was important but not urgent."
Ginji was silent for a moment, thinking.
"Where are the others?" he asked.
"Masaki is leading some of our people in cleaning up the aftermath of that fire from yesterday, others are patrolling some of the northern blocks for that kidnapper, and Emishi is with his clan," he said, and paused. He gave Juubei a look before continuing. "And Shido and Makubex haven't been seen all day. I don't know where they are."
"And Sakura?"
"She's with Emishi. Some members of his clan suddenly fell sick, and she is tending them," said Juubei.
"I see," said Ginji, still thinking. "And Kouji asked you this himself?"
"Yes."
Kazuki watched Ginji weigh the different pieces of information, wondering if he felt the same thing he did.
"Where is Seiichi and the rest of Kouji's group?" asked Ginji, his features still not betraying anything.
"I, uh, I don't know" said Kazuki, surprised he hadn't thought to ask Kouji about that.
Tatsuo and Rin had observed this exchange in silence. They recognized all the names, for everyone in Lower Town knew. They also recognized the situation and knew that Ginji had to go. They could feel the tension in the air.
"We'll show you some other time, Ginji-san" said Tatsuo, taking Rin by the hand.
"But" said Ginji, feeling like he was letting them down. He could see the disappointment behind their brave facades.
"It's okay, we understand," said Tatsuo, trying to reassure Ginji with his smile without forcing it. "Just come back soon."
Ginji nodded and returned his smile. "Okay, I promise."
"Come on, Rin, let's go." Both Tatsuo and Rin waved as they ran back into the building they came from.
Ginji sighed, wishing that he didn't have to go, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that he and Kazuki were both right in sensing that something was amiss and that they better see what Kouji wanted to show them as soon as possible.
"Let's go," he said, turning east and walking away from the late afternoon sun, Kazuki and Juubei behind him.
Endnotes: This ficlet will be continued in the next chapter, don't worry. Note, however, that not all ficlets/drabbles are meant to connect. Most will be just stand-alones.
I hope the time jumps weren't too confusing. I don't know much about the formation of VOLTS, so lemme know if anything's blatantly inaccurate.
Also, I'm not sure if Kazuki and Jubei would call him Ginji or Ginji-san or Ginji-chan or whatever, so I left that off. Anyone know? I suck at honorifics. Tatsuo calls him Ginji-san though, to show respect because Ginji is older, is the leader of VOLTS, and because he sees Ginji as a mentor figure.
Thanks for reading. Please review!