YuuYuu Hakusho: The Authors of Evil
Chapter 13: Nautical Nonsense Day
Disclaimer: YuuYuu Hakusho (Poltergeist Report or Ghost Files in Japanese), a famous Shonen Jump Graphic Novel, is claimed by Yoshihiro Togashi. These characters are at the possession of mine: Neko Rei Renkyo, Hitsuji Sato Yami, and other demons or humans. Please enjoy the story.
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(The Beginning Theme Song)
Neko. When there's trouble, you know who to call. Teen-
Kitsune. Neko, that's not our theme song!
Sakura. You mean there was no theme song?
(Scratch that. There is no beginning theme song. In fact, there never was. Go figure…)
Karasuma. What do we do now?
Kaya. Yeah, I worked my butt off to train these guys to dance!
-To the Boys-
Yuusuke. Legs hurt…
Hiei. Too… much… tapping…
Youko Kurama. (Just did the splits five hours ago) Ow… Ow… Ow… Ow… Ow… Ow… Ow…
-Back to the Girls-
Kaya. MAKE THEM DO SOMETHING OR DIE!
Neko. All right! All right! Just gimme some time to think! (Has an idea. Wow!) I got it! Bring the boys here, Kaya and K-su.
Karasuma. (Blows her whistle) You heard the cat, boys! Up, up, up!
(The BOYS appear, all exhausted. SHUICHI and HIEI are holding YOUKO KURAMA, whose legs are still spread out.)
Kitsune. (To YOUKO KURAMA) What happened to you?
Hiei. Don't ask T.T.
Neko. Keep him standing and get into positions, everyone. Come on, chop-chop! For today!
Narrator. (Suddenly appears above the Reikai Tantei and the girls. With a deep, dark voice) Neko, are you secretly taking over this chapter of the story, which is suppose to be called Nautical Nonsense Day, without gaining any permission from me just so you can have all the fun you want with your stupid friends?
Neko. Uh… no?
(Total silence)
Narrator. (Normal voice) All right, just checkin' (Disappears).
Hitsuji. Wha' the heck was that all about?
Neko. Never mind all that. We gotta get moving.
(Everyone stands up)
Hitsuji. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!
Kitsune. We are proud to present!
Sakura. The one and only!
Karasuma. The worst, idiotic chapter ever!
Kaya. Starring us evil authors and the YYH boys!
I.C.V. Join us to experience…
Neko. NAUTICAL NONSENSE DAY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kaya. And now, we go to the YYH boys. What is your astounding response to this?
Boys. HELP US!
Hitsuji. This might be a problem…
(WOOFIE suddenly appears and is about to cross the simple-minded GIRLS and the YYH BOYS.)
Kitsune. (Backs off along with the girls.) WHOA, MOVE BACK!
Yuusuke. What's your problem?
Neko. Black cat! They cause bad luck!
Karasuma. Guys, I think you should…(It's too late. WOOFIE has already crossed the BOYS) Oh crap, they're gonna get it…
Youko Kurama. Look, we're stuck here with you evil idiots who cause us nothing but misery. How worse can it get?
(A roof crashes on top of the YYH BOYS.) SPLAT!
Kaya. So much for the perfect introduction in this chapter…
Mutsuyo. We might as well get started.
Hitsuji. Where'd you come from?
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(Animal Planet Sequence- By IceCrystalVulpix)
Neko. (British accent) Here we are in the bushes, carefully studying the YYH boys in their natural habitat.
I.C.V. (British accent) If we are quiet, no one will be disturbed.
Hitsuji. (British accent) Right now, we observe them writing some sort of gibberish in a paper.
Karasuma. (British accent) It must be their plan for escape!
Neko. (Normal accent, which is American) Wait a second! Plan their escape? NOT ON MY WATCH!
I.C.V. GET THEM!
Boys. AHHHHHHHH!
-(PLEASE HOLD)-
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(Kuwabara's Bad Luck- By Neko Rei Renkyou)
Kuwabara. Oh great. I'm right up high on Mount. Everest, next to Hitsuji, who is giving me a very evil, dastardly look as if though she is about to do something incredibly stupid yet strangely evil to me! What else could go wrong?
(HITSUJI pushes KUWABARA off the cliff)
Kuwabara. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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(Pin the Nail on the Dragon -By Lunei-chan, our good, evil friend)
Neko. Good morning, afternoon, and evening, everyone. We are proud to introduce- Lunei Kuroi Ookami!
Lunei. HI!
Hiei. STOP RIGHT THERE! FINALLY I CAN DESTORY YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL! DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME-
(HIEI finds his dragon nailed to a wall)
Hiei. What the?
Lunei. (With a hammer, waving) Hi!
Hiei. CURSE YOU, AUTHORS OF EVIL!
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(The Authors of Evil song- By The Authors of Evil themselves. Volunteered by the YYH)
(Reminder: This song is claimed by Andrew Lloyd Webber for The Phantom of the Opera. Our purpose is not to mock this song but to sing just for fun about us authors and the YYH boys. Enjoy!)
Girls:Neko's an idiot
Hitsuji's bad
Kitsune loves her flute
Sakura's mad
We are the worst of all
The boys could find
The Authors of Evil is there
Inside their mind
K-su is one of them
Kaya is too
I.C.V. kicks our butt
Lunei is new
Will more girls torture us?
Until we cry?
The Authors of Evil is there
Inside our mind
Girls:
Narrator rules us all
Her power's strong
We don't who she is
Boys:
But not for long
The Girls/Boys:
We/they will discover her
When we/they combined
The Authors of Evil is there
Inside their/our mind
Kitsune:
This is your cue! Sing, our angel of music!
PLEASE HOLD. (Note from Neko: I refuse to sing so loudly like a real opera singer. Therefore, we will just continue the 13th chapter) BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
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(Things That Would Never Happen to the YYH boys- By the Authors of Evil themselves)
I.C.V. I am not just an evil author but I am also… A POKEMON MASTER! GO, YUUSUKE!
Yuusuke. (Comes out of the poke-ball) Must… have… oxygen…!
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Karasuma. Hey it's, Inuyasha!
Hitsuji. Let's glomp him!
Naraku. INUYASHA? DIE!
Youko Kurama. No! Wait! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Neko. (Quiet and dark voice) Hiei, come here. I'd like to have a word with you.
Hiei. And what do you want?
Neko. (Dark voice) Hiei, I am your father!
Hiei. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… wait. I don't have a father.
Neko. Yeah, good point. Um… I am your mother!
Hiei. She died.
Neko. …Sister?
Hiei. Yukina.
Neko. (Silence for a while) …BEWARE!
Hiei. This is pathetic…
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Shuiichi. What are you nailing?
Lunei. Your hair and your rose whip
Shuiichi. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Sakura. THE YYH BOYS IN DRESSES!
Kitsune. CENSURED!
(A board blocks the boys)
Kaya. YOU IDIOT! NO ONE'S GOING TO ALLOW THAT!
Sakura. Sorry…
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(E.V.I.L. News- By Neko Rei Renkyou and Kitsune Yoko Emerald)
Neko. Welcome to the Exciting Vastly International Ludicrous News, where every news are evil and so am I! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway… we go the weather forecast by Mutsuyo! Mutsuyo?
Mutsuyo. It's raining idiots!
Neko. Thank you, Mutsuyo. And now, we go to Kitsune!
Kitsune. Thank you, Neko. We're live in the YYH world where we are witnessing a crowd screaming for a special guy! Wait a minute! It seems to be Yuusuke Urameshi being glomped. It sounds so astounding, I'm gonna go join them myself. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Yuusuke. OH GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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(Human Rats- By the Mysterious Twin Sister)
Hitsuji. We have just received a strange message from a mysterious person! (Reads it) Turn rats into humans and make them love YuuYuu Hakusho boys. (Pauses) Ah well… Neko can take the blame…
Neko. I heard that…
Hitsuji. Rats! Come forth!
Neko. I've caught one for you!
Hitsuji. Neko, that's Ratigan from the Great Mouse Detective!
Neko. So?
Hitsuji. YOU'RE SCREWING UP A DISNEY MOVIE!
Neko. (Sets him free) Aw man…
Hitsuji. (Does retarded magic) Rats to Humans! Love YYH! NOW!
(A few seconds later…)
The Boys. (Running away) AHHHHHH! RATS! BEWARE!
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(The Ending Act- By The Authors of Evil and the Reikai Tantei)
Neko. And now for my final act… I WILL BRING KURONOE BACK TO LIFE!
Kitsune and the Boys. EVIL!
Sakura. AWESOME!
I.C.V. Cool…
Lunei. HOT!
Karasuma. COTTON CANDY!
Kaya. Is that all you ever think about…
Neko. I will need Hitsuji to help me. Hitsuji?
Hitsuji. (Comes to NEKO) I'm getting paid for this right?
Neko. What?
Hitsuji. That's what I thought…
Neko. AND NOW… TOTAL SILENCE!
Narrator. (Suddenly appears above the Reikai Tantei and the girls. With a deep, dark voice) Neko. Are you secretly bringing a dead yet hot guy back to life along with your friend, Hitsuji, even it is strictly forbidden because he is an enemy to the Reikai Tantei and may cause massive destruction and chaos to everyone as we know it?
Neko. Uh… yes?
Narrator. (Normal voice) Oh okay, have fun then (Disappears)!
Kitsune. What in the…
Neko. SILENCE, PLEASE! Now… let's do this…
Neko and Hitsuji. Oh dear, beloved Kuronoe… WAKE UP!
Kuronoe. (Appears) Where am I? Why am I suddenly having the feeling that this will be the worst day of my life? And why are… YOUKO KURAMA! WE MEET AGAIN!
Youko Kurama. (To SHUIICHI) We'll fight about the chocolate coins later. (To KURONOE cheerfully) Hi, rival!
Kuronoe. Bloody traitor…
Lunei. HOT GUY!
Kuronoe. Oh no… I've found something worse than Youko Kurama! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Neko. AND THUS ENDS OUR NAUTICAL NONSENSE DAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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Japanese to English Translations
Kuroi- black
Ookami- wolf
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Neko-chan70: Random nonsense… random nonsense… la-la-la-la-la WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hitsuji-chan21: Another day… another dumb chapter being shown. I'M STILL GETTING PAID!
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Neko: READ AND REVIEW, OR WE'LL HAUNT YOU WITH NAUTICAL NONSENSE DAY!
Peace out yo