Title: So Unaware of the World
Chapter: 5/?
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Pairing: Ada/Ruby
Notes: Sorry this has taken me forever and a day. I had a chapter written, but it was scrapped because I found it completely out of character. Not to mention the mess I've gotten myself into at home, long story. So, I guess you could blame the lack of update on me not feeling well, and me being completely obsessive over keeping things in character. :P Also, you might want to reread the last few paragraphs of the chapter before this, if you had read it before today, because I edited it a tad so that this chapter makes more sense. Sorry if this seems rushed, because…well, it kind of was. I wanted to get this done before I left so I didn't have to think about it, even though it took me nearly 3 weeks and shouldn't have been "rushed" :P The next chapter should come much quicker.
I'm leaving for vacation to Michigan City/Chicago on August 11th, no idea when I'll be back.
Also, MANY MANY MANY thanks to those who have taken their time to read and review this. It means the world to me. Thank you so much :) Silenced Dreams, Vikki Kelly, Emma, and Lolita. Love you guys.
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How long had she been lying there? The sun was coming up behind the pine trees. Ruby couldn't remember the last time she had woken up and the sun being high in the sky already. But there was the sun, flaunting its golden rays through the windows, taunting her to get up, and she still lay wrapped up in the blankets in bed, completely numb. Not even her bed, Ada's bed. Where Ada had slept that night still remained unknown to her, but she didn't care. Probably went back to her piano or to write another letter. Things were going to be quite different between them now, and she didn't like it. She had never had a best friend before, let alone a friend that shared anything with her, and she had messed it up. She wasn't sure what she had wanted to come out of the situation, but what had happened surely wasn't it. How far did she want to take this? Ada had it in her mindset that a man was on his way home to her at that very moment, it seemed as if nothing could change her mind. She had let her go on believing that, though she had personally thought he was shot down by now. No, Ruby would just have to keep replaying the happenings of a few hours ago through her head, each time changing it in her favor. This wasn't like her, though, Ada was the dreamer. She was supposed to be the logical one, the one that would snap at Ada if she were daydreaming instead of gardening. She needed to get up. She needed to put her mind on something else. She couldn't even bury her face into the pillow anymore; it smelled too strongly of Ada's perfume. She wanted to go back to her own room, but she was afraid Ada had settled there for the night, she didn't want to disturb her again, though it seemed to be her nature to disturb things. She didn't want to go downstairs, either; Ada might be down there. Until she worked things out in her mind, she wouldn't move. She didn't think she could move if she tried, the numb feeling that she had become accustomed to over the past few days returned, the only sense of feeling she had at that moment was her fingernails digging into her arm, deep enough that there'd probably be marks left, but it didn't matter. It kept her reminded that she wasn't dreaming. For once, she didn't care if the cows needed milked or not.
Ada was curled up on an old armchair a few feet away from the piano, her arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself tight in an attempt to keep warm. She had slept, but barely. The night had consisted mostly of dozes with unkempt dreams and unfinished thoughts, none she could remember in particular. She always had made a larger deal of things than what really was, over analyzing and such, but this seemed different. She had come to be somewhat of an optimist over the past few months after writing so many letters, though somewhere in her mind she knew he probably had not received any of them, and after the past winter of thinking she wouldn't make it, and then the following spring Ruby appeared on her doorstep, eager to help. She and Ruby had an odd relationship from the very beginning, Ruby trying her hardest to make Ada feel doltish, and doing a good job of it. She pretended not to care of things such as the novels and the piano, but Ada knew she peered over her shoulder when she was reading while preparing a stew, and she knew she watched her play her piano several times. It didn't bother her; she had always wanted to teach someone to play piano because she always found teaching as a way of founding out what she knew herself. Over the months, Ruby had been relaying less on her sharp tongue and more on watching the way Ada had done things. Ada never thought much of that, either, it seemed as if everyone in the town had kept their eyes on her from the very beginning, eager to know how the city girl could work the farm. She blamed having to sell her piano on this, for if Ruby had been working and not watching they would of surely had enough food to last the winter, the way Ruby talked. It was her idea to sell the piano to begin with; she shouldn't be blaming it on Ruby. She wasn't sure what she would do now without the piano, letters seemed like an option, but playing the piano was always what she resorted to when the letters brought too many emotions at once, now she had no outlet. The novels, she supposed. Ruby was always first to go upstairs for bed, she wouldn't want to keep her from getting up too late.
She opened her eyes enough to see that the sun was up. It was certainly an unusual spectacle, the last time she woken up at noon was after her father had passed, and out of lack of knowing what to do she slept all day. It seemed like an answer at the time, but like right now, it was only making things worse, giving her too much time to think. She only blamed herself for the situation she found herself in right then, she could be warm in her own bed right now. She was always one to please, she should of just gone along with whatever Ruby was doing, it certainly seemed harmless, it didn't mean anything to her, though Ruby seemed to get something out of it. She somehow kept herself from feeling bad for Ruby, though Ruby had told her many tales from her childhood, she often didn't know if she was making them as she went just to amuse her, or if she really had been left in the woods for weeks. She wasn't really sure what Ruby wanted, she seemed to find pleasure in anything around the farm, but she knew that would wear off eventually. She could feel Ruby against her last night, of all the hugs they had shared, she had never felt so warm, and it was if that was what this odd tension between them was leading up to. Ada was sure Ruby was growing sick of her constantly writing letters and becoming lost in her thoughts of a man on his way home to her, she often wondered if it put ideas in her head, and whether they involved her or not, but eventually lost the thought after a fleeting moment.
She ran her fingers over the silver bracelets on her arm, something so simple caused so much confusion.
Ruby hated staying in bed for any amount of time, she found no reason behind it, it wasn't like anyone was laying beside her holding her back from getting up. She forced herself up, catching her reflection in the mirror, realizing she still the necklace on. It was cold, even against her cold skin, and seeing it again was causing so much anguish within her. Without second thought, she gave one single tug, causing the chain to break and it to fall into her palm, and tucked it in the pocket of her nightgown. Just in case. No, she didn't want to get up now. She didn't care when the men were coming to trade the piano for food and wheat; even Ada could handle that transaction without her help. Part of her wanted to find out where Ada was and attempt to make an explanation for last night, but she couldn't, not without slipping. She never was one to hold a secret for long. She could pretend to understand what Ada was thinking then, and it seemed all she wanted to do was believe she was laying next to her so she could whisper and kiss it all away, though that was the problem to begin with. She'd go downstairs and talk to Ada, though from seeing where it had got her last time it didn't seem like such a good idea after all. It seemed as if the happenings from a few hours ago were just repeating themselves; Ada was downstairs, or at least she thought, upset, and she was in bed wondering what to do about it. She had learned from the past, and it was time to mend it.
Ada still sat snuggled in the chair, her back beginning to ache a bit now from the fetal position she found herself in most of the night. The grandfather clock read 6 o'clock; surely it couldn't be that late in the day already? Out of habit, she wanted to lay there a bit longer and wait for Ruby to rap at the door for her to get up. In a way, she looked forward to it every morning. She was sure Ruby wasn't awake for some reason; she'd have to be the one to wake her. She had never seen her asleep before. It seemed funny that she could sleep at all, with all the worrying she did about what needed done the next day. She found her thoughts drifting to Inman, wondering if he was receiving her letters, if he was alive at all, or even, maybe, walking home to her. The one kiss they had shared she cherished, piecing it together in her mind once more and reliving it, as she did each time her thoughts found him. She didn't feel his whiskers against her chin; instead her thoughts took her to a kiss that happened not so long ago, where whiskers were replaced by the strap of her nightgown being tousled between someone else's calloused fingers and a similar hand grazing her thigh. At first she thought she had mixed them up, but for the moment it made sense. The obsession had let her believe what she wanted.
Her musings were interrupted by the creaking of the stairs, following by footsteps, jerking her out of the odd state between sleep and something else. The footsteps came nearer with each beat against the wooden floor, pattering around for a bit, until they came to a halt, replaced by wooden chair legs scraped against the floorboards. Her eyes flit open, even though her sight was slightly blurred, she could make out Ruby's figure seated at the table, drinking tea. There was another cup across from her own, probably meant for her. Only by the way she was sitting, her cheek pressed deeply into her hand, stirring the tea anxiously, it was easy to tell she was distraught. It was just as easy to know why, considering the situation they had found themselves in earlier.
Ada sat up slowly, before getting to her feet and stretching. Her back still ached a bit, though somehow the idea that tea would ease it comforted her. She sat across from Ruby once again, blowing on her tea before sipping it. Ruby looked up for a second, then turned her attention toward the tea once more, avoiding eye contact.
"It's nearly light out," Ada broke the silence.
"Shoulda be'n out there hours ago, them cows is gon' be won'dr'n where we be'n."
Ada nodded and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ruby."
Ruby nodded without looking up. What exactly she was sorry for wasn't clear, but it wasn't the cows. She supposed it was easier for her to use such a thing to apoligize for instead of coming right out and saying it, which made sense.
"You took your necklace off," Ada said, if only to break up some kind of pent up tension.
"I thought you'd wan' it back…" Ruby reached into the pocket of her nightgown and fished out the necklace, running it through her fingers a few times before dangling it in front of Ada.
"Keep it, I was just going to pawn it, anyway…"
Ruby smiled and put it back in her pocket again. They had come to an unspoken understanding, so it seemed.
And that was it, the piano was gone. The rest of the day had been spent building a pen for the hogs, though few words had came between them. Ada finally seemed to gain control over her emotions after the happenings of earlier in the day. Ruby constantly apologized for having to sell the piano, getting the same response each time from Ada, insisting it had been her idea. She couldn't argue that. In truth, the apology had a double meaning. Ada seemed to accept both. They always had a way of saying what they meant without directly saying it.
It was evening now, Ada sat across the table from Ruby, writing a letter and absently gnawing on a carrot, occasionally dipping her spoon into the soup. After a few minutes, Ada dropped her pen and ate her soup properly for a second before picking up a novel. She'd get much more reading done now that the piano was gone, though she preferred the piano over the books.
"Alright, then, I'm goin' up t' bed, didn't get much sleep las' night."
"G'night,"
Ruby shrugged and slid the chair back, heading toward the stairs, leaving her bowl and utensils in their places. Ada didn't seem to want much to do with her, no sense in lingering. Somehow her hand had found the necklace in her pocket again and began running it through her fingers once more. For a moment she thought of going back downstairs and asking Ada to put the necklace on, but for now it didn't seem right. Throughout the day there had been a tension hovering above them, like a storm cloud, just threatening to burst. It only seemed to increase when the only subject discussed among them that day had been the piano, with hollow apologies meaning something other than what the context of it was, though the first few times they were truthful. It was alright, things would work themselves out. They usually did.