Title: So Unaware of the World

Chapter: 6/?

Pairing: Ada/Ruby

Thanks: To the reviewers Silenced Dreams, Vikki Kelly, a hodge in the hill, and others who have left encouraging reviews, to my friends who I've locked in my room and forced to watch the movie, putting up with my lesbian commentary. You guys are special people. Especially to Vikki Kelly, for IM-ing me, encouraging me to continue and helping me with other issues that have come up in my life. And Alicia, just because. I love you, darlin' ;)

Notes: Err, sorry this has taken forever and a day. Too much debating back and forth over how things should go, I finally sat down and did it, whether I like it or not. I figure I can always go back and fix it if not, though I'm incredibly lazy so chances of this being changed are slim. I started school a while ago, which messed up my sleeping schedule entirely, not to mention I have a job at a horse farm now, and next time you hear from me I'll have a second job as well. In short: Carly has a life now, less time for fanfics. However, I read the novel, and though I think the story is much, much better than the movie…I think I still prefer the movie.

One last, final, note. If you don't like femmeslash, stop reading NOW. Though I'm not sure why you're reading this at all if that's the case. It only gets "worse" as it goes. I know what I'm writing is controversial, I like it that way. I've always been quite liberal, I do my own thing, and my writing is no exception. Take it for what it is. STOP FIGHTING IN THE REVIEWS. If you disagree with the story, sucks for you. It's friggen' fanfiction. There are plenty of other stories out there for you to read, stop wasting your time on this one if you disagree with it. I'm well aware of both the movie and the novel, and I love both of them to death. Calm down, kids. It's /fan/fiction. Now then. Enjoy?

Yeah. It's long. I had a lot of time to make up for. Thanks for being so patient with me, I really hope the next bit doesn't take so long.

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With few hours left in the day and nothing left to do except feed the cows and the horse, it was decided that the horse would be hitched up and Ada would learn how to do it on her own, as well as drive the horse with the cart. She had been meaning to teach her how to drive the cart for a few weeks, so that she could run her own errands and leave Ada to hers. She took her through the back roads, through the overgrown paths in the woods only used by those who found themselves to be lost while hunting and through fields where the grass was thick enough that should the horse run off, he wouldn't get far. They kept on these paths until she was calm enough to hold the reigns herself, though her shaky hands rattled the horse's but between his teeth and over his tongue, and yanking it back slightly, sometimes dramatically, causing him to become uneasy. When the horse would stop, she'd sigh with frustration and throw her hands up, dropping the reigns in her lap. Ruby would sigh and pick up the reigns to get the horse moving again, then handed them off again to Ada. After adjusting the reigns several times between her fingers, she finally had it figured out, and the horse moved forward without hesitation now that the bit was steady between his jaws. Because the sunlight was becoming scarcer by the moment, Ruby decided they should return to the field, though it was harder to travel through, there were fewer trees to block the light. Though she was supposed to have her eyes focused on the path in front of her, Ada caught site of what looked to be an abandoned camp site through the trees, most likely left by deserters just a few days before. The ashes were still in a neat pile, not tattered recklessly about by the wind, though it was fall. They tied the gelding to a moss-covered tree, Ruby removing the bit so that he could graze on what was left of the summer grass. Though there was a mess of small twigs and broken branches left in the fireplace, it wasn't enough for a proper fire. They both scrounged around for a bit, collecting what they could of the fallen branches scattered about, and throwing them into the fireplace. After they had enough wood, Ruby organized them in way she saw fit before striking a match against one of the rocks that lay circled around the ashes, then threw it into the carefully arranged sticks, setting them ablaze as they had been a day prior. Ada had already settled on a log that had been pulled over closer to the fire. Ruby took her place close by, leaning forward so that her elbows rest upon her knees and her chin in her palms. Her eyes shifted from the fire to the trees to the moon, which was becoming more evident by the minute, though the sun still held it's place in the sky, if only slightly. She'd occasionally glance from the corners of her eye at Ada, who was sitting up properly, reading a novel. Though she was interested, Ruby watched the fire again. It'd be best not to bother her. It had been a while since they had time to themselves to relax, the past few days they'd hardly spoken, going straight to bed after their chores each day. It was nothing different than before, just that the days were becoming shorter. They had hardly spoken on their ride out that night, except when she scolded Ada for pulling at the bit too hard. Even then, after a few times, reprimands were replaced by scowls. She closed her eyes for a few moments, hoping to catch a few winks before they had to return back to the farm.

Ada had grown bored of her novel, yet didn't want to return home yet. Ruby had dozed off slightly, anyway. She set the book aside and pulled the bailing twine from Ruby's hair, running her fingers through it. Ruby didn't flinch, if she felt it at all. Her hair was nearly as long as Ada's, but thicker. She separated several strands and began to weave them together into a braid, simple and loose, but it kept her busy. Doing her own hair each morning had become so repetitive, though she'd try new things each morning, it seemed all the same. Once she finished, she picked up the piece of twine and retied it in her hair again. She would have done something more intricate, but she didn't want to stir her, though she'd have to eventually because she wasn't quite sure where they were. She folded her hands on her lap for a moment before picking up the novel again. While she read, she'd look up at the fire occasionally, as if it was changing anytime soon, other than when the blue core of it would sometimes reach up to the tip of the flame. There was a moment where she wondered if perhaps Inman had left this fire, or if he was around these parts at all. It had been over three years since she had last seen him, and hadn't thought of him any less than she had the day they met. Though she hadn't had as much time for letters as she would like, she had began taking notes in her head for new ones. She kept the picture he had given her as a bookmark so that each time she read she would think of him for a moment, which gave her a new incentive to read. She had read a few paragraphs before she could see Ruby shifting her weight beside her, reaching back to feel her hair but not mentioning anything of it, only trying to read over Ada's shoulder. Ada caught site of her doing so and suggested she just read it aloud, and Ruby obliged. She read until the words could only be made out by the few slithers of light that managed to make it between the bare tree branches. Before long, the words began to blend together in the sunlight that turned into star light, yet Ada prevailed, squinting and holding the novel close to her nose.

"We bet'r head on back." Ruby said, interrupting a sentence. Ada put the bookmark back into place before closing the book and stuffing it back into her dress pocket without a second thought. Ruby hitched what needed hitched back up to the horse and climbed in after Ada, passing off the reigns to her, explaining the shortest way home while doing so. Though she wanted Ada to read some more, she decided she'd best let Ada drive the way home, it was too dark to read, anyway, even with the newly lit lantern hung between them.

They remained silent again. The only sound that could be heard was the horse's hooves against the ground, and the wheels running over and crinkling the leaves beneath, along with the occasional snort of the horse. Once Ruby saw that Ada's hands were steady, she pulled the blanket from the back of the cart over their knees before dozing off slightly once more, resting her head against Ada's shoulder. Ada took her eyes off the road for only a second to acknowledge her. After a few moments, Ruby grew restless and turned slightly to gather Ada's hair, which was long enough that it would twist around her neck in front of her. Her hair was quite long, though not nearly as long as the horsetails she was used to. She entwined her hair carefully, yet loosely, half in a daze out of tiredness. Once she was finished, she let it drop behind Ada once more, not bothering to pull a piece of twine from her pocket so that it would stay held in place. Her hands dropped on her lap and she lay still again. Ada turned slightly so that her cheek pressed on her head slightly. She couldn't tell if she was sleeping or just restless. Though her shoulder was uncomfortable and limited in movement, she let her go. They had been working hard lately, and had to get home to take care of Sally, anyway. Ada had told her she could stay for as long as she liked, though she forgot to mention to Ruby that it was her room she was sacrificing. She was sure Ruby would be displeased, as she was still slightly bitter from several days ago when they had brought her the coffee and such and were not invited inside. Ada wasn't sure why it was such a big deal, and let it go almost instantly.

The sun had nearly completely hid his head by now, leaving only moonlight to light their path, besides the lantern. As Ruby directed, they approached the apple orchid behind the farm, nearing the barn. Though the path had been bumpy, Ruby hadn't stirred. Her head still rested firmly on Ada's shoulder, her hands still listlessly placed on her lap. Ada halted the horse once they came to the barn, moving her shoulder slightly so that Ruby would wake up. Ruby opened her eyes slowly, surprised they had arrived home so quickly, it seemed she had only been sleeping for a few minutes. Though still half asleep, she taught Ada how to unhitch the cart and such. Instead of pulling it into the corner of the barn where it should go, she simply left it in front of it, too tired to care if it was gone the next morning. Ada brushed off the horse and gave him his grain once he was in his stall, then headed back up to the house with Ruby. Ruby was too drained to care that Sally was in her room, and decided she'd just sleep in the armchair as Ada had done a few weeks before.

"I'm…I'm just going to go upstairs and read for a bit. Come up and get me if you need anything…" Ada said before beginning to climb the stairs. At the prospect of novel reading, Ruby's eyes lit up. "You can come, too, if you want…I don't mind…" Ada finished, yawning slightly and pulling the novel from her pocket again.

She was already changed for bed by the time Ruby had entered the room, and was laying on the bed, propped up on her elbows, the book in front of her. Ruby lay across from her, curling up in the blankets. Her drowsiness seemed to disappear as she listened contently. Though she still wasn't completely sure of the plot, she picked out bits and pieces until she had enough to devise her own until the rest was made more clear. There were moments when even her own plot would fade in and out and she would turn her head and watch Ada read. Her eyes kept perfect rhythm going from word to word, not once darting from the page. Her hair fell over her eyes, the braid mostly undone except for one or two still twisted strands falling over her shoulder blades. Everything was so perfect at that moment, at least in her head. She didn't even comprehend what she was reading now, and had long given up on the plot. This was just what she had wanted all those weeks ago. Just laying in bed next to her, having her distracted enough so that she could study her. The only light in the room was the candle still burning brightly on the nightstand, leaving the rest of the room to the shadows. She laid her head back once more so that she stared up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. Everything was perfect now. Just as she was closing her eyes, Ada closed the book and set it aside, pulling the pillow closer to her. Ruby sat up and grabbed the novel and read it to herself for a few moments. She'd pick out quotes she liked and kept note of them, as if she'd make use for them at a later time, though she knew she would never remember them word for word. She wondered what Ada was thinking about, though she found herself thinking about that often. She hadn't mentioned much of anything about her boy for some time now, and was hoping she forgot about him, figuring he had died. She hadn't received any letters, he might as well have been dead. It seemed selfish of her to wish so. She wanted to ask her about what she was thinking about. Ada would ask her the same question at times, when she would stop picking beans and stare off. Ada proved to be quite a distraction when there was work to be done. Always pausing to throw her hair back over her shoulder, or pick dirt from under her fingernails. It was the same thing everyday, yet she never tired of watching her. She kept her eyes on her; as if any passing man would be the one she was waiting for and would snatch her away. She had convinced herself that this man was long since dead; lying dead and forgotten in a battlefield or in a forest no one had ever heard of. She wished so, anyway. She turned her head to face Ada again, who was studying something, a picture. She was tracing her fingers over it carefully, smiling. Ruby tilted her head back so that she could see who it was, not that she needed to guess. The jealously crept through her, sending a chill down her spine. She didn't understand what she saw in him, if anything. It was just her lust; she had nothing else going for her at the time. He kept her going, it seemed. She didn't want him to keep her going. She wanted her to have something that was real, something she could feel, something that was there for her, not someone who she could count on hand how many words were exchanged between them. There was a rush of anger with the jealousy. It just wasn't right. It wasn't fair. This wasn't about being selfish anymore, though the original thought was. Just laying there, watching her, she could hear her heartbeat echoing through her head and feel it beating in her throat. It was just frustrating now; she couldn't take seeing her like this. She just wanted to tell her everything at that very moment, for a split second, she had it all envisioned. She wanted to tell her, she wanted to break her heart. Then Ada would cry on her shoulder, as she stroked her hair, her free arm wrapped around her. They'd wake that way for weeks, she'd be too drained of emotion to do anything, and would probably want to be alone, so Ruby would bring her tea and leave, take the horse out for a bit and hunt. She'd fight every second she had to stray too far from her, as if they were lovers. She momentarily cocked an eyebrow at the thought. It seemed to be what she was unintentionally implying, not that she'd object to it. The thought kept her anguish from progressing for a second or so, just before she caught focus of the photograph in Ada's hands again, she was still smiling, still running her fingers over it.

"I don' underst'nd you, not a bit," she reached over and snatched the picture, Ada looking back at her with an offended shock if anything. Ruby studied it, holding it at a distance so that she could see the whole of it without having to squint. He didn't even look that impressive, and it occurred to her she had never actually seen a picture of him until now. Not up close, anyway. She wanted to crumble it between her fingers and throw it into the fire, only the tin backing kept her from doing so. Instead, she lay back down, her arm extended off the bed. She let the picture slide between her fingers, clanging as it hit the floor. Ada appeared too shocked to say anything, her brow furrowed and lips pursed.

"He ain't comin' back, Ada. He'd be here b'now. It's only been four years, lon' enough to wait fer someone, I'd say."

She didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. She wanted to tell her she was wrong, but there was no proof, no plausible evidence that he wasn't dead. She certainly hadn't received any letters, though she wrote him as if she had. Letters to the dead. She breathed deep and sighed, sitting up. "I'll be waiting for him, dead or alive, until the first sign of either." She stood up, biting her lip, eyes watering.

Selfishness wasn't the issue now. This was just plain frustrating, to want something so badly, have it so close, but know it's so far away. "He's lon' gon', Ada. Stop doin' this to yer'self! Yer a mess! I'm her', right in front'a you…"

Ada stepped around the bed to pick up the picture from the wooden floor before walking out the doorway. She leaned against the wall outside the doorframe, sliding her back down it, clutching the picture, until she was on her knees, sobbing as quietly as one could. Maybe this was just some sort of lust. In the back of her mind, she believed, knew, he was long gone. Just the thought that he might be on his way home to her kept her going each day. It was the reason she woke up each morning, the thought that kept her occupied when she was gutting hogs. She had only seen him several times, including those in the church when they'd simply make eye contact for any period of time without any words passed. And when there were words involved, it wasn't much. Never once was the word "love" said. Lust was only something she had read about in novels, not something she ever picture herself being trapped in. No, this love she shared with him was pure and true, endured the tests of time. Or she believed so. She found herself wanting to ask him of this, to confirm it. It was some type of one-sided obsession for now, or perhaps the whole scenario was only in her head. But he wasn't there. She couldn't hold him close and tell him all she wanted confirmed. He was gone. But she still held her end of the bargain. But she found Ruby's words being true, he may as well be dead, because he wasn't here. The whole epiphany was useless to her. She set the picture back down on the floor. She needed a sign. She wanted someone to love her, so this feeling didn't go to waste. All she wanted was a hug, or a kiss, even some caring words, telling her it'd all be alright. She forced her trembling body back onto unsteady feet and entered the room once more.

"You're right…I'm..you're right." She made a feeble attempt at holding back her tears, but failed, and wracked with sobs, still standing in the doorway. Ruby was sitting up, completely still. Had she caused this? No words were needed to explain why she was hurting, it was blatant by the hollows in her eyes. It hurt her to see her in such a state, but she wanted to comfort her. Hadn't this been what she had wanted all along? She didn't mean to turn her into a sobbing wreck. She started to stand up, but Ada sat down beside her, burying her face in her shoulder. Ruby wasn't quite sure what to do; she turned and stroked her hair, then turned so that she could cry on her chest. She lay down, Ada still at her side, though not crying as hard. After a few minutes, they just lay there, arms wrapped around each other, Ada dozing, still resting on her chest. Ruby pecked her on the forehead and rested her chin on the top of her head.

"I love you, darlin'," Ada said, tilting her head back enough so that she could look her in the eye.