Sorry for the short delay. I just had to make a few changes. Here's chapter number 2-
Brodie: You know, that really makes it sound like someone's preparing to take a piss, how about calling it the 'second chapter'?
Fine…the second chapter. Read it and review!
Snootchie Bootchies!
Chapter 2
"Where the fuck…?"
The two stoners stood at the door to a warehouse, looking out at a street full of shops, bikers, and pedestrians. The building wasn't the one they had gone to sleep in, the shops were not ones they had ever seen before, and the people all looked different. This was not Red Bank, New Jersey.
"Where the fuck are we?" He looked at Silent Bob, who just shrugged.
"You think this is something the old fart didn't tell us?" He shrugged again.
"Well, either way, let's get outta here. We need to find some food, anyway."
They walked off, eventually finding a shopping street. But, seeing as how they had used up the last of their money on the dope, they could not purchase any food. So, they continued down the street, exploring the animated world they were now a part of.
"Holy Christ in a fuck-up, this is amazing. Look at all the people going by! It's like that Roger Rabbit movie, only we're fucking cartoons too!"
He stopped when he saw someone biking down the street. Someone who definitely grabbed his attention. A shapely girl with long purple hair, carrying what looked like a delivery box.
"Heh heh" he sniggered. He turned to the girl's general direction, giving his trademark pelvic thrust gesture. The girl didn't notice as she whizzed by. No matter. That just meant no sexual assault charge.
"Dude, Lunchbox, that bitch was fuckin' foxy. Let's go find some easy chicks, there's bound to be some around here."
Bob rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway, and continued on with Jay.
After several minutes, they had left the shopping street, and were now in some neighborhood. They had still not gotten any ideas on where to find food for free.
"Shit. Looks like we'll have to make some of our shit, and sell it if we're gonna get some food around here."
Bob stopped in his tracks, signaling something to Jay.
"What is it now?"
He held up the bag, which was nearly empty.
"Shit, you're right. And we don't have those poppies, or whatever. Okay, but we've still got some of our dime-bag. Oh, and did you save the rest of that animal tranquilizer we stole last week?"
Bob reached into his multi-pocketed trench coat, and pulled out a wrapped-up needle. Jay smirked.
"Sweet. Now, let's go and see if we can sell some of what's left."
On their way, however, they passed a long wall that encircled a big, old-style Japanese house. They kept going, until they heard something coming from inside the walls.
"What the fuck is that?" Jay said, turning towards the sound.
It sounded like two men were fighting hand-to-hand, with occasional grunts and insults flying both ways.
"Be prepared, boy!"
"Bring it on, Oyaji!"
Jay turned to his companion.
"Hey, let's take a look around there. Maybe we can find some buyers, or something."
They walked around to the entrance to the home, and looked inside. They saw a nice little oriental garden, complete with koi pond. They also saw a middle-aged man and a teenaged boy dressed in martial arts gi's, fighting each other around the pond.
Their attention shifted from the fight to a nearby table, upon which sat a few snack foods, including some pork buns, and a pieces of bread and fruit.
Jay tapped Bob. "Hey. Breakfast at twelve o'clock."
Bob nodded, and they walked over to the food.
Genma and Ranma were still having their daily morning 'training session'. And, as always, Genma planned a nice trick for Ranma."
"All right let's stop for the snacks Kasumi put out here."
"All right, let's-HEY!"
When Ranma let his guard down, Genma knocked him into the pond once again. Ranma retaliated by splashing his father, but Genma, now in his panda form, threw his sign that said (See ya later!), knocking Ranma out. She fell back into the pond, and Genma-panda turned towards the food…
…only to see it being eaten by two foreigners wearing trench coats. Growling in anger, the panda charged them.
Jay was the first to notice the animal thundering towards them.
"Wat da fuk?" he said through a mouthful of pork bun.
Both he and Bob moved away from the table as the panda faced them. It still eyed them angrily.
"What the fuck is a panda doing here? Don't they have laws against keeping endangered animals, or something like that?"
The panda didn't hear him, and charged after him. Jay ran like hell.
"Shit! Lunchbox, get that fuckin' tranquilizer ready, now!"
Silent Bob grabbed the side of his coat, and opened it up to reveal his personal arsenal. He grabbed the needle, then reached for his trusty grappling hook gun. He removed the hook, and placed the needle in the barrel of the gun. He raised it, and took aim at the panda as Jay led it over to Bob.
"Do it now!"
Jay dove out of the way, and Bob fired. The needle soared through the air, sinking into the hide of the panda. The animal slowed down, felt the drug run through it, and fell into a very deep coma.
Jay dusted himself off. "Showed you, you two-toned motherfucker!" He then turned to his short companion. "Way to go, Lunchbox, that was some kick-ass shooting. Next time he wakes up, he's gonna feel pretty fuckin' trippy!" He laughed while Bob simply sniggered.
"Hey! What the hell's going on here?"
They turned to see a well-figured, buxom redhead running their way. Jay once again got lost in his lustful thoughts.
Damn, the bitches here sure are a fine piece of ass… He was already fantasizing about her.
Ranma ran up to the two intruders, and noticed that they were easily gaijin.
"Who are you two?" she asked in bad English.
Jay turned to meet the martial artist. "Oh, we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Jay," he said, gesturing to himself, "and this is my hetero lifemate, Silent Bob."
Bob waved with one hand, while holding his grappling hook in the other.
Ranma lowered her head, and sighed. "That's nice. And what, may I ask, are you two doing here?"
"Yeah, sorry about the food. We haven't had breakfast, and we had to spend the last of our dough on some other shit. Say, what's your-"
"Ranma! What's going on out here?"
Ranma turned to see Akane running out of the house, clutching the handle of a kettle.
"Oh, nothing. Just some weird Americans who stole the snacks Kasumi made for us and put Pop out with some sort of weapon." She then turned back to the stoners. "What the hell did you do to him, anyway?"
"Do to who?" Jay asked.
She pointed to the panda, which was fast asleep, occasionally foaming at the mouth.
"Oh, that fuckin' animal? Silent Bob here used the last of our animal tranquilizer to put that thing down when it attacked us. No big deal. What the hell do you have a panda for anyway?"
As if on cue, Akane poured the contents of the kettle on Ranma, who recoiled in pain.
"Hey!" the now-male teen said. "You could wait until it's not boiling, you know!"
"Geez. Sorry the water was too hot."
Ranma was about to retort, when he saw Jay's stunned face. "What are you looking at, jerk?"
"What the fuck…just happened? Weren't you some fine-ass redhead a few seconds ago?"
Ranma rolled his eyes, but regained his composure. "That's none of your damn business, pal! So, why don't you two leave before- Aahh!"
Akane pulled him by the ear, towards the house. "We're going back inside!" She turned to the two stoners. "And you two! Find someplace else to loiter!"
Jay and Silent Bob watched as the two teens disappeared headed for the house. However, it was at this time that Genma awoke, and decided to pelt the nearest thing in retaliation for what had happened earlier. So he threw a nearby pail…at Ranma.
Jay and Silent Bob could only gape at the second transformation. The teens hurried inside, leaving the two stoners alone and bewildered in the garden.
"Dude, this place is plain fucked-up."
Bob nodded in agreement.
Back inside the house, Kasumi was busy making the real breakfast for the rest of the family.
"Akane, Ranma, have you two taken your baths?" Kasumi asked.
"I have," Akane said.
"Well, then, Ranma should take his."
"I'm goin', I'm goin'" she said, heading for the furo.
She entered the laundry room, removed her wet gi, and grabbed her towel before she noticed something. There was a thick scent of something strong in the air.
"Ungh!" She waved her hand in front of her face. "What the hell is that smell?"
The smell was thick, and slightly intoxicating. It made things a bit hard to see. Ranma went up to the door, and slid it open.
"What's going on in- AAHH!"
When she opened the door, white smoke poured out of the room, engulfing her. She waved her arms around, trying to see what was going on, all the while breathing in the fumes.
"All (cough) right! Who's in (cough) here? You're not supposed (cough) to cook anything (cough) in the furo, Pops! Get-"
When the smoke had cleared somewhat she gaped at what she saw.
Sitting there, in the empty bathtub, were the two gaijin punks from earlier. They were whipping up a storm of smoke from an enormous joint one of them had rolled. Jay saw Ranma, and immediately tried to make an excuse.
"Hey, I think there's a fire in here somewhere!"
Ranma crushed the portion of the door she was grasping with her hand.
"THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD'S AGAINST US, DUDE, I SWEAR TO GOD!"
Those were Jay's words as he and Silent Bob ran at top speed through the streets while being chased by the angry red-headed aqua-transsexual. When they came to an intersection, they rounded the nearest corner, and turned into an alley, only to find a dead end.
"Shit! Okay, fat-ass, you know what to do. Get to it!"
Silent Bob nodded, and reached for his belt, grabbing his trusty grappling gun. He loaded in the hook this time, and fired at the nearest rooftop. The hook connected, locking safely in place. Bob then attached the gun to his belt, and turned to Jay. The two held each other (aww), and Bob hit the release, pulling him and Jay, up to the roof. By the time Ranma reached the alley, they were long gone.
"Huh? Dammit! Where did those two morons go? This is a freaking dead-end for crying out loud!"
About forty feet above, Jay and Bob hung from the grappling hook, looking down at their pursuer. Jay turned to his hetero lifemate. "These toys you get are fucking amazing, Lunchbox." Bob responded with a thumbs-up.
After a minute of fretting, Ranma finally gave up. She left the alley, and the two Jersey ruffians let themselves down, and continued into the street.
"Okay, now things are just getting weirder. We need to somehow find that old man, and get those poppies he was talking about. Until then, let's find some Jap junkies who'll go for stuff on our side of the pond. C'mon, this way."
They made their way into a shopping street, which, for some reason, was awfully crowded at one store.
"What the fuck's going on over here?"
Bob shrugged, and the two walked up to the store, pushing their way through the crowd.
"Outta' my way, fucko! You too, needle-dick! Yeah, you! C'mon, outta' the way! New Jersey represent coming through! What the- why are you all looking at us like that?"
The two stoners had stopped when the crowd noticed them, and backed away, surrounding the two. People in the crowd began to point, cheer, laugh, and whisper to each other.
Jay was completely confused. "What the fuck are you doin', huh? You find us interesting or something?"
"Well, well, well, look who actually stopped by: it's the only New Jerseyan to ever do time for tranquilizer dealing, and his reluctant partner."
Jay and Bob turned to the source of the voice. "Brodie?"
The store with the crowd, it turned out, was a comic store. And, standing at the door, leading the crowd, was the former temporary host of the Tonight Show™, and the current proprietor of Brodie's Secret Stash™ comic store in Red Bank, Brodie Bruce. He smirked as he looked at the scene before him.
"You made it just in time for the party, gentlemen. Welcome to the Japanese rendition of Blunt-and-Chron-fest."
Well, there you have chapter 2! I'm going to post the final chapter within a few days, so keep reading and reviewing. I really appreciate reviews!