Summary: Lily Evans has a charming and debonair boyfriend and great friends. But one summer, her life is turned upside down and she can't begin to imagine the ripple effect it'll cause on her life. Meanwhile, James Potter has always had eyes for only her but events cause him to make the heartbreaking decision of forgetting his unrequited love...

Author's Note:

freshie: That was the point ).

AnjaliMalfoy: I don't know who this "Tejashri" is. I think you're confusing me with someone else. It's Katrina, remember? In any case, I'll read it.

OTHCharmedHPFreak: This chapter changes everything, so I think you'll be slightly happier.

Thanks to beachbabe17 for the review!

Author'sNote(2): The poem near the end ("Easter Morn") is by Louise Lewin Matthews.

Author's Note (3): I had to edit this chapter due to HBP, so it has some spoilers! I had to edit it yet one more time because I forgot to put in a sneak-peek.

Chapter Eight: Torn

"Nothings quite untold
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel,
I'm cold and I am shamed,
Lying naked on the floor.
Illusion never changed,
Into something real.
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn.
You're a little late,
I'm already torn."
-Natalie Imbruglia, Torn

"I thought you thought this place is lame," Lucius whispered to Lily.

"This place isn't just lame," she whispered back. "It's…very lame."

They both chuckled at her lame finish.

They were standing in Madame Puddifoot's shop, a place of crimped pink lace and curly little bows. It was clean and the scent of flowers drifted through the air. The tables were all round and small, only big enough for two people. The chairs had pink cushions and heart-shaped backs.

"Then why are we here?" he asked.

"Because I'd rather not go to the Three Broomsticks and face them," she explained as they seated themselves.

"What can I get you, m'dears?" asked Madame Puddifoot.

"Two coffees," Lucius said. "There are other places rather than the Three Broomsticks. What about the Hog's Head?"

"You think that would have been better than coming in here?" she asked dubiously.

"Well, yeah, a hell of a lot better. It may be tough and wild, but it's so much more interesting than this prissy place."

"At least this prissy place smells pretty," she pointed out. "I don't think anyone who goes to the Hog's Head ever showers."

"You have a point there. So, what do you think of my joining the Defense Against the Dark Arts clinic?"

"It was very brave," Lily told him.

He smiled. "Just trying to bridge the gap, my dear."

"I commend you for it," she said sincerely.

Their coffee came, and both drank it fairly quickly.

"What shall we do now?" she asked, as they rose and left.

"Your choice," he responded. "We could walk up to the Shrieking Shack or Zonko's Joke Shop. The post office, maybe?"

"The novelty of this place sure has worn off," she said watching some third years dash about excitedly. "Remember when we were like them?"

"Not really," he replied. "I prefer to think we were somewhat mature."

"We probably weren't," Lily said. "After all, third years are third years."

"But not all third years are the same," he reminded her, raising his eyebrows.

She shrugged. "True."

Glancing about and shivering pleasantly in the cool October breeze, Lily was alarmed to see her "friends" walking toward her. None of them seemed to have seen her. Then Sirius looked up and saw them.

"Surprising how many Death Eaters roam freely," he said loudly.

Lily shook her head with disgust. "Come on, Lucius. Look, there's Alice!" she said, dragging him along by the hand.

"I think Lily does like you," Amirah told James. "I heard her tell Cerise that she's especially upset that you aren't talking to her."

"Really," he said rhetorically. "Well, she loves that Death Eater."

"I'm really worried," Chelsea spoke up.

"Why?" Amirah asked.

"I don't know how much you know about Muggle history, but I was Muggle born, so, well…have you heard of the Holocaust?"

"Anti-Semitism and the purge of Jews," Remus said quietly.

"Right," Chelsea said.

"Huh?" was Sirius and Peter's reply.

"In short, a dictator named Hitler rose to power in Germany. He hated Jews the way Voldemort hates Muggle-borns. Hitler treated the Jews unbelievably cruelly and killed them – men, women, and children. If Voldemort rises even further…we could have a second Holocaust on our hands."

Now there was a subdued silence as this sunk in.

"And Malfoy as good as told us that he's a Death Eater," James said softly.

"We have to get Lily away from this guy," Chelsea said.

"Definitely," Amirah agreed.

"It's only a matter of time," he murmured to himself. "The Witching Hour, the auspicious time shall come and I will then be utterly invincible."

"Everything's set place, my lord," Malfoy Senior said.

"Good," he said in his high-pitched voice, then returned to speaking to himself. "Tom Riddle…did you have any idea you fathered the most powerful wizard of all time?"

"What would you have me do, lord?" the wizard asked, kneeling respectfully.

"Leave me alone for the time being," commanded the lord. He waited until Malfoy Senior had left. "After midnight I need never look back. Those filthy Muggles will get what they deserve. Imagine treating the descendant of Salazar Slytherin the way they did…"

The orphanage went on one of its winter outings. Eight-year-old Tom was relieved, and although he would never let it show, he was actually excited for a change of scenery. He was absolutely sick of seeing the damn orphanage constantly.

They went ice-skating. Tom preferred to be on his own. He skated with natural ease, grinning to himself. Clever Tom Marvolo Riddle.

Billy Stubbs had just gotten a beautiful silver pin from a mysterious benefactor. The pin had two fancy G's on it. Nobody knew what they meant, but Tom had decided he wanted the pin. He contemplated the best way to take it.

"Hey, Tom!" called Billy tauntingly. "You wouldn't dare skate in the slickest area of the pound would you? You're such a coward!"

Angrily, Tom skated swiftly to where Billy indicated. "I'm no coward, see?"

Billy laughed. "Watch your feet, Tom!"

Tom looked down to see the ice cracking under his feet. With a gasp, he fell through, the chill water stabbing at him like hundreds of knives and taking his breath away. He struggled furiously before losing consciousness.

"Stop it," the lord commanded himself, clutching the silver pin and recalling the day he almost died. "After tonight those memories need never be revisited."

"Hi, Alice," Lily said. "Hi, Cerise, Trevor."

"Hi," Alice responded.

Cerise made a vague gesture with her hand, but she and Trevor were glued at the lips and seemed too busy to do anything else.

"Do you think there's a disease someone can get from kissing too much?" Lily whispered to Alice.

"There probably is," Alice whispered back. "It might not have been discovered yet, though. Then again, I bet there's nobody who kisses quite as much as Cerise."

"And she said Sirius wants to kiss all the time," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "I haven't seen him kiss a single person since Cerise."

"He's probably just biding his time," Alice told her. "He is Sirius Black after all."

Both Alice and Lily pressed their hands over their mouths to stifle their giggles, and Lily watched her friends leave out of the corner of her eyes. Why were they so obstinate? Would they ever begin speaking to her again?

"Severus," Lucius said with a nod of his head.

"Lucius," Snape responded in kind. He didn't even look at anybody else, but continued along with his group of friends, which included Narcissa Black, Sirius's cousin.

'What an appropriate name,' Lily thought. 'She definitely seems narcissistic.'

"I have to go get a gift for my mum's birthday," Alice said. "I would say you two could come along, but if you're anything like these two, I'll be the odd one out. So, I'll see you later, Lils."

"Bye."

"Come on," Lucius said, once she was gone. "Let's head back to Hogwarts."

"Okay," she agreed.

"You could get Lily, you know?" Amirah said.

"How?" James asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing his muscled arms across his chest. "I've gotten over her now, remember."

"No, you haven't. You can get her by making her jealous," Amirah said.

"That's a great idea!" exclaimed Sirius.

"I don't see how this'll work," James said doubtfully. "She's never been jealous because of me before."

"That's because you were always there, asking her out, boosting her ego," Sirius said.

"Hey, girls do not have egos!" Chelsea interjected good-naturedly. "But anyways, he's somewhat right. You were always a sort of…safety net. If you display interest in someone else…well, hidden feelings could surface."

He shrugged. "A safety net? Is that all I am to her? And well, that might work, but I want her to be happy, and if she's happy with…"

"Don't say it," Sirius warned. "She could never be happy with a Death Eater."

James looked to Remus for support.

"He's right, James," Remus said simply. "She'll won't remain happy with him for long."

"I'm going out with Remus," Chelsea said, "but maybe Amirah…do you mind?"

"Not at all," Amirah responded with an elegant shake of her head.

"It's a great idea, I guess," James said. "Let me think on it. I'll go back to Hogwarts and think on it."

"Do you want us to come along?" Sirius asked.

"I have to be alone right now," he said. "Oh God, I'm a safety net to her, and nothing else. Maybe I sound bitter, but who wants to be a safety net to the person they love?"

Sirius pressed his lips together – but not in an angry manner – and nodded.

Lily and Lucius reached the castle.

"Do you just want to stay out on the grounds for awhile?" Lily asked with a sigh. "I love this weather."

"Nah, I don't like it very much," Lucius replied, his face pale. "It's too cold."

"Cold-blooded like a snake," she joked. "Let's go in, then."

They went into the Entrance Hall. Lily was about to go the Great Hall, but Lucius tugged her hand.

"Come with me," he said softly.

Filled with a thrill of excitement, Lily followed. He led her up the stairs to the Third Floor Corridor behind a statue of The Bearded Goblin, some mythological or historical figure. There was a small, but somewhat spacious room there. It was almost completely barren, devoid of any paintings or anything except a blue sofa.

Lucius faced her and gazed into her eyes. "Tell me, my dear, how much do you trust me?"

'This is it!' she thought.

"I trust you implicitly, with every bone in my body," Lily told him honestly.

"Good," he responded, with something that looked like triumph flitting through his eyes. "Let me see your wand. Thanks. Here."

He took her wand and guided her onto the sofa and kissed her gently, twining his hands in her hair. The kiss grew stronger and deeper, and his hand snuck down toward her robes, which he began to undo.

What was he doing? This was too soon, far too soon. They were untouched. And what about the poem – her poem?

Lily broke away and gasped breathlessly, "Wait, stop!"

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"We can't do this," she said.

"We have to," Lucius said. "You said you trust me implicitly."

"I do, but – "

"There are no buts in matters of trust," he said. "I don't want to force you to do anything, but – "

"I thought you said there are no buts in trust," she said, trying to brush him away, but he caught her hand and kissed her neck.

Lily gasped again and drew away. "You aren't a vampire, are you?"

He had been cold and pale outside and now it seemed he wanted to bite into her neck!

He gave a bitter laugh. "Of course not, my dear. But this would be so much easier if you agreed."

"What does that mean?" she asked, bewildered, backing away from him slightly.

"It means I don't have any choice in this matter," he told her. "This is happening whether or not either one of us wants it to."

"No it isn't," Lily said forcefully, angrily. "I don't want this to happen. Please, don't make it happen."

"Lily, my dear, do not make this more difficult for me than it already is," he hissed at her.

"Why should it be difficult for you?" she asked. "Hello, raging hormones!"

Trembling, he raised his arm and showed it to her. She gasped yet again, unable to believe what she was seeing. Lucius, her Lucius? The sweet man who had always been so loving toward her? This was impossible! All of this was impossible!

Seared onto his flesh was…the Dark Mark.

"Get away from me," she cried. "Get away!"

"I must do what my master wants me to do," he said. "Please try to understand, Lily."

"I understand very well," she said, trying to stall by talking. "I understand what a coward you are!"

"He would kill me," Lucius said, his tone becoming pleading. "I can't fight him. He's too strong."

"Then die for what you believe in," she said. "Die for the sake of what is good and what is true."

James walked out of the passage that led from Zonko's Joke Shop to Hogwarts. He took out the Marauder's Map and scanned it. His eyes fell on a dot labeled LILY EVANS and one labeled LUCIUS MALFOY. They were together, slightly overlapping.

He uttered a sound of disgust, and was about to put it away, but something about this scenario bothered him, and he had long since learned to trust his instincts. With that thought, he hurried down the corridor to Lily.

With a quick glance around, he stepped to the right of The Bearded Goblin and looked behind it. There was a narrow doorway that led to a small room. He squeezed his tone body in to hear Lily snap, "Die for the sake of what is good and what is true!"

He saw her, lying on a blue sofa with no back. Malfoy was lying on it as well, half on top of her. She didn't look at him, but he could tell that she saw him.

"I'm no Gryffindor," Malfoy said. "I can't be brave and stand up to him. He's offered me power to reward me for doing what he wants, and torture as a punishment for disobeying him. He's too powerful, Lily."

"Let me go, Malfoy," she hissed. "I never knew that you're such a coward."

"That's it," he said. "Enough with all this talk."

With that, he pushed his robes back and began unbuckling his belt.

"Yes, enough," James spoke up.

Malfoy stiffened and looked at him with astonishment and anger. "Must you stalk Lily wherever she goes?"

"My heart told me to find her," James said. "I knew she was in trouble."

"Mind your own business," Malfoy snarled.

"My wand, James!" Lily cried.

"Expelliarmus!" James yelled, flicking his wand at Malfoy. Both wands flew out of Malfoy's hands and into James's.

Lily took advantage of his confusion and fear to push him away and scurry to James's side. He put his arm around her protectively.

"Fifty points from Slytherin and detention, Malfoy," James growled. "If you ever try something like this again, it's a nice visit with Professor Dumbledore. Go, Malfoy, before I make it a hundred points."

Glaring at the two of them, Malfoy swept away.

When he was certain the fiend was gone, James turned to Lily, who was extremely silent and looked lost.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"You were right," Lily answered listlessly. "He is horrible. I was trying to convince you all that he's different, but you were always right."

Her admittance and the lack of tears made him feel sick to his stomach. He could have easily wiped away the tears as he had for countless other girls (though he didn't care about them half as much as he did about Lily), but this helplessness?

"I just want to go back to my dormitory and sleep," she said softly.

"Perfectly understandable," James said gently. "Come on, darlin', I'll escort you back."

He kept his arm where it was, around her shoulder and steered her toward the Gryffindor Tower.

"Aren't you back a little early?" the Fat Lady asked suspiciously.

"Lily doesn't feel too well," James lied. "Just let us in, please"

"Password?"

"Pestiferous," he said, and the portrait swung open. He helped Lily through and followed her in. She began walking up the stairs towards the Girl's Dormitory, but turned suddenly.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"It was nothing," he insisted.

She half-smiled and then went up to the dorm.

Lily undressed slowly and lay on her bed, practically shivering. This couldn't be real – it couldn't have happened! Lucius had destroyed her hopes, her dreams, and had broken her heart in one confusing instance. He had let the façade of hidden goodness crumble and had caused Lily's beliefs of the world to crumble as well.

How could he have turned out to be such a coward? There seemed something so wrong with that scenario. He had never, ever shown any signs of cowardice before. Maybe it was Voldemort acting through the Imperius Curse…or even a Polyjuice Potion.

Was there anyone truly good left in the world? Now Lily didn't shiver, feeling like an untainted virgin (she truly was a virgin, though) thrown into a brothel with filth and grim spewed across the cracked stone floors and with prostitutes and their clients spanning through the entirety of the place, regardless of who saw them. A pure white lily.

"Eastern morn with lilies fair,
Fills the church with perfume rare.
As their clouds of incense rise,
Sweetest offerings to the skies.

"Stately lilies pure and white
Flooding darkness with their light,
Bloom and sorrow drifts away,
On this holy hallow'd day.

"Easter Lilies bending low
in the golden afterglow,
Bear a message from the sod
To the heavenly towers of God."

Lily murmured this poem softly. Such a religious poem it was, but did she believe in God anymore? After all, she was a witch… Yet this familiar, beloved poem of hers was so soothing she repeated it over and over until it lulled her to sleep

Sneak-peek Chapter Nine:

"I don't understand though," Chelsea said. "Where did she come from?"

She stood and peeled some of the cotton blankets away from the basket to reveal a beautiful baby face with strands of silky scarlet hair covering the top of her head.