A Ballad of War: Toccata and Fugue, Part I
Chapter Ten
I
"Are you all right, Miss Relena?"
The sound of another's voice startled her out of the reverie into which she had fallen some immeasurable amount of time ago. God only knew how long she had been sitting there, staring at the cold cup of tea as though in a catatonic trance. "Pardon?"
Pagan gave a commiserating smile. He knew what was wrong with her, what she was so terrified of, though he would never voice such knowledge to her. "I asked if you were all right, Miss Relena."
She tried to return the smile. "Yes, Pagan," she sighed finally. "I'm fine, just a little tired is all. Tell me, how are the servants taking all of this now?"
"Well enough, but you mustn't worry about us, Your Majesty. Would you like me to bring you a fresh cup of tea?"
Finally she was able to force her lips to curl up into a lighter expression. "Yes, please."
Pagan nodded, took the tiny porcelain teacup from the table, and left. At his departure, she groaned quietly and slumped forward in the chair. It was hardly the posture of a sovereign, but at the moment she did not care.
"I'm utterly lost in all this," she mumbled to herself, again feeling the tears threaten. "What would you do in this position, Father?"
"Probably the exact same as you are doing," a voice answered behind her, unmistakably that of Milliardo. His footsteps sounded quietly on the marble floor as he approached her, and when he reached her chair she sat, he tentatively placed one of his strong hands on her shoulder. "There is little else that can be done in such a situation."
She looked up from the table at him. "And if you were the ruler of Sanq?"
He would ask Miss Noin, her mind answered, and humorlessly she realized it was true.
He didn't reply. The past two weeks had pushed him into a silence uncharacteristic even for him, and whenever he broke this silence it was usually to speak only in dark, cryptic statements. The only time she had heard him talk to somebody for more than two consecutive minutes lately was when he and Miss Noin had been in their private chambers upstairs and the door had been open, discussing something dealing with their lives on Mars. Even then, however, he had only spoken in his strange, calm language, but had she not heard Miss Noin answer him? Yes, and she supposed that Miss Noin was the only one who truly did understand him.
"How is Miss Noin this morning?" she asked him, not bothering to conceal the weariness in her voice.
"She was still sleeping when I left her."
She smiled faintly at his choice of words. Yes, he would consider this leaving her. God knew how close he had been to her since their arrival in Sanq, never really letting her out of his sight for more than a few moments. Miss Noin seemed to have no complaint about it, had in fact, since what had happened in Austria, seemed to have no desire to be apart from him. And subconsciously Relena knew she resented her for it.
Could Milliardo tell, she wondered, that she had begun since the incident in Austria to loathe Miss Noin's very presence? No, of course he couldn't, for if he could he would not be able to look at her like this, with all the repressed love of a brother who had for years not been allowed to even reveal his identity to her. He loved her still despite what she had become, but when given the choice between staying in Sanq with her and even being given a position among the royal advisors or leaving to fend for himself without the aid of an organization — for it was true that a good many of the preventers were quite lacking where money was concerned — with Miss Noin on the Mars colony, had he even hesitated? Of course he had not — where Miss Noin was concerned nothing stood in his way, not a war, not a kingdom, and sure as hell not his little sister.
She hadn't had time to happily discover that Miss Noin — of whom she had always in the past been fond — was pregnant. Only a few days after their arrival in Sanq the news had been released of what had happened in Austria, and her resentment had already been growing when she had overheard her brother and Miss Noin discussing whether or not it was now safe for her to stay at the palace until the child was born. And while under other circumstances Relena would have been overjoyed at learning of this, had she even for one moment felt the slightest happiness? How could she have, when the first dreadful words to form in her shocked brain had been, She's going to take him away from me. It was apparent now that both of them were not going to leave the palace, but was not Miss Noin already taking him away from her just when she needed him most? Day in and day out over the last two weeks she had been meeting with this advisor and that one yet no one was of any help to her, none save Milliardo, and now every time she needed to speak with him he was with Miss Noin, more concerned for her than he was his own damned kingdom—
Of course he was more concerned with her than the kingdom. What had the kingdom ever given him that he could not have found more of with Miss Noin? Which one was it that had always stood behind him even in the Eve Wars, never questioning his motives or actions and trusting him to do the right thing? He had fought enough for the kingdom, and now he was all but turning his back on it to be with her.
Damn the child!
She gasped at the mere thought, and before she could do anything to contain herself tears were streaking down her face and they were followed by even more tears, a salted flood of them, perhaps one for every time that thought had tried to enter her mind and she had fended it off.
Her brother knelt in front of her, his face expressionless and his eyes empty as they always were. The only time he had shown any real emotion around her had been when he was half-drunk the night of his arrival and there seemed to be no chance of seeing him like that again, for ever since he had brought Miss Noin to the palace he had avoided his nightly ventures to the wine cellar.
"What is it, Relena?" he asked, his monotonous voice giving way to some slight note of sympathy.
She fell onto his shoulder, sobbing against his neck like a child. "I don't know what to do," she cried. "Everybody wants an answer and the press wants a statement, and some are suggesting further appeals to the Council and I don't know what to do."
He said nothing. He held her until her crying subsided, and once it finally did, he released her and without a word left the room.
"I really have lost you, haven't I, Milliardo," she said in his wake. Her voice echoed hollowly in the immaculate emptiness of the room. He gave no sign that he heard her.
II
Neither Odin nor Treize was able to offer any good news. The first message, from Treize in Germany, was a brief, undetailed statement that said simply that the organization would begin preparation for the first invasion, which would almost undoubtedly result in the seizure of Istanbul, within the next week. Odin's message merely informed him that his presence was expected again in Vólos shortly after nightfall. He typed a reply to both and shut the computer off.
"Are you leaving again tonight?" her voice asked from behind him, not the least bit muffled by lingering sleep. He turned and saw her watching him from the bed, where she still lay enshrouded in the sheets, her eyes two pools of black oil in the shadows.
He nodded and rose from the chair.
"Which one are you going to this time?" No anger or impatience in her voice as surely there would be had this been Relena, but rather a simple concern.
He sat on the edge of the bed beside her. "Odin," he replied. "Treize is still in Germany."
She reached out of the covers and took his hand. He neither returned nor avoided the gesture and as always, she seemed to understand this.
He leaned down and kissed her. He could not explain why he had suddenly felt the need to do this or why he had actually gone through with it, but that hardly made a difference.
Lucrezia's free hand moved up from his chest and into his hair, where she, perhaps unconsciously, began curling strands of it around her fingers. Sometimes he found it strange how he never seemed to notice when and how often she did this, while if it were someone else it would have been drawn to his attention immediately.
When the kiss ended, he lay down beside her. She embraced him and he let her, and he wondered if she was aware that she was the only person with whom he did not find these things terribly awkward.
"Do you think Relena suspects your involvement yet?" she asked, her lips moving against his cheek.
"Perhaps she does."
She thought for a moment. "Do you think it's possible that she knows something about what's happening?"
He thought of the way she had reacted when she had learned that at least half of the times he had left the palace at night he had been going to Thessaloníki, of how desperately she had pleaded with him to tell her what he was doing on the peninsula even after she had known of Lucrezia's hospitalization. Was it possible that Relena knew of something that was going on there? Of course it was, and hadn't there been a letter lying on her desk the other day when he went into her office thinking she would be there, a letter written in some elegant script that for one moment looked all too familiar to him…
He must have stiffened in her arms, for she pulled back from him and cast him a questioning glance.
"It's nothing," he mumbled, and sat up.
"She thinks you're leaving her," Lucrezia continued, curling up under the covers as a child would.
He glanced at her.
"You don't see it, do you, Zechs? She needs you right now, maybe more than she ever has. She's disheartened because I seem to have taken your attention away from her and what she's going through."
His eyes narrowed in confusion. "Did she tell you this?"
She gave a soft, mirthless laugh. "No, but she would probably feel better if she did." She raised up enough to look in his eyes, and when she spoke again her voice sounded almost vulnerable. "Mentally, she's giving you the choice between herself and me."
He looked at her a moment longer, only now realizing that she was right. "I believe that choice has already been made, Luca."
A smile flickered at the corners of her mouth. Had she actually expected him to forsake her in light of all that had happened recently? Of course she had, he thought. God only knew how many times he had done it in the past.
"Luca," he said quietly. She encircled him in her arms again, the only one who had ever truly understood him, the only one whose understanding he had never resented, his Lucrezia, his refuge.
After a while, as they lay silently against each other, he was able to forget about Relena and whatever it was she wanted of him.
Author's Notes: I think this may possibly be the shortest chapter of this entire story, excluding the prologue, of course. Perhaps this is the chapter in which so many people seem to see some incestuous tone. I still don't see it, personally, but then again, once this thing is posted on the internet, it's in your court. Most of this chapter was simply meant as character study now all the exposition is over (at least until Chapter Sixteen), mostly for Relena. I'm merely exploiting my own opinion that she's really quite a selfish who is unaccustomed to not being the center of someone's attention. The scene between Zechs and Noin is just a bit of fluff, but it's quite different from what's happened between them earlier in this story.