Ashlea stood stock still...whatever that meant, she had no idea! but she was positive that it made her look cool. She was, after all, the coolest person alive. Her coolness went way beyond anything anyone could possibly comprehend. It's great how talking about nothing fills up so much space, isn't it?

A ticking filled her mind, with it's tick, ticking and she turned to Eliza, "Uh...You wouldn't happen to have any mortals we could throw at them?"

Eliza smiled. "Yes, yes I do."

She magically, not really surprising seeing as Hogwarts is a school of magic and all, pulled out a machine gun which started to pelt out tiny midgets, instantly striking all those that blocked its path.. yes.. The midgets were powerful.

Ashlea roared with laughter. Not the kind of roar that a lion makes, no. This roar was ashlea-fied and involved her almost choking to death on her own saliva, from laughing so hard. Oh yes, this was terribly amusing, terrible in the fact that all the authors could come up with was a midget shooting machine gun and an army of Mary sue/randoms! and amusing that there were midgets being pelted at people. Ashlea picked up a dirty sock that had been laying nearby and threw it at someone. It wrapped around their neck and choked them to death. Her mighty sock throwing arm was indeed quite powerful.

Suddenly, Dumbledornesspoopie appeared in the middle of the battle with a puff of purple smoke. Eliza swore he was secretly gay, I mean come on, who else do you know that arrives in a room with purple smoke following them..! That's right, Phil.

Dumbledor spoke. He said a few words about battling in the school grounds isn't acceptable behavior and he should have expelled us all for doing so yadda,

yadda, yadda. Eliza wasn't really paying attention to his lecture because for some reason she was fascinated by sparkly things, and managed to find a sparkly sequin only moments before.

With Dumbledoom's appearance, the Mary sue and randoms hissed in anger, as the purple smoke wafted towards them in its blinding purple...smoke..ness..Yes. Suddenly, as the smoke cleared, they were GONE! All except for the lead male roles, who were quite confused. Ashlea laughed and threw random objects at them. They cried like little babies.

The sequin was blown away in the non-existent breeze. Eliza was now all alone. But not really.. Ashlea was still there pelting random objects at some crying boys. Eliza sighed, she wasn't in the mood to throw random objects! So she walked away, the boys wails still being heard, being that they aren't as manly as many would presume, no.. for the lead-male roles were actually filled by females.

Dressed as MEN! WOMEN IN DRAG!

No, I lied.

Eliza, not being very clumsy. Didn't fall over.

Ashlea barked out one last laugh. Not two, ONE!.

She suddenly became mad and seethed with rage. The she-boys cowered and she smirked darkly...because if she smirked brightly it wouldn't have the same effect, and then that would be a waste of time, but not really since she was too mad to care and therefore this became a waste of her time, angering her. She spun on her heel and walked off in a huff, going down the slytherin stairs that they didn't have in the movie, to their chambers. She guessed their password which was predictably, (since all the Slytherin house members are all male and worship Snape. Don't be fooled! even the GIRLS are MALE) "Snape's too sexy for his shirt" She shuddered visibly, but went into Draco's room and fell asleep on his bed. Dubbing it as her own.

Draco, after a long and hard day. Wink. Entered his own personalized room to find a girl, on his bed. Which wasn't verry uncommon because the self-proclaimed smexy beast has had a many girl on his bed more then once. Even though he loved Harry with his lacking heart, Draco was a horney bastard and couldn't be controlled.

So he jumped on the girl that lay on his bed, making awkward movements that were ment to be sexy.

Ashlea woke up, startled. She felt something moving on top of her and started screaming rapidly. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP! HOLY CRAP!" she rolled over and pushed Draco off, then grabbed a dagger she just happened to have lying around. She chopped off his privates so he could never have sex again, then stabbed him in the eye. "DIE MAN WHORE!"

The boy wept and she continued chopping him up into little pieces, so that she could feed him to Harry when he least expected it.

Eliza returned to the place she called home. Other names for this place might include, "Crap Shack." "Rice House." "Mother Lode." "Scorpion Festival." "Julian Teh!Secks" But Eliza chose 'home', 'Julian Teh!Secks' was very appealing, but she already blurted out 'home' before she realized she had other options.

You cant describe home. It just isn't possible. Lets just say its like Tons of Fun on crack.

Eliza loved this place and spent most of her time their baking muffins, because baking muffins soothed the soul and mind. Plus they made good eating.

Ashlea mysteriously appeared next to Eliza with her arms full of chopped up, bleeding body parts that kept spewing up muscle and torn veins onto the floor from the slices. She picked up one of the veins...somehow and looked at her friend, "Want some spaghetti?" She then laughed hysterically at her lame joke, that she found absolutely halarious.

"Anyhoo, do you still have that box to stash dead bodies in, from primary school?"

Eliza stared at Ashlea, of course she had that old box. Duh. But staring was needed in this situation. "Why the hell did you kill Draco..?", Eliza asked. She wasn't very impressed, Ashlea should know not to disturb her during Muffin baking time. Even if it was to dispose of a corpse. No excuse!

Ashlea rolled her eyes, and replied, "The horny bastard tried to hump me! And plus, he's one of the most loved, so called bad asses of the story, therefore he's bound to come back to life at the worst possible time. Possibly to stop Harry from defeated Voldemort, by admitting that he's the Dark lord's Heir and will kill Harry instead." She shrugged, "Gonna have to kill him a lot..." she stroked her non existant beard thoughtfully.

"You realize Harry will probably, most likely, definitely, seek revenge now.. right? After all, you did kill his lover." Eliza laughed. Lover was indeed a funny word.

The oven, that the muffin's were being baked in, beeped.

A sign of doneness! Eliza's eyes lighted up, she was holding that torch rather close to her face, and she pulled out the beautiful muffins from the oven and not so graciously shoved them all down her mouth. Almost chocking herself, but not.. she had done this many a time so she some how had adapted to the sculling of muffins.

"Meh, I'll just kill him a lot, too. Kill him 'till his dead!" Ashlea's right eye twitched, because she was missing her left one. Kidding. She watched Eliza scull down the muffins and wondered how she didn't get burnt. Suddenly, to create a not so cliffy, cliffhanger, a mysterious note mysteriously appeared in Ashlea's mysterious hand. She read it aloud. "I kno wut u did 2 ma luf-er n voldy's ma bitch so imma gonna get him 2 kill u n ur frind lizzy lolz! plz stand infront of the dagger weilder strange wile he stabs u 2 death LOLZ!11" she looked up from the parchment to Eliza and said, "Hmmm. Weilding a dagger? 'ol Voldy seems to be losing his touch..."

DUN DUN DUN!