"Good lord," Gwenog whispered to Alice, staring at the staff table. "Would you look at Kettleburn's hair?"

"He rather looks as though he's been electrunkated, doesn't he?" Alice whispered back, eyes wide in alarm.

"Electrocuted," Lily corrected in a whisper, eyes rapt on Dumbledore as he concluded his speech. "Oh dear," she said, wincing as the Great Hall broke out into hundreds of mismatched and out-of-tune versions of the school song. "I do wish he would skip it, once in a while."

Dorcas stuck her tongue out at Lily, and continued singing in the tune (if you could call it that) of what Lily assumed to be the latest popular punk song, screaming and thrashing her head around. Eventually the din died away, and Dumbledore clapped his hands merrily. "Tuck in!" he said, and the school happily did so.

"Looks like we've turned out a nice crop of firsties this year," Gwenog commented around the half-roll she was chewing. "That big one looks like he'll make a fine Beater, once we're trained him up a bit."

"No Quidditch talk," Alice moaned, savoring a large portion of steamed carrots with her eyes closed. "It'sch faw coo uwwy 'n duh t'rm."

"What's that Alice?" Dorcas asked, clapping her friend on the back heartily. "Can't quite make out what you're saying, but I could have sworn you said it was too early for talking about Quidditch."

Alice didn't reply, as she was too busy choking. She shot Dorcas a dirty look, but as she was purple and convulsing, it was less than terrifying.

"Ack," Lily said, a spoonful of pudding stopping halfway to her mouth. "What on Earth is that second-year doing with the salt shaker?"

"My," Marlene said admiringly, swallowing. "That's an impressive gag reflex, isn't it?"

Lily sighed, and rose from the table. "I'll be right—"

Down the table, the boy was coughing up the salt shaker, looking very sheepish indeed as a very stern and responsible-looking James Potter told him off, finger-shaking and everything.

"Well I'll be!" Dorcas whistled, looking slightly alarmed. "Potter's acting the disciplinarian?"

Lily sat back down, gaping, unable even to speak.

"I think he just gave him detention," Alice whispered solemnly, looking shell-shocked.

"Dear Lord in heaven," Marlene said, crossing herself instinctively. "Do you think he's well?"

Down the table, James had apparently chastised the boy properly, and was sitting back down between Sirius and Peter, rolling his eyes. He grinned at something Sirius said, and glanced down the table. He caught Lily's eye and smiled, running a hand through his hair. Lily raised an eyebrow, and turned away, frowning thoughtfully.

"He's up to something," she announced, viciously attacking the cranberry sauce on her plate with a forkful of turkey.

The girls nodded, generally accepting that James Potter was always up to something, and finished their meal, putting it out of mind. They would, they had learned, find out eventually, and until then, it was better to simply pretend nothing was wrong.

XXXXX

"She really does hate me, doesn't she?" James said, still staring down the table at Lily, who was now animatedly talking to her friends. He frowned down into his potatoes, looking as though he blamed them for everything that was wrong with his love life (or lack thereof).

"Looks like," Sirius agreed, looking not upset at all. "My, but this is some fantastic pudding."

Peter grinned, for he was feeling an odd surge of joy and general love for everyone and everything. "Know what, Prongs?" he said, stabbing at a bit of cabbage on his plate thoughtfully. James grunted, and Peter chose to interpret it as 'Why, Peter, what brilliant observation have you stumbled upon? Please, share it with us!' and continued, "She'll come around. They always do. And also, we should just enjoy the food and company. This is fantastic pudding," he said taking a spoonful from Sirius' bowl.

"Well spoken, Wormtail," Sirius said, nodding sagely and in turn stealing a large chunk of pork roast from Remus' plate. "Moony, you are not eating your vegetables."

"There are no vegetables on my plate, Sirius," Remus said, looking down at his meal. "I do not like vegetables. Hence, I do not take any to eat."

"Vegetables are good for you," Sirius argued, poking at a radish with his fork.

"I'm sure they are," Remus said, making a face at the radish, "but I still do not like them."

"Eat the radish, Moony," Sirius demanded, leaning across the table and waving it in Remus' face. "You could get scurvy, after all."

"I am not going to—mmph!" Sirius shoved the radish into Remus' mouth, and Remus choked, violently expelling the vegetable from his lungs, and it flew across the table to land in Peter's gravy. Peter didn't notice, and continued eating happily, glassy-eyed and content. Sirius sniggered, and Remus wiped his tongue on his napkin frantically, trying to banish the taste from his mouth.

"See?" Sirius said, beaming. "Good for you."

"I am going to decapitate while you sleep," Remus said mildly, wiping his mouth carefully and almost daintily.

"Well I will be full of pudding," Sirius said cheerfully, chocolate smeared at the corners of his mouth. He patted his stomach, leaning back precariously in his chair. "So you will be covered in pudding if you do."

The table changed, and suddenly was filled with all sorts of desserts. James sighed and Peter squealed and Sirius instantly leaned forward, re-anchoring all four legs of his chair with a pleasant "thunk".

"Excellent," he said, heaping treacle and pie onto his plate. "Dessert!"

Remus smiled, and helped himself to a large slice of Bavarian chocolate cake. Yes, he decided, it would be a good year indeed.

XXXXX

"Evans, wait up!"

Lily sighed, and stopped at the foot of the dormitory stairs, turning to watch James jog up to her. "Yes?" She was in a good mood, and was unwilling to spoil it, even for Potter. She kept her tone light and pleasant, and was quite proud when she didn't even shoot him a nasty glare.

"Hello," James panted, leaning on his knee for a moment and flashing a winning smile.

"Yes, hello," Lily said, not batting an eyelash. "What is it now?"

"Right," James said, standing up with a flourish. "So several of the Prefects have spoken to me about schedule conflicts, and I said we'd go over them tonight."

Lily bit back a flash of annoyance. "They spoke to you, did they?"

James refused to be fazed, and nodded. "They did. I was going over it in my head, and I'm fairly sure we can work something out, even if it's not perfect."

Lily sighed. "All right, what are the conflicts? I'll see what I can work out before bed."

James frowned. "Well there are a fair few," he said, looking apologetic. "And I think it'd be better if we fixed it together. You know, so we could be on the same level."

"I imagine you do," she said, crossing her arms. "However, it'll be much more efficient if I just do it."

"Yes but we're supposed to work together," James protested, looking slightly hurt. "That's the point of being Head Boy and Head Girl."

"Look," Lily started, frustrated. "I can just do them tonight and—"

"No," James argued, standing firm. "If we're going to be Heads all year, you can't keep avoiding me."

Lily looked incredulous. "I'm not avoiding you—"

"You are," James insisted, shaking his head. "And it's stupid. It doesn't matter if you hate me, because we're supposed to work together."

"It's just a silly little schedule, it's not—"

"It might not be important, but at least it's something to start with!" James exploded, throwing up his hands. "It's the very least you could do!"

Lily sighed, rolling her eyes. "All right," she said, giving in. "Let's just get it over with, then." She took a seat in one of the squashy armchairs by the fireplace, crossing her ankles and smoothing her skirt over her knees.

"Right," James said, trying to keep the note of triumphant glee out of his voice, scooting another chair over so that it was right next to hers and sitting down. "So, here's what I've got."

XXXXX

"Home home homey home home!" Sirius said, jumping onto his bed, which was still directly in the center of the room, where he'd grunted and shoved and pushed and pulled it to after the first week of their first year, having proclaimed himself "King of the Dormitory". "My, I think there's a new mattress," he said, sounding delighted. "I do believe it's much springier than last year."

"Well, it's not as though they were going to leave it the way it was," Peter said. He sounded slightly muffled, though that was likely because his entire upper body was somewhere in the vast depths of his trunk. "Not after you and Belinda—"

"That's enough!" Sirius said, his voice raising several octaves. "No need to speak of the past, Wormtail old chap. What's done is done."

Remus cackled quietly into his book (A History of Modern Rune Word Methods and the Wizards who are Obsessed With Them) as Peter continued rooting around in his trunk. "She was quite good-looking," Peter said, still muffled. "And really, you two must have been getting marvelous exercise to have broken all the springs. She couldn't have been more than five one, and she was—"

"Gaaaah," Sirius said, kicking Peter's ankle. Peter fell all the way into his trunk, which his mother had apparently modified to fit all his belongings. "Enough, Pete!"

Peter climbed out of the trunk, looking disgruntled and grasping a ratty stuffed crup.

"Oh God, Pete," Sirius said, looking disgusted. "You still have that thing?"

Peter clutched the toy to his chest defensively, glaring at Sirius. "His name," he said angrily, "is Wilbur. Not 'that thing'."

"You are a sad individual, mate," Sirius said, shaking his head. "Right, I'm off for a shower. Tell Prongs not to touch my pillow when he gets back from his little Evans-romp." He strode out the door, stripping as he went, towel slung over his shoulder.

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed, and turned back to his book, ignoring Peter's coos of "he's just a bull-headed git, Wilbur, ignore him."

XXXXX

"Dorcas," Alice said, looking around the Gryffindor seventh-year girls' dorm with her hands on her hips, "I think that our room has gotten smaller, if possible."

"I think we've only gotten bigger," Dorcas said, tossing her bag onto her bed and flopping down with a heaving sigh. "Good lord, the house elves really outdid themselves this year, didn't they? I'm full to bursting."

"I concur," said Marlene, easing on to her bed with several muffled groans and a loud "oof!" which was followed by a long, contented sigh.

"Is Lily on her way back, then?" Gwenog asked, coming into the room with a towel wrapped around her head.

"'magine so," Alice said, lying back on her bed. "She's been gone a bit though… Perhaps she had Head Girl things to do?"

No sooner had she spoken than the door burst open, and Lily stomped in, looking more than slightly annoyed. "He," she said, kicking her trunk open violently, "is a giant git."

"Potter again?" Gwenog asked, leaning her head to the side and trying to thump the water out of her ears with the palm of her hand.

"Yes, Potter," Lily said, rifling through her things. "I would very much like," she said, dragging her shirt off over her head and tossing it across the room, pulling her nightshirt on and digging through her trunk again, "to disembowel him ritualistically."

"What's he done now?" Alice said kindly, closing her eyes and patting her stomach.

"He just exists," Lily explained, stomping out of the room, toothbrush and paste in hand.

"Oh dear," said Alice, looking slightly distraught.

"Ang goo know gwuh?" Lily said, stomping back into the room, this time foaming at the mouth as she brushed furiously. "I ood gnot 'eel goory gnor 'in, eiger."

"Err…" Dorcas said, staring at Lily. "You're, erm, foaming."

Lily spat the toothpaste all over the floor. "I wouldn't feel sorry for him either," she repeated, stomping back out of the room. Alice sighed and Marlene cast a quick Evanesco charm on the floor, vanishing Lily's toothpaste mess. Lily stomped back in, scrubbing her face with a washcloth just as brutally. "He is so frustrating!" Her face was quickly turning bright pink, and the other girls looked on in mild terror.

"So, I take it, erm, it didn't go well?" Gwenog ventured, wincing when Lily hurled the washcloth out the open window, shrieking and vanishing back into the bathroom.

"I think that would be an 'it did not go well'," Dorcas confirmed.

XXXXX

"It went brilliantly," James shouted, bursting into the boys' dorm with all the finesse of a crippled elephant. Sirius was perched on top of the canopy of his bed, wearing nothing but his favorite pair of red plaid boxer shorts and smoking a cigarette, and Remus looked up absentmindedly from his bed, where he was still immersed in the fascinating discoveries of modern rune word theory. Peter was already asleep and was snoring rather loudly.

"Silencio," Remus said, and Peter's snoring was cut off as though with a sharpened axe. "Oh?" he said to James, looking only mildly interested. "What happened, then?"

"It was bloody fantastic," James raved, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet like some sort of mad drug addict. "She didn't hex me or punch me or anything, and we were sitting quite close and she smells like apples and vanilla and I love her!"

Sirius snorted from on top of his bed, and then coughed, as he'd accidentally inhaled the smoke from the cigarette through his nose, and swore violently, snorting and hacking.

James, in an astounding feat of acrobatic ability, leapt atop Sirius' bed to join his friend, shaking him heartily so that the cigarette dangling from his lips flicked ashes everywhere and nearly fell out, wobbling madly.

"Gaaah!" Sirius said, batting at his legs, where tiny smoldering orange bits had dropped.

"Padsy, let's go do something!" James demanded, bouncing up and down. This caused a sort of trampoline effect, and Sirius was jostled about, until he finally rolled off the canopy, landing less-than-gracefully on his feet on the dormitory floor.

"Prongs, you are raving," Sirius said, flicking the butt of the cigarette out the window. "But I cannot say no to adventure."

"Oh yes you can," Remus spoke up, setting his book down on his nightstand. "It's quite late, you two, and it's the first day of classes tomorrow. Not to mention," he added, "James has apparently just made the one good impression of his life on Lily, and if he were to go gallivanting about the corridors in the middle of the night, he would ruin that quite soundly."

"You are no fun, Moony," Sirius said, pouting. "Can't we go celebrate just a little bit?"

"Pads, no. We have class tomorrow. Double Transfiguration first thing."

James and Sirius sighed in tandem, and James climbed down off the top of Sirius' bed, landing soundly on the floor. "I'm going to go shower," he said, and danced out of the room.

"No fun," Sirius repeated, sticking his tongue out at Remus and climbing into his bed.

"You'll thank me in the morning," Remus said, muttering a soft "nox" and snuggling down under the covers, falling asleep almost instantly, though not fast enough to not hear Sirius mutter "I will not."

XXXXX

Lily frowned, rolling over in bed. She could hear Dorcas snoring faintly in the bed across the room, and Alice muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "the chocolate frogs are eating his toes". Marlene and Gwenog were as silent as always, and Lily let out a deep sigh, turning onto her side.

There had to be something to it, she mused for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. There was just no possible way he could drive her as completely mad as he did without there being something wrong with either her or him. Clearly, he was mad.

Lily made a frustrated noise, and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She squinted into the darkness, where the alarm clock on her bedside table read half-past two o'clock. She could never sleep the day before the first day of school, never had been able to, even in primary school. It wasn't as though she was nervous; Hogwarts was her second home, perhaps even her first. She had finished all her summer homework, had every supply she needed for her classes, and was prepared in every way possible for the coming school year. But still, somehow, she just couldn't sleep.

She slid her feet into her slippers, and stood up, silently crossing the room and opening the door, stepping out into the hallway. She padded down the hallway to the stairs that led to the common room, stepping down the carpeted stairway quietly. A fire was crackling merrily in the fireplace, as always, and a lone house elf looked up from where it had been slipping a stray tome into its rightful place on the bookshelf, terrified.

"No, don't worry," Lily said, holding up her hands in apology. "You don't need to—"

The house elf disappeared with a loud crack, dropping the book, and Lily winced. She walked over to the bookshelf and picked up the book, sliding it into the shelf between A Niffler's Guide to Galleons and Quidditch Through the Ages. She inspected the bookshelf then, and pulled out a copy of Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle: Twentieth Anniversary Collection, taking over to a chair by the fireplace. She noted sourly that it was the same chair from earlier, and that the chair James had been sitting in was still pulled alongside it. She opened the comic book and began to read, crossing her legs underneath her.

XXXXX

What the… James frowned, coming down the stairs into the common room. Who would be up at this hour? For someone was awake, sitting in a chair by the fireplace, head bowed in concentration, apparently reading. James stood for a moment, staring, until he realized who it was. He realized his mouth had gone dry, and licked his lips. The fire popped loudly, and he swore under his breath as Lily jumped and turned around, seeing him at the foot of the stairs.

"What are you doing?" she said, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I couldn't sleep," James said defensively, stepping down into the common room. "I wasn't up to something, so don't look at me like that."

"I wasn't looking at you like anything," Lily said, but her expression softened. She looked away, turning back to the comic in her lap. James gulped, realizing she was wearing only a pair of boys' boxer shorts and a rather large t-shirt.

"What are you reading?" he asked tentatively, coming over and sitting in the chair next to her. Lily lifted the cover momentarily so he could read the title, and he grinned. "Martin Miggs! I never would have figured you for a comic book reader, Li—Evans."

A smile quirked at the corner of her mouth for a moment. "I'm not, really, but it was lying around. It's actually quite terrible," she said, frowning down at it. "Muggle comics are much better."

"But the pictures don't move in Muggle comics!" James protested. "How can they be as exciting?"

"You have to use your imagination," Lily said, smirking. "Something which you have an overabundance of."

"It is not overabundant," James sniffed haughtily. "I put it to quite good use, thank you."

"Oh ho!" Lily laughed, despite herself. "You put it to use, no doubt, but whether it's good use or not is quite debatable. I hardly think itching powder and Dungbombs are a proper use of imagination."

"They're quite proper," James argued, grinning as well. "They bring smiles to the faces of the little children!" he said dramatically, flinging his arms about. "Joy to those who are lacking happiness! Sorrow to those who deserve it!"

"They don't always deserve it," Lily said, suddenly less cheerful. "Sometimes they're quite cruel."

"Not anymore," James said sincerely, fighting the urge to take her hand. He had painfully learned, during what he claimed was a bad concussion during fourth year, that trying to hold Lily Evans' hand was a quick way to earn a bad beating. "A lot of things have happened that… Well, I mean, I'm Head Boy, aren't I? And maybe I don't know why Dumbledore chose me, but he did, and I've got to live up to that." Lily was looking at James curiously, as though trying to gauge his intent. "I know I've been a bit of an idiot in the past—"

"More than a bit," Lily mumbled, glaring into the fire.

"—a giant idiot," James continued, suddenly very interested in a loose thread in his pajama trousers, "but I know I've been a berk, and I'm doing my best to teach myself not to be, honest."

Lily nodded thoughtfully. "Well, that would be lovely if you were being honest—"

"I am," James bust out, looking frustrated.

"—but I'm not going to believe you—" James looked crestfallen, and Lily held up a hand to continue, "—until I see it. And until then," she said, standing up, "I am going to sleep. Goodnight, Potter." She marched across the room and up her dormitory stairs, taking Martin Miggs with her and leaving James to sit alone by the fire, deep in thought, until morning.