And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Sweetest Goodbye – Maroon 5

Justin

By the time I reach the diner I'm soaked to the bone, shivering and fucking cold in the thin long sleeved shirt I had on and jeans. I'm cold by nature and this fucking rain felt like there was liquid ice being pelted at me. For the last fucking forty minutes. I bet I'm gonna catch pneumonia. Arms wrapped around myself, I pushed the door open with my body, the bell jingling happily above my head, and just stand there when I'm inside. It's so warm in here. Trembling, I don't know if it's from the crying or me freezing my balls off, I walk towards the counter. Deb didn't look up when the door opened, she probably hadn't been expecting me, and plus, she was crying and trying to control herself so she could get back to work.

She's always been a hard working woman – Even through the hardest times.

I've heard stories.

"D-Deb?"

Startled, Debbie's head shoots up from the pad she was doodling on and her red, puffy eyes meet my own eyes. They're in the same condition as hers. "Sunshine!" She all but runs around the counter to come to me and when she does reach me she wraps her arms around me and pulls my wet body against her dry one – It's not so dry anymore however. I, too, wrap my arms around her seeking warmth physically and emotionally. Deb has always been a comfort to me. There were times when I would come in here instead of Ethan's after my classes were over so I could tell her about my dad, Ethan, any problems just so I wouldn't have to see my mental boyfriend. Make that ex-boyfriend. Deb slowly pulled back, her eyes taking me in. "Sunshine –"

She pauses and pats me on the cheek.

"…Just…just look at you!"

I don't know how she does it. I know she had been crying earlier, someone must've called her and told her about Mel and Linds by now since she was close to them and everything. It was probably Michael. After all, Michael was her son and her granddaughter had just died. But I don't know how she could act so collected after her body had been milked dry of tears, how she could be so concerned about me despite all that was happening right now, and how she could be so…caring when her life had been tragically turned upside down. No matter what happened, Deb was always there for the people who needed her. Always. There was never a time, that I can remember, that she wasn't.

"What were you doin' out in the rain?"

"…I had to get away from Ethan."

Worry Mode was soon clicked and locked into place.

"What did he do this time?"

I rubbed my eyes. I was so tired of all the drama with him; I was tired of having to explain to people what he always did. I was just plain tired of all things having to do with Ethan. "I…I called him from the hospital and he didn't…he didn't…fuck. He didn't give a flying fuck about Mel and Linds. He just told me to come home and forget about it! So, I hung up on him and G-Gus wanted to see me and when I was in there with…Brian, Ethan comes running in and drags me out. So – When we got home I basically told him bye and walked away. I had to go somewhere and I don't have a car. So I walked here."

Deb handed me a towel so I could dry my skin off.

I'd still be in soaking clothes but I would take what I could.

"Serves that fucker right. I'm glad you came here, Sunshine. I just can't believe…I can't believe what happened…the officer that talked to you today, Carl Horvath; we're friends, called me and told me what you told him. I'm so sorry, Sunshine."

Then I'm in her arms again and she's crying on my shoulder, which, of course, makes me start crying too. I know the few people that are eating right now are watching us with concern, shock or annoyance. It depends on the person and if they care about other people or not. Sniffling, she pulls away and walks back around the counter and grabs a pitcher of lemonade and begins walking around and refilling. "Deb – you really shouldn't be working right now…ask someone else to take over for a little while." She doesn't listen to me. Of course she doesn't. She's a determined woman. Sighing, I sink down on the stool still wet, cold, and shivering.

Brian

This was not good.

Gus wouldn't stop crying and when he did stop crying he would hold on to me and not let go. I couldn't stand it. It was making me feel sick to my stomach, the way he depended on me, the way he needed me, the way I felt that I couldn't be there for him because I'm a shitty father. I never took care of him, not really anyway and this looked like it was going to be long term. Obviously. And, as much as I didn't want to, I had to make funeral arrangements and that took time, considering, and planning. I couldn't do any of those with Gus latched on to me and needing me to comfort him. I'm sitting on the couch, holding him close to me and stroking his hair and trying to get him to calm down.

But that's stupid.

His mother's died. He has every right to be doing this.

On the brink of insanity and more tears that I've worked so hard to keep under wraps, I reach over and grab my cell phone and run through the address book until I reach the diner's number. Deb can take care of children, Deb knows what to do and I know, since she's heard the news by now, she would want to help me take care of the one who lived. It rang five times before a voice that wasn't Deb's answered. The voice was male, shaky, and vaguely familiar. Justin's face popped into my mind and I realized that's who it was. "Justin?" There's a pause at the end of the line.

"…Brian?"

Gus is sobbing and I'm sure Justin can hear it. Wait. Justin babysitter ran through my head. "Justin." There's another small pause. "Brian." Justin could help. Justin knew Gus more then me, his own father, did. I suddenly wondered why Justin wasn't with his controlling half. "Hello?" I had almost forgotten that I had been on the phone, I had been thinking so hard. "Justin. I need you." There was another silence and then a small noise. I listened harder. "What?"

"What do you need me for?"

"Gus. I need help with Gus. I have so many fucking things to do right now…funeral arrangements and…fuck. Hold on a second."

I placed the phone down next to me on the sofa and let my head fall down on the back. I would not cry. I wouldn't. I'm Brian Kinney and I won't cry. I just sit there, listening to Gus's quieted down, muffled sobs for a few minutes before picking up the phone with shaky hands. "Still there?"

"…Yes."

"Can you help me?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Sure…I don't have a ride…I could ask Deb…"

"Thanks. She knows where my place is. Bye."

I quickly hang up before he can make an excuse not to say he'd help me. "Come on, Gus…please stop crying…please…" Gus whimpered that he wanted his mommies and my heart continued breaking into a million shattered pieces. I wanted his mommies too. I wasn't ready to be a father full time on top of everything else I had to do after the funeral was over. I owned a business, Kinnetic, I'm a very busy man, and I'm just not suitable to be a father. "Gus…Jus Jus is coming over…would that make you happier?" The boy was silent for a moment and then he nodded. Thank fucking god.

"Do you want something to eat?"

He shook his head.

"Something to drink?"

Again, he shook his head 'no'.

"Do you want anything?"

"Mommy and mama and Jus Jus and you."

I smile at him, holding him tightly, and kissed him on the cheek. I slowly tell him that someday, when we all go to Heaven mommy and mama will be there waiting for us. It seems to help a little bit but he doesn't let go. I don't blame him for being clingy. I'm basically the only parent he has left, the only family, besides Joan, that he has left. "Really?" I work up a smile and nod. "Really." He snuggles up against me and I let my head back down on the sofa and stare at the ceiling, using my hand to rub his back hoping that I'm doing a good job of comforting him. Then, to think about anything but my dead family, I wonder where he's going to sleep. This isn't a home. This is a loft. My loft. Not a child's place.

I'll think of something.

Before I know it I've been sitting on the sofa for thirty minutes, Gus is silently crying still and clinging onto me like he won't ever let me go, and then there's a knock on my door. I lift my head up and stand up, hugging Gus to my chest, and head towards the door. "That'll be Justin and Aunt Debbie." Gus said nothing and remained silent until I unlocked my door and a very wet, shivering Justin and a sad Debbie appeared. Then Gus squirmed in my arms calling out Justin's name and I told him to wait until Justin had dry clothes and handed him to Deb instead. I nodded at Justin. "Come with me."

He followed silently as I walked up onto my platform and rummaged through my dresser. I threw a long-sleeved, white shirt and jeans that would obviously be too long for him at him. "The bathroom's through there." I point and as he walks to go I quickly grab his wrist, gently but firmly, and keep him from going. He looks at me, he's confused. I can see it on his face, meshed with the sadness and pain he's feeling. "Thanks for doing this." He nods and mutters 'your welcome' and I let go of his wrist only to catch sight of it bruising slightly. I grab it again, even more gently then before, and stare at it for a moment.

"Did he do that to you?"

"…Uh – what? I-"

I cut him off and brought his wrist up to my face. It was bruising all around his pale, delicate skin where that man had grabbed him at the hospital. "Don't make excuses for him. Answer my fucking question." The blonde nodded and I inspected his wrist for a moment before letting go of it and letting it drop to his side. "I'll take care of him later." That said, I walked back into the living room where Debbie was telling Gus a story about when she was a child and her mom had died. She told him that even though she was sad for a while it got better because she knew her mom was up in the sky watching her from above and would always be there when she needed a mother to talk to.

"Did she talk back, Aunt Deb?"

I love Deb more then I ever have at this moment.

"Yep, she talked back. I'd have to listen really carefully, though, because she didn't talk out loud. She spoke to my heart."

She poked Gus right above his heart and he even smiled at her. I had no idea how I was ever going to thank Deb for helping me with Gus. Or Justin for that matter. Rubbing my face with my hand, I walk towards my computer, flip it on and wait for it to load. I have so much to do. I have to call the preacher, I have to get three gravestones ready, I have to find a place to get them buried. There's so much I have to do. There's so much I don't want to do. I never thought that there'd be a day when I was planning their funeral arrangements even though Mel had told me from the very start that Linds had decided to leave it all in my hands. Stupid. I can't do this shit.

I quickly go on the internet and start my search on grave sights. The most expensive grave sights. I want them to having the most expensive funeral on the map, the nicest funeral. They all deserve that much at least. Movement on the platform distracts me momentarily and Justin's standing there in my too big shirt and my too big jeans and he looks extremely – and, just for the record, I hate to think like this with all that's going on but my fucked up mind can't help it – cute. Adorable. Fucking hot. I mentally kill myself and quickly look at the computer when another page loads up of sights, more sights, and more grave sights. "I wanna go to Jus." I watch over the top of my monitor as Debbie places Gus on the ground and he all but runs over to Justin who's now kneeling on the ground with his arms open, ready for him.

Thank god someone here knows how to take care of him.

Fuck! I'm such a shitty father it makes me sick. Though, Lindsay always told me I wasn't.

She always told me I don't give myself enough credit when it came to Gus.

"What are you doin', Brian?"

Deb walks towards me, around the computer desk and then behind me and looks at the screen. She's silent for a moment and then places a hand on my shoulder. I almost shake it off but I don't because I know she's just trying to be there. Be there for me like she always is. "Brian…you don't have to do that now. You just got back from the hospital…" I beg to differ. "No, Deb, I do have to do this now. I don't want to put if off. I want to get this fucking over with…" Her hand doesn't leave my shoulder. "…I understand." I sigh and rest the side of my face in the palm of my hand that isn't controlling the mouse and stare tiredly at the screen. I'm so fucking tired and when I look over at Justin I can tell he's just as tired but he's now holding Gus, rocking him, anyway.

"Deb, can you do me a favor?"

Another favor.

"…Sure, Brian. Of course."

"I need you to go to…their house. Get Gus's things…I have to do this so I can't."

No, I couldn't go because I'm too afraid. I couldn't go because I didn't want to face their happy home and know that nothing's going to be happy anymore having to do with them. I know Deb knows what I'm really thinking but she agrees to go anyway. She tells me she'll stop by after going to the store to get Sunshine, I'm guess she means Justin, some medicine. "Why does he need medicine?" I glanced over at him and he meets my gaze for a split second before quickly looking away and tending to Gus and whispering to him. Gus would whisper back, smiling slightly. Justin was just what I ordered. He was fucking perfect.

"Justin walked forty minutes in pouring down rain to get to the diner today. He's probably going to catch something if I don't get him some Anti-biotics in 'em."

"Why did he do that?"

Debbie sighed. "It's a long story." Brian leaned back in his computer chair and stared up at her. He was a nosy bastard and since this man/boy was watching his son didn't he have some right to know? Alright, no, he didn't but that was beside the point. Deb glares as me and looks over at Justin. I do too and he only nods and shrugs his shoulders at her. What the fuck, will someone just tell me what's going on? "Ethan picked him up from the hospital today –"

"I know" I say dryly. Oh, I know.

"To make it quick and simple, Ethan gets…physical at times and well, Sunshine couldn't take it anymore since Ethan was being such a bastard about…Mel and Linds so he walked out. He didn't have a car so he just walked to the diner."

Under any other circumstances, like, people not dying, I would've asked for the full story but I didn't this time. I just nodded and glared at my computer. For one, looking at grave sights was not my idea of fun and secondly, Ethan just pissed me off. Fucker. "I'll go get that stuff for you, Brian. See you soon, Justin."

"Bye, Deb."

Then she was gone.

I stared at the computer screen as hard as I could to avoid looking up and over at my son and Justin. "Uh…Brian?" Too bad. I have to. Sighing, I look up over the monitor again and meet the unsure eyes of Justin Taylor. The young, maybe too young, baby-sitter. "What?" He pauses for a moment; Gus is sitting on the floor looking up at the blonde expectantly. "Do you have any paper and crayons?" Shit. No. Fuck. See? I really am a shitty father. I don't even have crayons. Sighing, I stand up from my computer and pull on a jacket to run downstairs and ask the old women who lives below me; she has kids over at her home all the time, to ask her if she has any.

"I'll be right back."

"Wait! Where are you going?"

He actually sounds worried.

"Just downstairs to ask a friend if she has crayons and paper. That's what you asked for right?"

Justin only nodded and stood there in the middle of my floor. Again, my mind went haywire and decided to think about how nice and perfect Justin looked standing on my floor. How it looked like he belonged here even though he had never been here before. Nodding at him, I hurried out the door before my mind could run away with me even more, asked the women for crayons, got them and I handed them to Justin once I got back upstairs. I handed him a stack of paper that as sitting on my desk, I had plenty.

"Don't get any marks on the floor."

Nodding, Justin laid on his stomach on the floor next to Gus and they began coloring. Justin could actually draw, even though he wasn't actually trying hard to, and it looked fucking brilliant. "You're an artist." Justin looks up at me, surprised that I had been watching and then nods. "Yeah." Fuck. I should've already known that anyway since he had told the officer that Linds had helped him get into art college or whatever the fuck. "You're good."

"Thanks."

"How old are you?"

The question I've wanted to find an answer for.

"Nineteen."

Hmm. I'm twenty-four. There isn't that much of a gap between us. Five years. I only nod and go back to my research on the internet dreading every second I come across a picture of the cemetery. I dread the fact that soon, Mel and Linds and JR will be buried deep under the ground and ever seen again.

Author's Note: Thanks for all the comments. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading!