You gave me all your love in one day
You gave it all and almost faded away
I'm going to take this sad and unread issue
In my arms tonight
In My Arms – Rufus Wainwright

Brian

About the time that I'm starting to wake up my cell phone rings. Ignore or answer? The ring tone is the one I set for Michael and, after how he acted last night, I'm not sure I want to talk to the asshole. I tell myself that he's upset about the loss of his daughter, that he didn't mean those things that he said, and that all of this will blow over with time. I try and believe myself. Groaning, I pull my hand out of Justin's, I don't even know how they stayed connected all night long since I usually moved when I slept, and reached over on the floor and picked up the ringing cell.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

"You are."

I hear him sigh on the other end of the line.

"This would be better if we were face to face."

"I think I'd rather be ear to ear."

I glance over at the two sleeping boys. Gus is still sleeping soundly, Justin's arm wrapped around him now that my hand had been forced to pull away. My son sighed, turned over and burrowed himself against the sleeping blonde. I couldn't help but be just a little jealous. Then I remembered I kissed him last night. Shit. That had probably been a mistake. I never know when to keep my mouth to my self. He'll probably be freaked out when he wakes up, unusually shy and isolate himself from me. Fuck. I really should've kept my comfort techniques to myself.

"I know you're pissed at me, Brian and-"

"Pissed? I'm fucking outraged! You had no right to say the things you said. Just so you know – You aren't the only one who lost someone yesterday, Mikey. We all did,"

Michael let out a sigh and tried to cut me off. I ignored him.

"You need to let out your anger elsewhere."

My best-friend was silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Bri-"

"Why the fuck are you apologizing to me for? You didn't accuse me of murder."

I'm sure Michael's about to hang up, just forget the whole thing but he doesn't. He just stays silent as if he's thinking about what to say next. He's probably trying to choose his words carefully so that he doesn't piss me off even more. "About that…" I roll my eyes. He's always had such a way with words and I wasn't in the mood for it. "Yeah, about that, Michael, you need to say sorry to him." I fall back down on my back and rub my eyes with my free hand. It's too early for this shit. That's when I remember – I need to get started on picking out the date for the funeral. I feel a twinge in my stomach.

"I meant what I said."

I want to kill the bastard on the other end of the phone.

"None of this is his fault."

"Then answer me this: Would they be dead right now if Justin hadn't known them?"

I don't know how to answer that question and he knows it. I lighten my grip on my phone. I had been gripping it so tightly it had started to hurt. Plus, I didn't want to break my phone.

"Fuck you, Mikey and don't call here again."

With that I hung up on him. The phone immediately started ringing again. Michael again. I cursed and turned my phone completely off. Then my house phone started to ring. "Fuck!" Now eternally pissed off, I got out of my bed and walked towards the phone and picked it up. "I said fuck you." Just as I was about to hang up a female voice spoke up. "…I'm sorry?" I pressed two of my fingers to my temple. I really need to fix my called ID.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"Oh, that's alright. Um…is this Brian Kinney?"

"Yeah, who's this."

I can almost feel her hesitation seeping through the phone.

"Uh, is Justin there? I need to talk to him."

"Who is this?"

I felt the need to monitor all callers. For all I knew this was some stranger who wanted to blame him for the death of three people. "Tell him it's Daphne. I'm his best-friend. He'll want to talk to me." I tell her to hold on a minute and that I have to wake him up. Sighing, I set the phone down on the table and walked back up onto my platform. The blonde's already starting to wake up, his eyes fluttering open and squinting against the sunlight peeking into my loft. Gus is still sound asleep. I stand over him and wait for the nineteen-year-old to get fully adjusted to the light. When he does he looks at me and looks, just as I expected, shy.

"You have a phone call."

"…Who?"

"Some girl named Daphne."

I had never seen someone move so quick. I watch as the blonde scurries out of the bed, careful not to wake Gus, and hurry off the platform and towards the phone. I slowly follow deciding to let my son sleep for as long as he wants to. Then I ask myself a question. How the fuck did this Daphne girl get my home phone number? "Daphne?" I watched as Justin smiled a real actual smile and practically hugged the phone. I guessed he missed her or something.

"I missed you too."

Pause. His smile slowly disappears.

Fuck – I hope something else didn't happen.

"…We broke up."

Oh. Ethan fucking Gold. I think I heard a squeal of delight on the other end of the phone. I'm not sure though. If I did then I guess Daphne hated the bastard just as much as I do. Justin walks towards the couch, suddenly not looking so happy, and sinks down onto it. I slowly and hesitantly follow. What can I say? I'm a nosy little fucker. I like to know what's going on. I sink down next to him, he doesn't even acknowledge me and plays with the hem of his shirt instead.

"I'll be fine…"

He didn't sound like he would be fine.

"I…I don't know."

Justin paused, pulled the phone away from his ear, and looked at me.

"Daphne was wondering if she could stop by and see me. She's been in Vermont with her boyfriend so I haven't seen her for three weeks and…well…Ethan never really let me see her that much…"

I felt another flare of anger and quickly nodded.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll give her the directions."

Justin quickly handed the phone to me and watched my every move as I talked to Daphne and then gave her the directions to my loft. After I hung up the two of us sat there in an awkward silence. I didn't want things to be awkward. I only kissed him. We didn't have to be awkward. We shouldn't have to be awkward. Sighing, I turn over so I'm sitting sideways on the couch and facing him. He does the same as if we're about to have an important discussion and leans his lower back against the armrest of the couch. He doesn't meet my eyes though. Instead of he focuses them on the leather of the couch.

"Justin, about…last night…"

A light pink blush creeps up onto his cheeks.

His eyes are still trained on the couch.

"I didn't mean to 'throw' myself at you or anything. It just sort of…happened. I'm…sorry ( No, I'm fucking not sorry, it was fucking amazing ) if I upset you."

Justin finally looks up and meets my gaze. He looks slightly confused and I have no idea what there is to be confused about. He quickly shakes his blonde head, hair moving in tune with his head, and offers me a small smile. "You didn't upset me…and you didn't throw yourself at me. I…didn't mind it at all." His cheeks probably turned a hundred shades darker at the "confession" and despite the things I knew I was going to have to do today ( Fucking funeral arrangements ) I couldn't help but smile.

"Good."

I lean forward, hesitantly, and ask a question without using my voice. I want to kiss him. I want to make it last longer then it had last night. Fuck, I know I want to do more then kiss him but I won't because…I can't take advantage over him. Am I taking advantage over him right now? He's depressed, sad and wants to feel wanted…I tell myself I'm not taking advantage of him. That would be wrong. To answer my question, he places a hand on my knee and brings his face closer to mine. Score. I watch as his eyes quickly flicker from my eyes to my mouth and back to my eyes again and I quickly press my mouth against his so we both don't have to wait any longer. "Mmm…"

That sound coming out of his mouth from just this simple connection of our lips nearly undoes me. I can only imagine the sounds he would make if I had him on his back, his legs over my shoulders and my cock up his ass. I dismiss the thought, said dick enjoying the mental images more then I want it to at the moment, and focus only on giving this man the best kiss that he's ever had in his life. I'm slightly surprised when his tongue slides into my mouth first but I quickly get over the surprise and press my mouth harder against his and burrow my hands in his silky hair to keep his head from going anywhere. His hands both slide up from my knees, up the outside of my thighs and then stop at my hips.

He's practically in my lap now and I don't particularly mind it.

I shove my tongue eagerly into his mouth eager for his sweet taste. Although he hasn't brushed his teeth yet this morning his mouth still tasted…wonderful. I tugged at his bottom lip with my teeth, his own teeth grazed my tongue as it searched every crevice of his perfect mouth…and to think that The Fiddler probably abused it with his fist at some point in their fucked up relationship. My hand slides down his back and cups his ass. My hand couldn't resist giving it a light squeeze. He obviously wasn't ready for it, his mouth gasped into mine and he fell forward slightly. His arms squeezed tightly around my neck, his body basically hanging onto me while on his knees. I smile against his lips, squeeze harder and force him onto my lap.

Needless to say, my dick's very happy right now.

I know I said, well thought to myself, that I wasn't going to fuck him. I don't even know if he'd let me fuck him but if he would let me I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself now. I can't stop myself from gripping both his hips and grinding him down on my erect cock, my hips rising up to greet the friction. He gasps into my mouth again and it nearly makes me come in my pants, him gasping into my mouth…it sounds so fucking sexy. I pull away, pushing him down on my again. I watch hungrily as his head falls back, lips parting to let out another wonderful gasp and his hands tighten in my hair. He looks so fucking wanton.

I have to fuck him.

Now.

I attack his neck with my lips and teeth, his beautiful neck despite a few light, and healing, bruises scattered across the skin. I don't know why I didn't notice them before but I wish I hadn't because…I suddenly feel like killing someone. Someone Ethan. I kick him out of my mind, I slow down my lips and brush them over each bruise, attending to each one with a lick of my tongue and a light kiss wishing I had the power to make them disappear. He grinds into me of his own accord breaking me out of my tender mantra of kisses and my teeth nip onto a patch of skin, hopefully not on a bruised spot, and he groans. So. Fucking. Hot. So. Fucking. Beautiful.

"You're so fucking…hot."

I feel the need to tell him so. Probably because I know Ethan probably never told him. Fuck – Why do I keep bringing him up? It's me and Justin. Justin and I. Ethan can go fuck himself. I lift one of my hands from his hips and grab the back of his head gathering a fist full of hair and push his head back down so I can reach his lips once again. My tongue slides along his jaw, over his lips and I sink me teeth down on his swollen bottom lip before taking his mouth captive with mine again. I don't think I've been this horny since…fucking forever. I can't even remember if I've been this horny before. Probably not. I don't think my cock has ever been this hard either for that matter.

I tear my lips away from his and tend to the lobe of his ear.

"I'm gonna fuck you…I'm gonna fuck you all night."

Well – morning. But it may lead into night.

His ass grinds into my cock again and, fuck, I can't wait any longer. Our clothes have to disappear now before I fucking get overheated. I grab the hem of his shirt from the back and begin to life it before…yeah, you guessed it, the great interruption that always comes when things are getting fucking hot.

"Daddy?"

My lips and hands immediately still, Justin stiffens in my lap and pulls his face away from my neck where he had been running his tongue. I quickly look towards my bedroom. Thank God Gus called me from my room and didn't walk out here. I don't think I would've wanted him to witness the two of us in a beyond horny state. I sigh in disappointment and lower my forehead onto Justin's chest, more on his collar bone, and his chin rests on my head as he lets out his own sigh of sexual frustration and disappointment.

"I'll be right there, Sonny Boy."

God. This wasn't fucking fair. I feel Justin's chin lift up off my head and his hands cradle my face and lift it up so he can look me in the eyes. He places a small peck on my lips and it takes every ounce of self-control to not ravage him all over again. "Later." I nod and playfully push him off my lap and get up off the couch. I tell my dick to go away. Well, not away completely. That would ruin my life but I want it to calm down. I need to calm down. I slowly walk towards the platform, stalling and thinking of my mom fucking my dad. Fuck – the things I do to not be horny. And it works like a charm.

I smile at my son when I walk onto the platform.

"What's wrong?"

Still smiling, I get on the bed and crawl until I'm sitting next to him and holding him in my arms. I can't help but think that maybe him breaking into our ass grinding was a sign saying 'Back off, Kinney! You can't fuck him!' or something like that. Fuck that. No one can tell me who I can and can't fuck. "I miss mommy." I run my hand through his hair and kiss him lightly on the head. "Me too, me too." Gus looks up at me, his little arms wrap around me as much as they can and I pull him as close as possible. We sit there in complete silence for about five minutes until a loud knock on the door brings me back into the real world.

"Who's that daddy?"

"It's probably Justin's friend, Daphne. She's visiting him."

Gus scrambled off my lap to greet the guest and I did as well. I wanted to meet this Daphne that was so important to Justin's life. I walked towards the door seeing as Justin sat on the sofa, eyes watching me as I walked towards the door to see if it was, indeed, Daphne. Gus is already there and ready to greet the visitor. I pull him away slightly and slide open the large door and I'm guessing the girl standing there is Daphne because I've never seen her before in my life. "Daph!" Suddenly Justin's practically leaping off the couch, pushing past me and death-grip hugging the girl in front of me.

Yeah. It's Daphne.

I pick up Gus and walk away from the door deciding to let them talk and do whatever else they did together. Justin invites her in and the door slides shut again. I take Gus into the kitchen, set him on the counter and begin digging through my fridge for a bottle of water. I pick up the phone to order in some breakfast. Even if the place doesn't drop off food I'm sure that, with the right amount of money, they'll do whatever the fuck I want. And they do. Breakfast will be here in twenty minutes.

Justin

Wow. That had been…intense. I don't think Brian meant for things to go that far. I think he only meant to kiss me long and hard and then push me away but…that's not how things worked out obviously. And I'd be lying to say that I didn't enjoy it, though I do feel slightly bad since I'm supposed to be in mourning and sad. Believe me, I'm sad but for those few minutes that I grinded my ass into Brian's cock…I forgot all about being sad. For those few hot minutes that Brian's lips connected with mine…I couldn't think about anything but letting this man fuck me right here on the couch.

For those few minutes…my pain went away it seemed.

"How've you been?"

I sit across from Daphne on the sofa that Brian and I had just been at attacking each other with our mouths and other holy body parts. We both crossed our legs and sat so close that our knees touched. "I've been…ok." She frowned sympathetically. She had only met Mel, Linds and Jenny two times before so she didn't know them like I had known them. Then there was the whole thing with Ethan. She knew him very well. They had had their fair share of verbal fights when he did something that she didn't like. Something like not letting me come out and see her every now and then.

"So…Ethan's gone? Like…for good?"

"We didn't kill him, Daph!"

She looked disappointed at my answer. "I wanted to though." She looked over at Brian who had offered his own thoughts on the matter. He smiled a small smile at her. "I hurt him pretty bad though." She smiled over at him. I'm glad to see them getting along for some reason. She made a salute in Brian's direction. "Good work, soldier. Fucking bastard got what was coming to him." Brian bowed, lifted Gus up off the counter and put him to work in a coloring book that Debbie had given us along with the rest of his toys and clothes. Brian looked like all seriousness now as he walked over to his computer with his phone. The next thing I hear is him talking to someone about coffin space.

I frown and look back at Daphne.

"Things will get better, Justin, you'll see."

"I hope so."

"They will. After the funeral…things will get better. You get to start your whole life over again without Ethan restricting you from things and you'll always have your memories of Lindsay and Mel and Jenny. Plus, look on the upside. Gus is still here alive and well. All he has is stitches."

She reached over and grabbed my hand and smiled reassuringly at me. "And you have me too. You'll get through this. Oh, and, you have him to help you too." She nodded towards Brian who was picking up the ringing phone not paying them a bit of attention. Suddenly: "I said fuck you, Mikey! Why the fuck are you calling? No, I don't want to hear your fucking shit." Daphne raised an eyebrow over at me at Brian's outburst into the phone. She wasn't seeing the best side of him at the given moment. I rolled my eyes and quickly explained the Michael situation.

"Sounds like an asshole to me."

"Michael. Don't call here unless you have something worth listening to, to say."

Then a click and Brian slammed the phone down on his desk. He began staring at his computer as if nothing had happened. Then the phone rang again. I sighed over at Daphne. "He is an asshole. He's Brian's best friend too which means everywhere Brian goes he's there." Daphne wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I can't believe he called you a murderer." I shrugged and decided to change the subject to something more light and less depressing.

"How's Keith?"

She rolled her eyes.

"He's acting really weird lately. Really…protective. Ever since we got back from Vermont he won't let me out of his sight. I think he's afraid that I've gotten what I wanted from him, an all expense paid trip to Vermont for three weeks, and thinks I'm gonna leave him for someone new or something. He's getting on my fucking nerves."

I smile over at her.

"Did you guys actually snowboard while up there or did you stay in your room and fuck the whole time."

"Hey now, Sunshine, don't bring that hetero talk in my house."

I rolled my eyes over at Brian and looked back at Daphne who was laughing. "Yes, we did snowboard…but there was plenty of fucking too." I grinned. "Is he any good?" I heard Brian snort from where he sat on the computer but he kept his mouth shut the entire time. "Do you want me to go into details?" Brian yelled out a no from where he sat and she laughed again.

"I was only kidding but, yes, he's verrry good."

"Did you guys do any weird positions?"

I was only kidding and Brian gagged. "Enough talk, Sunshine. Daphne, leave before I hear something I don't want to." Daphne twisted around so she could roll her eyes over at Brian. "Haven't you already heard things you haven't wanted to hear?"

"Yes and I think I've heard enough."

"Fine. Be that way. We'll talk about hot gay sex."

Brian nodded in approvement, eyes still glued to the computer screen.

"That's better."

Daphne rolled her eyes over at me. "Even though I don't know anyone who's been having it lately. Well, that I would want to discuss anyway." Ethan. She was talking about me and Ethan. I blanched and looked down at the couch. Yeah, I'd rather not get into that discussion either. "Do you guys plan on going on another Vermont trip?" Daphne shook her head.

"No way. He might get a million times worst."

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. Brian got up off the computer. "That'll be breakfast." And, sure enough, it was breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, bacon, toast. Brian had fucking everything. Daphne and I hurried over to the kitchen. I was starving due to the fact I haven't eaten anything in forever. I hadn't had the stomach to eat anything but now…fuck, I was hungry. Gus ceased all coloring and hurried into the kitchen too. He smiled up at Daphne. "Are you Jus Jus' friend?" Daphne smiled down at him and crouched down so she could be eye level with him. She stuck out a hand.

"Yeah, I'm Daphne."

"I'm Gus."

He shook her hand.

"Justin's told me a lot about you. He always tells me how much he loves you."

I smile. It's true. The times I got to talk to her I always talked about Gus. Told her about the wacky things that he did throughout the day. I glanced over at Brian who smiled tenderly at me and quickly looked away. I mentally cursed when I felt my cheeks heat up. Daphne stood back up and linked our elbows together.

"Let's eat."

So we did. The four of us, Gus sat on my lap, sat down on the floor with our feet under Brian's coffee table and the hot food in front of us as Daphne told us the highlights of her trip. "Did you fuck in the public restroom?" I rolled my eyes over at Brian. "I thought you didn't want to hear about their hetero sex." My mouth was full of egg so it came out muffled and probably hard to hear. Brian smirked.

"I just wanted to know if they did anything adventurous."

"No, that's gross. Do you know how many germs there are in the bathroom? In a public restroom? That's unsanitary."

Brian shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

Daphne laughed and continued eating.

"Should you be talking like that in front of your son?"

Brian smiled over at Gus who seemed to pretty much be ignoring them. "He needs to learn early." Daphne rolled her eyes but laughed nonetheless. The next hour was spent talking and pretty much avoiding any subject that would bring up the funeral, Ethan, and anything like that. Thank God. Then Daphne had to leave saying that she would come visit again later. Brian stopped her right outside the door.

"How'd you get my number?"

"Debbie down at the diner."

"Oh, good, and here I thought you were my stalker."

She laughed, said bye and Brian slammed the door shut. I settled myself down on the floor. I rested on my stomach, my elbows holding me up, next to Gus who had gone back to coloring in a Winnie The Pooh coloring book. I watched and only looked away when I felt Brian get down on the floor next to me, lying on his own stomach and scooting over so that we were as close as possible. I smiled a small smile over at him and he returned it. I sighed and asked a dreaded question.

"Is the…funeral planned."

"Almost. I picked the place and date. Emmett's doing the rest. He's good at that kind of stuff…gatherings and shit."

He spoke like he didn't care that I had brought it up but I could tell he did care and that he was bothered by the question. "Sorry." He shot me an irritated look. "For what?"

"I'm sorry for bringing it up."

His face softened and he kissed me lightly on the cheek and then let his head rest on the floor, his hands resting underneath his head like a pillow and his eyes drifted shut. "It's ok, Sunshine." I let my head rest on the floor too and stared at him until he opened his eyes. We stared and it would be stupid to say that I let myself fall and drown in his beautiful hazel eyes but that's what happened. One of his hands comes over and grabs the back of my neck, fingers thrusting into my hair. He pulls me closer so that we're chest against chest that hand slides down until his entire arm is wrapped around my waist.

"I like Daphne. She's nice."

I nod in agreement.

"She's the best."

He smiled slightly.

"I can't believe she's never fucked in a public restroom."