Title: Nothing Lasts Forever
Author: L0C (Taryn Wander'r)
Fandom: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Pairing: Sky Captain/Dex Dearborn
Rating: PG, I guess.
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Warning: Slash. Spoiler for the end of Sky Captain as well. Not hugely though.
Summary: He'd been to hell and back to save Dex. And he'd do it all over again.
Nothing Lasts Forever
The aftermath was always the worst part. It was like cleaning up after a rough party (not like Joe ever had to clean up after anything himself . He had people for that). The open endings, the denouement. That was always the worst.
Joe and Polly drifted in that escape capsule for about three hours before they were safely aboard one of Franky's vessels. From below, those airstrips looked beautiful, drifting quietly through the air, but getting up there was always a hassle. The wind and the cold, and after drifting in the water for so long. And after all that other...
Joe and Polly did a lot of… talking in that rocket ship escape pod, once they hit the Earth's water and the adrenaline wore off. After Polly had her breakdown about her camera. That was Polly's life, documenting what happened, what amazing things happened, and with no proof, it was as if all this had never happened.
It was watching her break down that finally sapped Joe's strength. She was so forced, was Polly. Her thin, stretched lips perpetually painted, her immaculately done up face. She was pretty. Joe used to think so. Still sort of did. Watching her wail and cry was something else, though, and he felt sort of bad that he just couldn't make himself care. He knew how important this was, but dammit, they had just saved the world, all he wanted to do was go home and go to bed.
Joe wondered if she was really so mad that she had no pictures, or if it was because she had wasted the last one on him. Maybe she would've been just as mad if she had actually taken it. One of those momentary lapses when you think you remember why you loved someone, but then you realize you're just selfish and lonely. Joe had a lot of those moments. He was having one of those moments right now, and really needed to go find Dex.
Polly maybe thought she was in love with him again. Joe knew she couldn't be, because she loathed him. And anyway it didn't matter because he didn't love her back. He cared about her, sure, and if they weren't friends before, they definitely were now. But he couldn't get away with casually being with her again. It wasn't what she wanted and it would only end in tears, as it had before. Joe could get away with that kind of thing with Franky. It was easier with her; the affection they shared wasn't jealous or possessive. They knew they weren't meant for each other.
With Polly there was always a lingering doubt, an expectation, this would be right if we weren't us... and it always hurt so much when he realized he just couldn't make it work.
But he hadn't loved her. And even though he had hurt her and cheated on her, well, he had hurt and cheated on someone else first.
When they finally got back onto one of the airstrips, Joe took off, claiming an upset stomach after all that drifting, all that... He turned away quickly from Polly, who was still trying to talk to him, and went to find Dex.
He found him, looking as worn out and tired as he himself felt, with the rescued scientists, looking dazedly from one to the other, trying to keep up in a tongue that was only his second or third.
Joe stood on the edge of the group, watching his chief engineer waver on his feet. Joe caught Dex's eye, and Dex smiled weakly at him, excused himself from the scientists who were still talking animatedly amongst themselves.
"It's really amazing," he said to Joe as they walked down the corridor. They found themselves in one of the many little staff kitchens tucked away inside Franky's airships. "The sort of things those guys are talking about, the sort of things Unit 11 got up to. They're way out of my league."
Joe tried to say something, something encouraging and endearing like "Nothing's out of your league," but the words caught in his throat, and he was so tired and hungry. He wanted something but for once in his life he didn't know how to get it.. The door swung shut behind them, making the loud 'schlump' of a heavy door designed to keep fire out. Joe grabbed Dex and crushed him up against his own body, mashing their lips together harshly, like he had gone numb and needed the feeling back.
Dex murmured at first, his eyes closed, a muffled ""hmm" and a low, deep exhalation of air. Then he pushed Joe away, eyes wide.
"What are you doing?" he cried.
"I just-" Joe started, reaching for Dex again.
"No, you can't!"
Joe frowned. He had gotten through lived the last few days on the vision of being able to wrapwrapping Dex up in his kisses when he was found. "Please Dex, I just need..."
"No, no," Dex stepped further back, crossing his arms, cutting himself off. "Don't be a jerk, Cap. You can't just waltz me into some room and go at me like all is forgiven."
Joe's face only fell a little. Dex looked up at him, all huge, dark eyes round and beguiling. He shifted his feet, regaining his balance (even though Dex helped design the award-winning airships, earning a grant from the British Ministry of Defence to continue work with the Flying Legion, Dex himself wasn't the biggest fan of either flying or sailing, and wasn't entirely comfortable when his feet weren't solidly on the ground), shrugged apologetically and said, "Sorry." That it was just the way things had to be didn't need to be said.
Joe closed his eyes and suddenly felt very homesick. "You're right, of course." He stepped back and waved at Dex to take a seat. "You're always right." A little vitriol. "I just went all that way and had no idea if you were safe or-"
"For God's sake, Cap, do you have to do this right now? I thought we were A-OK. You just saved the world , can't you be happy?"
"Sod the world, Dex, I did it for you!" Did it to see the admiration again in Dex's eyes. To show he was still, on some level, a decent human being. But then he had to go and kiss Polly and wreck everything again.
It was silent in that little working kitchen. Dex was stoically looking away.
"Not that you needed it," Joe murmured, taking his coat off and rubbing wearily at his face. The past few days' worth of sweat and fear still weighed down his shirtclothes. "By the time we got there you'd already half-escaped. Another hour and you'd have devised a scheme to save the world yourself. You don't need me."
Joe didn't usually (or ever) play the self-pity card, so it was a surprise when Dex rejoined with, "No. I don't." Greasy, uncombed hair, jaw grinding in stressful habit on gum that wasn't there, big, dark eyes just barely shining with a wetness Joe had caused a few times before. "I don't need you, and there are a billion governments and armies and universities I could work for. But your contracts only last a year, Cap'n'n, and every year I keep signing 'em. I want to stay. I'll always want to stay. I'll always-"
And then he stopped, like he he'd said too much. Joe bit his lip.
"Aren't you tired, Cap? Or hungry?" Dex was moving now, clanging through heavy, reinforced cupboards and drawers, looking for something quick and plentiful to heat on the military-grade stove. "I'm okay, they fed us some on the island. It wasn't the nicest of digs, but they weren't as interested in me as some of the old guys, so-"
"Dex, I'm still in love with you." Joe said. Dex didn't reply. "I know it's not what you want to hear, and I understand if you don't believe me. But that's the truth. I know I wrecked it before, but it just... needed to be said."
More silence, for a moment, until Dex finished preparing two cups of coffee and turned the kettle on. "What do you want me to say, Cap?" he said. "What am I supposed to do with this information?"
"I don't- nothing. I don't want anything from you. I just needed to tell you. I'm in love with you and even though it might not seem like it sometimes, I'm only in love with you."
Dex still didn't say anything, as he set the hot coffee in front of Joe and took his seat again.
"I have to tell you, Cap," he started, after an appropriate pause. "I'd love to just give you a kiss and tell you I'm still in love with you and everything is forgiven and we're just swell. But I can't... I can't be hurt again, Cap, it would be too much."
Joe watched Dex sip timidly at his coffee, longing to take one of the engineered calloused hands in his own. "I won't do it again, Dex. I promise."
Before the last word was even out, Dex had stopped him again. "You can't promise, Cap. I know you. And it's not that you did it, it's that you lied about it." For the first time since Joe's confession, Dex looked him in the eye. Just as wide, dark, and shining with wetness as ever. "You never said anything. You hid everything from me so well. Why wouldn't you include me in something like that? I wouldn't be mad, Cap. I don't expect you to be made of stone. And the way I found out..." And he dropped his gaze again.
It was true. Joe, while being a considerate lover, was never a considerate lover. He had been cheating on Dex with Polly and then cheating on Polly with Franky. Then Polly found out, and took the situation into her own hands. And while Dex was still blissfully unaware of what was going on (although he probably suspected if he was honest with himself), Polly landed Joe in that Manchurian slave camp, and split back to New York. But Dex, faithfully, worked day and night to track Joe down and get him back safe and sound, working with Franky and becoming friends, despite Joe's philandering- because, like he had said, he didn't really blame Joe for doing it.
"I am sorry," Joe said. Dex continued to look away, sipping at his coffee. Joe touched hands slightly; Dex moved his away. "You're a better person than I am, Dex. You don't deserve to be treated like that."
"You're right. I don't." Dex looked up at Joe. He opened his mouth, like he wanted to add something and thought better of it. He ran his fingers over his coffee cup a little, fingers that Joe wanted to touch, to suck, to hold gently. "I just want us to be okay again, Cap."
"So do I." Joe ran a hand through his hair, over his tired, creased face. "I want us to be okay. I want us to be like... before. Except better because I know now, Dex, I was just playing around before-"
"But why, Cap? That's just the problem. It was always a game to you. Us, them, your life." And that was the root of it, really. Joe never took anything seriously, and always rushed head-first into the thick of it, when Dex was at home worrying that the last bolt he tightened on the plane would hold out. They were a perfect pair in some ways, except maybe that the wrong one was in charge of the Legion. Dex stared at his coffee and took a deep breath. "I was never playing. I was always serious. And I think Polly always was, too. You have a knack for choosing the wrong people to play your games with."
He didn't let Joe interrupt, didn't let him talk his way out of it. "It's not like it's so hard!" His pitch rose a little, like the pent up anger from years before was just beginning to ignite again. Exactly like that. "I don't expect you to be a saint, Cap. You spent four days a week in another country, it's not like I don't expect you to have girls tucked away in every city. You just can't treat me like one of them! You said I meant more than that, you said I was the only one. Why would you say that if you didn't mean it? Why would you lie about something that big? It doesn't make any sense."
Joe closed his eyes. Of course it didn't make sense to Dex, because Dex was logical about everything. It made sense to Dex that if you loved someone, you told them and you were together, and when you were hurt, you didn't go back to the thing that hurt you. Joe was different. Joe ran from what he wanted and embraced the very things that would be his death.
"And I never left you," Dex started again after a shaky gulp from his coffee, one he took so fast he probably didn't taste it, surprised at how hot it was in his mouth. "I never gave up. I looked and I searched and I risked my life, six months searching for you and hoping you hadn't been killed, and that's when I find out you were lying to me the whole time. And I still ..." Shaky hands. A few tears now, just creeping out of the sides of those big, dark eyes. "I stayed with you. I... I nursed you. I kept working, kept trying to make your life better, because I still... and I thought I could salvage something. That I could still be near you. Don't..." Angrily wiping at his eyes. "Don't ruin it, CapJoe."
Joe felt his stomach twist watching Dex. It was a lot different from the way his stomach usually twisted, on the plane, after disembarking. And it was a lot different than watching Polly. His lip quivered and he didn't like the way he felt. "Dex. I." He leaned forward and put his hand over Dex's, touched his face. This time Dex didn't pull away. "Dex, I still want to be near you, too. I'm not trying to ruin it. I can't... do you know how hard this is for me? I had the one thing I ever really wanted and I didn't even know. You know I can't admit when I'm wrong." A begrudging smile. "I wrecked it. I'm sorry. But when I found out they had taken you, Dex, I was scared. And I can say this, because I know this now, that I have never been scared of anything before in my life. And now I know I've never loved anything in my life. Except you."
Dex wiped again at his face, still stubbornly looking away. Joe, uncomfortable, withdrew his hands, touched Dex's fingers softly, stroking. "I'll will do anything you want me to to show I'm sorry."
"It doesn't work like that."
"I would die for you, Dex, I'd go through all that again and again until the end of time. I know the words don't mean anything to you. I'll prove it to you, somehow." Gently clasped those calloused hands. "Do you think that... you ever might...?"
Dex stood up, quickly snatching his hands away. He quietly came around the table, looking sadly at Joe all the while. "I'm working on forgiving you, Cap," he said softly. Joe sucked in his breath, feeling Dex lean on his lap like he used to, one arm over his shoulder. He felt Dex gently rub his face against Joe's weary forehead, and then a kiss he'd been craving for so long, thinking about all those hours in his plane, a gentle shy caress of sticky lips, a tongue lapping there softly and slowly. Dex drew back and looked at him. "And I am still in love with you," he almost whispered, before slipping out the door of the working kitchen and leaving Joe alone with his weariness.
Well. Maybe he just imagined that kiss.