Sorry about the cliffhanger… But I got back like three hours ago. I gave Mom the laundry, took a shower, turned my computer on, ate, and now I'm posting this. I haven't even checked my email yet. I'd post the next chapter, but I really hate it, and so I'd have to post it with the chapter after it, and I don't want to post three chapters in one night.
So sue me, I'm lazy… Nah. Anyways, this was originally supposed to be the ending, but I didn't like it, and I was thinking of what I'd say to that, and I thought it was kind of lame.
At first, I don't think I heard him right. But I must have, because his eyes keep darting over at me, and then darting away once he realizes that I'm looking at him. The hand holding the cigarette is shaking slightly.
And then it hits me. It hits me that I'm this girl he wants. That I'm this girl he can't have. That he actually wants me. After all the crap I've put him through, no, in spite of it, it's me he wants. It doesn't make a lick of sense. But nothing really does, does it?
I pull on my cigarette, thinking. I don't really know what I feel about T.J. It's kind of ambiguous actually. I glance over at him, and I feel so bad for him, for what I did to him. I know I shouldn't leave him in this state of nervousness, of panic. But I can't help it. He peeks over at me.
"Are you going to say anything?" He asks, almost desperately.
I don't know if I even can say anything. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I feel. I don't know much of anything right now. I'm not sure that I even know if the sky's still blue, or if the grass is still green. But I look over at him intently anyways, and something pops up.
"Do you love me?" I blurt, the question coming out faster and more bluntly than it ever should have.
He props himself up too, running a hand over my shoulder. The look in his eyes almost kills me. It's so sappy and sentimental. We're having a Hallmark moment, a Kodak moment. I'm not a girl who has moments like these. I laugh at Hallmark movies because they're so sappy and unbelievable, and well, the Kodak moments I have aren't pleasant ones.
Since when did I become the kind of girl who's got two guys in love with her? Since when did I become the girl who decent guys even glance at twice? How did I wind up here? How did this all happen?
I'm thinking of all their voices. My mom's, my dad's, Jack's, Mrs. Finster's, Helaine's, Sydney's, T.J.'s, even my own. Everyone who's ever said that I have feelings for T.J. Every inclination I've ever had that he might harbor secret affection for me. Every time I've denied it. Every past memory he's in. Every time we've fought. Every time.
He turns me to face him, hands shaking a little. He pulls me into a kiss, a deep one, and I toss my cigarette away. I guess this is a yes. We break apart minutes later. Staring, still staring. He smiles, though how he can, I can't understand.
I haven't really given him much of an inclination towards how I feel. I haven't said anything, but I kissed him back. I'm mixing him up more than a blender. I hate being wishy-washy. He grins breathlessly.
"Yeah, Spinelli, I think I'm in love with you," He pants, putting his cigarette out on the metal.
He's smiling, strangely enough, and so I look at him, breathless myself. I ask him the only thing I can ask him.
"How?"
He smiles a little, as if he doesn't know why I can't understand why he loves me. He puts an arm around me.
"How? How couldn't I, Spin? How couldn't I love you, all of you? Your lack of patience, your short temper, your anti-social tendencies, your bitter insults, your snappy comebacks, the way you shout, your lack of tact, your personality, the way you love wrestling… I don't know, Spin, I just do. I do and I don't care why. I don't need to. Just know that I do. I think a part of me always has, ever since I met you forever ago. I think I always will," He answers, both simply and honestly.
Guys never say things like that to girls like me. That's probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, and considering it's T.J. who said it… It's still so amazing to me that he can love me after all I've done to him. Out of anyone in the entire world, I've put him through more crap than everyone else combined. I at least owe him a shot at it.
I look over at T.J.
"I guess I owe you a shot at it, right?" I mutter.
Loren ;
Hope you like it!
I don't own Recess. Um, or anything that can make me money, really.
Hope you all had a good vacation!