Much making fun of the show. Hope you enjoy.
Who Gets the Dog?
Raven was brought back to earth by a loud crash. Her eyes snapped open, just to see that another bird had flown straight into the window. She saw it slide down a few feet, before pushing off the glass with its talons and woozily taking off upwards and gaining height.
The entire competition so far was stressing Raven out, what with the lack of privacy, pointless tasks, and (most of all) dogs running rampant in the Tower. Feeling that a cup of tea was in order, she gently lowered her feet to the floor. While she walked past the couch she pulled her hood over her head.
She never would have suspected that it would come alive and start to violently kick her in the head.
"AAAAAAUHH!"
The telepath was surprised so badly she tripped herself up and fell over the back of the couch. Lying on her back, Raven swatted madly at her hood, brushing it back until it came off. A small paw plopped onto her nose as Barkley tumbled forth, lying comfortably between Raven's head and the arm of the couch. He scoffed at her, giving a throaty open-mouthed whine.
Raven scowled. "I don't like dogs," she hissed. "Do yourself a favor and get off of my head before I make you."
Barkley yawned. Araaaa. She could feel and smell his warm puppy breath. "I can assure you one thing, Barkley: we wouldn't be able to keep you if you were somehow disemboweled." The mutt responded by sticking his nose and tongue in her ear. "Augh!" Raven's face contorted in disgust as she quickly levitated the puppy in an orb of black energy and moved him to a spot on the carpet several feet away. Feeling that she shouldn't have to dignify that with a response, she hastily got up and swept into the kitchen
Raven poured water into the kettle and allowed it to heat up as she got out a teapot and box of chamomile petals. As she sifted the leaves into the filter she felt something tug at the hem of her cloak. She nudged the puppy away with her boot, feeling exasperated because it was following her.
"Can't sleep?"
Raven recognized the Boy Wonder's voice. She turned around to see him groggily walking into the kitchen, running fingers through his jet-black hair. "I'd try if I didn't have animal magnetism…" she replied, gesturing to the puppy at her feet. "…Literally."
A smile formed on Robin's lips as he came to stand next to her. "We find out who gets the dog in two days…"
"Until then we can hope like hell that the next family is much better than us."
"What I don't get is why that mentally unstable host made us do those tasks," Robin continued. "They prove nothing."
"They're worth nothing."
"They're pointless."
"Exactly."
"Woooaaaauh!" Barkley interrupted.
"What do you want?" Robin asked irritably, looking down at him. Barkley hopped up and latched onto the hem of Robin's cape, spinning around in pirouettes on his hind toes. Robin tried to walk away, but the dog held on fast and moved with him. Raven chuckled softly as she watched their antics.
"The rat has a thing for cloaks."
"No kidding," Robin muttered, finally bending down and unhooking Barkley's teeth from her cape. He picked up Barkley and walked back to Raven's side. Robin paused, before mumbling, "I guess he is kind of cute."
"Well, that's just you. He's a dog just like any other dog."
"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't get to keep him."
"Yeah, because of us." The two Titans shared a brief smile.
Just then the kettle whistled, and Raven took care of it by pouring its contents into the teapot. "Beast Boy will probably be upset with us. But it's all he deserves, after what he did."
"What did he do?"
"He got us into this mess in the first place and…ah…" Her face flushed a bit and she pulled the hem of her hood further over her face. "…He put Barkley in my hood while I was meditating."
She could hear Robin's light laugh in response. "It's not that funny!"
"I wish I could have seen your face."
"Quit it!"
"Did you put your hood on?"
Raven turned to face Robin and swatted his shoulder. "You just don't know when to shut up."
Robin held his hand up to shield himself from the telepath's blows. "Heh…I think Barkley forgives you, at least." He held out the puppy, which eagerly pedaled his feet and whimpered. "You know, you can pet him at least once. Just to say you have."
Raven eyed the wriggling puppy in Robin's gloved hands. His tail whipped about excitedly and his ears perked, as he expected to be petted. Robin's look simply encouraged her to gingerly extend an index finger and stroke the puppy's forehead. Barkley instantly lifted his nose and wetted the tip of her finger with his tongue, causing her to withdraw quickly. "There. I touched it."
"Heh, I guess that's good enough," Robin teased. He yawned. "I think that I'm going to go back to bed. Where should I put Barkley? Unless your hood has a vacancy…"
He received another swat on the shoulder. "Okay, okay, I'll stop…"
"Just put him on the couch or something. I'm sure he won't mind," Raven answered sarcastically.
"All right. Good night, Raven."
"Good night."
Raven watched as Robin exited the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of tea.
XXXXXTwo days later the Titans arrived at the Jump City Park to be greeted by the other two families in the competition, the host, the cameramen, and Barkley. They made sure that they stood a fair distance away from each other. One family was a young couple, man and woman, who clutched each other's hands as they waited anxiously for the winner's announcement. The other family consisted of an older couple, mother and father, with two young girls who saw the Titans and pointed excitedly.
"It's ROBIN!"
"I'm in love!"
Robin's face heated up considerably and he suddenly became intensely interested in a tree that stood off in the other direction. Starfire looked a bit annoyed, while Cyborg and Beast Boy barely concealed their snickers and Raven simply rolled her eyes.
"All right!" the host yelped cheerfully, drawing all attention to herself. "Today we found out the new owner of our little friend BARKLEY!"
The other competitors, Beast Boy, and Cyborg were immediately intent.
"Our three animal specialists worked REALLY REALLY HARD to find out who would be the perfect owner for BARKLEY!" the host continued. "Now, although all three of you families did a VERY good job looking after Barkley, but only one family can take him into their home permanently. So, after much consideration, the judges have picked…"
She suddenly paused. One of the cameramen whipped out a tape player, pressed the "play" button, and corny, intense music began to play. All of the contestants glanced around, exchanging bemused looks. This continued for a few seconds before the host waved a hand at the cameraman, who turned off the music.
"…the Jones family!"
The family of mother, father, and children erupted into cheers. The host let go of Barkley's leash and the puppy bounded up to the family, to be engulfed in hugs. The woman in the young couple rested her head on her husband's shoulder, sniffling. Cyborg and Starfire looked a bit disappointed. Beast Boy whimpered.
XXXXX"DUDE!" Beast Boy shrieked, gesturing wildly at the TV screen. "That family's the same family from the TV Guide!"
"Man, I knew that the show is rigged!" Cyborg complained. They were watching the episode of "Who Gets the Dog?" that they were in on the large TV in the lobby. Starfire sat next to them on the couch, nodding in agreement to whatever they said. A few feet away Raven levitated a few feet above the ground, legs folded under her, as she politely watched the show with her teammates. Robin sat on the floor, leaning lazily against the arm of the couch.
One of the animal specialists was explaining why she thought the Teen Titans weren't suitable for Barkley. "They couldn't get him to shake!" she exclaimed. "Failure! FAILURE! And two of the Titans were COMPLETELY out of it! Look at the overnight tape!"
"Beast Boy, stop filming me…" "Beast Boy, I swear, my bo staff is in an arm's reach…""It was like they didn't even WANT Barkley!" the specialist screeched.
"Dude! It was you guys's fault!" Beast Boy glared at Robin and Raven. Cyborg snickered a bit.
"Fine, I'll take full responsibility for us not getting the dog," Raven muttered irritably. "But that's what you get for not consulting us first."
"Oh yeah?" Beast Boy mumbled. "We'll just see about that next time…"
"NO!"